If I ever fucking see you call him that again I will come to your house and rip your fucking tots off got it? That's my name for him no one can call him that but me. And if you are spending mother's Day with someone it should be your fucking daughter and mother you cunt. Stop being a stupid butch and get the Fuck over him already. He's mine! He's going to be mine for the rest of our fucking lives and if you can't handle that then to fucking bad. Maybe if you weren't such a psycho twat he'd have actually wanted to be with you. But no you were a crazy bitch and made it hard for him to have a life. Yeah I'm difficult but I'm not crazy. Back the Fuck up for a second and look at it from a third person point of view. He'll never love you the way you want so just fucking stop.
Thinking about old stuff here but honestly they were your idea. I mean i tweeked it to suit me sure but you were the one who told me too since i couldnt find a good pic of her. Just its so stupid. I worked so hard on them and you dont use it because what? She wont like it? That shouldnt matter when i put my heart into those. I worked so hard to make us something you'd like and you don't even care about it anymore...It's hurtfull.
[center [size11 it's amazing to me how quickly my mood can drop. i'll be fine, or even happy one moment, and the suddenly i feel like wasted space.]]
[center [size11 i was even researching coping mechanisms for myself just now, and this happened. i was practicing one i was so sure would help me, it played on my passions and how could that not comfort me?]]
[center [size11 it feels like a single word could shoot me out of the sky.]]
[center [size11 "you have to feel it out," they say. "otherwise it'll fester and get worse."]] [center [size11 they're right, but how am i supposed to do that when 90% of the time i don't know why i'm feeling that way?]] [center [size11 it's impossible to feel something out if you don't know what the something [i is].]]
[center [size11 it sucks to be okay for a bit, then suddenly feel like you should just die, and sit there thinking "what triggered me [i this] time?"]]
[center [size11 i'm so sick of being unhappy no matter what i do. i'm tired of having no coping mechanisms that help me.]]
[center [size11 the only time i'm happy is when i'm not being myself.]]
[center [size11 that's..... sad, isn't it?]]
[size11 there's an ache in my chest..]
[size11 it's not that i want you to be unhappy]
[size11 it's not that at all]
[size11 i really want happiness for you, but apart of me had thought you'd find some happiness in me..]
[size11 even though i've known since [i high school] that i was never an option, a choice, a viable entity for love..]
[size11 i've always been your happy distraction.]
[size11 you're 'best friend' whom you flirt with, play house with, pretend to love endlessly..]
[size11 how naive of me, how unhealthy of me..]
[size11 it just bugs me that a part of me will always love you..]
[size11 but you will never love me.. have never loved me.]
[size11 it bugs me so much, but i have to let go.]
[size11 so i'm paving the path for freedom by writing it all out.]
[size11 i'd love to tell you, but that'll never happen.]
[size11 i wish you happiness, health & peace.]
[size11 i'm hoping that i can close this chapter in me for good, so i can allow the blossoming love born on a new horizon to take a solid form in my life and heart.]
[size11 he deserves more than the shell of my love.]
[size11 you've had enough of my romantic love, goodness, at least five years worth.]
[size11 it's time i take control of my own heart, and just keep us friends. realise that all our fanciful stories will stay in the past as stories.]
[size11 - Nin.]
[center [size10 Last night was fun with Rin on Smite but Jfc that vodka was a horrible mistake. This cough and sore throat need to fuck off. Smoking prolly didn't help either. Ali keeps pointing out how my coughs sound like a smokers cough and then remarking how "we know better" idk ali, do we? Cause I mean I'm pretty sure I don't. I took far more gabapentin than I normally would and mixed that shit with alcohol and tbh i only regret it cause of this cough and sore throat. At least Smite loves me now lol]]
[center [size10 I doubt this matters to anyone else but Hulu has Sailor Stars and I'm just so happy
I've always wanted to watch it but couldn't bc the American company that dubbed it was basically anti lgbt or just had a phobia of that stuff ....
But now I finally can watch it !
[paprika [center [#a47f82
Y'all know how to contact Atorie right? :)
Otherwise keep ya damn mouths shut the fuck up.
Because I'm one hunnid precent positive nobody can find where we asked for your opinions.
YES. "WE" BECAUSE YOU FUCK WITH ONE YOU GET ME. YOU WITH ONE YOU GET ANOTHER. THINK AGAIN BUDDY
Yall some shitty ass people who got nothing better to do but bug others who don't even give you the time of day otherwise
[center [size10 Mornings are nice when they're with you.]]
[center [size10 Shout out @V, Love ya b.]]
If you message me I will respond.
I never wanted to hurt people.
I just wanted to be there for my friend.
I am not justifying their actions
I never had
I just.. don't want them to be alone.
I won't keep everyone shut out though ...if it hurts them that bad..
I don't want to hurt
I want to love
I don't like leaning on people
I don't like them worrying about me
I get scared
I'm scared to be cared for
That doesn't excuse me disappearing however ...
I thought if I shut myself out then I wouldn't worry people with my horrid life and it would help
I always feel like a burden
So I stray away..
I... I'm sick in the head.
[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Permanent+Marker:400] [div i am so, so, so tired of the people on this site. you want to know something? this is a ROLEPLAY site- and the sad thing is.. i can't even roleplay with my best friend of six years, because a good 90% of the people that we try to be friends are assholes and think that putting their 5¢ into our lives, because they think that their advice is GOLDEN and RIGHTEOUS. then they cry, when she leaves. they want her back, but you know- if you wanted her back so bad, then why be an asshole in the first place? how about everyone keeps their god damn opinions to their god damn selves, and just fuck off. i'm tired of not being able to live in my little roleplay universe, because a group of people have to nitpick everyone's existence. if you guys like drama so much, and want to start so much shit- how about everyone make a fucking facebook and take their drama on there, so i can get ONE FUCKING RESPONSE to a roleplay that i POURED MY SOUL INTO. how about that?
and no. i wrote this on my own accord, to those of you that think everything is a god damn conspiracy.
p.s. to the three people that are so 'worried' about my best friend? how about you realize that you're the problem, shut up, and maybe she'll come back. :) just maybe.
[center [size11 opal, hanami, enigma, lio, bonnie,]]
[center [size11 you all are my priority. you all are the only ones that have made any true effort to be near me and love me.]]
[center [size11 i love you. thank you.]]
[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Josefin+Slab][Josefin+Slab [size16 [#610B0B it's dripping
i don't know right now
i don't know anymore
it's on my hands too
only not on the keyboards because it's dry
i'm scared ]]]
[paprika [center [#a47f82 Hey, everybody.
Since everyone is watching me and waiting for me to fuck up, here it is.
I miss W_____.
Stupid college town filled with bigot ass hicks.
There were a few gems there. My McFam.
I miss them. I miss them so fucking much.
I miss closing the store with them. I miss drinking and getting high with Hannah. She was really one of my only friends there.
I miss seeing the tracks of trains and waiting for them to pass.
I miss S____ P___.
I miss watching the stupid kids. Waking up to their screams and eating the food my aunt and I loved to make and eat.
I miss seeing the towers in down town from anywhere. The big neon "1" sign blinking in every angle. I miss the sounds of the highway and the train.
I miss being so close to the Mississippi I could walk there. I always wanted to walk down it to see where it took me for the day.
I miss my friends.
They always brought a smile to my face and watching them grow up never made me so proud. I miss taking care of them when no one else would. They were real family to me.
I miss the city bus and getting lost downtown trying to find my next stop.
I miss how an hour of traveling meant nothing to me as long as I had them.
I miss my friends who watched me grow up.
I hate not feeling like I don't have a home. I don't belong anywhere.
Every house I go to, every person I meet, every heart I touch,
-doesn't feel right.
Doesn't feel like I deserve it. Doesn't feel like I belong. In some moments, in some aspects, every place I go has become home. But I don't ever hear it call my name.
I hear them begging me to stay, but
I see them better off anyways.
I don't see sincerity in words anymore.
And even actions now bounce off me.
I decided to let myself get fucked over. Again.
Because that's just who I am.
This time won't be the same, though.
This time if it falls apart I'm making sure I fly to New York.
Get the fuck away from these shitty states.
These shitty memories.
These shitty fears.
Hell, maybe this time I'll succeed and it won't be an "attempt."
So here I am, everyone.
Signing my name.
I agree to these terms and conditions.
[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Josefin+Slab][Josefin+Slab [size16 [#610B0B I'm so fucking happy I have Neon to fuck around on Smite with now like this night started off kinda shit but like now I'm drunk and actually kinda happy and having fun
albeit I wanna vomit but idfk anymore
I'm realizing who's actually worth paying attention to]]]
[center [size11 i don't know if i want to do bloodwork tomorrow. i don't know if i want to do [i anything] tomorrow.]]
[center [size11 i'm tired of being tired. and i'm tired of being depressed.]] [center [size11 the intrusive thoughts are terrifying. sometimes i think of destroying all my relationships, even if i would never want that.]]
[center [size11 it's hard... this is so hard..]]
[center [size11 i need to be stronger...]]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.