[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/C93yV8n.gif]][center [size10 So been hella out of it the past couple days. To the point I've entirely neglected fucking Tera. Also I have shit I've been tagged in I need to do. PLUS I gotta do those fucking natal charts even if I just keep the info for myself and never post it to tumblr although to be honest I'm extremely tempted to see if anyone would bite on that kind of content from me but regardless.]]
[center [size10 In other news I have $80 right now [https://www.youcaring.com/nikolasokolov-1141064 [size10 but y'all should click this]] and donate cause I need at least $140 more dollars so I can get my fucking bus ticket and suitcases and get tf out of here and to good ol' xephy. Seriously, guys, don't make xephy cry. Also if this doesn't happen I might very well wind up on the streets and also like I can't in good conscious make Xephy stress from having to deal with waiting on me to get up there. It's not even like my goal is that hella crazy at this point.]]
Someone didn't read the terms and conditions <3
And these new gigs are working out nice
And now my truck has new clutch, tires, batterie, belt, damn Simon stahp.
This is turning up nicely
[size09 I've been ... unbelievably depressed. It's felt awful, but I'm trying. That's all I can do.
I think, it'll get better soon. The job hunt is continuing, along with the packing. Moving always sucks, but it'll be nice. To be back in town, and to be able to walk to work. To not have to rely on anyone else anymore.
I've got a lot of thoughts, as always, but I'm not sure where to start.
I guess. .. I'll let it go for now.
I need to actually eat today anyways.]
I'm proud of my friend for getting a job. I am terribly sorry if you had to see this here too... I really don’t have a way to reply on messenger, let alone get on FB right now without my family being too nosy.
I miss you and my sis. I’m so sorry for being distant, I can't help it. I’m trying to get the help I need. I’m trying to become a better person... I really do care for you two. I’m just scared of what the future holds.
I also miss my friends. I just wish I knew how to talk to them... My best friend even noticed the slight change in me and said it has him worried. He said it looked like the life was being sucked from my being and eyes look colder.
I haven’t been well and I’ll admit that firsthand, but it’s the physical changes that scare me the most and although they're subtle... They're noticeable by my friends here. They call me out on these changes when they see me. They keep asking me if I’m taking care of myself. The answer is simple and it’s no. No, I haven’t been taking care of myself. I let my stress and anxiety get to me more than I have before. I’ll go days without sleeping and part of it is because of my insomnia, but sometimes it's not. I say I’m studying as a way to avoid any interaction with people. I keep to myself and just stare at the wall until I doze off or until my head starts hurting. The silnce is deafing and the crying has stopped. Though, the verbal abuse still happens, I'm so used to it now that it doesn't even bother me anymore. I just don’t know how to react to it anymore...
[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]] [i [size8 [font "Courier New" [#696969 "Hey y'all little update, if anyone cares to know. But recently I've been pretty proud of myself. And like I've said many times "I didn't think I'd make it this far." But here I am in the flesh, graduated from high school and I have my first job training this weekend. It's at a movie theater that me my family used to go to when I was little. And the manager is really nice, and honestly I think I got this. I think I can do this no negativity right now so far. But hey we're only human, now the next steps on my to do list is: to get enrolled at my tech school and get my own apartment and car. Your boy saving up for some dreams. Lol."
"I'm so happy and I don't feel so stressed anymore, she took me instantly like right after the job interview she was already scheduling times for me to show up. But anyways I just wanted to write this, to show you all the I'm happy right now and nothing's going to drag me down. Because a few people in my life have been trying to bring me down but I haven't let it happen. Recently I've been standing up for myself, yeah, it was scary at first because I thought I'd hurt their feelings but I don't care anymore. They hurt me I get even. But anyways enough about them, I'm just really happy that I got this job. I don't feel like a lowlife bum anymore. Thanks to my manager! I'm so happy and I'm so ready for the future. I don't want my past to pull me down anymore."
"I'm Letting go and walking down my own path. Thank you to all who supported me. You guys have been amazing friends to me, and I'm sorry I don't post very much. I'm sorry I don't talk that much. But I know you'll forgive me."
"Thank you so much and like I said before I really didn't think I'd make it this far, but I'm here so thank you."
[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]]
[center [size10 You know it's hard for someone to tell if you were telling the truth that you were giving something back that belonged to them when you have them blocked, and blocking the person that was helping validate if you were telling the truth doesn't make you look good <3
[b edit]: that was a bit of unclear word vomit at the start]]
[center [pic https://i.imgur.com/BMqRS6H.gif]][center [size10 Some people just shouldn't have children, this coming from someone who was raised by people who in turn made it so I no longer wish to exist as a human. Trauma to a child's mind is honestly the funniest thing, and when I say funny I mean it in a "sad" way. That's because it doesn't take as horrible of "traumas" as one might assume to cause mental strain on a child. Things such as say upsetting a child telling them someone abandoned them will cause them issues. That's literally all it can take is feeling rejected by a parental figure to have some form of abandonment issues, and even PTSD. There is a very specific form of PTSD that can come from that and it can wear someone down horribly. As someone who has those isssues and dealt with anger towards themselves for reasons they never understood until they were an adult and got to have even a small amount of therapy please, please, please if you can't even take care of your own self, or your own issues do NOT have a child. You may feel like you love that child but if at the end of the day you use that child as a means to guilt someone or use them to be petty you should not be raising that child.]][center [size10 Children are not for you to use to fix yourself, or raise yourself up, or to toy with. Children don't get a choice of existing, you make that choice, and if you wind up making them wish they had never existed you have no right to exist yourself. Nor to make anyone else feel guilty for things they have done, you have failed at the one thing that should have been your priority for something else that you saw as far more important.]]
[center [size10 Anyways this prolly turned into a huge mess of a post cause distractions but idc. Also on another note I cried over BTS tonight and I really don't wanna talk about it but I really don't know how I'm alive right now.]][center [size10 And to my lovely, lovely wife who puts up with my fanboy ass: 我爱你~]]
Great now I have people sending messages telling me to go die. Right now that doesn't seem too bad of idea, save me from all the stress of life.
We've only been dating three months, and being semi-long distance has honestly made those three months feel like three years. We talk about so much, and I love how honest we are with each other. Neither of us say something serious without 100% being behind it. Kinda like tonight.. where you told me about how you didn't care you were missing class, and that you loved having been able to watch the sky change from purple to blue. I told you about how proud I am because you're going after your nursing career, regardless of not receiving support from your family. That's when you said it. It was a whisper, and I had to ask you to repeat yourself to which you replied by saying you didn't know if you should.
[center You said "I'm going to make you my wife."]
And I cried, because I know you mean it. We haven't even said we love each other because we want to do it in person and yet here you are saying this. It's a weird combination of joy and fear. I'm happy you said it, and yet I'm afraid that we might not make it that far. I just need to hope the best, and try not to be so pessimistic. I'm just not used to having good things happen to me.
These two over here throwing sugar, spice, and everything nice. Making a cute relationship, only to elbow that chemical x and make the the all powerful cute ass relationship.meanwhile I can't even outwardly tell my crush she's my crush and that I've thought of running away with her at least twice a day and wanting to learn to drive to meet her and elope with her ffs
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/Loa6pSp.gif]][center [size10 At some point I will stop, but someone is def going to get diabetes at this point.]][center [size10 On a nice change of subject. That is in no way a response to anyone in here. Oh no definitely not. I would be 100% okay if you did more than slap me a little, but also that is prolly talk far better suited for behind closed doors. 10/10 please love me violently like a nice yandere.]][center [size10 I mean. Um. Soft pure boy, child of god. I go to church ever sunday. 100% NOT a heathen.]][center [size10 loljk you have 100% full permission to fuck me up in whatever way you see fit once I'm in your grasps and if that's just making me a complete puddle on the floor or making me forget my name I am a-okay with it.]][center [size10 I have a serious problem and like i would say please be gentle with me but lol let's be honest please don't.]][center [size10 I'm sorry anyone has to view this post with their own eyes because this is a mess but i am also a mess but i love this and this woman lol i would say good bye but lbh is this REALLY my last post? I guess we'll all find out. The suspense is already killing me.]]
[center [size10 you see this was all a conspiracy to show the sof cute boy you had in you all along and you've fallen for my completely elaborate trap just as i have planned
jk this is a surprise and also the best thing ever
okay not a surprise surprise cause i know you more like a surprise to my non existent ego that likes telling me everyone hates me
10/10 would lightly slap you for you but am still convinced i'd have a hard time revving up a real punch just cause i'd rather squish ur face
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/VMHrPOe.gif]][center [size10 At this rate you could keep me at your side for eternity. I have nothing keeping me here. Like I got Flary here but she would be okay with it so long as I'm happy. I don't have family here anymore. I don't have any children to worry about that woman made sure of that. Like honestly the only problem you'd prolly have is like detaching me from you. lol jk cause i can be clingy but i ain't the clingy god damn. also i'm really just the softest shyest bumbling idiot who couldn't sweet talk his way out of a god damn plastic bag irl. i'd prolly wind up just incredibly endearing but then you'd prolly just like thrive off of that too so idk why i'm tryna sell myself short.]]
[center [size10 As I say softest rough boy but truly only soft for you cause otherwise I'd be fighting tooth and nail not to be so affectionate with you. 10/10 you is best girl. 10/10 will give you head pats. 10/10 anyone could shoot me anytime they want because why am I being allowed to be this sappy. Even my followers know about my secret soft side now r.i.p my reputation man.]][center [s [size10 it's okay if you kill my reputation tho real talk. just murder it reveal me for what i truly am]]
[center [size10 Just gooonnna
what did i ever do to deserve such an amazing hubby?
about, zero things
but that just makes me all the more appreciative
reminds me i have so much more to save for
gifts, tickets, all that stuff
yo ass is at the very least gonna be visiting me once I have my move figured out
stilllll wanna steal you and have you stay with meee
you know, even as bleak as some things get sometimes, i really have to stop forgetting the people at my side.
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/CRmrsHs.gif]][center [size10 Real ass talk for a minute]][center [size10 I would marry the shit out of you and I still love the shit out of you.]][center [size10 Fight me irl I thought I was past this I apologize in advance. Listened to a song and tbh still think of you. I got a problem, but honestly it could be worse. Legit adore you, please don't change. Adorable lil thing you. Lemme hold you face in my hands and stare you right in the eye and then tell you how much that doggo of yours is a dork.]][center [size10 Light of my life. Apple of my eye. All those cliche sappy lovey lines. I hope you see this and you wanna punch me in the face because tbh that's all I want.]]
[center [s [size10 I'm kidding tho you don't have to punch me unless you want to because I would be 100% okay with it]][center [size10 When you write posts about your wife on tumblr and someone reblogs two them and you want to go bury yourself because why are you spreading this dirt you now have on me?!]][center [size10 tho honestly who is it that you are also okay with setting you on fire my friend let us bond]]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.