"Do you guys know why nobody else at school likes hanging out with you? Because you're always doing stuff like this. You're always coming up with some stupid idea to do something, and then it backfires, and then you end up in some foreign country, or in outer space or something. That's why no one likes hanging out with you guys."
"Was there ever a moment when you guys first came up with the genius plan to become a Peruvian flute band that any of you said; 'Hey, you know? This plan might backfire.' [long silent pause] No, that never occurred to you. Because you guys are jerks. And you never learn from your mistakes. And that's why everyone at school thinks you guys are assholes."
"He's the luckiest kid in the world. If I could say 'shitballs' to the principal, I would be soooo happy."
Craig: "I'm being a dick." Stan: "Yes." Craig: "You guys took my birthday money, got me arrested and sent to Miami with no way home except to take down the country of Peru and I'm being a dick."
"See, this is why bad things always happen to you. Because when you come across an ancient, spooky ruin, you say, 'Let's check it out.'"
Why does this make me laugh so hard? x'DDD Craig Tucker, I love you~ <3