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Kai laughed. Beautiful? Amazing? As if. He wasn't any of those things, Nate was just kidding himself. Anyone who thought anything about Kai like that was more messed uP in the head than he was. The multiple bruises that littered his skin, the cuts the scrapes, the nearly broken body, he looked a mess. The light snuffed out from his eyes he had forced himself to become a shell, nothin amazing about that.
Besides, what did it matter anymore. He was no use to anything anymore. He didn't have any talents, none that he could remember or even cared about. He wouldn't be able to get a job in the real world. Or maybe just hitchhike to maimi and earn a living as a prostitute. He knew how to do that.
"just stop, okay!" Kai stood up, wobbling a bit. "there's no such thing as love! This magical thing that makes everything better, it doesn't exist!" he took a step away from Nate.
Nates eyes widdened and he dropped next to Kai. "Kai listen to me!~" He siad nda leaned down kissing him on the lips. " Iam not rejecting you, I am not saying you are disgusting, I'm not rejecting you at all. Kai, I love completly." He siad and held him tightly. "I don't want to hurt you. If you really truly love me, then I want you Kai but not becuase of your Dad. I want you because I love you." HE siad to Kai, his eyes filled iwth love. "I siad I'd do anything, and I mean anything. i just don't want you to regrett this...I want a real relationship with you, not soemthing contrived." He siad to Kai holdng him close. "Your beautiful and amazig Kai, I know you don't see it but you are. You are amazing and beautiful." He said soothingly holding him clsoe.
Listening to Nate, Kai just felt worse. It was just one big rejection. He couldn't be broken anymore, what was he scared of? Kai knew, Nate thought he was disgusting. Who wouldn't, after what he had done. He was disgusting. He didn't deserve any kindness. Better he just go back to livin his disgusting life than to make other people look at him.
Kai pushed Nate off his body, curling in again. He had been rejected, and it stung. Nate said anything! He said he would do anything! Instead he just let him wallow in this feeling, like he was going to throw up his own body. And Nate wasn't going to do anything about it.
Then again, why should he. He didn't owe Kai anything. Actually it was the other way around. Since the beginnin Kai had hurt Nate. Maybe he deserved this feeling.
He looked at him. He nodded and wrappeed his arms around Kai, just holding him. "I am not going to sleep with you kai."He leaned forward and kissed his forhead gently. "Your father doesn't own you Kai, and you aren't his. He saw how scared Kai was, and he loved him. "Kai, I do love you, and if time you grow to love me, then yes. Bu tnot now and not like this. I can see that you look like your sick." He siad holding him close. He leaned his agains't the top of Kai's. "Just know I'm here for you.i want to make it go away Kai, and I want to fix it. THere are other ways. I won't break you even more." He siad holding him tightly. "Your Dad isn't going to take you back, I won't let him, you belong to you and no one else. I know you do.>"He leaned down kissing his forhead.
Kai didn't know if he could ask. But Nate said anything. He said he would do anything. "I have to get rid of this feeling. I hate this feeling" he said, as if that was any kind of justification. "Nate" he looked up at him, his face red as his gut wretched. "I need you to get rid of this feeling" he hated asking, but he hated feeling. Each second longer got worse, waiting for his dad to claim him again.
Maybe he had a second reason for his request. He didn't want to belong to his father, feeling like he owned him or controlled him. He wanted to break the hold. He wanted Nate to help. He needed his help. "don't let him take me back, please" he moved closer until their sides touched, something that made Kai want to vomit. But he had to. He had to!
"What is it?' He siad turning to NAte. He didn't want to worry, but he hoped to god it wasn't something bad. He wanted to do whatever NAte needed him to, but he worrie.d He wanted to protectNAte as much as he could.
Kai could tell Nate was next to him, and apart of him as deposed. He truly did t want to be alone, he didn't want to react like this.
After a half hour Kai didnt feel a gut change feeling. How would he change everything? would he ever not rlfeel like this?
Turning to Nate he whispered. "I need you to do something"
Nate nodded. He just sat next to Kia, just being there. He didn't care if Kai was still usnure abou tNAte helping him, or about his life, or anything. He jsut wanted ot be next ti Kai, to protect and to help him. He didn't care, aslong a Kai was there with him. He could and wold do anything to anyone that would hurt Kai.
Kai shook his head. He wouldn't be able to stomach any kind of nourishment right now, he would just vomit it back up. He just had to wait out this feeling. Just thinking about what would happen if his dad found Nate set threw him into this state. His body was protecting itself, bracing itself for what was surely to come, and it usually lasted for an hour or two, long enough for his father to get it done and over with. He didn't know how long it would last now that he wasn't around his dad.
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