[Center [size10 I think this was a fucking warning that I need to slow down and try to cut my stress down. I obv don't like stressing but half the time I let it happen cause it's easier to stress than to fix the issue. The lottle brother's dog that's aggressive was upstairs this morning with the grandmothers 4 lb chihuahua. If his dog decided to bite thatd be severe injury or death for that dog and I could tell she was upset about his dog being up there. So I picked up his dog and started to head for the stairs, all the way hearing threats and cursing from the brother not to take her to his room. I was already stressed and had the worst migraine I've had in months and I wasn't even going down the stairs fast. I had a dog in my arms, I wouldn't be careless. Yet even so. I missed my footing and slid down the stairs with the dog on my side. I turned to slide on my right side since she was on my left to try to protect her, even my instincts put animals over myself. And slammed and slid doen the stairs. So now I potentially have a chipped elbow, I can't even hold my arm straight without my arm shaking to hell. Its so hard to lock my elbow in place. My hip hit a stair so my hip and the side of my ass hurts but that's the least of the pain. AAAND I either bruised, fractured or broke a rib/ribs. So that's fun. I'm constantly paranoid and constantly stressed. But this incident just isn't doing it for me chief. I gotta cut some of this bs before my stress ends up getting me killed. Or worse. Expelled.
Update: at the ER bouta get an xray.
Second Update: Nothing broken just severely fucking bruised and super glad I have friends who checked up on me through the whole process. Good on ya fellas.]]
[center [size10 I don't know what today/tonight was but I didn't hate it. Went from not knowing if I'd have a ride home to knowing for sure I would and also being told that someone wants to hang out with me. Which is nice that someone thought of me honestly cause I never think of me like ever. I usually just go day by day with shit tbh. Then when I went to ring up food tonight didnt even need to pay for it. Graham let me use one of his free meal cards and tbh idk where that came from but thanks. Appreciate it. Like tonight wasn't horrible and life isn't horrible and the people I work with at night are fucking beautiful I'm fucking gonna cry and eat my frosty now. Good night.]]
[center [size10 There was no reason. Idk why I assumed. I shouldn't have. I fought with myself over it all day. Yeah, they'll play. No they wont. Well, they are. There's really no point for me to play anymore to be honest. The fun of it was playing together but now they're probably miles ahead of me so at this point I don't particularly care. Idk why I can play with him and you just sit there bored and not doing anything but then when ya'll play without me you guys get a lot done. I spent fucking hours last night stressed as shit and trying not to fucking explode cause we did things so out of fucking order. I died and died and fucking died. For nothing. Literally fucking nothing. Just to what, get on today and have everything done for me and all my hard work have gone towards living an easy life in this game? Woo, sounds fun. Sorry I don't like my entire game play being a walk in the park. Sorry I don't want everything ready and done for me or on the other hand bust my ass with no help when there's two other people there just to get on today to have nothing to do. No thanks, I think I'll pass on this whole ass shit. Not to mention it's not like I would be noticed fucking anyway since I'm master of being invisible unless I'm playing the same game as everyone else. :D I honestly don't know why I even try to speak anymore. Insanity perhaps? Oops, not happening anymore. I am doooone~]]
[size10 my interests are very specific, and you don't qualify. i'k stressed enough as it is.]
It's been a while since I've been here.
It's been fun, honestly.
ES will never be "what it was", so to speak. A lot of people have drifted since then. Myself included.
But it's still fun to pop in every so often.
And the trolling never gets old.
Let the good times roll, yeah?
[center [size10 Thursday is the day. I get to go one step closer to where I want. It's also hopefully when my bloodwork comes back and when i find out where my specialist is going to be and when or if I'm going to have to request a special day off just for the specialist. Here's hoping my panels are at least okay, since I haven't gotten any calls that means nothing is extremely out of whack. I just want this all figured out that's it.]]
[center [size10 also trying to finally maybe finish zexal via my xbox so let's see how this goes shall we. I've missed it and my boy kaito. Then once I'm done I can start up on arc v and move onto vrains. Yeet yeet.]]
Well, this is awkward...I've forgotten my password for my account, although it's been the same password and user for quite some time now. My heart is super heavy at the moment to say the least, but, it's OK. I'm honestly too lazy to try much harder to get back into the account so it's all good. This was my main name on the old website anyways, so.
I'm also blanking on the usernames I need to remember right now to message people, but I'm extremely tired considering it's 5:50AM. Soifyou'rereadingthisyouknowwhoyouarehello.
I'd like to write again but I've found I can never finish anything. It's alright though. I'll keep writing short stories every now and then, I suppose. Maybe. Probably.
There's not enough words in the world to say what I want to say. So I won't say a whole lot on the subject. Just that my world completely shifted this year, in many ways, and it's still shifting.
I haven't vented in so long... My mental health is deteriorating and I'm reliving things I got over. I fighting them off in my sleep and I wake gasping and crying, punching at the air with my left arm... It's gotten so much worse in just a week... I accidentally punched my sister in my sleep and she was scared. She said she tried waking me up and all I did was scream and push my foot down like i was trying to slam down on.my brakes.
[size10 so .. my health is deteriorating. that's really scary news to find out on such short notice.]
[size10 that pain was unbearable. i really thought that i could die just getting the ultrasound. and the moment she asked if i'd had them before, i knew what my doctor said had to have been right. and he was.]
[size10 i.. don't understand how i manage to wind up in states like this so often. i'm just glad my nurses and doctors in the ER were gentle and kind with me for the most part.]
[size10 and that my dad has been understanding.]
[size10 i don't want this to intervene with my daily life, but it already is. i can't think or do anything without having pain.]
[size10 or vomiting violently for hours on end.]
[size10 i just wanna know why it happened. i was fine for so long and was eating so much better, and then now of all times, it had to be that.]
[size10 when i'm already low, my health attacks me too. i just feel so unsafe in my own body.]
[size10 i hope i recover smoothly. [i please] let me get better. i don't want any residue of this leftover in my life afterwards. i want it to be over.]
[size10 god ... please.]
[center Mommy loved you guys more than you knew. Mainly because you can’t produce oxytocin, and because you guys didn’t get to see how wrecked I was when you were gone.
You left your shells behind with me.
It hurts, you know?
[center [size10 My weirdos aren't worth your time, sweetie. This bitch fuckin stupid. I can't even. For those that know me at all, I got a dumb kid that's trying to out edge me or some shit. It's sad but everyone else around me is losing their shit at their responses. "You dont even wanna know the dark things i crave". To me bitch? To me? You picked the wrong person to try that shit on. Why do people still message me wtf. Thaaaanks I hate ittt.]]
Aww man I only get weirdos in my inbox on tumblr, you get weirdos on ES?? That's a whole 'nother brand of crackhead
/ 117d 20h 47m 53s
i just wanted to say that i thought i was the only person on planet earth who pronouned worm like "warm" instead of the supposed "werm"
anyway that's just my accent coming through.
just ask me about "bags" and "twilight" etc etc lmao
northern accent, man
This diet has been ridiculous.
[i "Okay, 285 lbs. Maybe I should get serious and head back down to 190-200 lbs so I don't risk getting a feature on My 600 lb Life."]
6 weeks and I'm down 25 lbs already. Is it the shrimp? Was it cutting out bread and pasta? I sure as hell haven't been doing anything strenuous in the way of exercise, just walking for errands. Was it Santa giving me early presents~? I thought it was supposed to take a year or two, this is glorious.
Otherwise I'm so tired because of this diet it's bizarre. Coming back to ES has been a nice distraction but reintroducing myself would be a long-winded waste of time so I'll just keep all that to myself, maybe make new friends.
In other news, I shouldn't have to explain to my mother that her habit of using her diverse assortment of racial slurs as punchlines for jokes is inappropriate, but this is the life I live.
[Center [size10 Late night thoughts with Mun and sorry I'm about to be a bully again but WTF WHOEVER DECIDED W O R M IS PRONOUNCED WEEERM. Why is WORM sounded like werm but WARM sounds like it'd be spelled fucking worm??? Wtf people. Why? You had the word worm. And you could have used that for the heating sensation that is spelled warm and pronounced fucking WORM. FUCK. Gnight]]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.