[size10 Shout out to my lovely hubby that I'm having so much fun playing ESO with and I just appreciate the fuck outta you and your existence and yeah. Just thought I'd share some happy thoughts here.]
[size10 I forgot how shitty you can be, oh dear brother of mine. Going as far to say, "Wow this Markiplier dude makes me want to use Twitter for what it was meant for - telling people to go kill themselves."
You may be family but my gods. You're still an awful human being sometimes. If I didn't need money, I wouldn't even consider going to work for you tomorrow.
You're awful. I'm pretty mad. You don't even live here, we're just letting you stay here because you offered money. Money that we haven't even gotten yet, mind you. So you don't have much of a say about what goes on here. Keep your mouth shut any other time.
But, of course, you won't.
You have a big fucking mouth and you're an asshole.
Thanks for reminding me why I dislike you.]
[size10 I wanted to know so badly why you didn't fight to save our relationship.]
[size10 But I had to really allow myself to let go & be okay with not having all the answers.]
[size10 Just because you didn't try to save us, doesn't make me any less worthy.]
[size10 I have been tip-toeing on the edges of depression for the last 72hrs, so close to just jumping down the rabbit hole. But I'm not going to do that, not this time.]
[size10 I am worth something, and I'm sure I'll meet many great people on the rest of my life journey. You were just a blip in my time line.]
[size10 I have to hold my head high & just keep working towards my goals.]
[size10 - Nin.]
Well, this is shitty... My bitch ass brother is moving back in with me. When my mom told me the news earlier I damn near had a panic attack. I'm not looking forward to the drama and the screaming, it was peaceful here and now it's gonna be chaos and destruction. I also get the feeling as soon as he sees me that he'll probably start drama with me one way or another so... I'm just gonna stay in my room and never come out and only eat when they're sleeping or something... I'm so depressed right now that it ain't funny.
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/XE5KFB9LbxY]]
[center [size10 Iconic everyone else go home byeeee]]
[size10 My tooth pain is awful. Awful awful awful. Pretty sure it's given me an ear ache of sorts, and it's fucking with my lymph nodes ?? not too sure. I'm not a doctor lol.
I'm tired, as always. Was planning on going to my dad's tomorrow to relax for maybe five seconds but. Of course that's fucked.
I'm not sure why I bother hoping for anything good anymore.
Nothing has been going well.
In other news, my cat is staring down at the floor for no apparent reason. And I may have gotten a job. I'm waiting to fill out the paperwork, but they haven't contacted me about it so ?? I'm not too sure. Maybe they changed their mind, haha.
That would be just my luck. As always.
that feeling in your gut ? it ' s telling you to run , you bubbling idiot . all these red flags , but i guess to someone who is colour blind , it doesn ' t appear too alarming . god , my heart is breaking and i can ' t do anything about it .
[center [pic https://i.imgur.com/SRdSUGxt.jpg]][center [size10 In my defense i am the laziest most easily distracted person there is and like tbh like i ain't good at making stuff for others unless i already know what i'mma do and i've had a damn drought of ideas for her profile]][center [s [size10 plus i may have misplaced her login info and need to get it again and then just plaster leo all over it for her since i'm over here with ravi on mine i'm sure she'll appreciate a nice graphic of her boi]]]
[center [size10 Okay so now that I've calmed down and don't care anymore, I have a new bone to pick. And I'd like to think this is an even more serious matter. Yeah yeah double post who cares.
Anyway. This call out goes to that fuck, Ace. ALL that Flary does for you. ALL SHE DOES FOR YOU AND I LOOK AT HER PROFILE AND WHAT DO I SEE!?
"Neon about to revamp this shit
a.k.a this format is temporary kthnx"
BITCH??? How long is "temporary"? She a stronk woman that deserves a fixed up profile. You better get your ass in gear and fix that shit before I get Flary to start throwing the duck at YOU instead of the rest of the house.]]
[center [size10 P.S. As with many things like my post before, after I enjoyed some venting, she just isn't worth leaving the post up to be honest. Oh well, had fun while my salt lasted. Post gets deleted and people are spared from yet another person being "bullied" by me.]]
[center [pic https://i.imgur.com/KRue4RJm.jpg]][center [size10 I ain't said nothing of the kind. I just wanna go get a sandwich and some ramen from 7 eleven and then maybe play eso later idk where you getting these ideas from]][center [size10 i done said if i ain't getting release neither are you. and i will most likely NEVER get release so good luck with that one my dude]]
[center [size10 In other news fuck the fourth of july and fuck fireworks you know my anxiety was fucking with me all yesterday and then now it fucking with me still and for some fucking reason i thought i would be okay enough to go watch fireworks outside but instead i was like a small frightened dog jumping at every fucking loud bang outside. I was not made for this fucking holiday]]
Suppose it's weird that you and I started talking again. Threw me off at how quickly we settled back into the people we were from before.
Different places though, which is good. You with a baby and living with the boyfriend and me cebrating that my girlfriend's mother has started referring to me as her son-in-law when talking about me.
It's a good place. A good time.
Nelo is still gonna kill me some day so I can look forward to that!
so , i ' ve been thinking a lot today . yes , nothing quite new for me . i don ' t think i can ever fully forgive you . or fully move past this . this . is the biggest mistake to ever happen . to us . for us . and it will haunt us . . . or me at least . and it does . every single long and boring day . when i hear a name my heart drops . when i see a someone with wavy hair i get angry . when i see you minding your own business i just wonder . what have i ever done to deserve this from you ? from anyone from that matter . i don ' t think anyone deserves to go through this . i feel so much and so easily . i may wish for bad things to come around on a bad person but i am so filled with empathy if they had come to me for consolation , i would give it . i could muster sympathy for the one before you , i could uncover a feeling of understanding for them . but for you , i only feel anger . i obviously felt that for them as well , but it ' s different this time around the track . i guess it ' s because out of everyone in this world who would go and do some bull shit to me , it wouldn ' t have been you . i would have bet my life on it . honestly . i fought my dreams and my fears - the tears at night . what will it take to have this stupid heart to learn a lesson ? no one could ever possibly love me enough to put me first . on an momentary off note , i don ' t expect [i you] to put me first . i never have . it won ' t shake these feelings for you . back on track , i guess it's unfair for me to say , because i ' ve yearned for other people . but i never once acted on it . and being in a relationship never indicates that you can ' t be attracted to people . it just means what you guys expect or agree on . which for us is to be faithful . i told you from the start not to run to me , not to go for me , and even in the beginning i told you that you could be interested in other people and we could be friends . but no , i guess it wasn ' t appealing to you to be single and flirt . it ' s fucking miserable having these thoughts in my head . thank you for this gift . i hope you know that from then on i have trouble sleeping , i have trouble looking you in the eyes , it won ' t ever change . i have trouble having faith in you to follow through anything . although that is who you are as a person . i saw all the signs . i don ' t know why i told myself you ' d never do that to me . i tear up just thinking about how much i ' m torn . i wish broken heartedly that you had just let me go , instead of fight so hard for the relationship you tore all because you were weak . have fucking mercy on me . . . no , the world has never for me . yet i foolishly sleep with both eyes closed .
No matter how many kind words you give me, I fear and know that I don't really matter to anyone at all. This is painful.
ʕ≧㉨≦ʔ Tanner - if you see this please PM me! I'm quite lonely and I've deleted all of your contact info off my phone because I was upset and impulsive, sorry. I've been thinking about you a lot!
[size10 it's extremely hard to not question my self worth.]
[size10 i just need to finish this degree and then i can fuck off to another country.]
[size10 - Nin.]
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