[size10 kind of wish I had some liquid courage. Would've saved me some embarrassment and feeling dumb.
Not that it would really make any semblance of a difference. It's just nice to be anxiety free for a while. Though the depression that tends to come with isn't always worth it.
I don't know -- I just wish my anxiety would go away. Wish my mental health wasn't so poor. It'd be great to be neurotypical. Though I may not be friends with the people that I am friends with, which would make me sad.
Mm. Just. Tired. Exhausted. Work is exhausting. Socializing is exhausting. Living is exhausting. Still here though -- for better or for worse.
It'd just be nice to feel like someone cares that I'm still around and not dead. ;;
I ... Know some people on here do. I'm just tired of fickle friends in "real life". Friends that don't miss me when they don't see me for months. Friends that don't bother checking up on me when they haven't heard from me in ages. I just wish someone around here cared. Cared enough to hang out with me. invite me to stuff. I wish I had people to invite over to the bonfires I could throw at the place I'm living now. Wish I had a best friend that lived around here.
Eh. Too many depressed thoughts. If you actually bothered to read this [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjPyvoLXPs4 [size10 here's a song.]]]
[right [pic https://i.imgur.com/QeUVwYf.jpg?1]]It's been a real trying week. Makes me remember why it's so important to stay humble and to stay connected.
I've dropped out from a lot of people this year past. No fault of theirs, I am just not all that great at maintaining contact.
[center Fuck they would be great to have around right now. I keep swinging between being perfectly okay with the way things ended, being happy to see you the way you are, and feeling so totally overwhelmed of the idea of moving forward. How do I follow this?]
[center Part of me wants to go see someone about the way I'm feeling, because I know it can't be healthy. Not with the way things like this have left me in the past. But this still feels different, like it's something I really can push through on my own. Just gotta give it a go, I guess.]
[center [pic https://68.media.tumblr.com/588361c381631ff0d880469ff45233ee/tumblr_nv6lyerMUY1semqz1o1_540.gif]]
[center [https://www.watchcartoononline.io/convenience-store-boy-friends-episode-2-english-dubbed LMFAO, at 16 minutes to 16 minutes and 50 seconds. That conversation was fucking hilarious so I'm just watching rando anime I see some weird shit called store boyfriends or whatever. Watched it and the two guys friends start fighting the little brother walks in sees them wrestling in an awkward position. And goes downstairs and screams "Mom I knew it he was gay" XD]]
Open letter to the Universe:
It's warm here. So much so that I think I'll stay a little longer. I want to breathe in your cosmic star dust, but I know it'll be toxic. I want to enjoy your angelic being, but I know I'll need air eventually. Swimming in your heavenly gaze is the truest gift of all, but Icarus too, flew too close.
Imagine a Prince and a pauper, but there was no Prince and the pauper died in the womb.
Universe, you've been a delightful coffin.
[Center [size10 Anybody ever looking to get a larger sized snake thats not quite as monstrous as a reticulated python or a burmese python but something thats more active and not as fat and boring/lazy as Boas and ball pythons, I highly recommend carpet pythons. Depending on the sub species, some can get on the smaller end of 5-6 feet like an Irian Jaya carpet python or on the larger end like the one I have thats a Coastal carpet python and gets 8-10 feet. I was a bit iffy about them at first cause they're "known" for being a bit defensive and nippy until they're about a year and a half to two years old, but I have two now and after only a week of working with them, can easily get them out of the tank and hold them without a single strike or bite. They've got so much personality and actually sometimes look like they're enjoying being handled unlike a ball python who usually would want to just curl up and be done with you and after a month of having my first one, I had to get my second. They're definitely now my be all end all of reptiles and if I ever get anymore reptiles, you can bet I'd be getting another one of these guys. Going to actually be saving for an albino now but that'll be my last one for a good long while for sure. Too many reptiles, but damn if I don't wish I could have about a hundred of these awesome guys.]]
[Center [size10 Alright, my ranting and raving about snakes is done.]]
Said you'd make me something, and then fought with her and basically told me too bad. I've been driving all day..idiots. I hate them. Nothing ever changes and I already Burnt myself four times just trying to make something to eat. I'm exhausted and none of you morons ever taught me how to cook bc you'd rather throw me in a basement and toss away the keys. Should have figured you'd let your own kid starv and refuse to give be a dollar to at least grab something at the store
Whatever, not like it matters if you care about me. Join the rest of the freaking club of idiots that say things to me they don't mean
I am absolutely terrified.
I have nothing else to say.
Sometimes I absolutely love how thick my hair is, however today is not one of those days. Took a shower before work, it's been roughly 4+ hours and my hair is still pretty fucking damp. Hair gods please be gentle with my soul.
Here I am listening to a friend playing a game and they freaking yell "I'm fucking this bird in the ass!" and I'm just here like what the actual fuck are you doing mate?
[size10 Dear internet people,
I need some new anime to watch. since I'm without any good wifi , which really just means that streaming netflix and stuff isn't a think for me.
I'm bored out of my mind and as much as I love Avatar: The Last Airbender, I need a bit of a break.]
[center [size15 LET THERE BE LIGHT]][center Now y'all never gonna be rid of me. Until I do become homeless and even then mates you gonna forever be stuck with me until y'all leave this retched site or you die or I die and my track record says it'll be y'all before it's me.][center But seriously y'all I made it, r.i.p to the Keys tho, it got destroyed like I figured it would, last I knew even residents aren't even allowed into the area until they manage to clean up the damage. I wanna hope there are people who didn't lose everything but the keys got fucking leveled, if they didn't bring it with them it's gone.]
[center [i I am ready for my HP to drop to zero.]]
[center [b Drops all the potions]]
[center [i If someone revives me I am not recommending them at the end of this dungeon >>]]
[center [pic https://i.imgur.com/Bg3VH8a.jpg]
[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Josefin+Slab][Josefin+Slab [#9F81F7 [b [size14 Tonight has been.... a night. I can't quite tell if a good or bad one yet. Maybe I'll just stick with "indifferent" and leave it at that. Don't want to waste energy deciding if it was good or bad.
There was a highlight. Smite released a decent sized patch including the 2018 Odyssey. Crazy, considering in my head the 2017 Odyssey just ended. I told myself I was mostly donzo with Smite just because I ended up overplaying the hell out of it the first two years I got into it, but the bastards keep roping me in. I'm a sucker for mythology, honestly if Smite were any other MOBA in terms of its characters I'd have dumped it.
My experience with the new god, Hachiman, can be summarized as such -
Every ADC in Smite:
"God damn, I'm out of mana already..."
"Ya'll run out of that shit?"]]]]
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Warfare. Urban warfare against an insurgency and against a trained enemy. I trained for days under the assumption I would return to friends, a woman that despite it all I would be loved. I can’t emphasise how scared I am to be so close to the end of my training that by next year I’ll be leading from the front, men and women. It hasn’t sunk in yet. But when we fight an enemy using Soviet doctrine or an insurgent doctrine in training it feels real. The heavy rain, the cold nights. The sudden outbursts of gunfire. It grows intolerable, where the only warmth you can find is by sitting side by side.
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 Picket was torture, watching the same damned field, the same road. Attacking a hill line only to lose person after person, to carry them back. Of course there were jokes about weight, laughing and the dreary reality of carrying almost one hundred and fifty kilograms of human on your shoulders. But it’s the end of the day, crawling into your sleeping back and one-man hootchie that your imagination wanders, that nightmares creep up on you. It’s not even real combat and yet. I wake up to bolts of lightning that crack in the night sky.
[center [size10 [#7B77A5 I write this and all I can think about is that someone will make fun of me, someone will call me out. Is my self-esteem so low? I’m so angry. I want to snap and break, twist and crack. What the fuck is it? What gives any of you the right to challenge me for giving my everything.
[center the freezer is leaking water everywhere in the back room and I don't even have enough towels to combat it. These floors are already ruined as is but I know I'll still get screamed at cause I told my mom to take all the towels with her. Even thought part of the reasoning was she was going to pick them up in her room anyways so it wouldn't have done any good to keep them here. Wound up limping home cause of my fucking hip, didn't even stop anywhere to get food decided to just got straight home and then as crossing Dillard my hip almost gave tf out from underneath me. Surprised I made it home. Still no power so hurrsy for that I guess. Only got my one phone charger while go me and it's already back down to 34% so I'll prolly shut it off in a few minutes here. Fully charged my laptop so hopefully I can steal some wifi on that and maybe listen to some music but I hold out very little hope it'll work out in my benefit.]
[center I hope this clears up soon or I'm just gonna wind up ditching this house and going homeless now. Barely anyone is able to contact me right now anyways in the terms of family.]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.