[center [size10 not new news, but]]
[center [size10 still love my friends just so so so much♥]]
[center [size11 [#D4A9E8 Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]]]
[center [size10 I get those goosebumps every time, yeah, you come around, yeah
You ease my mind, you make everything feel fine
Worry about those comments
I'm way too numb, yeah, it's way too dumb, yeah
I get those goosebumps every time, I need the Heimlich
Throw that to the side, yeah
I get those goosebumps every time, yeah, when you're not around
When you throw that to the side, yeah
I get those goosebumps every time, yeah]]
[center ♥ ]
[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b
E V E R Y T H I N G
you hate, my love
With time I'll love you more
And with time
All the bad things
That is me.
I am all that you roll
Those pretty eyes from,
I reek of alcohol
And cigarettes rot my teeth
I am all
With time you'll see
The monster who loves you
With every awful piece.
[center [size10 I'm a fucking adult, I don't get the luxury of running away. But I really only feel like there are two options anymore. The prospect of my birthday coming up next month shouldn't make me feel like this. I shouldn't feel like it's do or die to do what I want with my life. I have this notion that I won't live long if I don't just try at what I want but I don't even know how to start. Most of what I want to do takes money and don't have that. And a job would be fucking simple if fucking up at a job once didn't stress me out to the point I thought they were gonna fire me on the spot. I'm not who I want to be, I may never be who I want to be. I may just wind up being this broken mess up the floor until I fucking waste away or maybe I will finally become Ace and fucking love life and see how fucking beautiful it can really be. Maybe I will one day get out of this place and away from this family that I don't even feel like I'm a part of anymore. Hopefully I can become Ace, I would love it, I would love for him to become a whole person, for me to be a whole person. I'm not dying yet, if I was I'm sure it would have happened already, I'm just so impatient, I need to calm down. This isn't my year. Next year may not be my year. I may never have my year. I just need to breath and calls down more.]]
Why am I up at 5 in the fucking morning?
Why is it if I sleep before 1 my body decides that I need only 6 god damn hours of sleep? We may never understand. All I know is fuck actually trying to get decent sleep
[center [size10 always here for my friends.]]
[center [size10 once you earn my loyalty, you earn me for life!]]
[center [b [#F291CF ♡]]]
You know what really boosts your confidence?
When you hear that your boss's boss loves you so much that he is trying everything in his power to change my schedule.
His words to my co-worker/good friend: "We are going to do the best we can to get her to day shifts. We really love her here and she's one of our best chatters."
Like....I LOVE TO BE RECOGNIZED FOR MY HARD WORK. I am so happy and I love this job and this company .
Not to gloat but my chat satisfaction rate is always in the 90%-100% range, not to mention I'm in the top 10 for sales , and I only chat 2 days a week while everyone else is there 4 to 5 days a week.
I'm just so proud of myself. It's nice that I'm doing all this hard work and they are seeing it. Today was a good day.
[center Sometimes... Life stops, and I get a chance to look at everyone's faces. Not the faces they wear. Not their... 'Meat suit'. No. I get to see their true face. The face that leaves it all out bare.
More often than not, I find myself disappointed. I wished for better. I expected better from a lot of people.
So... What do people see when my mask drops? Do they see something disgusting, as I do all too often?... It leaves me wondering...
In the meantime, I'm scraping by. Day to day, hour to hour. But more and more it just isn't... Enough. I'm so tired of scrounging. Barely getting by.
People used to tell me that I was so promising. Intelligent.. I can hardly bear to look at myself in the mirror, now.
I've endured in my life so much... But even that is no justification. I was so promising? Nothing should have been able to stop me. Nothing...
But I keep going. Why?
Honestly? I don't even know, anymore.
I just... Do. And I'm tired of it. I'm trying to make something of myself. But it all seems so fruitless. Like everything I do is just not meant to be.
Even now, I find myself wondering what to do. And I just find myself at a loss.
A complete and utter loss.
[center [pic https://68.media.tumblr.com/e4dca1fdcf09083f0874d16314a5bd5f/tumblr_or7s65KVZ31s3vhwko1_500.gif]]
[center [size10 I love my friends, they're so supportive and amazing. This must be squad goals tbh. Play monopoly and roast each other. Ahh. You guys say I'm strong but it's only because I'm surrounded by such great people.. I love my friends, love them, really do. Ya'll are just a-mei-zing.]]
[center [pic https://68.media.tumblr.com/069ee979fde0045fe5c7c40e3fb69dbc/tumblr_oqiyx1l5wl1upe1ufo1_540.gif]]
[right [b 4:49 PM, June 7th, 2017.]]
I keep looking around on this site, and I see so many help threads. One thing they all have in common is that they haven't been posted in in what seems like months. Why is that? Do the people running it just disappear, or is it just the people who stop showing up? I want to create one, I want to help people, and yet I have a fear of doing so. All I'm good at is being a listening ear, not really giving advice. I'm too soft of a person to be very blunt with things unless asked. Perhaps I could make it a multi-help blog. Something that gives out advice when needed, but also does other things like editing. I'm sure it has already become a thing, perhaps I will consider doing it regardless.
[center [size10 i love you. thank you for opening up to me like that.]]
[center [size10 i know it's scary, believe me... i know. but you're [b strong].]]
[center [size10 you can beat anything.]]
[center [size10 i'll do whatever i can to help you along the way.]]
[center [b [#F291CF ♡]]]
I live in america now.
Never thought I would.
I exist, and it's the most terrifying thing in the world. Also my phone has been stolen, so for those who had my kik, I have no clue what my login information was.
[center [size10 I am just... ugh.. so lucky ???]]
[center [size10 My love... is just.. so perfect for me, thank you, god..]]
[center First T.O.P gets kicked out of the military police for testing positive for marijuana use and also then under investigation for said charge and now he's in the ICU for an apparent overdose. If the universe could maybe back off that would be great. Like don't do this shit to me. This shit isn't fair and like I know life isn't fair but no one deserves this shit right now okay. I hope he wakes up and is okay for the sake of his family and the rest of the group.]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.