[Center [youtube https://youtu.be/kzOhAHIxo8A]]
[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]] [i [size8 [font "Courier New" [#696969 "I was burning alive, you tried to help, but that water bucket was filled with gasoline. That boy is gone, and all that is left is ash."
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[center [size10 Mom found two 1000 piece puzzles, a 350 piece puzzle, a 300 piece puzzle, and a 100 piece puzzle and here my need ass is already having finished the 100 piece cause tbh that's pretty simple and it wasn't very big. Bro already put glue on the back but we gonna put a second coat when we wake up. Then I started one of the 1000 piece puzzles and if I wasn't so sleep deprived I prolly would have finished the edge pieces by now but I keep missing pieces when I sort through the box. Alas there is always tomorrow.]][center [size10 In other news I was further reminded that I'm a sweet heart even tho I highly disagree but alas, I am my own worst critic.]][center [size10 Time for some music and then to pass tf out. Imma eat this snack cake first tho.]][center [s [size10 also didn't get to work on my Chinese today but that's okay I was too hella sleep deprived anyways]]]
I'm at my limit. If this one last thread breaks. I'm admitting myself before I try to kill myself. I'm done. Just fed up with living at this point. My vision is blurry and my face is cold from sitting outside too long. The crying didn't help. I've bottled up years of torment and self-loathing and the hatred my soul has absorbed over the years. Just done with being a shell. I want my tired soul to be set free at last, but it will never happen.
[Center [size10 Deleting the rp doesn't change that you're a bitch. Nor does it make everyone forget the shit you pulled. But atleast it'll stop some unfortunate people from getting caught in the whirlwind of your desperate attempt at replacing Aleks. Good luck, hoe.]]
[center [size10 It's 5:30 in the morning and I have done like 5% of the chinese I should have done tonight because I got distracted by 50 million other things. I would do it right now but I should honestly just go to bed because I am feeling a little drowsy. Definitely feeling better than yesterday. Managed to flush my system a little before pumping more caffeine and nicotine into it.]][center [size10 Oh fun fact there was a problem with one of my cards today and I didn't have the money on it that I should have and so it kept getting declined which is fun honestly, oh lordy is it the most fun in the world when you hold up a line cause you think you got $9 left when you only got $2 cause you did a dumb a few days ago. Anyways, that nice cashier wound up paying for the two packs of cigarettes I was trying to buy and honestly I almost cried. I prolly would have lived with out and just been miserable cause withdrawals but hey, sometimes it's the small shit and sometimes people are horribly shitty and sometimes they are kind and generous.]][center [size10 Seriously tho if I don't do my god damn language stuff tomorrow I'mma have some nice stern words with myself cause the more I work on them the quicker I learn them and the easier it will be to remember them. All these breaks where I lose information do not help me whatsoever. I'll prolly just mess around with some random ass shit until about 6:30 and then call it a night cause legit no point at doing what I was supposed to do now.]][center [size10 Edit: when your Chinese name legit translates to "Honest Love" and is cute af.]]
[center [size10 Hey kids you know what's the fucking worst? Having kidney pain and being on the verge of a panic attack that being egged on by stupid childhood trauma that not even you fucking understand or know the full extent of but somehow being too physically and mentally exhausted to let it happen so you decide that hey you know that thing where we shove it down and just don't say anything to anyone lets do that. Also lets fight the urge to physically attack ourselves because our face is healed from last time and the shame you felt afterwards was the fucking worst until it healed. Oh bonus we prolly have scars this time. Good thing we love scars so much. Oh boy the sooner I can get out of here the better. I hate this state. Not just cause of the job bullshit and the medical insurance bullshit but cause literally always shit to remind me of my shitty family like holy crap to think my step dad was hella worse than I thought is terrifying but it could just all be in my head like I've felt everything else is. I was raised to believe I was a hypochondriac and over dramatic by her and now that exactly how I see myself. I have to be in tears before I ever admit there might be something wrong before I go to the hospital.]][center [size10 wow this was supposed to be short but now it's turned into a ramble so imma try and fall asleep but prolly watch more of my stupid kpop stuff peace.]]
[Center [youtube https://youtu.be/zOJf0lxnnJs]]
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I'm exhausted. Please leave me alone.
I moved out and away, I don't ask you for anything.
Out of the blue I get 'don't ever ask me for anything again' and 'good luck'.
Bitch, please leave me alooooone I'm grown! I'm allowed to not want to be at your house! My hours picked up and I work 5 days a week now, often straight in a row. Leave me be? I'm so tired. =(
Goin out with Ren and Davey and its all Rens fault that I'm in full fucking Kageyama cosplay. They just gunna have to deal. You be late and give me time to fucking put on makeup and wig and all the goods and so help me god Imma do it, hoe. And Daveys got on haikyuu inspired makeup. Boi Ren youve done this to yourself.
Sometimes I wonder if youre aware that they're other things going on besides what's happening to you. Granted it involves me too but it's almost like every other day you yell and make a fit of something that wasn't anyone's fault. Then over stress and be angry that people have things that prevent them from doing it right away. It's like when someone asks something of you, since it doesn't concern you it isn't urgent. But if it's something you want and are concerned about the world must bend to you.
Tomorrow is not coming fast enough.
Yesterday I came to the conlusion that as much as I ADORE the charge blade, I would be better off main'ing the bow. Hell, I was solo'ing "The Proving" for the HZD armor set and [i I severed Anjanath's tail.] I couldn't believe it! With a bow! Never saw a thing happened before. I really love getting up close and personal, don't get me wrong, but I get carted SO much. I'm better off keeping my distance. Plus I love to mount. Stabbo stabbo and then they fall.
The bow is especially fun because I can sheathe it fast and run when needed. But I need to adjust. Still used to flinging my blade and rolling. Plus I'm always super discouraged seeing three 18 damage points show up when I quick shot ANYTHING. I'm used to my 30-80 one hit damage points. And when it's charged a decent 100s.
But I did get "damage dealer" with 5k damage. So the bow might not be too bad for me!
I won't be able to play for awhile, which is a humongous bummer. Since I am in love with this game.
Anyways I should hop off. I'm nervous going to see a counselor for a first time in.... a solid 11 years? I think? Hope it goes well.
Today is a river day. Videography and photography will my only plans for the rest of the day. My, the water, my camera, and nature. That's it.
[center [#F7BF20 [size10 Obligatory journal post for my most loyal follower. I hear you. I watch you. I have noticed you. That is all.]]]
[#ffffff Voxryn stop talking about my thighs.]
[#ffffff Caleb, you're fired.]
[Center [youtube https://youtu.be/g97ECr8vNU8]]
I can't get on Skype and my phone is still not turning on. I love and miss my friends. I really hope they're okay. I do keep getting messages from the Lance in the Voltron cosplay group. They keep asking me if I'm going as Keith or my version of Fem!Shiro. I don't have an answer for them yet. I don't have time to get my Ultimate Madoka ready and my Elizabeth Liones was pushed back. I'm still in mourning and the convention and my cosplays are the last things on my mind. I'm just not up to cosplaying or sticking around on Facebook. I am on Discord though, rarely. Just want to be on my own and spend time with my imidate family.
[center [pic https://i.imgur.com/kDvKGeK.gif]][center [size10 I feel kind of crappy cause I've been so distracted. Between stuff irl and watching so many videos on youtube I been neglecting certain people and I actually feel kind of bad. I made a new friend for kpop stuff and like even now I can feel myself getting distracted from them due to me obsessively watching all these shows on youtube. Like I'm pretty much making Clair and Bro watch em with me too, but I do try and watch other stuff so they don't get driven completely crazy. I try so hard to pull myself away from this shit but god damn it just drags me back in ten fold. Like pray for me guys cause like this new group has a total of like 18 members and they have a show with 7 seasons and one season alone is like 21 episodes, the rest are like 6-7 episodes.]][center [size10 In other news I have like $33 dollars from donating plasma twice this week and I'm actually happy about that cause anything that I get on my paypal card from that fundraiser won't need to be touched. I'll just make sure that most of that $33 goes towards cigarettes and like small shit I need.]][center [s [size10 I seriously need to cut back on my smoking tho between it and how much caffeine I drink i'mma kill my kidneys lol]]][center [size10 Seriously tho to anyone who feels like I'm ignoring them or don't care I swear I don't I'm just getting really distracted by like so much it's not even funny. I'll make it up to y'all one day I swear, today however is not that day cause I still have like 4-5 seasons of this show to finish and then I have a whole other show I'mma watch after this for an entirely different group.]][center [size10 Also I cooked dinner and I stuffed 'em so good I think they're ready to be baked any day now.]][center [size10 Awyiss ramble post completeeee]]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.