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Mason was just so depressed. He didnt think that all those would make him so sick to the point of just shriveling up and hiding in his bed. He didnt think there was anything left that they had to do when she came back. All he thought was that they would finally be back together. Happy and in love again, just like they left. He knew those three years caused some damage, but he didnt know it was this bad. To the point where he just wanted to waste all that struggle and end his life already. He really wanted to just give up and forget about everything. He would just linger in his dreams from those two days that he had with Charrie. When the only thing bothering them was Heath. But how could that ever happen again.
Trusting Charrie was so hard. Not after she told him that she almost slept with the man. No matter how depressed or to the point of suicide he was in, he didnt try to sleep with anyone. For some reason, it was only special with CHarrie. No other girl was that close to him. NO other girl so near who cared enough to see him smile. To see him become strong again, and was the only person who believed he could get better. There was no one else willing to stay with him and try to figure out his problems. But she didnt get it either. What made him upset was the fact that she was going to Heath for all of her problems. Like he was just some helpless kid who needed her protection and guidance. Why couldnt he help her? WHy couldnt she trust him to make her smile, to make her feel like she could get over this problem as well. He felt like it wasnt him she ever needed this whole time. She needed Heath. He would just be the guy around when she wasnt feeling loved. WHen she wanted to sleep with someone. WHen she wanted to feel that good feeling inside that there was someone there. She was different from him. She could depend and love two people. Mason only loved her and his family. But his family wasnt doing much. Maybe it was time to approach them. Maybe that offer his mom had of going to rehab would help. Because right now, being with Charrie comforted him. But maybe Heath was right. Maybe he was feeding into her cutting.
When he woke up, he rubbed his eyes, sighing softly. The only good thing he felt right now was that he no longer had a hangover. Everything else wasnt going too well. He thought about it in his dreams. He decided to put more faith into their relationship. He would trust her more, after all, he had nothing left to lose. All he had was Charrie, so if she wanted him to trust her, he would. Even if he did someone like Heath in his life, he didnt know if he would be doing the same thing as her. Probably not. He wouldnt try to sleep with them, but he would sure depend on them for help too. More than your lover? Maybe, but it still wasnt fair. What kind of relationship did they have if she didnt think he could help her. If she just took care of him like a baby. He needed to step it up, and she needed to feel comfortable telling him her problems.
If Heath was going to take her away to get her help, he might as well go back to his parents. He didnt want to be the only one staying sick. Shaking his head, he rubbed his eyes and saw Charrie beside him. This was it. He was going to try and be better. He would get over this alcohol thing and help her out. It seemed like he was only making everything worse. "Morning.....Are you okay? YOu should get some sleep. You havent slept that much" he told her, wrapping his arms around her waist and sighing sadly. "I trust you. And I dont care what happens as long as we're better" he told her confidently. He had to do something, not just lay there and be such a cry baby.
They were both tired out. It wasn’t going to be easy to get through this. Their release of emotions and desire to get back into their twisted solution to their relief... She just hoped that they’d get over it. There was so much hurt in them. At least he wasn’t getting up on his own and get alcohol. She just hoped that he was stronger than she thought he was. It looked like he was comparing himself with Heath which was ridiculous. They were two different people with different strengths and weaknesses. That’s not what he meant but she knew that he would like it if she didn’t talk, look or hug Heath. Hearing the small hit of sarcasm at the end she knew he didn’t believe her. She just wished he could trust her.
“No, you don’t’ get it,” She cracked out “Mase, if you can’t trust me than this relationship stands on nothing. I love you and only you in the way that it’s not just friends, or family. If you know that, then why can’t you believe me? It’s been three years, if you had someone sound you that weren’t like Prim and actually cared, you might do the same thing. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” When she told him what had happened, she felt hatred for herself all over again. It’s like she didn’t deserve to live, breathe or even exists. She should have been killed by now. Maybe separating did much more damage than staying and taking the risk. She should have just given herself in to the enemy. If she was dead, he’d have no choice but to move on from her sick twisted mind. He came back to the bed and she could tell he was really trying. It wasn’t too soon before Mason passed out. His words lingered in her mind. When she got that close to Heath, she wasn’t thinking. She was so depressed that she just wanted somebody; it wouldn’t matter if it was Heath or someone else. She needed somebody to help her. He wouldn’t use her to his advantage because she was depressed. She stayed a little longer just watching him, holding his hand and then kissed him quickly on the cheek before getting up and going to the living room.
She just cried. The tears blocked her vision and her emotions suffocated her to the point she really had hard time breathing. She was thinking of getting away from all of this. A quick solution to all of it and everything would be gone but she wouldn’t do that, not to Mason, Heath or her parents. Everything inside of her ached bad enough that she really just wanted to get it down with. Her head was killing her. She just sat there with eyes that looked dead and silently let the tears out. She didn’t bother moving an inch. She was afraid if she moved; she’d get up and do it. At this moment, she wanted Heath. He always knew what to do. He wouldn’t tell her ‘everything was going to be okay’ but he did tell her that they’d work hard and one day she’ll be smiling again. He’d let her cry at him, yell, scream, hug her and repeating it wasn’t her fault. Yea, she missed him right now but it was nothing more than comfort that she wanted from him. She didn’t want a sexual relationship, she already wanted Mason. Her phone rang and she ignored it for a while but then picked it up.
“Charrie, you’re father wants to know when you’ll arrive back,” Heath explained. So her dad made him call.
“Tell him, I’m not sure,” She tried to pull out a confident calm voice but it wasn’t working as well as she thought it would.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“You didn’t c-“
“-No. I’m not. I’m fine, and I think you should drop your position as my bodyguard because I’m no longer in danger. It’s better if I don’t see you for awhile until Mason get’s better.”
“You think I’m the problem? Did you tell him?”
“No, it’s me that’s the problem and yes I did and he’s upset.” She explained, she really just wanted to call him over and have him just stay with her in silence. He did narrow down the amount of guilt she was feeling and helped her slowly to stop. Since he helped her out, she wanted to help Mason out almost the same way Heath helped her.
“It’s not your fault. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you stay with him right now, you’re going to think more of cutting. Charrie, you both need help, it’s just better if you get it,” He suggested.
“No... I won’t call you anymore, not really. So, bye,” She finished and hung up. She’d wait until Mason was better then she’d talk with Heath. She put her phone back into her jean pocket and just stayed there, drowning in her own depression. She then got up and entered his room again to see him still sleeping. She sat on the bed and then decided to lay down ride beside him and put her fingers through his hair. She felt guilty of what she had to tell him that she almost do. Now, she just had to wait till he woke up and not do anything dumb before it.
Mason couldnt handle all of this at all. He just couldnt take it anymore. There was no alcohol around and if her did try and find some, Charrie would just go back to hurting herself. He didnt know what else to do, but to suffer with all the pain right now. He had to suck it up and be stronger than Heath for once. Maybe not Physically, but emotionally. Hell he lasted this long waiting for Charrie, he could dedicate that determination to fighting off the need for alcohol.
Shaking his head, he spoke softly as he sand into the sheets. Taking in a deep breath, he couldnt stop his heart from aching. It was worse than he thought and Heath would always one up him in his eyes. After a couple of breaths paired with having her arms around him, he was able to calm down a little more each minute. "That's not what I meant. I meant I dont want him around me. You can be around him since I know you need him or whatever. That brotherly love you're always talking about" he sighed and just tried to get over it. Who knows what would happen after what he did. SHe'd probably run after Heath, knowing that Mase was unfit to be her boyfriend.
All these thoughts flooded his mind as he sorted through all the information, trying to figure out what she was going to say. He was really good at thinking, problem solving, but he just had a bad feeling about everything wen she said that she's worried of what he'd do. That wasnt a good sign. But when she spoke the truth, he nearly passed out from the rush of emotion he felt along with everything else he was feeling. He should be sent to the hospital for taking in all this information with a hangover and the sickness in his stomach grew ten times worse. Jumping out of bed, he hurried into the bathroom and tossed his breakfast and the alcohol and popcorn from last night. He felt horrid to the point of just giving it all up. That was the easy way out. He washed out his mouth and began brushing his teeth, more thoughts spreading through his mind. Did Heath touch her the way he did? Did she expose herself to him like she did to him. Everything passed through his mind that he broke down even more. Tears in his eyes as he quickly rinsed off and dried. He was thankful she didnt to it, but the intent was there. In both of them. That was definitely not something family did to each other. Who knows. Maybe they even kissed, cuddled, or hugged behind his back. What was he supposed to believe now.
The lightheadedness filled his mind and as wobbled his way back to his bed unsteadily, nearly collapsing. It was so much in one day. His weak body couldnt handle it all. "I-I dont need alcohol. Im okay...D-Dont hurt yourself. I wont allow it" he said drearily as he laid back down. Her words were so nice, he's never heard her tell him that before. She actually thought he was amazing in his own way. Even though she was struggling with her words, he felt as though it came from the heart and that was all that mattered. He just wished she could of told him that much sooner. Now wasnt really the time. He was barely able to keep his eyes open any longer. "I love you Char. SO much. I cant believe you almost did that to me...." whispered softly, enough for her to hear before he passed out on his bed. There was so much to take in, and at his current state, the last thing he needed was all this stress. If she really wanted him to, he would just try and forget everything that's happened. He would try and lift a smile when he saw her with Heath, but now he was pretty sure he'd only be thinking of one thing when he saw him.
But for Charrie he could pretend. He could throw his emotions out the window and just give her what she wanted. He'd be what she wanted him to be. As Mason slept, he just didnt know what to do. But when he did wake, he would just take it all in and continue like nothing happened right? It was all 'nothing' like she said. He had her with him, why should he be worried about anything at all between her and Heath. They only almost slept together once. It's not like she'll do it again right? Where was the worry in that? At least if anything happened to their relationship, she had Heath and if he was lucky, maybe he could crawl back to Prim. SHe understood everything between them.
He’s officially lost it and she had no idea of what to do. What could she do that would calm him down, to stop him feeling so bad? She really didn’t know and she felt like losing her mind but she couldn’t. It wasn’t the right time to lose her mind when Mason was like this. She didn’t know how she was going to go through these days but she knew she was going to do it. Right at the moment, she just felt like giving up and letting it all out. It seemed like the easy way out.
“Mason, you know that’s not fair,” She calmly spoke as he buried his face into his pillow. He was being like a little kid. What was she going to do? No matter what he’d tell her he probably won’t get over it. She could tell him she loved him, that she’d rather be with him than ever be with Heath but he seemed beyond out of it.
“Okay, fine. I’ll never bring him near you,” She promised and she always kept her words and regretted the next “A-and, I won’t see him again either if that’s what you want.” Her stomach sank thinking of not being able to go to Heath and tell him her problems. She didn’t want to. She wanted to be able to have Heath there as her family and have Mason there as her lover but it wasn’t going to work out was it? It was never going to work out. Not that they way things were going. He hated Heath to the max.
“Not fell,” She corrected and was so unsure “Mase, if I told you, I’m worried what you’d do.” She could hear that he thought otherwise of what he kept on telling him. He didn’t care to trust her that it was nothing. To see Mason break down once more for Charrie related things. Why couldn’t she just die instead? It was better that way so she didn’t have cause so much trouble. When was there ever a time in life she didn’t cause problems for others. Prim turned into shit because she decided to defend her. Everything around her turned bad.
“Mase, I almost slept with him... Okay? I was missing you and Heath tried to help me move on or at least be okay with not missing you every second. He didn’t think of me like that first but then months past and I got close to him. But every time I did, I couldn’t get close because I always thought of you when I was around him. So just when I almost slept with him, I couldn’t do it... Heath understood and said it was fine and that he’ll keep trying to get both of us back here and he did. I know it seems like Heath doesn’t give a shit but without him I wouldn’t even be here,” She ended it off and didn’t want to believe the last part that Mason said. All ever Heath has done is try to get her here and get her back together. He was just worried about her.
“You’re not nothing and he is probably better for me but I love you romantically, I love him because he’s always supported me,” She explained but she knew it wouldn’t make much of a difference when he yelled out he wanted alcohol. She felt so sick to hold all of this negative emotion in her.
“If you want it, I can go get it. But that also means I won’t stop myself from cutting either. I want to cut as much as you want to drink,” She admitted. Se only noticed that she was again digging her nails into her own skin and started scratching roughly. She heavily breathed out and met his eyes.
“No matter what anyone tells you, you’re amazing. I always thought you were smart, that you could do anything while I’d amount to nothing. You always had a lot of friends while I didn’t. No matter how much I brought you down, you got back up. I was always a better fighter than you but I always thought you were better than me when it came to everything else. I was just good at getting back at you, injuring you and that’s it... You even got a girlfriend first and I thought no one could possibly like me. So, even if I made you seem like you’re a looser, you weren’t. I don’t know...” She breathed out and wondered if she should just leave the room and let him have his time to think, as long it wasn’t something stupid. But she knew if she was left alone she’d go back to it and then Heath would tell her parents.
Going to sleep
Mason just listened to that damn bastard speak. He hated all the guts inside of him. And to be honest, he really liked Jake way more than this man before him. He didnt care what words came out of his mouth. He didnt want to believe anything he said. 'Not what he thought?' What the hell did that mean? He knew there was something going on. He felt it when he looked into Charrie's eyes, when he looked into Heath's eyes. He obviously was worried about Charrie so much, she didnt give him what he wanted. But that didnt stop him from getting out what he wanted to say. Yes he had a hangover, and yes he was emotionally unstable right now, but he still felt so insecure deep down inside. There was no way he could compare to Heath. He could beat him up all he wanted to, but he would just never lose to him. Whether he was dating Charrie or not. He wanted to be the better guy. He just had to.
What ticked Mason off was what Heath said next. He didnt want to admit it, but having someone spell out everything about him right before his eyes made him feel so degraded. Out of all the people, someone he hated could clearly see what was wrong with him. Who wouldnt be jealous if she spent three years in a country where she didnt know anyone except for Heath? ANy guy would. ANd unlike her, she knew that he had no one to depend on here. Of course Prim stayed with him, but e only worked beside her. Frankly out of everyone here in town, Prim was the closest he's had when Charrie left.
BUt when he said that he was feeding into Charrie's cutting, he lost it. How could he blame what Charrie was doing to herself on him. He just wanted to stop all of this from happening, not encouraging it. How dare he call him scrawny, that he needed Charrie to protect him! That her father was right! That was the point that pissed him off completely. It hurt Mason deep down so much that he just felt even more weak and scrawny. Was that all true? Was that what people thought when they looked at him. HIs family...hers...his friends...NO wonder they all left his side. He wanted to just kill Heath on the spot. He really wanted to with a passion. He didnt care what happened to this man, if he was right or wrong. No one had ever insulted him like that before. Mason stood from the table, looking so shocked, feeling so down. He wanted to just run up to him and start to punch, but he was smarter than that. What could he do? Heath could easily break his arm, or his neck at that matter. He won every possible category and Mason just glared at him. "FUCK YOU! You dont know what the hell I've been through you damn bastard. Go to hell and rot you heartless bitch!" he's had it with him. He was done with ever seeing this man. It was obvious he didnt give a damn about Mason.
When he laid against his bed, he felt so low. To the point where he just wanted to die. What was the point, no one cared and no one bothered, he could easily jump off a cliff and people would just continue their lives. He rubbed his eyes and just laid there. The hell with the him. He didnt wait three years for this crap.
When Charrie came over and wrapped her arms around his waist, he felt slightly better. Not by much though. How the fuck could he calm down after that mess. "I dont care if you like him around. I want nothing to do with him. Ever. Just dont bring him around me" he stated and buried his face into his pillow. What was worse was when she started talking about what happened in Russia. How was that supposed to make him feel any better! "You fell in love and almost what Charrie?" he asked her, turning around to face her. "You have to tell me. Now I know there's something. ANd you said he probably thinks the same. For all I know that probably is waiting for you to realize Im nothing. That he's way better for you" he narrowed his eyes and just felt so sick, so horrible inside. Not to mention the hangover. His eyes scanned his room suddenly and he clenched his teeth. "I need fucking alcohol!" he slammed his fist against his bed, shaking his head as he gripped the sheets. He didnt want to feel this way. He was thinking suicidal thoughts for god's sake. He wanted to just close his eyes and fall asleep. At least in his dreams he didnt have to face the ruin his current life was in.
If it wasn’t their issues that stopped things, it was their jealousy. There always seemed to be something there. She could obviously tell that Mason was really upset over a hug Heath gave her. How could a hug possibly tick him off? She’d assume that Mason grew up and over the jealousy but it wasn’t until he said he thought they were hiding something that she understood why he reacted like this. Charrie didn’t want him to worry about what happened during those three years. Those three years she was desperate and only had Heath to release everything on. She never cheated though and Heath knew she wouldn’t even think about it.
“What’s there to hide? A lot of things happened over there, just not what you think,” Heath replied with a cool temper. She knew that Mason was going to lose his temper. She bet he had a hangover too. She really didn’t want a fight to start between them. She had enough on her plate and this wasn’t doing any good for Mason. They were interrupted again by Mason saying that he’d handle cleaning it. It seemed as if he was trying to beat Heath at something. She didn’t see the point of him getting all fed up with it. Maybe she could understand if he was worried that being three years apart and her only having one person they would have gone incredibly close. Then that’s when Mason really snapped when Heath talked directly to him. She didn’t need this right now. Heath had her clothes, making her lean on him from behind. He wasn’t doing any of this to imitate Mason either.
“You’re no different than before-oh wait, maybe you are. You’re a lot worse than before. You continue to be jealous for no apparent reason, have to have Charrie to protect you, scrawny and have a large issue of what I sense is drinking. You’re probably feeding into her cutting too. I can’t give her away to someone like you just yet. Her dad’s right,” Heath smirked with a hint of sharp coldness to his tone. She had to stop this before Mason was tempted to pick a fight but couldn’t because he stood no chance. She didn’t want Heath to be a bully.
“Heath, if you insult him. You’re insulting me, I’m just as a bad condition,” She reminded and then moved toward Mason's room. She decided just to talk as she sat on his bed. “Mase, calm down. He won’t bother us or anything. If we want space, we’ll get space. And, I like Heath around me sometimes. He really helps me out. So, please try to get along. I’ll tell you everything what happened in Russia between us but it really wasn’t much. I never got far with him and you were always on my mind. So don’t be jealous.” She looked over her shoulder to yell over to Heath “I’ll call you when I want to talk. You can leave for now.”
“Okay, stay safe Charrie,” Heath nodded and left the place. Then she turned to Mason.
“See, he listened. And what happened with I and Heath is a little complicated. I was hoping not tell you because it really didn’t matter but when we were in Russia, I began to love Heath. He’s helped me out so much. Just not what you think it is. We got close and almost...” She stopped and really didn’t want to mention everything. She didn’t want Mason to get jealous over nothing and because she restricted him to not drinking, it was going to be worse. She sighed “Nothing happened, okay? I just love him like family. That’s it. No more. He probably thinks the same.”
Mason could see that there was something special going on between Charrie and Heath. Something that he didnt have with Charrie. But how could he? She had been with Heath for three years. It made him overly jealous and he didnt really care what they were. The fact was that she obviously cared for him and he cared for her. Mason just didnt want to admit it, but there was definitely some kind of love there. Not only did he envy Heath, but just the fact that Charrie had someone else to lean on made him jealous. He didnt have a single person. "I dont care what you're trying to do. You two are obviously hiding something from me. Threat to this relationship or not. For all I know something could of happened those three years in Russia" he told Heath. Just the sight of him made him so angry. What else could he think. Heath was much older, he was good looking, he was smart, and the fact that he was strong really distracted him. Could Charrie really not have fallen for him? He was damn near perfect and he was such a long shot.
At that point Mason felt like a little wimp compared to him. What could Charrie like about some nerdy alcoholic? All he did was tinker with his toys in the lab and blow things up. What was so great about him anyways? He felt insecure, but at the same time, he wanted to at least get rid of his alcoholic problems.
When he headed into the kitchen, he was so irritated that all he could do was make some burnt toast and jam. He sat at the kitchen table, watching them as he ate. Then he heard Heath ask to take her home. "I have things here to clean her wound. I can do it" he took a crunchy bite and hissed. Maybe he would give his old friends Mark and Vince a call. Maybe they would still like to help him out sometimes. He didnt like being alone anymore.
Mason's eyes glared at Heath's, shaking his head. "You dont know anything about me. Leave us alone! She wants to be with me, so let her. God! Even now you cant just give me some peace with Charrie!" his blood was boiling now and it really wasnt helping he had a slight hangover. "I have an idea of what Charrie's problem is? Why? Did you think she would lie to me? Think you're so special because she tells you everything and not me?" he quickly finished his breakfast and headed back into his room, slamming the door. He was sick of it all, sick of seeing the two together like that. This was what he's been waiting three years for? It really wasnt what he was imagining anymore. The worst part of it was he didnt have any alcohol to distract him. To numb these weak feelings. He hated it. Pulling the sheets over himself, he just tried his best to suck it up and pull through the day. It was day one of no alcohol and he was going crazy.
Almost everything made her feel guilty, including cutting and knowing her parents would be dead worried. She didn’t want to put that stress on them. If they knew, they’d be devastated and in panic. She didn’t want anything to harm them because she loved them. The only person that she wasn’t afraid to admit everything that was wrong to was Heath at Russia. He could handle it. He could handle her temper, cutting, reckless acts and her lashing out on him. It seemed no matter what kind of side she revealed he was still there. It was a big comfort to her when all she had been him because everyone she knew was in a different country. Heath was strong to handle of it. Logically, it would only make sense to fall for him but she only stuck herself to Mason. That didn’t mean that they didn’t have their moments but she wouldn’t let it go further. She wouldn’t tell Mason, but she loved Heath, just not like how she loved him.
She slightly turned her head back to hear Mason waking up. She expected him to sleep more but there he was and up. Already, Mason already let his jealousy slip through. She already told him that they were nothing but like family. She laughed happily at him saying he wanted to help her. She liked that Mason wanted to. Heath slowly released Charrie and glanced over at Mason.
“I was just checking up on her. I’m not a threat to your relationship, Mason and I always hug her like this. Don’t assume things quickly,” Heath suggested. She really looked up to him. How he could make the right decisions, and is always right. Hell, he seemed like her guardian angel after the stuff that happened. Then Heath’s caring side switched right out and turned into business.
“Did something happen last night that I should know?” Heath narrowed his eyes “If you two are holding back something, I will figure it out. I need to make sure Charrie is safe, even from herself.” Charrie heavily sighed as he took back into her bodyguard role. She hated when he acted like this. She just wanted them to be equals like back then.
“Heath, trust me, I’m fine,” She sighed. He turned the focus on to her “Fine, but if I see one more on their Charrie, I’ll do what’s best for you. Did you clean the cut?” He meant it. She didn’t like it. This is when he got on her nerves even if he was right.
“No... I forgot,” She sighed.
“We should go home and clean it then,” He suggested with a small smile looking at her.
“Nope, I want to stay here. I’m moving in anyways,” She told him but that didn’t make him too happy. Heath again was back on Mason. He was always making sure she was okay.
“You’re really allowing her to stay with you while you have an issue of your own? It won’t end up well. I can’t control both of your decisions but it’s not the best decision to combine your problems with some of hers. Do you even know about Charrie’s problem?” Heath pressured. Charrie rolled her eyes at his non-stop feed back of their choices.
Once Mason got rid of the kitchen knives, he went around his house, looking for any kinds of blades and anything that could pierce the skin. He put away other kitchen utensils that could hurt her and eventually he locked up anything he could find. If this was the only way to stop her from cutting, he'd do that. He honestly didnt know that she had gotten creative and did whatever she wanted, he just knew the major tools were out of here.
By the time he managed to lock everything away, he crawled into bed, handing Charrie some pillows and blankets for the night. She was right. The two of them needed so much rest and the fact that one was suffering, the other one was too. It was as if they were connected in some way. He couldnt put his finger on it, but their moods were always similar. He just hoped that doing all of this could really help the both of them. In truth they both deserved to be in rehab. But maybe if they could help each other, they'd be closer than ever. And their relationship would be one of a kind.
That night, he wasnt able to sleep that well, but with the alcohol he managed to pass out after a few hours. His dreams were filled with many odd things from the day. Charrie was a horrific zombie after him. She would chase him through the town and he would look so devastated. But when she finally caught up to him, she bit his arm and basically sucked the alcoholic life out of him. It was extremely odd, but at least he fell asleep.
In the morning, he didnt have too much of a hangover. He was used to drinking at least ten bottles of beer, so three wasnt that bad. THe hangovers were nothing serious anymore. But when he stepped into the kitchen, he rubbed his eyes tiredly as he yawned "are you okay Charrie?" he walked into the living room, seeing her in Heath's arms. His fingers running down her hair like he really cared about her. Way more than the way he saw them before. THe sight angered him inside. "Hey who said you can come in here! You cant just touch CHarrie like that!" he looked up at Heath with envy in his eyes. "Im going to help her" he told Heath, wanting to be the only one to be taking care of her. He was slightly dizzy and just irritated now. He knew that Heath was like her older brother, but still. It looked like something more than what a brother would do.
“You really are thin,” She sighed at the truth “I want us to get back to those days too, maybe even better. She could pick up his stuttering and held him even tighter. She didn’t want either of them to feel like crap. If they didn’t feel so depressed it their demons would eventually have to die off. Sometimes the biggest challenges were just surviving. Somehow, he got himself smiling. If they tried hard enough, it would only be temporary.
“I wouldn’t even think of not coming back,” She said. She loved that he kissed her back. She smiled weakly at him wanting to help her out too. She didn’t want to cut and she did tell him that if he didn’t drink, she wouldn’t cut. It seemed something hard to keep but she’ll do it. She had to. She watched him get up and enter the kitchen. In a matter of seconds she saw all knifes being taken away. Charrie kept her mouth locked knowing what he was doing was right. She was tempted but she couldn’t do much without blades. Although, she had gotten creative of how she did it back then. Mason would take everything was even possible to pierce the skin or even scratch away from her sight. She practically died those days and lost her mind. She lashed out on Heath and she regretted it.
“That’s what I said I’d do,” She reminded “I won’t cut as long as you don’t drink.” It was going to really hard to keep that. She watched him head into the bed and she decided to crash into the couch again being comfortable since it was near the door. She knew she wasn’t in Russia but it comforted her to know what was going on all the time.
She opened her eyes at the sound of door. She groaned and then dragged her feet to the door. She got more easily out of sleep than before. If they were in danger and she couldn’t wake up quickly, it would be bad. She then opened the door and then looked up to see it was Heath. What was he doing here?
“Hey, how did you find Mason’s place?” She asked curiously.
“Your parents,” He shrugged “You slept over here after all.” For a second she didn’t get it.
“Oh no! We didn’t do anything,” She promised “Not this time.” She stretched her arms out to loosen the soreness of her body. Her wrist slightly hurt from last night. She flinched and then lowered her arms and was going to ask him what he was doing here. Then her arm was grabbed and Heath put it close to him before she could even remember that was where she cut.He stared at it for a good long time and raised his eyes at her.
“Charrie, you told me you were getting better,” He spoke through his teeth.
“I was. I am... It’s just one,” She assured.
“It’s not just one. I told you if you had to do that to yourself, at least use something soft or at least not with a sharp edge. Did Mason see you do that? You haven’t used a knife for a good time now. Did something happen last night?” He asked in worry.
“I just got depressing thoughts while I was sleeping. I’m fine,” She smiled a little.
“You said you were fine when I found your arms completely covered in blood. Don’t start this again. I’ll have no choice but to tell your parents. I’m worried about you,” He suggested and then stepped in and hugged her, letting his hands run down through her hair, and leaned his head on top of hers “I know It sounds harsh but we need to get this under control.”
“I know...” She muttered “I promise I won’t. I swear. Just don’t tell them, not yet at least.”
Mason was going crazy with his words that he didnt even know what he was saying anymore. Everything seemed so real and it felt like the world around him was closing in. They couldnt hide the fact that they were completely different people. That some things were the same, but their problems were getting in the way of their relationship. He was now drunk to the point of crying out and Charrie now had a new cut and was just bleeding on the spot. Prim had been right about them, but Mason wasnt going to let her win. He was going to try and fight back. Try and fight all of this so that he could become well. If he could fight Charrie in a war, he could definitely fight this alcoholic problem. He had to for himself.
"I know it's going to take a while, but I want to get better. I want to be able to hold you like I used to. Im so thin a tornado is sure to just sweep me off my feet from even a mile away. I need to get better. I want to try and get bac to the way things were. Those days before you left. I want it like that" he stuttered quietly, just deeply thinking about everything they were going through. He wanted to believe that they could get back to that time. That if they fixed their problems, maybe they could be a happy and normal couple. Taking in a deep breath, he shook his head and rested his head on her shoulders. "You shouldnt hate your life. We can fix both of ours. Cuts can heal and alcohol can pass through my body. They're only temporary" he said softly, smiling at the words she spoke. He was so glad she cared about him this much. "Thanks for coming back Char and thanks for not leaving me alone. Ill try to make everything worth it" he felt her lips and he just kissed her with all that emotion that made its way out.
"I want to help you to. So you better not cut if I dont drink" he managed to get up onto his feet, walking into the kitchen to gather all of the knives. He then headed back into his bedroom, opening his closet as he put the knives into his safe. That way she couldnt get a hold of them. "Okay, let's get some rest. Im so tired" he quickly slumped onto his bed and patted the side beside him.
They were both messed up. She made bad decisions too and she let the cutting take over her not too long ago. She knew how it was but she was just spitting out her anger without any control. She didn’t know of what she was saying out loud was right but she was too out of it to care. How was this going to work when they were both in emotional wreckage? They were both losing their minds from the things that happened in the past three years. Maybe they just needed to release it out.
“No!” She jumped and then bit her bottom lip “I don’t know Mase. I know coming back is all that mattered but the damage that has been done over three years can’t be fixed up so easily.” She admitted. She just couldn’t handle their fighting. She didn’t like when they fought but it felt like there was no other way. They were too gone into their minds to just make it all up and pretend it was okay when it wasn’t. Then he had yelled out claiming it was his fault. She didn’t really think that. When she hugged him, she just wanted to be there for him. She would never leave him.
“I know... I hate my life too. I’m here for you. I may not be good at it but I’ll be here. I’m aware it’s going to get bad for a couple of days if you don’t drink but I still want you to stay away from it. I’ll deal with it,” She replied. They were different in many ways. Not all people were meant to be fighters after all, not like her. She already said that he’s going to be the damsel in distress. Although, she thought that meant someone out to kill him or something but instead it was himself. She met his brown eyes and smiled at him “You’re the reason I tried so hard to come back. I want it to be worth it.” She didn’t want to let him go. Even if he was an alcoholic and knew it wasn’t such a bright idea adding into his flame by adding her problems. She needed him. She leaned in, just gently kissing him ignoring the smell of alcohol.
“Let’s both calm down and sleep. I don’t want to fight and I don’t want our addiction to get over our heads. Let’s not let Prim be right about us. I don’t know if we’re good with each other but I’ll still help you out of it,” She admitted. She felt a lot of emotion inside of her but she was supposed to be the strong one. It was better to hold it off until a little later if she could. She was feeling slightly tired from all that anger coming out. Losing a bit of blood also didn’t help. God, Heath wouldn’t like it if she saw her with a new cut. Shea had to hide it well when she saw him.
Everything around him was crashing and burning to the ground. Now only did his addiction to alcohol grow to be such a big part of his live, but even Charrie was doubting whether to stay or go. What was he going to do? If he had no alcohol then he would at least suffer for two weeks in this state. He wouldnt be able to think of anything else besides alcohol and his body was surely going to ruin him until everything passed. He knew he had to do this. Not for Charrie, or anyone else, but for himself. He needed to stop being so pathetic and weak. He needed to be tough and know the right thing to do all the time. He needed to be like Heath.
Ever since back then, Heath knew exactly what to do. He was extremely attractive, he was smart, and he wasnt weak. How could Charrie not fall for him in Russia. She made him feel like he was stupid, that he made all these stupid choices and that he was selfish. He just didnt understand what she was tying to tell him. Everything was all jumbled up in anger and spit out at him like a fireball. What did she mean? DId she not want to be together anymore because they were both messed up?
"Im sorry I made stupid decisions. I was upset. Angry that I couldnt do a thing. What else was I supposed to do, face it and move on? I didnt want to. I knew someday you were going to come back. I didnt think I'd ruin my life then, but you came back and that's all that's supposed to matter right? Now we're just not good enough for each other anymore? I dont understand Charrie" he was losing it. He was partly drunk and really emotional at that point. Everyone knew Mason was the emotional drunk. He'd spill anything about what he was feeling right now. "Fine! Everything is fucking my fault okay! I get it! Im selfish, stupid, and everyone is hurting because of me. Well fuck the world. I cant even fix myself" he stayed on the carpet, soon feeling her arms around him. After insulting him so much, he couldnt believe she was hugging him right now. And the fact that she said she loved him was something he was too angry to think about.
"I hate my life Charrie. You were the only thing making it worth while. I dont know what to do anymore" he lifted his knees to his chest and just tried to take in everything. He was the weakling, no one cared about what he did anymore. He felt defeated. The only thing he could do now was try and be like Heath. He needed to fight this so he could prove everyone wrong.
He was right that it wasn’t her fault and no matter how many people said it, she wanted to believe it but she wouldn’t. It’s hard to stop believing what was already set up in her mind. She knew was sick in the head and messed up. She was trying to stop it by time. She thought she was getting better but those thoughts wouldn’t change. She didn’t have a choice to go in hiding but she had a choice not to say those things so that if they were still in war, and she left, he’d just be feeling great.
“Yea, well you made some fucked up choice,” Mase she spat without intention to be so harsh “And Mase, we’re not doing good. I’m the reason you made that choice. It may be nice to kiss each other, be close but in the end we’re both messed up and we both can’t help what we do. We’re tormenting each other from our mistakes.” She was wondering if he even had the mind sense to think. He may have kept his promise not to look at another girl but instead he turned into something worse. Something else replaced her during those three years. He was used to not having her around now. He may be happy that she’s here now but she was sure she was going to be placed second against his addiction.
“Oh, you can’t?” She raised an eyebrow “Than I guess you don’t need me around, do you?” She was just letting bunch of angry thoughts running through her head. She couldn’t control the rate her mouth was going. She wanted him to get better, so bad not for her, but for himself. She was breaking down and she just craved to go in a dark room and use what was her relief. She knew the feeling of not being depressed for the moment was good but while she did that, she made others bad. Once she proved her point, she dropped on the couch and just exclaimed her wrist for a quick second and stood there in silence. This was killing her.
“That’s what you say now,” She muttered “You’ll do it again. As long as you don’t... I won’t.” Then she thought about how screwed up they were. She was trying so hard to stop herself from harming herself these years but Mason on the other hand has done nothing but let it take over him. That’s the difference between her and him. She was a fighter and he let himself be victimized. That’s how she always saw him as. Weak. Those flaws that she had in her head while they were in war were still there.
“You’re selfish,” She stated “You’re probably too drunk and out of your mind to even think of anyone else but yourself right now. Did you ever think of how you’re hurting your parents, my parents and your friends by doing this? You say you love me but you torment me by doing this.” She then realized that he was too out of his mind to care or what she was saying. Her eyes went to him and he was shaking a little. She didn’t know what to do. She moved near him and just embraced him.
“I love you Mason. I’ll protect you. At least remember this,” She spoke softly in his ears and let her tears off. Considering Mason was anti-social nobody would come here to check up the mess. God, what happened to the little boy and girl destined to be happy together?
Mason care about Charrie so much. He didnt care if he ruined himself, he didnt want to move on because he still felt that they were meant to be together. Biting down on his lip, he glanced at Charrie just dumping his entire three years out that window. The only thing that kept him sane, the only thing that kept him from feeling so depressed and sorry for himself. It was all going away. None of it was Charrie's fault really, she was just doing what was right, but he still felt so attached to the alcohol. He couldnt watch all that glory just fall off the side of his apartment building. It was a waste of money, and a waste of his good feeling.
Mason felt defeated, he didnt know what to do. The way she yelled at him, the way she said that she wouldnt stop throwing his alcohol out the window, it was so harsh and angry. He didnt think that they needed to do this, but he knew that meant she cared so much for him. She wouldnt be trying this hard if he was just some guy on the street. Still, he couldnt believe she thought she'd hurt him. In his mind state right now, he thought she was hurting him by getting rid of the alcohol.
"It's not your fault Im like this! It was my choice! Im sick of everyone blaming themselves when all of this is my decision. I chose to bury my depression in alcohol. Okay! None of this was your fault. YOu had no choice, they took you away and now we're both alive. Yes we're doing so great right now! But we're fine!" he yelled up at her, now getting angry that he wasnt going to get any alcohol. How could he live, how could he live his days without alcohol? He was addicted. He needed it in his system. This feeling right now, everything inside, he just didnt want to deal with it. He wanted to run away from it all and leave his problems to the alcohol.
BUt as she spoke, he still listened Even when I love you I am the cause of your misery. He shook his head "I just have to get used to this....b-but I need it Charrie. I cant live without those!" he tried to tell her. But he saw the last of his alcohol smash to the ground and he just laid back against the wall, biting his lips hard. That was it. No more alcohol. Charrie would beat him up and kill if she saw him with another bottle in his hands. He didnt know what to do.
With his eyes gazing up at the wall, he took a deep breath, looking so clueless, so emotionless. He knew the next few days were going to be hell. His body wasnt used to not having alcohol. She might as well strap him down in his room right this second to make sure he didnt go crazy.
But what caught his attention was the knife she was holding. HIs eyes saw her cut her wrist to the point of it bleeding. He didnt want to see her hurting herself. That was the last thing he wanted. "I-I wont drink then" he stated before just sitting on the carpet. He couldnt think anymore. NOw that he was thinking about alcohol, he really wanted some. His body was shaking a little and his face slightly sweaty. He didnt realize how messed up their lives were. Could they even get through it?
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