[center [size10 I've been having a great time on OW. I picked up Widow Maker again, I surprised myself lmao I'm doing better than I thought I would. I got play of the game a few times, lmaoooo]]
[center [size10 I love sniper battles with other widows and hanzo players, it's so fun lmao I was told I make a pretty good WM. I love being acknowledged. I picked up Hanzo before Widow but Widow is more fun for some reason ??? Gonna practice my head shots some more, doing pretty good though just gotta panic less lol but I've gotten a looooot better over little time. I still can't believe I headshotted that Hanzo when he was in mid air ; ; I was like "RIP".]]
[center [size10 I wish I had more marvel movies. Also I keep forgetting to check on Smite to see if it works cause loki and anibis. I seriously wanna get the hang of loki because he is bae and if you disagree you can come beat the shit outta me for lying. Actually of any one wants to beat me up just come to it no reason needed just come do it look thnx bye]]
Yes I dedicate myself
Yes I shut everyone else out
I'm afraid of everyone
I'm afraid of people caring
I want people to let me go so they dont have to worry about me and I can fade away into the darkness while my life goes to shit.
I'm tired of fighting.
But that's my baby.
I'm sorry people get hurt but I can't handle being around people because I'm the type of person who tries to get along with everyone
News flash tho
Not everyone gets along
So I'm always stuck between them
Either I agree or they lost trust or interest
I'm tired of always stepping between the lines because I'm not allowed on my own side
Everyone wants me to defend them and pick them
But how is that fair?
So person a doesn't like person b
Why am I required to hurt that person to keep the other happy or else it fucks up?
And I couldn't stand how everyone was against this person.
I never can stand to see someone singled out.
But this was my friend
And this friend. Never expected me to pick sides. Never got mad at me for loving everyone. Never told me to pick them over anyone else. This friend knew and was aware of how I danced between the lines and destroyed myself trying to keep everyone happy because I care for a lot of people who hate eachother.
This one person.
For this one person.
And my kids.
And my roommate.
As anyone else who were here with me.
One day I will be able to be around for those friends again but right now there's too much. If they want to let me go over this? I cannot blame them. I do not wish to hurt them. I know I destroy myself.
I care for people. Then people fight. People make mistakes. People have miscommunications. They're prideful. Stubborn.
I shut down and run to one person
And this time it happens to be that one person
Sorry they're my escape place.
Sorry there's so much more than one sees.
My loyalty stands.
I will go down with them. I will fade into the dark.
They expect nothing of me but myself.
Others expect the world from me.
Hate me. I guess.
But you cannot tell me you have never done the same atleast once in your life. Everyone has. Everyone knows what it's like to be bound and blinded by emotions and determination.
[center [size10 I don't expect other people to believe in me only because I don't even believe in myself. So whatever information I give to anyone is up to them to do with what they please. You can throw it in the garbage or post it on the fridge. I don't fucking care. I might as well stop mincing my words at this point because it doesn't matter. I don't owe you any kind of kindness I really don't but that doesn't mean I can't throw some vague ass advice out there hoping you see it and it slaps some sense into for the first time in prolly forever. If you keep down this path you will push everyone who actually gives a shit away from you, and for what? One person? Yeah, sounds like the usual. Here's the thing though, if you do let this shit keep going and you do push people away only to come back and talk about how you don't have anyone and you're all alone you better think about how one person was so much more important than everyone else who actually tried to help you. I'm not the devil's advocate fuck that shit. I'm not going to turn anyone against you because I've never had the time for that shit. I'll just give them information and talk to them and try to help them in whatever way I can even though I should not be the person helping anyone. You don't deserve any of the shit you put yourself through, that much is true but you do this to yourself. You don't owe anyone anything but yourself but you don't realize how much you trying to do goo hurts those around you. Or maybe you just really don't care I don't know. I gave up trying to understand when I cut ties for the benefit of both of us. You need to stop and breathe and take a look around and fucking listen. Or don't I don't really care lol I just care about the people you could wind up hurting in the end.]]
[center [size10 There's a difference between being a good person and a doormat. But what do I know I'm the worst person to walk this earth. I don't know shit about being a good person lol.]][center [size10 You shouldn't try to fix everything broken that appears in front of you. It brings about your downfall. Sometimes you gotta walk away and salvage yourself.]]
Wish death upon no one
Wish harm upon no one
There is so much more than what one thinks
So much more
I see things
I probably shouldn't see them but I do
And in the end I don't care if I hurt
I've always hurt
I've always tried to help
Even those who don't deserve it
It's not anyone's fault but mine
I don't want people feeling bad and worthless
I'll be okay one day
I'll be okay one day
I am willing to endure this
Because they were my friend
And they still are
I learn more and more how to adapt to them each day
I would rather it be me dealing with them then someone who can't and ends up hurting them and making IT worse and them giving up and...
It's so hard to explain
I don't give up on people
They need that
They need it. They need to believe there is someone who won't leave.
One day everything will be okay for everyone
Right now is just a rough patch. Broken souls all struggling together...
Forgive me. . But I care for them and still stand to their side...
Don't hate me..
I can survive it
In the end my life isn't even my own. It lays elsewhere
To people I've helped.
This is what I do
I guess I'm incredibly crazy and stupid
[Center [size10 Lately I feel so fine. I'm excited to get back to working out now that my foot feels 100 again. My love is always helping my self-esteem, including V. I call them kiss asses because of it but it's nice.]]
Of course I've been worrying lately. I don't want to lose you and all I ever do is upset you. I try not to. I really dont know whats wrong with me. But I do love you. I love you so much. I know I do, how couldn't I? It's almost been two years now, and boy has it been the best two years of my life, even if I'm always a bitch I love every second I spend with you. I'm sorry I haven't been very good to you, because you have been amazing. You are the best boyfriend a girl could ask for and I'm so glad to have you in my life, and I must sound like a broken record by now. These nightmares I've been having are terrible. I wake up to a tear soaked pillow way to much lately. I haven't told you about these dreams but they are terrible. The worst I've ever had and I've had a lot. You'd think your soothing words when I'm upset would smash these fears, but if I cant imagine why anyone would want me nothing can smash those fears. Even when we are old I will worry, but you'll always keep me in your arms won't you? You are so great. I love you.
[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Josefin+Slab][Josefin+Slab [size16 [#610B0B It's one thing to mess with someone online IT'S ANOTHER TO INVADE THEIR REAL LIFE AND PHYSICALLY BRING YOUR DRAMATIC ASS TO THEIR HOUSE
I. Fucking. Wish. You'd. Kill. Yourself.
I don't say this to just anyone but seriously.
YOU WOULD LEGIT DO A LOT OF PEOPLE A FAVOR
Oops I don't like someone people idolize bite me
Spoiler alert, you don't let off people who commit murder just cause they had a troubled past.
IT SHOULD BE NO DIFFERENT FOR ANYONE ELSE TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST
I'm drunk raging oh my lord OH MY LORD PLEASE]]]
I do too much to deal with this.
I bet you're so happy now
This time you get what you wanted
This is what you wanted, right?
[center [size11 my ptsd is acting up really bad tonight.]] [center [size11 i need to sleep... but i'm afraid of having more nightmares.]]
[center [size11 it'll be ok, i just.. should distract myself up until i fall asleep. and be careful of what content i see.]]
[center [size11 i hate this.]]
Mario Kart 8 Deluxe is fantastic. Especially online. Although I really do hope Nintendo releases a patch/update to fix the "shotty" connection issues.
Course I should probably be taking out my summer clothes, but man, all that shit is buried deep inside my closet. [i Ugh].
Well, it was worth a shot I suppose. At least I got a reply.
And I now know that they are doing well.
That's what matters.
Regrets, so many. They are hard to live with at times. I miss my friends. I've lost so many over the past year and I find it so difficult to make new ones. Why cant things be like they were in those first few months? I was so dumb. I pressed my own thoughts and feelings on to someone else and I was completely off base.
I guess that's just how I am.
Perhaps I don't deserve to have any friends. That's why they are all leaving me.
I guess we really are better off this way.
I suppose I should have known better than to expect more.
Now thats an L. Damn boo what is you doin?
Im a high key bitch and im not sorry.
[center idk. today feels kinda weird.] [center i'll try to drown out these violent thoughts with music...]
[center but i doubt it'll help.]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.