[size10 I'd be a liar, if I said depression was not kicking my ass. I feel very alone.
I'm not, and I know I'm not but. I still feel pretty miserable.
Maybe it's pathetic of me, but right now I would rather drown in my misery than accept comfort.
It ... isn't very often that I get to feel this much.
Well, not this feeling. Maybe I'm just fucked up, for enjoying the feel of misery. Rather than the feeling of joy and hope and love. I feel those feelings [i so much], that .. Feeling the opposite is a relief of sorts.
I can almost relax for a bit , haha. other than. y'know. I still can't comprehend what it feels like to relax. Or even how to actually relax. Ah well. It's been a late night. I should probably go to bed soon but, my brain is all, "no you gotta listen to this song again and again."
So here I am. Song on repeat, staring at the scene paused on my television screen. Too many thoughts with no outlet. Dunno why I'm rambling when none of this really matters.
[center [i "Well I love you so much, but do me a favor baby and don't reply, cause I can dish it out, but I can't take it"
[center [size10 ugh I'm awake but don't wanna be]][center [size10 Hopefully I'll pass out soon after I post this]][center [size10 anyways me and flary started watching a new kdrama together and tbh I love it. I love the main character and I love her one love interest, Minhyuk. The other one looks so much like shownu in the face it's not even funny. He kind of comes off like a dick sometimes tho but honestly he cop so what you gonna do. Also he dressed up like a prostitute??? And Minhyuk plays that he's gay. Like tbh I live for this kdrama. Lol peaceeeee]]
My bro bought a Haikyuu grab bag for me. "You're a volleyball player and I asked someone what the stuff on the bag was about and she said it has something to do with volleyball... So here." It had a lot of Kuroo stuff, but my favorite thing it had was a Iwaizumi phone charm. I saw Sugawara and Hinata cosplayers there too. My friend went as Kenma. It was fun, but I got sick and had to leave.
Oh, I even got to meet some KPop fans and we obsessed over this customized BTS ita bag. Then Imagination came on and the Haikyuuers all flocked together to watch the music video.
I got to meet two of my favorite VA's and they were very nice.
[center [size10 Davey's side is coming over tomorrow, gunna make some northern beans and a scalloped potato dish that we've been dying to try lately. Whoever is out when they come over gets to help us give the dogs a bath too so that'll be fun. Also Kasvah gets his "you're shedding now, so here's a nice relaxing warm bath" time. Maybe we can watch or play something too while we hold him since it's been a while since he's slept on the bed with us.
Just tomorrow left and then Sunday morning, if no one buys him tomorrow, we will get the little milk snake boy that Petco has had for almost a year. Typically, I don't really like to buy from chain pet stores, especially after my last purchase at Petland in GA, but when we called to see if they had their annual dollar per gallon sale going on, they told us about the snake. They've had it for 10 months, it's doubled in size, getting too big for its display case, eats good and is fairly well tempermented. He an apricot pueblan milk snake and they even have him half off cause they want him to find a home so bad. Well oops guess who found out about him and is coming Sunday to get him. Especially since we came to MS three reptiles short of what we thought we'd be bringing, this little guy will be a much needed addition to the family. An addition that we, and I'm sure him too, will appreciate a hell of alot.
And for anyone who may be thinking "yo you got too many pets" stfu. I've got 6 reptiles and 2 dogs that eat and live better than we bother to eat and live ourselves sometimes. They well taken care of. So adding one more ain't gunna do shit except give a good little guy the home he's been waiting for for almost a year.]]
[size9 [center [b Can I just say how obnoxious it is when people try to get free art from you? I've joined groups on facebook to sell comissions even staying $10 and under to try and be fair. But when you ask people to do this shit for free??? I've been sitting here on a tablet for 3 hours ish. 3 whole hours of my time and I've only gotten this much lineart done and I've wanted to give up on it several times because I hate how my art looks I'm a perfectionist if it isn't perfect I dont finish it. Ect.
I don't even like more normal styles I like to stay chibi and cute because anatomy and fur and all that hell is stressful and takes so damn long. I can't tell you how many times I promised people art and tried for hours and hours only to be so frustrated by the results and not happy that I just give up. You always see better artists and I think every artist kinda thinks like that "yeah I'm okay but it could be better" we see every smudge or mess up little line out of place ect. And beat ourselves down for it.
So when people compliment my art it makes me feel awkward. It's nice but. Trying to ask for free art?? Seriously? You want me to sit down for hours. Hours. Struggling through every stroke and layer and highlight and shadow trying to make it all fit just right the process sometimes taking a day or two- that much of my time and effort all given away for free???
Y'all crazy. 5 whole dollars won't hurt anyone hell I do 10$ so I can have gas in my tank or try to save slowly not because I'm greedy. I'm trying to make a damn living. Either learn to draw it yourself or pay me some food money cause I'm sick of it.
Don't ever feel guilted to draw for free if you're talented.
It's nice to draw shit for friends too yeah. But if you're friends with an artist please just consider all those things. Aye.
I LOVE BEING ALIVE what the heckie this is the good stuff right here
Do we even know where those McDonald tubes get their investment from?
What about that guacamole? Or that stuff that oil becomes post modern era?
I found the perfect emoji for all those [b Guacward] situations
Note that I'll always be proud of someone inparticular and I hope they do better than me in their education life.
Note note newt noot
Everyone reading this you are human and deserved to be loved
Laugh more get more memes in your diet
Get dem puns in there
You make mistakes but you're human and that's okay
People might not forgive you either and that's always ok too
Just try your best
tfw the person that isn't an adult is the only one that acts like an adult
y'all need babysitters but ain't nobody got the time for that
/ 35d 15h 23m 41s
[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]] [i [size8 [font "Courier New" [#696969 "I'm going to just change this argument of autism, or maybe put a point into it? I'm not for sure why I decided to put my two senses in this. No one would probably care what I say. I'm used to it. But to be honest, I was truly triggered by someone using autism as an insult. I'm sick and tired of people thinking that people who have autism are like a curse or the sign of Satan. People with autism have been the best people in the past or in my current friend group. Both of my brothers are autistic. I'm sick and tired of having this argument of trying to convert people that autism isn't a bad thing, to be honest; because people can stop being assholes and stop kicking the horse while it's down. And whoever defended him, and called everyone trolls, you're on [u elite skills] the breeding grounds of the "trolls." Didn't you're mother tell you not to feed the ducks in the pond? It's like the same thing, don't feed the trolls with you're "Go fuck yourselves" spam."
There's my comment, I just wanted to say that because I'm honestly pissed that someone would think that autism is an insult. Autistic People are beautiful, people should be treated equally no matter what they have, and some can't control it. Why? Oh, I don't know, maybe because they were born with it? That's like telling someone with depression to get over it, and thinking that they'll completely recover from their suffering and to go outside and smell the roses. Just don't be scared when your name is on their suicide note."
"Besides all of that stupid shit, I'm not doing so well controlling my mouth, I don't want to talk right now. So I decided to come on here, to control me not having some kind of a breakdown. I feel guilty trying to explain why I'm upset or why I did the things I did when I felt lonely back then.. I don't black out as much.. I don't cry myself to sleep anymore, shouldn't I get a compliment for making it this far instead of being insulted that I made a bad choice? Or am I just being needy or [u quote on quote selfish?] I don't understand why I have to take all of his pressure. Shouldn't he rub that on someone else? Why am I the main target for all of his pestering?"
"Then he tells me that he only bothers me to make sure I'm okay, but when I tell him what's bothering me; he gets sarcastic and tells me that I shouldn't feel that way. Like that doesn't make me feel more anxious about my emotions. I am aware that what my brain makes me think or remember isn't the greatest option, but sometimes I can't control what I think about. I suffer from my own demons and my own stupid intentions. And I know it's not okay to think about death 24/7, but when something happens it's the first thing that pops up... I'm an overthinker, I try not to blame it on my anxiety much, but who are we kidding it's probably just anxiety. I blame it on all the things I suffer from, and I know I shouldn't, but what am I suppose to say when I am depressed and someone asks me if I'm okay? I have to lie and just say I'm tired, sick, spacing out, etc. And it's pretty annoying, but I'm scared to open up... And be made fun of, I only trust people online, because I can't see their faces of sadness or disappointment. "
"I think; I rambled on enough to make me feel like more shit and I don't have confidence in myself right now to bring myself out of this hole I just dug. It's fine, I'll just sit and think about how I am supposed to get over this the positive way. Because if I keep thinking about how much I hate myself it's not going to get me anywhere. But you know, ranting and flailing my arms around like a toddler having a tantrum didn't make my point any clearer. I'm just going to walk these hallways of these teenagers where they keep misgendering me from not understanding what I'm going through. I put my earbuds in to ignore the comments of me looking like a emo. I wear long sleeves to hide why I think I was so stupid. I don't believe in high school romance because it's dead.. I don't dare to look at anyone in the face for the fear I'll get punched with the sickness towards me."
"I'm done, good day."
[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]]
I failed once
I have dishonored my people
I must sacrifice one meme
[https://i.imgur.com/OFwpmcR.png this should succeed in getting one chuckle]
[center [size10 If you have to explain it then sorry to say you've already failed.]]
[center [size10 In other news some hoes off watching family guy with out me how rude. Y'all have adult things to attend to tomorrow go to bed you heathens or i'mma make y'all]][center [s [size10 loljk pls don't hurt me i am smol and delicate]]]
/ AdminSWAGistrator / Yukhei
/ 36d 26m 43s
But I was doing exactly what you're doing rn but in a less offended more joking manner because I've tried dropping my redundant lashing manner because it got me nowhere but hurt feelings on both sides.
By pointing out they said that
And that there's people here who actually struggle with such things
So hoping a smidge it would have made them second guess things like calling autism an insult.
But then again I don't know who they are so I dunno.
Worth a shot
Kinda hoped for an "oshit" from them ngl
Anyways before you get upset with me
I always repeat either something offensive or odd or randomly said back to others in a hostile situation as an ice breaker.
Or to calm people down.
Or make a point.
Or all of the above.
I said it all the time to those two I am not allowed to mention "I ____ once"
I had something wrong with me once.
I had hurt feelings once.
I had a giggle once.
Ect. Just me.
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.