[center [size12 9/26/18 ]
[size11 "It Never Ends." ]
[size8 Pain that never ends and a night that stays young. ]
It's not that you aren't here,
It's that you never leave.
One more nail in the coffin,
One more foot in the grave.
I said it once, twice, a thousand fucking times.
That I'm okay, that I'm fine.
That it's just all in my mind.
But this has got the best of me
And I can't seem to sleep
And I know you're worried about me
But it's you that never leaves!
Every second, every minute, every day.
It never ends.
It. Never. Fucking. Ends.
[Center [pic https://i.imgur.com/HqUBSSC.png]]
[Center This is why I work. This is what makes it all worth it.]
[Center We all lift together.]
Things were different when we were younger.
Skinny-Dipping, Having fun
- Syliva Jaybird Morgan
[size12 I'm steadily burning out. I can feel it. Through my head space, stomach, everywhere really. The lack of sleep and stressing over Christmas is pathetic. However, my family deserves nice things. Just gotta make through these last couple of weeks.]
[size12 There was one highlight tho. Just one. I finally found a copy of Bound. Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon? Yes please.]
Everybody needs a memorial
So that they can be remembered after death
Even for the little things.
I hope everyone feels better soon
I graduated a few days ago
Now I'm on my next path
I didnt want to go on but I'm alive and well still
Putting my foot down to my family for being intolerant
Misunderstanding shit and flipping out sometimes
Some guys came in distracting me earlier by hitting on me and my friend
While their buddies shoved beer down their pants stealing them
Lmao done with this job
Can't wait to be done with retail and fast food for good
Names are so powerful.
[center [size10 I'm so done with this week and the rest of this year. I broke down at work and got to see the look on his face when he turned around and saw my face. I'm broken and hurt and a year passing hasn't helped. All I can do is distract myself or self medicate and all my pills are gone. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I feel so alone even though I'm not. Why did you throw me away so easily? After all that fine you spent on me, on molding me I suddenly wasn't worth your time anymore. Everything that is wrong with less that held me back was because of you. Yeah I fucked up a lot. Yeah I've done shit I'm not proud of but at the end of the day I self medicate myself to this day because you raised me like this. Yeah I know it's my responsibility to fix what you fucked up but at this point all I can do is try to survive and slap some kind of bandage over these wounds. Everything is horrible and everything hurts and you're just fine with your amazing family and I'm sure your Thanksgiving will be amazing. I'll be spending it with other people who can't see their families either and that's not horrible but I wanted to be the one to walk away not be completely abandoned. You're a sad excuse for a mother. I hope playing grandma is fucking worth it. I hope you're amazing thanksgiving is the best you've ever had because being with you even after everything kills me inside and if I had the strength or energy I wouldnt be here. I'm pushing myself more than ever just because I can't let something this pathetic end me but fuck I'm so fucking exhausted and I want to hate you but at the end of the day I still blame myself for just being useless and not worth anyone's time. I wish I'd never been born. It would jar saved you so much time and energy honestly.]]
NIGHT 5 WITHOUT SLEEP
SPRITE CRANBERRY IS A SNAKE.
Need to share this gem
[center [size10 Jeff has the right idea. None of us have family room spend the holiday with so why can't we just all hang out and fuck off and get drunk and high that day. Why just let ourselves wallow in our depression and self pity and shit. Sure not a healthy way to deal with our problems but it's better than doing nothing and spending it alone. Jeff might not be the most dependable but he's right about this. I feel like if me and him talk about it to Shannon enough she'd get what we mean and where we're coming from. We're not talking about celebrating thanksgiving but at least hanging out together on that day.]]
Thanksgiving. My family just eats and we watch tv. Just every other ordinary day for us. We don't really celebrate it like everyone else. We recognize our Native culture and this year, I'm going to the Pow Wow and talking to some old friends I haven't seen in years. I also get the awesome Portuguese food on my dad's side of the family. I'm actually exiting about it this year since I won't be at the house for most of it.
I hate Thanksgiving break someone kill me please so i can skip life
[size10 I'm heartbroken that the Lunafreya dlc was cancelled. Along with the Aranea dlc. Square really fucked up this time.
Half hoping if enough people are pissed off on the internet about it, they'll change their minds. But it probably isn't likely. Square probs just hates us at this point.
Not much else to say. Headache. Heartache. Exhausted from working two jobs.
Probably spreading myself too thin, but w/e. Gotta do what I gotta do.]
[center [size10 when you forget you took drugs at the gas station until it hits you after you get stuck in the window after fucking with the guy who fucked you over and made you walk in the fucking cold to sad gas station after a shift that started with everyone wanting to kill the old lady who works with y'all after the guy who fucked you over fucked you over the first time and you find out said guy wanted to get you high and you know exactly why and even though he fucked you over you'd be down for it because who needs healthy relationships when you can get fucked up in an unhealthy casual one. Also finding out your other casual set up ain't gonna work cause the other person catching mad feels and you just want that rough stuff not that mushy shit. I don't even know if the past week is real it could all just me a weird fucking drug something or another oops hi I'm ace and I like drugs and vodka fight he about or sometime byeeeee]]
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