[size10 Final Fantasy XV multiplayer is out and I just wanna play it with my love, lol. I'm so fucking hyped. Especially since it deals with the time skip like faaack . I'm so ready to fight hordes of daemons. been my dream ever since Noctis woke up after ten years lmao ...
I ... Guess I'll just say it.
To you, who will never read this, and haven't spoken to in months.
I hope all is well. It seems like it probably is. I just hope you're ok and happy. I'll probably never speak to you again, and I'm a little sad you never finished telling me everything, but it is what it is.
As long as you're ok.
I'll probably always care about you.
I'm just that stupid.
I can’t sleep. I have way too much on my mind. Granted the call helped me a little. Reality set back in and I really don’t want to go through this again with you. I’m tired of all the fighting. Why? I’m running out of energy. You’re my sister, not my enemy... Yet, you constantly tell me how much I fucked up. Yeah, I did, but at least I can I acknowledge that I messed up and that’s why the reason I’m not in college right now. I lost my will to live, my grades suffered through my depression and my schooling opportunities were almost taken from me...
You think everything is a competition between the two of us. It’s not. Mom says it’s scary how you think you have to one-up everyone... However, you’re always three steps ahead of me and you still bring up the fact that I lost hours of college credit due to a medical issue that I had. You brag out getting your car first and rub it in my face every chance you get. I’m tired, dear sister. I’m done with the fighting. I just want for us to be able to get along again.
[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Permanent+Marker:400] [div i wish i had more in common with my little group of friends. i have this list of things that i need to get into for other people, but i just can't seem to find the time. it makes me a little sad, because i want to talk to them about more than just how my day went, and how life is going. i feel like i'm boring.
i'll just have to work on the list as much as i can.
if anyone in my group wants to add anything to the list of things, then hmu.
[center [size10 So Ruby Tuesdays works on Thursday and honestly it's kind of depressing but that's okay. At this point I'm content just sitting on discord playing terra with him and cracking jokes and having to save each other cause we seem to be hella fucking good at attracting mobs. Tho tbh it was mostly me running around and doing quests that was attracting them more than him but he had my back so it was okay. No Ali tomorrow means I can sleep in and then do my disability appeal paperwork while I wait for ruby Tuesdays to get off work tomorrow night/tonight. Shit is decent right now, I hope it stays this way.]]
/ 10d 21h 50m 40s
[size10 double post but idc.
looks like it's going to be a night of depression. I don't know what's wrong with me. It hurts though.
I don't wanna feel this way. Mm. Just ... Not feeling great. Ah well. At least I don't have to work tomorrow. I'll probably eat a small meal and play Nights of Azure. Maybe look for something more light hearted to watch. Claymore gives me too many feels. It's been a while since I've been this attached to an anime. I'm probably going to buy all 27 volumes of the manga at some point.
I need a new bookshelf. Not that I have anywhere to put one ...
I'm itching to have my own place. I'm sick of living with other people. I just want a space to myself where I have room to put the things I want in.
Part of me still wants to own a decent sized house where I could have a library/study. Owning a house seems like a myth these days to me, haha. I forget that people can actually own a house. I'm so used to renting at this point ...
Still, I would like to one day. I also wanna get out of this shit state. I can't decide if I want to move to New York or California. It used to be Cali, but I don't know. Things change. I suppose it depends on where my future job takes me.
I just ... Hope I have someone to go with me. I don't want to be alone.
I hope he'll still go with me ... I understand if he doesn't.
- - -
Then there's... You. I .. Don't know what to say, haha.
You're just on my mind a lot. Not talking to you makes me feel sad, and a bit lonely. I don't want to bother you though. You have things to do, and I'm not all that important anyways.
... Now is never a good time of the year for me. I'm always a depressed mess.
[size10 I wanna match usernames with the squad but 2 outta the 3 usernames are taken so rip
never gonna match the squad at this point
or not for a while lmao
I'm just complaining about small shit ;; I'm just kinda tired and watching Claymore
mmm ... cried a bit. for reasons. I guess, I'm just ... Still not coming to terms with my illness. It eats at me inside. It's ... tough.
I don't know what to say about it. It's painful. Both physically and emotionally. It's hard to handle it.
well ... I guess that's all on that for now. Claymore got me fucked up man. Ilena is back and I'm both happy and sad.
I’m at that point in life where faking smiles is getting old. “You need to smile more...” What if I told you that pieces of myself crack and peel away with every “smile”. Would you believe me or ignore that statement completely and try to make me smile? Would you rather have the simple “I just don’t want to smile” answer instead?
It wouldn’t matter anyways. Why? I have a heavy reminder, photographs from over years, then there’s my mom constantly telling me that life fades from eyes with every passing year.
Mom, those years have now sped up and the life in my eyes is fading by the end of each day, you say. I’ll play dumb and ask what you mean and you pull out the photo albums. “You stopped smiling by the age of four. Don’t know why though. You had such a pretty smile...” Mom, you’re fond of memories only you can remember for the both of us.
Don't do this to me, I told you I can't do this. You [i know] I can't do this. I keep saying I need time, that I can't just drop everything for you, and yet here you are.
Stop forcing it onto me.
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/PQdheDR.gif]][center [size10 Boi why you like this? You tryna tell me you bad at this shit but I was barely on facebook for a minute and you sent me a message asking how my appointment was. I mean I guess I'm not really complaining cause like you're trying and it's nice since I don't like seeming like a bother to someone, even if you know we doing this whole thing right now. I know you prolly at work right now and I'm hoping you're having a damn good day cause holy fuck where you work would make me wanna fucking scream ngl. But seriously you act like you're some heartless human being but everything you been saying and doing since I confessed kind of proves the opposite. seriously hoping i can invite you to come see Thor Ragnarok with us and that you don't work that day and have a few hours to spare. I know we're going to do other stuff after but at least getting to watch a good movie together would be nice. Also two birbs one stone like Clair wants to meet you since I've spoke about you far more than I prolly ever should have lol. oh and my therapist noted that I seemed in higher spirits than I had all the previous times and honestly I admitted it was prolly cause I was getting out and doing stuff even if it wasn't much. Also she wants me on the legit disability not the low income one sooooo i guess we doing that appeal paperwork and calling the lawyer again.]]
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/oMS5u15.gif]][center [+white [size10 fack]]][center [size10 Apparently I want to date a meme who is perfectly okay with the idea that I somehow imagine my doctor's appointment as tentacle porn and is willing to tape memes to my headstone if I die before him. Also I apparently want to date someone who thinks he's this heartless person but still has heart enough to admit he doesn't think he'd do well for me with how I'm trying to heal from shit people throughout my life and is just worried he'd hurt me more than I already am. Like boi let me see you on the streets I will fight you, we will throw down so fast you won't know what hit you cause i ain't about that affection but all you did was make me adore you more your words backfired. [s [size10 idc what happens just let me love you platonic or otherwise gdi]]]
[center [size10 if he keeps making threats i might just die tho. don't threaten me with a good time of me being a fucking awkward rollie pollie.]]
[size10 Nine hours of Dark Souls and I feel a little dead inside, lol. It was fun, and frustrating , as usual. Tempted to play a bit more, buuuuut . I should probably go make myself an actually decent meal for once, and work on cleaning up the backroom , like I said I was going to. At least a bit of it should get done. So I can say I did something besides play Dark Souls all day.
I had the day off and it was nice. I'm just ... Content with it, haha. I don't have to work the next two days, and my manager made sure that I don't have to work with the supervisor that almost always treats me like shit. So things aren't bad.
I guess -- I just wish I could get away with not working. It's draining me and all I wanna do is sleep and play video games ... But that isn't realistic. For a self supporting adult anyways. sigh.
Guess I'll go make food and work on cleaning while I wait ;; then maybe I'll play Nights of Azure since I really am enjoying the game.
Back to Dark Souls for a minute though ;;; it really pisses me off that people can attack you in your game like -- I had a fucking password on my game and people still invaded
the equipment they dropped though was hella nice lmao
still just wish I could keep em from joining without having to go offline
[Center [google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Patrick+Hand]
[Patrick+Hand [#73545e It feels like everyday the more I hear from you the more I want to actually be with you. What a drag. My give away doesn't really seem to be doing much for me to my dismay. What a delimma.
[center [size10 these days i am having too much fun. . i feel like i have this amazing family i was blinded from, stresses of life keep piling up but i am only tire from being happy. i can't wait to leave for the military, it'll be more adventures to come.]]
So you got in touch with me today, said you missed how everything was
It shocked me a bit, especially since i laughed. You were cruel to me so how could you say you were hoping we could be friends again? It's clear to me you haven't moved on as much as you had me believe, but I have
Maybe it could've been different if you had made some better choices but its not and i dont appreciate you asking for a "second chance" you've had more chances than you deserved and I'm honestly just done with you
I hope you dont contact me again
Smite why you no download? I'm just trying to play a game with bae and you are giving me trouble. Uh my computer isn't even a year olddddd. Whys it not working.
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.