[center [size10 one can only be as positive as their surroundings. One can only ignore the bullshit and be positive for so long before they really just wanna end a life. Alas I am both of these and yet positivity says "it'll all work out" even if the universe is feeding me fucking anxious energy and telling me that imma get fucking up ending soon. Fuck off intuition no one asked for your fucking opinion. I slept like shit last night because of you and you best not do it to me again. Idk what your sending me red fucking flags about but you need to stop until you're gonna be less vague. I ain't got time for this. Fuck off.]]
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXL-oKggDp4]]
[center [+green Couples and best friends should play this game. no seriously like normally I hate indie games most of the time. However it's an open world survival RPG. With heavy survival mechanics a super hard game that doesn't hold your hand and is ton of fun.]]
[center [+green Here's the kicker it's 2 players. An open world RPG that is two players? That'd be like if we got to enjoy Skyrim or something with a friend. I've put some hours into it and it's lots of fun. If anyone wants to know more they can PM me but... It's got SplitScreen.]]
[center [+green It's on PS4/XBOXOne/PC and you can play online but it's got local splitscreen. Who even remembers that word? SplitScreen besides Nintendo games has been so fucking dead. So if you wanna play next to the wifey/hubby IRL than ya can. It makes it a really nice experience. I played with my friend Juzi. Next will be my brother so yeah at the very least it's worth doing some research on to see if it's for you. As for the Journal aspect? I think this basically screams this game is like short term curing my depression lmao. ]]
[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b God, it’s already Thursday. Blergh. Time goes fast when you can’t part with your favorite person in the world. It’s crazy how much we vibe. I’ll never stop saying that. We are just on the same tune! There are times we literally say the same thing at the same time... and it just baffles me you exist. That you’re here. I’m here with you.
I’ve never felt more safe than I do with you.
Fuck everything in our pasts. I look forward to the future with you.
I came to this job to be a dog trainer
I ended up grooming dogs
.... I'm not exactly disappointed
[center [size10 its pride month my dudes, which is great cause I feel safer being more open on social media about how I identify but it also means I get to see other people and their stories and then I'm reminded I'm a fucking disaster and that I would much rather set my fucking self on fire. Yeet me from existence at least for now. I need to fucking find a way to see a fucking therapist and shit cause I wanna do this shit more than ever and this is prolly the best place I've been to at least fucking try for it.]]
[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b Reminder, kids: if you willingly sign up for something and then you’re surprised something happens as result of said signed thing.... you is dumb. It’s me. I’m kids. I signed up for a thing and I’m turn had something happened to me as a result and am shook.
Have a good day!! You know who you are.
[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b I am thoroughly enjoying my time here. My family was not too happy with what I’ve had to say but it’s been way a fucking long time comin’.
I just ugh. Am so tired of all of it. Of life tbh. Neon has really been keeping me going and spending time with him - when I’m not fucking dead from being exhausted, has seriously boosted my mood. He’s my rock.
I love the city. I miss it so much. I walked in the rain and I watched the sky lit up from the lightning over down town. It was beautiful. I love knowing that things I want to see or that people Are nearby. Versus fifteen minute drive to just see more snobby rich kids.
I absolutely love it here tbh.
[center [size10 10/10 I'm great at coping with my mental state by ignoring it and binge watching an anime I've watched 50 times over and completely obsessing over it. Also great at coping with stress by completely ignoring it and just being on the verge of murdering all my coworkers who are great at complaining but won't fucking do shit to change anything. Maybe if y'all fucking tried we wouldn't be so fucking miserable? Oh but wait that would mean y'all gotta take accountability and actually do shit. Honestly I really wanna work towards manager just because I know I could fucking do it cause i actually fucking try. I try to be positive even while were getting ass fucked. I try not to fucking break down when I know damn well I'm on the verge of it. I swear to fuck there are some of y'all I would fucking yeet into a fucking ravine.]]
[center [size10 I guess on a somewhat lighter note I guess, I'm really wanting to take a trip to florida with suga sometime at the beginning of next year. I really wanna do certain things I didn't get to do before I left as well as experience new things with someone I extremely adore so as to make new memories there and forget the past some hopefully. I really wanna keep up good vibes more often than not but shit's hard sometimes my dude.]]
[center [size10 So, sorry about the shitty quality, these guys are so fucking tiny that even with a good quality phone camera, they're hard to get in focus. These guys are Regal Jumping Spiders, for now, I believe both male though I could be proven wrong as they get older and start to develop more defining color. They're in small containers for now that to be honest, still look too big for them, but they seem to enjoy them well enough. When they first came in, they ate right away so that's excellent. About to feed them again in a minute and if I'm able to get better pics of them, I'll replace these pics with better ones. But for now, enjoy these two cuties. The top one is Weaver, he's more outgoing and brave, and the bottom one is Spinnel. Spinnel is still curious but he's a bit more shy than his brother. Enjoy.
Maybe it’s because I’m a fucking idiot, but I’m pretty sure I left my rings with my ex. Which is great, because one of them I fucking bought for Mari and I to match. And it meant a fucking lot to me. But what ever. I was positive I packed it but of course I didn’t.
Also straight stressin because my fucking family insists I go and little do three know I’m swerving them. No thanks. I’ll just say I was asleep all day.
Ain’t fucking with their vibes.
On a side note,
Gonna be in the city for like two weeks. Much excite. I love the city.
[center [size10 seeing coworkers slack on their work simply because they don't want to be there is only motivating me to learn more, to try and do more. We don't have time for people who aren't going to fucking try because it legit only takes one person not giving a shit to fuck everyone else over. You drop that meat too slow and we wont have any for sandwiches. It goes the same way with fries. You have to stay on top of both of those. And if you're taking forever making sandwiches you're making drive thru and front both wait. I hope that it's taken seriously when I say I'm open to manager training. I hope it's taken seriously when I say I'm open to learning grill and sandwich. I'm sick of seeing coworkers who are fucking working their asses off drown because one person it taking there sweet ass time. I'm sorry it just irks me. And I can't work the job of 5 people but at this rate I feel like shit when I can't. Let it be known I do however try when I can. It's not even like the people who slack are incapable they're fully capable they just let their shit attitude ruin their abilities and I refuse to let that be me tbh. Fuck them and fuck being just a nobody. I might seek crazy but imma work my ass off to see how close to manager training I can get. Ain't got time to fuck around. Yeet me into that fire. Yeet me into learning everything. I wanna be useful and helpful and reliable. I'm sick of being scared of trying my fucking best. If these children can make manager fuck it, so can this one. Gonna motivate and build myself up into some who can fucking do it.]]
[center [pic https://data.whicdn.com/images/326543390/original.gif]]
[center [+green I wish everyone here and in my life lots of happiness. I've been in and out of feeling really well emotionally? To being a wreck. At times I feel strong steadfast and ready. Others? Well I guess a wreck may be dramatic but I guess feeling down works? I've been getting along with my friend Juzi on the road. We don't agree on everything but we find ways to disagree peacefully and laugh and have a good time.]]
[center [+green I wonder if this is what having an older brother would be like? I wonder so for everyone out there feelings mixed up or turned around. I really hope something nice comes your way.]]
[center [+green I want a how many days till accident chart xD. Replace accident with losing my temper. Juzi said the other day I'm the most calm person he's ever met. ]]
[center [+green I used to be that way as a teenager and I used to blame talking to toxic people to putting my temper in a foul mood. Guess what though? I CHOSE to talk with those people. To keep people who claimed to be my friend that loved getting under my skin. I'd shift the blame for my anger. Cause I bottled it up, now I just let myself feel it and go through it. I share my feelings better now. Do I struggle opening up? Hell yeah I do, I'd rather make a joke at my own expense and ignore my feelings and play video games.]]
[center [+green I never found the energy to put my other long thing I lost here on JE. Probably for the best but long story short? I wished everyone posting here to find happiness. The bigger part was losing someone I loved dearly ]]
[center [+green No someone I was or am close too? Someone who's scared to be around me of fear they'll come to close again. I know she won't read here cause she finds this site crazy. ]]
[center [+green She was always there for me. The one who took me in heart mind body and soul. It's cheesy but when you love something sometimes you gotta let it go. I wish her all the happiness and she did things in a fine mature manner. I couldn't ask for a better way to end things. Sure it was sad and I know she says one day we might be friends. If we can't though I can accept that. I treasure the memories we have together. She was the first normal relationship I had in a long time. We got to visit tons to so that was nice. She may be lost but in a weird way she helped put my mind on straight.]]
[center [+green Sidenote been loving this game called Outward. It's a Two Player survival RPG and I'll probably rant about it here later too. That and the Anime Shield Hero. The second has gotta be obvious cause of the gif and my username lmao.]]
[center [size10 Well, surprise surprise she survived. It's been 10 days and she came home from the hospital after only a day in the icu and two days in a normal room. Hemorrhagic strokes are responsible for 40% of all stroke deaths. Somehow though, she managed to push through at an astounding rate of mental and physical recovery. She had no paralysis and while she lost her vision the first half day, she can see perfectly fine now. Her personality is still a little off, she's more tired than normal and takes a bit of times sometimes to get out what she's wanting to say but she makes funny looks and makes jokes like she used to. She didn't have no time for that shit.
Also Desmond is moving here in July and we have tickets to go see Drew, Danny and Kurtis in the We Are Not The Same Person tour in ATL. Will probably go out that day and hit the zoo first, maybe eat at the Varsity then go to the show, make a whole day of it.
Also I bought two jumping spiders cause they fucking cute and they just shipped out. Can't wait to get them in the next couple days.]]
Don’t say that, you don’t mean it.
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