[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmgtXpteOQM]]
[Center I always thought they were crazy when they said I look for reasons to start a fight. But now? I'm convinced that maybe I just like to hear myself cry and scream. Normal human wants make me insecure and doubt myself. And I guess one of my most deep fears keeps lingering in mind. I've had nightmares of it for as long as I can remember. And I suppose I've done it once or twice already, but it wasn't the same. It's like I didn't listen to reason. Like I was overcome by the feeling. Hypnotized. And it was frightening. I beat myself up for things that don't even happen.
I love love love.
And I'm scared it's not enough. Maybe it's the broken home I'm from, that caused this fear. The terrible act I always did dismiss. I've always known love to be harsh. I've always seen love broken. Oh, somebody please stop the ticking of the clockworks in my head.
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-EkFgViaPE]]
It's okay Sonic. You can be as pretty as I. You must work! Be amazing like my wonderful self. And you can too, be, the prettiest princess.
So I considered following my therapists advices and am trying to "do" something with my useless talent to make money
I am going to TRY and design tattoos but I am so utterly disgusted by my style I can't enjoy it. Still I'm forcing through my art block for profit's sake just to make sure.
This is what I have so far
It's going down my left forearm and it's going to have a heart shape in the vines I will add later at some points
Drawing "Scenery" or flowers is new and HARD for me but-
Gotta make money somehow since I dropped my new fucking phone and it shattered [Anger]
Thus so far...
It's an arrow.. I remember my old.. friend, showing me these cool arrow forearm tattoos and suggested it since I am a saggitarius and.. yeah.. I searched for weeks looking for that tumblr page they showed me with no luck, frustrated and heart broken I'm improvising... so it does have meaning to me.. it's going to be beautiful, colorful, and [b full of life] like we used to be.
Accepting this is hard for me and it will never stop hurting. But I can adapt.
[size11 I miss you terribly. And though it's my fault why our conversations have ceased. These afflictions - memories of our former friendship keep me tame. And I am quite apologetic for everything that pertains to me. Now there's nothing left. My chance to mend bridges forgotten, my sincerity lulled. I feel so exhausted.]
[Raleway [b [size11 They kept telling me to let go of the bitterness, else I'd regret it when it was too late. I wish I could go back and punch myself for not listening.
I kept wondering what was wrong with me, the past few days I've been sad and the nights I cry a lot. I started to think about it, and I realized - you're not going to be here. Mom is taking me out for my birthday so we can have my first legal drink together, and [i you're not going to be apart of it.] You'd probably just nag at me I don't have my life on track like I should, but... In a weird twist, I now find myself missing that. [i I miss you so fucking much it hurts.]
I even dreamt about you last night. It was the old house, and you just... Walked in through the front door, like nothing had happened. You weren't sickly, you were just you. And I was in so much shock, I kept asking if you were real.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never gave you the credit or love you deserved. You weren't perfect but neither was I. You did so much more for me than my own biological father did. [i You] were my dad in all forms but biological. I love you. I wish you were here...]]]
People are interesting creatures.
Despite all the harshness that spark up in our souls, I'll always harbor love. And last night was it. It showed that with the fires of anger, we muster up a love I've never quite felt before. With every word you softly speak, every hair you brush away from my face, it's always there. I've always wondered where the anger comes from,
and it comes from the fact I don't quite know how to love.
How to love someone, or let someone love me. I'm bent in all the wrong places and you lull me with a kiss. Ive grown into all these terrible actions and you all correct it. I belittle myself and they ask if I'm okay. It's not normal being this way. It's not normal to feel this way. But baby, what they do know is that as long as it's me and you, things will look up. You always know how to soothe me. You always know how to keep a cool head with me. You know that if we want the fighting to stop we've got to talk. And that's the reason it's you. Because my head will always tell me to run. My head will always tell me it's every man for himself. But you're always here to remind me not everyone is perfect, but goddamn you sure make me think so.
That's the beauty of people. Theyre ugly and beautiful. People always hear me ramble and complain but never bother listening when I gloat and love. I love love love you to bits. Through the anger, the selfishness, and the ugly.
You're such a jerk..
You really are such an unempathetic,
Selfish, and lazy jerk.
You can't even put in the effort to make me feel wanted or happy.
You make me feel like a burden.
Like another problem.
Like I am not allowed to exhale until you leave the room.
It's funny, my coworkers laughed when I said
I can't even fart without your permission.
I can't talk to someone without your permission.
I can't enjoy my game,
I can't induldge in my hobbies.
It's almost like you can't stand me being my own person
Until you want me to.
I'm not a toy you can pick up when you're in the mood to play,
And drop it and wait patiently still for your return.
Maybe that's why your past hurts me.
Because you probably weren't like this before.
You probably admired individuality,
Let it flourished,
And then when one thing you couldn't control
You needed to control everything.
I'm not an experiment.
I'm temporary dust in the vast dark and beautiful universe.
Full of crazy uncontrollable possibilities.
If you can't handle that
Then you most certainly cannot love me.
[center [size10 two days left. ready to ship tbh, but i do appreciate this relaxation time on super bowl weekend. aye you don't want this smoke]]
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pozDLjFUVbM]]
Hoes of ES, it would greatly please me if you could click this link and make a valentine's day card for the Cincinati Children's Hospital. It's free. You don't have to donate either. [https://giving.cincinnatichildrens.org/valentine Just make a child's day alright?]
[I What the actual fuck even goes on here anymore?]
[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Permanent+Marker:400] [permanent+marker [size11 #]bringbackprincesssonic[size11 2]k[size11 18]
Its a shame i shall never be as pretty nor a princess.
Dreams are ruined these days.
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.