Would it just be a mistake to say hello?
I dont know.
But I miss you.
Just this once coildnt hurt...right?
[i [right I've always been on my own side]]
[right I always will be]
[VT323 I just need to calm down. easier said than done, I guess.
I cut you out a while ago, so there's no reason to be so pissed at you, right?
Whatever happened, happened so whatever. Right?
[size7 Despite trying to calm down I just get more and more pissed off because decide to blame me for bullshit that I didn't do.
Everything you accuse me of is false and makes me want to tear your dumb looking face off.
Gah fuck you, your damn ugly smile is engraved into my brain to haunt me.
I regret getting involved with your dumbass, giving you the time of day and giving a fucking damn about you.
[right [b [size9 I'd break my heart to keep yours safe
[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Josefin+Slab][Josefin+Slab [size16 [#610B0B After a while of watching your warnings that come from pure concern and experience seemingly fall on deaf ears, you get to a point where it's hard to even feel bad for those that continuously fall for the same trap laid by the same shithead.
But ya know, fuck me right? I'm not worth listening to lol
Apparently being up at 2am with nothing to do makes me extremely ragey.
Oh and to a very special kind of dickhead parasitic human, I still really fucking hate you and everything you've done to the people I love that don't deserve you having ever even looked in their direction. Next time you go sobbing about killing yourself for attention, just a tip, you'll probably get more if you actually do it =^)
Rage af rant over]]]
[center [size10 maybe i'm not supposed to be loved. maybe it's all just a delusional wish. maybe i'm undeserving, or just not enough to offer.]]
[center [size10 and yet... i need it.]]
[center [size10 the sort of support i need no friend could possibly be able to offer me, and i could never ask it of them,]] [center [size10 i can hardly say what i need as it is.]]
[center [size10 take care of yourselves...]][center [size10 forget about me.]]
[center [size10 all i know is loneliness and isolation. nobody could possibly love me for me, and i won't even ask much of them, ha.]]
[center [size10 your time, your patience, your understanding]]
[center [size10 i suppose it'd be wasted if it were on me. it's fine]]
[center [size10 i'll go back to being cold.]]
[center [size12 Over the years I've been conditioned not to reach out for help by assholes who either ignored me or brushed it off or laughed it off cause "that's not substance abuse you'll be fine" so honestly fuck people and fucking trying to get help anymore lol]]
Can someone be so ready for the future that he or she is anxious enough to fear the future as well? Well, that's me right now, and I want nothing but to succeed.
I have gone halfway through one goal, and have not yet prepared for the other. Yet, somehow I have this feeling I will be ok, and that I will become fruitful in my endeavors. On the other hand, I also feel afraid that I will not be enough for what I want in life.
I don't know, fears are just fears as well as they are only temporary. I just need to stay along for the ride and do my best...
What am I ever doing? I feel so damn secluded, why did my job have to give me so many days off. I know this is where I should be all 'yay look at ALL THIS free time' just any freedom without meaning just kind of just has me rotting away and go fucking mental.
I even got these new books but it just feels hollow.
Just stumbling about driving myself crazy even when things seems to be looking up and things are becoming easier at work. Suppose some things are never changing without a bit more force.
I give up way too easily, even though I tried so hard.
Time to go back to the shelf I suppose.
Yeah yeah, I get it. You're waiting on me to say somethin already. Grr..I'm not good at this kind of crap. And I can tell you need to be spoiled. What a hassle. Just don't go expecting anything over the top or too stupid.
[paprika [center [#a47f82 At this point I'm so tired of bullshit.
I can't even talk to you because I think all I'm gonna hear is shit. Lies lies lies.
Everyone is a goddamn liar.
I'm so fucking tired of being their place holder.
Wanna know why I'm so fucking aggressive to anyone and everyone? Because when I actually give people the time of the day they just fuck my stupid ass over. After practically years of being used I'm so fucking annoyed by it. Annoyed people think I'm just someone they can keep until they've got something better to do. I'm not that. I'm trash but I'm not for anyone to use or throw.
So the next time you wonder, "God, why is namae/nat/suga/hostile such a bitch?" It's because I'm tired of stupid hoes coming into my life and using me. I'd do anything for a nice stranger. I'm really not that fucking awful. If I see bullshit once then I just don't tolerate it. And everyone just seems to be full of it. I didn't fall in love with you because I needed a rebound, I didn't do it so I can get laid, I did it because for once in my shitty romantic life I thought I found someone who would treat me the way I'd treat them. Someone inspired me to be a better person and being with them made me not afraid to be better.
But of fucking course.
Here I am. Fucking gather around and laugh at me.
Come on. Come and tell me this was obviously going to happen. I should have saw it coming. Of course I wouldn't find a decent person trying to be a slut. It was too good to be true.
Come laugh with me because I'm so sick of this bullshit at this point I might as well join the fucking world in beating me down.
What in the loving fuck am I supposed to do now...?
[center [size10 Remember kids life is pointless and we all die so what's that point in even trying when no one really gives a shit about anyone else unless they're getting something out of it. I fucking hate life but here I am cause I'm so useless I haven't been able to off myself correctly.]]
[center [font "Book Antiqua" I really thought you were starting to change, but apparently not. You have the nerve to steal from me, and then when I confront you about it you want to tell me not to message you anymore? Okay bitch, if that's how it is.]]
[center [pic http://i.imgur.com/W2jY7cO.jpg]]
[center [font "Book Antiqua" I don't think you're a bad person, I just think you have a shitty personality and lack literally any creativity at all. I don't hope you end up alone, but I do hope whoever you end up with knows what they're getting in to, because I don't know how you do it but you have a knack for convincing people you not the kind of person that you are.
Maybe you should just try growing up, E. People might like you more for it.]]
The scariest thing about my existence is the fact I've been created in my own new world, it blocks out the past, I no longer know who I am. And yet I don't wish to return to find out.
[center [size11 it feels like it's been years since I've gone to the gym to workout. feels so good honestly to sit here and listen to beaty music while i do cardio]]
[center [size11 hopefully i can start making this a regular thing.]]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.