The world is full of shit, populated my maggots.
I am a toy, take me out when you wish to play.
Put me away, when you have no more use of comfort.
Let the dust settle and the maggots feast on me.
For I am apart of this world.
and the world is full of shit.
[center [size10 i'm so sorry i'm such a mess]]
[center [size10 i wish i wasn't so needy]]
[center [size10 i feel so lonely and afraid]]
[center [size10 and you all have such busy lives]]
[center [size10 i feel awful]]
[center [size10 i'm sorry]]
Take my truck again and I'll break your fucking fingers you stupid fucking cops
[Center [Pic https://imgur.com/tWq3D7l.gif]
[paprika [#a47f82 Hey,
When someone says they can't work a certain amount of time
Maybe that means
I CAN'T FUCKING WORK THAT TIME
I hate this job
I don't even want to go in today
[Font "times new roman" [center I am sure its a bad sign. Yet here I am crying in laughter. Last night i decided to get way drunk by drinking twice the usual. Needless to say, once I crossed over that weird spectrum of myself. I fell couldn't get up kept slapping myself yelling "yassss bitch yasss take it bitch". So that is crazy, but my friend was like baby stop it. So I did a fucking countdown and just sat there laughing like a little psychopath. ]]
[Font "times new roman" [center I finally recalled this horrendous side of me... And it's not scary, just funny as hell. Everyone thinks I have a drinking problem, and now lol i see why. Jesus christ. I totally don't, I'm just tired of being sad. So I shall welcome this crazy psycho into my life, she sounds like fun. ]]
[size11 it just feels like such a fucking waste of time.]
[size11 everything feels like it's for nothing, and i don't want to participate anymore.]
[size11 i relapsed on monday, for the first time in 5yrs, and the worst of it all, is i want to keep doing it. i don't want to stop..]
[size11 i'm trying really hard to not hate myself, but i've found myself so deeply in my own pool of depression i no longer want to fight for air.]
[size11 other times, it's been bearable, i can manage, push the feelings to the side, and ignore them. not this time.]
[size11 i haven't fallen back into completely self-destructive habits tho, this is the only positive.]
[size11 i guess what's getting to me the most, is that i tried to talk to my boyfriend about my relapse, and he physically recoiled. at least that's how it looked to me, it might not have been that bad, but we never got further than that. i am trying to reach out for support, but maybe im reaching out in the wrong places. i thought he would be able to talk to me about it, maybe i was wrong.]
[size11 what's the point anymore..?]
[size11 - Nin.]
[center [size10 this is a pretty intense depression spell i've got going on rn. i can hardly make myself move. it's like my mattress is swallowing me up...]]
[center [size10 also... i feel like you're hiding something. i won't pry, though.]]
[center [b [#F291CF ♡]]]
[center [size10 it's just like. incredible to me.]]
[center [size10 i guess people just see others as objects to fulfill their fantasies with.]]
[center [size10 i don't play these games. i'm not some toy for you to use and then throw away.]]
[center [size10 i'm not in the fucking mood.]]
[center [size10 cry about it.]]
[center [b [#F291CF ♡]]]
[center [size10 When you stay up to nearly 4am playing Friday the 13th lmao omg... I haven't had this much fun in so long ? On a video game, I mean. I can't wait for the new patch!!! Get everything fixed and the game will be perfect, almost. I think Jason is a little too op. I understand he's Jason, he's nearly invicible but I think the counselors deserve a little more like.. maybe make the instant kill a little easier to do or how about more shot gun shells. But it's so fun... 8/10 based off my experience of those couple games I've gotten to actually finish and didn't crash.]]
[center [size10 I don't know when I'll hop on Overwatch for competitive, at this point I'm addicted to this game, since I've got it, it's been super late nights. Ahh, this break from classes has been nice.]]
Is it okay for me to be a little disappointed?
They said they would maybe make a few posts last night...and maybe play some more with me, but they just disappeared.
I know they had to talk with someone and such, but I still feel disappointed they didn't at least come back and say they were going to sleep...
Am I selfish?
I waited for a good 4 hours before I gave up and went to bed. I went to bed feeling sad.
They are not under any obligation to talk to me or play with me..but I guess it still kind of made me sad? I was excited to rp with them more. It's been so long and I really do miss it.
Maybe I am being a little selfish....
I'll just keep waiting.
I want the pain to stop
It hurts to much
I don't want to cry myself to sleep anymore
Why has this happened
Why have I been pushed to this limit again
I thought I was safe
I thought you would never hurt me or break me like they did
But behold and galore..
I'm so sorry... I'm sorry I get bitchy. I'm sorry I'm resorting to sass and lashing
But look what has happened
You were my safe place
You were my friend
And now look.
You played me like everyone else I let it has
I find it so hard to trust or love people
Because they're not like me
I'm always willing to forgive and work on things
Hold you to your mistakes and lash and protect themselves
I'm losing it
I can't keep pushing
It hurts too much
Why did you kiss me
Why did you make me feel like I was special
Like everything was going to be okay
Then rip it all away from me when I became attached
Is it okay to do this to me
I want to go back
I want to curl up
You called me princess
You showed me I can get attached to people again
You also showed me why i don't want to
I don't want to care about people
It hurts too much
[center [size10 [i r e p e a t i n g]]] [center [size10 [i r e p e a t i n g]]] [center [size10 i'm [i dying]]] [center [size10 i'm [i breathing]]]
[center [size10 [i r e p e a t i n g]]] [center [size10 [i r e p e a t i n g]]] [center [size10 i'm [i crying]]] [center [size10 i'm [i healing]]]
I think I found my new favorite thing.
[center [size10 listen. i may be friendly and i may be kind, maybe i give the benefit of the doubt too often, maybe i let things slide too much -]]
[center [size10 but i'm fed up with people approaching me just because they think i'll makeout with them or fuck them in pms when i don't even fucking know their [i name].]]
[center [size10 i didn't come on this website to entertain your freakish fantasies and i don't care how "bored" you are and how much you apparently want to "kiss" me but i'm not fucking playing along with that.]]
[center [size10 [b [u stop. wasting. my. fucking. time]]]]
[center [size10 if you want to be friends, sure. if you just want someon to chat with, sure. if you wanna joke around, go for it!]]
[center [size10 but i'm not going to suck your dick because you're a lonely NEET. get the fuck out of my face.]]
[center [size10 so tired of fuckboys. know what?]]
[center [size10 if you don't already know me, don't bother PMing me unless you put a title of what the hell you want from me. i'll just straight up block you otherwise.]]
[center [size10 for fuck sake.]]
[center [b [#F291CF ♡]]]
All I feel is anger and pain
Anger and pain
I deserve these scars across my body
So please laugh and tell me how dumb I was to think I was special
Remind me of my mistakes
Beat my head in and kick me
Silly little girl
You were never anything special
You were just another toy and you got played
But what else is new?
Your dumb fat ugly ass chose every wrong mistake ever
You know he wants you to leave
You know he's probably already replaced you
You know he will never hold you close again
You never deserved to feel safe in his arms
Nor in anyone else's
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.