[center [size10 usually i wouldn't say anything, but. that's a laugh. considering how scared i was for you and how upset i was when you told me he HURT you.]]
[center [size10 in more than one way.]]
[center [size10 but you refuse to listen to anyone about anything, so why bother. i tried defending you several times, but you keep proving that my effort was for nothing.]]
[center [size10 don't message me. i don't care anymore.]]
[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b
We are here.
We love you.
We are here.
Funny how at first you played the "I just care and want everyone to be happy and safe" and the moment I am supportive to a friend you used to go and do the same for, you blow up on me? What? You don't want to talk to me ever again? Wait... life isn't lile es? WOAH WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?! OMG WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THIS!!!! ?? Sarcasm aside I really hope y'all are hsppy. Just stop bringing other people WHO YOU KNOW STRUGGLES AND DOES THEIT BEST down just so you can run away from your nightmare of a life. I hope you're taking care of the kids. Oh. And your brother. Not being snappy or bitchy, if it came off like that. Truly I wish you the best. At least one of us is mature enough to. Have a nice life. I at least valued our friendship. Doesn't matter if you claim you did or didnt. I quite frankly don't believe you ever did.
Honestly I think your love must've gotten mixed in all of this. Must be why you started it all. Who knows, not me.
Wanna talk to ME about ES drama but it honestly you don't help either when it comes right down to it. If it sounds like judging... it's not. Just want to tell you how you're coming off like.
[Size20 Like a hypocrite. Like an unempathetic asshole.]
Ready to bail at any moment. I know now to fight for those I love. I hope you learn too.
"I hate you never talk to me again"
I don't plan on it.
I hope you have a happy birthday without your brother or sister you treachours bitch
I know you did this to live with her because of her money and her being an "angel"
You'll get everything on your wishlist.
But one day you will regret this
The 24th I did nothing but play Minecraft, cuddle Atorie, and lay outside.
You guys. Are liars.
And you'll [b never] see me again after this shit. Ever.
I'm never defending you or protecting you again
[center [size10 Both of my albums are officially here and let me tell you I cried. Like I ain't even gonna lie. Both of them are beautiful what with all the pictures of my boys in them and the posters. Still not sure if I can handle shirtless Bobby on my wall but I still have to figure out a way to make them stick with out possibly ruining them. All I can say is Suga is a fucking blessing. Like it doesn't seem like much but it is. And I will also add that if I were the type to kids anyone I would kids her right now but then again a hug would work just fine. Get y'all a mama like mine cause she the best she's also really cute so you get a nice face to look at. Oh God this is getting weird imma stop good bye]]
[center [size10 it's so funny how quickly some one can go from defending someone to the point of being an attack dog to turning on them. It sounds like such a good reason until you realize how fucked up the whole situation is. Like we aren't the best of friends of even really she would consider me a friend but damn this is such a shitty situation hopefully it all works out in the end cause she don't deserve this Shit no matter how much shit I've put her through at least even I know that. I guess I have more of a conscience then I realized but then again it's not like this is shit I've don't so maybe this doesn't count???][center [size10 When some one could lose fucking everything and all you care about is your material belongings that says a whole fucking lot about who you truly care about even after everything lol]][center [size10 What the Fuck do I know tho I'm a shit friend lol]]
[center [size10 [+white You're right when you say this isn't ES this is the mother fucking real world and this is someone's actual life. Like you wanna talk morals lol okay. Can't even stand by your best friend who you've stood by so much and who's stood by you. But no this is where you can't stick by her. Gotcha.]]]
[Font "times new roman" So my bestfriend walked out of my life and I had no idea. If he can drop me over some truth during one of my weakest moments. Fuck him, I'm tired of being left at my worst. I'm a stupid piece of shit, so I'll probably take him back. I wish I could not care but I do, so fuck it. If you don't come back your loss, because I'm the only one who accepted you and was always there. As far as you go, I'm just disappointed. What I said wasn't even that bad. You know what I'm going through currently, so just this was really eye opening lol.
[center [size10 Okay but like she beat me to my possibly sappy and borderline threatening post I was gonna make but jfc I screamed multiple times during the process of being informed and tryna say just the one would be okay and then I teared up and like the Winner album I just got in the mail tbh was enough of a birthday present since it was actually her money that bought it but I'm so thankful because they may seem like such a trivial thing, especially considering they're just two versions of the same album but god damn it's a small light in this shitty life right now. Like if y'all ever wanna try and say Suga isn't a good friend then maybe it's not her, maybe it's your bitch ass and I will personally fucking fight you. She's decent to people who deserve it and even if I don't think I deserve her or the rest of the squad or even understand why any of them put up with me and my spam it's okay. They my small little family and I will fight all of you for every last one of them.]][center [size10 Gonna post pictures of them albums when they come in the mail on like all my social media just like I did with the winner one. Bless these asians in my life, every last one of them, even the extremely random ones who I never once have spoke to that are on my facebook lol.]]
[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b I love my son so much and I feel shitty I forgot his birthday coming up. It's okay though he made it easy and asked jokingly if someone would buy him debut albums. I would never spend 50 bucks on myself but for him I would do it without flinching. I hope it makes it easier for him to deal with idiots and assholes. He really deserves any happiness he can get and if these asian kids can do it for him I'm glad. [Size7 My son and asians hahahahaha ASIANS always doing him good aka me aka them Kpop boys]
Change of subject.
I don't know how to say this. I don't pray. I don't believe some.... thing. Created us. Besides chance. But. I am doing the equavilant of praying praying for you that someone without a god can do. I love you guys. You both didn't deserve this. I want to help more than I could. I believe you. I love them too. Im sorry they were scared. I'm sorry they felt like they had to go this far. I wish nothing but the best for all of you. Amd youre in my thoughts.
[center someone give me a fine korean boy to love on, i need to live there to find "one one", dudes out here ain't shit. that's fine, while you leave me for two months because of "work" i'll just work out and get sexy in these two months, i don't get bitter, i get better.]
[font "Gill Sans MT" [size13 Avoidant and Anxious personalities. Mix these two together and you have a recipe for disaster. That's what we were, really.
I'm still anxious but I've become more secure over the years. I've fallen in love over and over again. There was too much dark in my reality growing up - I had my head in the clouds at times looking for an escape. Then reality would bring me down, and I wanted to die. I wanted to be free. I wanted to live. I have bad days and good days. I wonder if it's my short temper, all this balled up anger - that's saved me. That's pushed me to move.
I am not content. No one knows for sure how long we've got, whether we'll come back again. Most likely we've all just got one shot at life - one lifespan to experience the entire world. And I don't want to waste it. So I'm moving forward, inhaling it all when I can. Sometimes I still get depressed, huddle in my bed, cry and cry and want to die, feeling like I've lost all hope. These moods come and go. Today I want to run, a ball of restless energy sits in my belly. I want to spread my wings and I want to move, I want to dance and awe people. Our bodies are so amazing.
But I wonder if you're still running away. If you're still uprooting yourself whenever someone gets too close, if you're still pulling yourself away and shutting down communication. I wonder if you still exist, and I wonder if you'll ever let yourself love.]]
[https://youtu.be/KTs-3B9vqT8 my heart is breaking...]
[size9 [b I've promised to always be on your side since 2015..
I always had been even when you left...
You always came to me when things got bad..
I know you don't like contact much
But I just want to hold you so tight while I still have the chance..
Nuzzle you... tell you everything will be okay.
I promised you would never be alone. I promised not to give up on you even at your worst
These last few weeks... were the best time of my life..
We played so many video games together...
I couldn't beat you on pokemon.. you're the first I couldn't beat..
I don't care what happens TO me..
I want you to be okay..
I'm so hurt and confused and ... so sad.
I will make sure you are safe and taken care of..
You will be safe.
I care for you so much..
I love you.. And I'm sorry all this happened
I wish you would hold me like you did like 5 days ago..
You held me until morning and i snuggled you it was like 5 or more hours
I felt so safe and happy in your arms... you're the only one I like being held by or even want to be held by.
I want to kiss your soft lips one more time..
I want to..
Not let go..
It's going to hurt..
Everything hurts right now.
I've loved you for a long ass time
You are not mine
But I am yours
Please keep that promise "promise me if I do go to jail you won't hurt yourself or kill yourself. Keep yourself safe. If not for you.. then for me.."
Stick to it pls.. everything will be okay I promise.. don't feel pain over this. It isn't anyone's fault. Don't feel bad. Don't pity.. don't hurt.
One day everything will be okay.. I promise.
You're all I have here with me now..
You're all I have here..
[center [size10 the truth is, by nature, i need at least one or two people i'm close to to talk to frequently throughout the day. i like having good company, i feel best when i can be myself freely without the worry of making a good impression with a newbie.]]
[center [size10 it takes time to get close to me, though. i don't open up to people easily, and usually if i do try to open up to new people, i immediately regret it or feel uncomfortable with the idea they have that extra information about me.]]
[center [size10 it takes time to trust and love.]]
[center [size10 especially after everything i've been through, the people i've had to deal with, my trust is under lock and key until i'm given a good reason to let loose.]]
[center [size10 trust is earned... i'm not worried about gaining trust, i'm a trustworthy person. but it seems like not many others are the similar.]]
[center [size10 all that, and yet here i am, talking to so many new people. all those old insecurities melt away now. i'm not afraid of people, i want to know them.]]
[center [size10 i want them to want to know me.]]
[center [size10 and before i knew it, people were talking to me ~ positivity really does go a long way. i don't really believe in it, but the law of attraction does seem to have some traction. it's more power of the mind than anything. there's a lot of strength in thought.]]
[center [size10 i've changed a lot over the coarse of two years. at first i was scared, but really i'm proud of myself. i'm happy with who i've become and who i'll be later on. i'll keep bettering myself and getting stronger and stronger and braver and braver.]]
[center [size10 survival of the fittest, yeah? heh.]]
[center [size10 psychiatrist appointment is tomorrow afternoon. it'll go fine. the medicine is helping somewhat, but i think it needs a little more of a push still. i need to tell him i need a therapist, too. someone i can see [i often,] not just once a month for less than an hour. i don't understand what difference that would make. i wouldn't even have seen them for over 12 hours in a [i year] if that was the case. how would that help anyone?]]
[center [size10 it'll be different this time. i've almost lived here a year now... that's so incredible..]]
[center [size10 it felt so short... i never felt afraid of losing my home once... isn't that amazing?]]
[center [size10 they always try to make sure i feel like part of the family. it means a lot to me... i couldn't've made a better decision.]]
[center [size10 choosing to live with my best friend... i love her so much.]]
[center [size10 my anniversary of moving in is on my birthday ~ it makes it that much more special, you know? it's still sinking in that it's already almost a year. everyone else would throw me out and complain about me within the first [i month.] they never have. it really shows that i wasn't actually the problem.]]
[center [size10 it's just everyone back then wanted to use me for something. they don't ask me to do anything here... besides care for me and they people who live here. and how easy is that?]]
[center [size10 i still struggle, i have a lot of baggage. but i'm in a safe, happy place now. i just need to get to a point where i can properly express myself and be myself, and everything will be just fine.]]
[center [size10 in short, my prayers were answers, and my strength shines through and always will.]]
[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b I was gonna complain about how no person should be awake at this time but
I'm always tired tbh
No matter what
Didn't help I woke up five hundred times
Because of shitty nightmares
It's so damn cold
Remembering winona was a lifetime ago
Remembering that dick face was a dream
A bad dream
And all my friends there
Well I guess they were sanity
I can't believe I stayed so long
I can't believe I let myself hurt so much
To get to this point
[center [size10 Friday the 13th is still addicting. I leveled up quite a bit tonight, experimenting with different characters. Tiffany is painfully stupid when it comes to fixing shit. I'm also tired of the narcs, giving away locations for a 2nd chance at life only to be killed later on. It's pretty fun though sometimes-- cause sometimes I'll purposely go to Jason's crib and take his mama's ugly sweater to challenge him. It's mostly fun when you play with friends though cause the randoms are just as tragic as they are on Overwatch, except these randoms are snitches.]]
[center [size10 I plan on buying the new COD and Injustice game cause fuck yeah, that's why. Ah, gaming..]]
[center [size10 tired.... always tired.. why do i always have to be so tired?]]
[center [size10 it's only 9pm. i didn't even wake up too early today. oh well.]]
[center [size10 bnha is actually super good. i haven't watched any new animes in a while, but none of them are really this interesting anyway. it was a good choice on my part.]]
[center [size10 hope i can keep up with it. i'm just so tired..]]
[center [size10 btw, who does that hoe think she is ? lmao]]
[center [size10 get off my dick.]]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.