It's like I can't make anybody happy
And at the same I'm trashing who I am.
To the point where I'm beginning to hate myself.
Because I let you down, or I'd be making them unhappy.
And then I somehow manage to just piss others off.
I'm trying.. I promise I am..
But my trying is never enough to any of you..
[center [size11 i'm uncomfortable. i'm so uncomfortable. why am i so uncomfortable.]]
[center [size11 i feel lonely and shitty and afraid.]]
[center [size11 don't bother asking why. i don't know either.]]
[center [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72UO0v5ESUo [pic https://66.media.tumblr.com/ce9154cb69b3e9db5a210a4b6b33c439/tumblr_nqne1rGnmw1tlb56zo1_400.gif]]]
The fact I'm still awake this late just spells disaster. Work is shit, I'm in pain, and I hate three out of seven of my mangers. The ones I hate the most are the ones who don't believe I am qualified to do a certain task whereas my favorite ones know full well that I am up to it. Shit pay, shit managers, good workers. Retail is by far the worst job experience I have ever had, but hey, it's work. Oh, I bought myself a flatscreen, now I'm saving up for an Xbox one.
In other news, I now have a total of 25 Baby bearded dragons, and my god are they cute. Only a few have been named as they have been rather special. Asparagus, Chaos, Deeno, and Ozzy. Asparagus was first thought to be dead, but now he's the most rowdy. Chaos is just an asshole. Deeno wants to fight anyone who tries to touch him. Ozzy was named while still a little egg [s he hasn't shown anything special yet]. I love all of them so much, but holy shit is it a lot of work. I'm just lucky my mother was able to help out with paying for some of the supplies, the timer being most important to me. Also, the babies are all eating crickets which is amazing. Someone buy [https://www.etsy.com/listing/192942009/great-white-shark-costume-for-bearded?ref=shop_home_active_5 this] for my adult beardie BlackBeard and I'll send all the pictures of him wearing it.
My depression has been getting worse lately, it seems each time my birthday rolls around I realize how much I'm overlooked in my family, which feels great by the way. I also now know that the only reason I'm even attracted to this guy that lives near me is because I'm attracted to the fact he's attracted to me. Honestly, there is nothing about him that makes my day sparkle, and it's upsetting.
Welp, guess I'm just gonna end this here for now. Until next time, I suppose.
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zq9gy6MFrl4]]
I swear if I'm dropped for such a small dumb reason..
I think I'll just give up trying to find someplace to group up. its getting frustrating. So stupid. Why afterrall this time can't I just fucking accept reality.
Maybe its because I keep thinking about you. I haven't herd from you in about a year or two. Even as others come and go you are the one that sticks in my fucking mind the most and it pisses me off in ways I hate because I still care so deeply for you.
Emotions are dumb and just prime to blow up like a bomb.
Because I'm totally comfortable with that
[center [size11 hanami is a queen.]]
[center [size11 enigma is a king.]]
[center [size11 opal is a princess.]]
[center [size11 lio is a prince.]]
[center [size11 all of my friends are royalty ~ everyone who doesn't agree can go suck a egg]]
DON'T EVER LOOK UP SPIDER PORN AND NEVER LET YOUR FRIENDS TRICK YOU INTO DOING IT! I AM SHOOK!
[center [pic http://i.imgur.com/WLULIkE.gif]]
[center [size11 When Ma's done far more than you ever expected and you appreciate the fuck out of her and everything she has done and wish you could return the favor and think she deserves the god damn world and you'd fucking beat up everyone that upsets her because hot damn she the best]][center [s [size11 I will get you a cat baby one day I promise it lol]]]
[center [size11 For clarification for those you don't know I'm talking about Suga, not my biological mom cause lol she doesn't even deserve the bullshit gifts I found in the yard sale shit that she's getting but hey I gotta look like a good child not a piece of shit unappreciative dick of a child.]]
[Left [pic http://i.imgur.com/jAd6VWN.jpg]]
[paprika [center [#a47f82 I love you.
But I'm so tired.
I want to give my mom and my son everything. They deserve so much more than I can muster.
I dont wanna do this anymore.. I just wanna disappear.
[center [size11 today has been one of the most boring, pointless days ever.]]
[center [size11 i feel like shit and all i want to do is sleep. forever, probably.]]
[center [size11 who cares.]]
Now that the smoke has cleared and I have continued to push forward with my career, I look back at you and wonder if you are proud of me. By you, I mean the one I look up to, and the one I love as well.
On one side, I am looking at my role model and thinking how lucky I am to be accepted by such a person who sees my flaws and knows I will be better.
On the other side, I see the one I know I love, although I would not admit it to anyone other than myself. I see this person and although they may not see me as clearly, every step I take in the direction of my career I hope they see me. I hope they can celebrate this with me, and eventually we can share our success and even future.
I hope that this good luck can continue, and that I can continue impressing myself. No one can truly understand how much this means, other than these two whom I shared all of this with. Let it be that I make them proud.
[paprika [center [#a47f82 Hey, guess what
I'm so tired
Please let me sleep
I'm literally on fumes
Giving you everything and getting nothing
Not even an ear
[center [size11 i'm just so fucking exhausted]]
[center [size11 give me a break, [i please]]]
After years of this still happening no matter where I go I'm pass being angry or sad.
Just kind of accept this as a fact of life.
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.