I have a desire to do something, I have so many ideas for stories and characters, and yet I don't see myself being able to hold onto that for longer than a few days at most. I know I have a thread specifically for this purpose but I have no plot, only a character.
[center [i Friends can break your heart too, and
I'm always tired but never of you.]]
[center [size10 I love how the last time I saw my mom and actually spoke to her she was bragging to me and Ali about how she talks to someone all the way in the U.K like it's some great fear when I was doing that Shit as a teenager on here??? Like it doesn't make you anymore cultured that you're talking to someone in the UK, ma, especially if they're just an American transplant. I told her about all the people I have on my one Facebook and she just kind of made a face. Don't act like you give a shit about other cultures if when your son tries to tell you about them you fucking cringe or ignore him. Like in the past 24 hours I've spoke to like 6 different people from different places and tbh I felt super bad cause most of them didn't even speak English and I unfortunately can't speak anything else even tho I wish I could. The only reason I have any of these people as friends or even messaging me is cause we have Kpop in common. I'm trying so hard to not ignore anyone or come off as uninterested or rude but Its so hard with some because of the language barrier. Like 2 people so far have spoke good enough English to hold even somewhat of a conversation but Jesus Fuck I'm such a fucking bumbling, rambling mess that at the same time barely says shit in response to them. I'm fucking trying tho and I'm proud that I am. So Imma par myself on the back for not just ignoring random messages like I normally would.]]
[center [size10 Another note on my mom, she thought it was so cute that my neice was getting along with kids from other cultures/countries at some circus and learning stuff from their native tongues but would prolly turn around and vote to have to same children and their parents deported. I so very much love my mother for her hypocrisy and contradictory nature among many other things. How tf are we even related tbh.]]
Why do I always end up getting myself attached to brick walls?
Though brick walls would mean that there was no back and forth communication to start with. more of a sliding glass door, expect its not glass and the sliding door must have a almost comedic automatic timed lock because it seems to always be right on queue when I least expect it to be.
There are days when I want to respect that sliding glass door, and there are days where I want to do a few improvements by taking the nastiest looking sledgehammer and bashing it until there's nothing left between me and others.
Except then you just look like an asshole but then again that's nothing new.
[center [size10 When you hyped for someone to drop some good shit on you but Its only 4 am in Korea so you gotta fucking wait but you want it now. This wait is fine it's totes worth it. He's gonna bless tf outta my bitch ass and imma love every second off it. Ready to be motherfucking shook.]]
[#ffffff If you see this, hi]
[center [i [#e3b9b5 "i love how you always leave me breathless"]]]
[center [size10 i decided to go back into tumblr rp about a week ago, and guess what? i'm killing it. i already have so many followers and i gain 20 or 30 followers nearly daily. i was scared the opposite would happen, knowing tumblr, but this fandom in particular is so welcoming!]]
[center [size10 they approach you, promote you, talk to you, help you out. it's just so heartwarming. i've been making actual friends. like, [i actual] friends, lol.]]
[center [size10 people who want to talk to me and think i'm cool and like how i do things. they think i'm funny and nice. which i am, but it's like ? nice to have it told to you so often.]]
[center [size10 i plan to keep it up, too. it's been a daily thing to hang around there, and honestly, i think it's even improving my writing.]]
[center [size10 i stopped being rusty, which is exciting!]]
[center [size10 i've had a few setbacks due to some ... stuff that happened on other social media, really got to me hard, but i deleted the apps for now. i might just. delete the account, too.]]
[center [size10 on another note, it's stupid hot. why must cali and texas be this way. @god pls have mercy on us i can't keep waking up feeling nauseous because of the heat]]
[center [size10 i keep forgetting to eat among do many other things lately too though, lol ; i need to .. put sticky notes everywhere or something ... alarms don't work, they just give me anxiety or scare me into have anxiety.]]
[center [size10 and one more thing.]]
[center [size10 i can't believe you and what you did to them. and after all this time of them being there for you, you throw them away to abuse yourself with some worthless asshole that literally no one has ever had a single good thing to say about, ever.]]
[center [size10 i wanted to be there for you and i wanted to help you, but you won't even help yourself, so there's no point. good luck, i guess.]]
[center [size10 i won't be on ES much anymore tbh. there's not much of a reason for me to stay at this point. not even journaling here serves any purpose, no one actually cares. so i guess bye? talk to ya never, most of you.]]
[center [size10 Holy fuck, it's hot today. Ughhhh, I can't believe I worked that hard in this heat, hell no, never again. I'm about to eat a burger with some fries, chill in bed with my ac blasting to the max and play some fucking Injustice 2 on ranked battle. I deserve this-- oooo and maybe some minecraft with Teme and watch our new fav anime, woohooo ~]]
[center [size10 I'm pretty amused watching my dad struggle with the ipad while trying to find a good shoe rack for my mom. He's like "This one holds 50 pairs, is that good? probably not.." so he continues lmao.]]
I know you're trying to start something.
So I just deleted it.
Have a nice life.
You said your last words and so did I.
I ain't feeding into nobody's shit if they aint trying to fight to have me in their life.
Even in real life fate is all about wanting to drive me fucking nuts.
Even here the few connections I make wish to spiral as far away as possible.
Fuck my life, fuck these people, fuck my feelings..
[center [size10 "Why would SM let Mark walk under that ladder in Young and Free tho????"]][center [size10 Because my friends my guys SM secretly hates him and has been trying to kill him with all these projects. R.I.P Mark you just got to start enjoying puberty and SM just over here legit tryna kill you my son. May Taeyong weep profusely over your passing. 10/10 will be missed but not SM cause Fuck SM. Tryna kill a fucking child and ignoring other members smh.]]
[center [pic https://68.media.tumblr.com/83472ca740f5b60df4cc6cfba334dff2/tumblr_ospib2hGip1s3vhwko1_500.png]]
[center [size10 When you can't pronounce bae's real name... why am I so terrible at pronouncing asian names... ]][center [size10 [b TRAGIC.]]]
[center ☾ . * ★ ♆]
[Center [pic https://68.media.tumblr.com/9efd4b104bf1ec7d6a88b0c2cf360336/tumblr_okekno0pPT1ueipndo2_540.gif]][google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Coming+Soon]
[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b Maybe at one point you did. But I forgive you.
[center [i [size10 She say she doin' it, where?
She wanna sit in my chair
[b But she could never be my heir.]]]]
[size10 it's been a while.]
[size10 i've been growing older. looking better. experiencing more. have lots of new friends, have a lovely boyfriend going 10 months strong, and i have finally began medication after years of unbearable mental struggle. i was finally able to take them because my mental health became physical as well. my skin became covered in red..blade marks.]
[size10 it's been almost three weeks since i've started and the woman that prescribed them to me told me that it should 'kick in within 2 weeks'. so it already has. and i've noticed. let me tell you how.]
[size10 last week, my best friend betrayed me. i went over to sleep at his place, and we drank alcohol. i got drunk easily because i had not thought about my meds at the time. i wanted to sleep, but he wouldnt leave me alone. i kept saying no. i kept telling him to get off. he wouldn't stop. i was too shocked to move. i pushed him. it's all i could do during those three, painful hours before i blacked out.]
[size10 i immediately told my boyfriend, my therapist, and my parents. my friends as well. they're all furious. they're all disturbed. they all asked me how i feel.]
[size10 i just shrug and say 'it sucks'.]
[size10 that's how the meds helped me.]
[size10 before that week, before any of the meds even started, i would get 4 panic attacks each day due to finals week. i ended up passing all classes perfectly and am fit for junior year.]
[size10 it's been a while, hasn't it? you remember me as the overly excited pre-teen who wanted nothing but anime and cute things and being pretty.]
[size10 i'm sorry. but i'm drugged up now, i'm numb. i haven't had a solid reaction for about a week so far and i'm perfectly fine with it. forgive me.]
[size10 this was difficult for me to write but this is the only place where i don't feel watched. thank you.]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.