[center [size10 i'm so freakin full. i got to spend dinner with my mom and baby brother and it was so good. i am so happy she's my mom, my rock and my warrior. even though we had rough patches it worked out smoothly.and might i say, that margarita we had was on point <3]]
[center [pic https://78.media.tumblr.com/20843ead26681b5cc6a746e36844474c/tumblr_o5ev2uf9Bq1tndn6wo3_r1_540.gif]]
[size10 “It’s shown.. That I’m hated for anything and everything.. I can’t be happy, not even for a little bit.. I know the worst feeling now.. The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging… And now you have to act like you don’t care at all. And it hurts, it really does.. I just don’t understand why everything happens for a reason.. But I know it sucks.. Because it effects me in the long run, and makes me feel the way I do…”
"I'm done, I'm just so done. I feel completely alone when I talk to you.. I don't feel understood. I never had, but when it's about you, I can be worried about you all day long and talk to you to make you feel better.. But when it's about me.. You make it pretty clear you don't care about how I'm feeling.. When I say I have thoughts about [u stuff]... I at least want someone to talk to me until I don't have those thoughts anymore.. I've only wanted that simple thing.. But when I mention that type of stuff to you, you up and leave me to my lonesome... But I'm by your side no questions asked.."
"You don't have to make my depression you're problem, but you can talk to me until I feel safe to be left alone.. I'm not making it your problem, I just want you to listen and maybe care a little? I know I say I don't deserve it.. But you been my so called friend for four years, shouldn't I matter to you? I mean you fought this long to be by my side.. You said you loved me.. But I told you, I didn't love myself... And I'm right.. I've never loved myself for a moment in my life, I felt like a problem, and I always feel like a problem to you... I don't want to bother you with my problems because you made me feel like a burden, maybe.. Maybe you’re right… Maybe you shouldn’t listen to me.. Maybe you don’t like me anymore.. It’s okay.. I understand why you do to..”
“I shouldn’t be writing about how I feel anymore, if I just get a cold shoulder or the wrong reaction. I don’t know what people are thinking, but I know some don’t think as me being top priority.. And that’s okay, because I enjoy making other people happy then myself, I put people before me…. And it’s okay.. Because high school isn’t forever, my last year, and I’ve cried more than all my other years being here.. Depression is my battle .. And it’s okay if I don’t tell people like you, they probably look at me and think I’m perfectly fine.. But I guess never judge a book by the cover..”
"Ever since [then] my life has been dipped in shit."
I can’t live a lie anymore. I know my worth. A divine dignity and inheritance that no one can take from me. I can’t make everyone happy. I have my cross to bare and only one master to serve.
Claire dies today. God bless.
[Center Someone out there loves you.
[center [size10 If I can't handle icey days in the south I might be fucked for my future career...]]
[https://youtu.be/QyqO6PmRnqE hail to the frickin king baby.]
[size10 I'm sad today, but I don't expect anything to change. It is what it is, and I suppose I will just have to accept it.
Er...Know how you feel or whatever. But it’s,,*growls lowly* you know I ain’t good with that kind of crap. The only thing I do is run when I hear that. Because it’s bs. Why the hell do you think I ghosted. WHY the hell couldnt you say that garbage over a year ago when it could of meant somethin. And to actually say it to me, idiot. Tch, instead you chased me off, tryin to block your crap with a worse idiot, that I didn’t mean crap to. Which what the hell ever. Couldn’t care less. My mind was to busy tryin to erase the mess before it you caused. You didn’t want to deal with how messed up I am. When I blacked out and beat the crap out of whatever was around me and did somethin more stupid. You were keepin away. How the hell am I supposed to believe you freakin mean those annoying words. Why a damn year later. You know how irritating that is. Not that I give a crap...just knowing you said that dumb word..when talkin about me...it’s...whatever. Forget it.
Was your prince when you didn’t know it, stupid. Back when I was warnin you about the crap that would probably happen or did happen in some ways. You were too blind and idiotic to see I was protectin you..or..gr...N-Not that you matter..or whatever, shut up... just get annoyed when idiots try and play people. Dammit can’t express emotions for crap. You know how broken I am. The crap I dealt with. Why can’t say those words or feel any emotion close to that annoying word. Tch, don’t expect you to try. Every dimwit gives up. Ain’t gonna waste my time carin either way. Do whatever you want
[center [size10 It honestly sucks not knowing who you can trust. Like maybe she is legit concerned. Maybe she is legit worried. At the same time however she could be asking for my mom and honestly seeing that message made my gut sink. I don't want to deal with this I just want to move on and better my life but instead here I am having to tell people of they get any messages asking for me to just ignore them because I don't want just any information to get out. It's not that I don't trust anyone on my Facebook it's just I don't want anyone to give out info and then realize they shouldn't have.]]
[center [size10 even bro says he doesn't like how it feels and honestly I'm glad I'm not the only one. This is so stupid. If I find out my mom is legit trying to find out where I am I'm going to be so annoyed and frustrated because why tf do you care after all this shit you pulled???]]
[center [size10 in other news bro got me into a game I'd never played before and I'm doing okay at it I guess. I've grown my empire, I've gathered more officers, got a wife, my child is full grown and a bad ass. I need a nap but I also want to read more comics this is the dilemma I constantly run into why this]]
I was gonna play games all day...
And call my insurance...
But that's okay.
What else is Netflix for other than letting me waste my day?
[center [size10 Texas got ice, fml. XD I don't wanna be at work]]
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VqhNDiedeY]]
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onb5GBqHM6c]]
Cris. If you read this. This isn't fucking funny.
I miss you.
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