I get embarrassed talking, after talking, because I've said something stupid
I'm getting the help I need and that's pretty groovy for me :)
It's actually really nice talking to someone who gives me the POSITIVE communication and attention I want for once
Ignoring negative vibes and responding only to nice ones
I will not let myself succumb to irrationality
No one can rule me
Neither can my emotions
I'm putting my self first for once
[size10 today was a hell of a day. I'm exhausted. The job hunt begins soon, because I'm not going to be treated like shit by my bosses anymore. Not when I've worked my butt off to keep them happy. Only to get written up for minor shit. Stayed over an hour and fifteen minutes past the time I was supposed to leave and still was written up. I'm so salty still.
Anyways ... Gonna use my $10 psn card to get ffvi . can't play it, but hey. at least I'll own it for when I can play it.
also gotta find my 3ds. wherever it vanished to this time. then sleep, because omg I'm so exhausted.
[size10 "Welp, my life is going peachy. Just got home yesterday from special olympics winter games, fun but draining, I don't even want to go to school tomorrow but I need to keep my grades up, I have a B in my english class and I need to get that up. But I got one bronze place at volleyball and silver at bowling~ I actually want to do adult special olympics when I graduate with Jennifer."
"But you know, life goes on."
You will never be forgiven for this pain in my heart you have caused
[Raleway [b [size14 Damn, figures that when one came crawling back, the other would follow. Crazy how your life can improve when certain people go away. Too bad it didn't stay that way.]]]
[Center . •°☆°• .
Me: Caffeine fucks with your anxiety. Don't drink coffee. You will throw up.
Also me: oH mAn I loVe MOchA fRaPpEs
You ever look at someone and just wanna fling your fist into their head squish? No? Just me?
Also really in a sketchy mood.
Wants a laptop.
Damn it.. It.. It's official.. I can't believe it but my mind is really freaking blown.. Superman.. He.. He actually does have a good chance to beat Goku.. All these years I believed Goku would murder Superman, I should've chose Vegeta, ugh..
[center [YouTube https://youtu.be/VTOJQZpkepw]]
Xxxx this song is towards my first ex. Being destroyed isn't easy.
I wish I could be better.. Or perfect for you
Or what you want
I do want to improve myself for you
Don't think I don't
Don't think I don't constantly feel bad and want to fix or change things
I always want to make things better
But I'm a fuck up
All I know... Is it would hurt to be without you..
So I don't want to be... I wish you could understand that I genuinely mean that..
If you hadn't been here dealing with me I don't think I could have made it..
I still want to get that apartment fixed up and do this shit
I still want to work hard and try and spoil you when I can afford it
I do... And one day I can.. But that's even if you allow it..
I keep waiting for the day I finally drive you away and I lose myself and everything once again.. That's my greatest fear
But I'm going to end up driving you away
Just like everyone else who tried to be there for me
Theres just something wrong with me... That's why I want to go to therapy and get prescriptions for my anxiety and depression
I want to better myself to help you.. I don't want to be mean to you
I never do.. It just happens
And I hate myself for it and beat myself up for it all the time
Don't think I'm just mean and don't care if it affects you..
Damn.. I hate loving people who don't love me back
But that's my own fault
I mean.. Look at me. And all the things I've done.
It hurts me to hurt you..
It's better to burn out than to fade away.
Isn't it fucking wonderful to be me
No it isn't
I can't cope with anything anymore
There's just too much pain
[center [size10 Over here tryna motivate myself to make shit for examples for my little graphics commission thing but fuck let me tell you how distracting reading comics is for me. I'm just over here tryna read injustice and titans but like I can't read them at the same time it's just impossible. Ain't enough time in the fucking day for fuck all. I really need to kick my ass in gear with this shit tho so I can start making even a little bit of money. I want to make icons and headers for different kinds of social media. I hate to be THAT person but if any of all want something for like twitch or tumblr or wtf ever else you're welcome to pm me about it and we'll talk it over. I just need some examples gdi]][center [size10 In other news THEY will be moving out soon and that's actually really fucking amazing after today since someone lost his cup and apparently it's a huge ass fucking deal??? and apparently clair must have it in our room cause whoa holy fuck our room is a void??? idfk but it'll be over soon and then after that all we gotta worry about is saving money and clair finishing school and then getting our asses tf outta florida and up in new york where i will most likey freeze to death the first winter cause i'm a cocky ass motherfucker that doesn't think the cold effects nearly as much as it truly does.]]
Absence extinguishes the minor passions and increases the stronger ones, as the wind blows out a candle and fans a fire.
Accept finite dissapointment, but never lose infinite hope.
[center [size10 today should be a litty today, i meet up with my recruiter . i decided i wanted my engagement piece, don't care, but no rings fuck all that it would just get lost. today is my childhood friend's birthday so we going out to gay clubs and partying it up. i'm so proud of her for no damn reason, thats my boo, hopefully many years will come to that bad bitch. i just now created this edit and fucking threw every color on it, i am proud and it seems the ARMY fanbase i am in love it too <3. if you would like edits like these hit me up, don't be shy. i will be gone very soon and don't mind it. i got a ass load of time on my hands. love&peace.]]
Nothing says family like being ban from the Easter dinner... My grandfather tried talking to my aunt, but she said doesn’t want someone “queer” around [i her] family. I didn’t want to walk in on that conversation at all. Feels nice to know I have only my grandfather. If it weren’t for him, I’d probably have no one and nowhere else to go.
I’ll be alone on that day, they’re all going to her house. It’s better that way, really... I’d have time to clean the house and to think.
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