[center [size9 Okay, I'm sick.
Not the kinds sick that lands you in the doctor.
Not the kind of sick that makes you weak and then heals you stronger.
It's the kind of sick that turns your legs into spaghetti.
The kind of sick that makes your blood burn and your bones heavy.
The kind of sick that makes an atheist pray for Jesus.
The kind of sick that turns your power into weakness.
And I'm sick of being sick for this whole fucking place to witness.
And I'm living a sick life that most people will call privileged.
And they're kinda right but I'm sicker than I can cope with.
It's showtime and I have a lump in my throat.
I forgot how to breathe, I only know how to choke.
And all these people are waiting.
For the kid with the rage.
But I'm afraid she'll collapse before she gets on stage.
I need x ANA x, help me bury my thoughts.
And all the pressure I suffer.
From being someone I'm not.
[size11 Tonight will be the last night I live, I'm going to die. Gonna got out with a bang, gonna kill and fuck over my whole family. Gonna shoot my cousin, gonna let my friends rot in emotional misery. Ain't no reason for living, not even x ANA x could save me. PM me if you see me alive after this, there ain't much time left for me to live with this guilt and embarrassment.
"She's just a whore, slut, son of cunt."
Hell, if you care, PM me.
I won't respond until at least Monday if I'm not dead.
If not, fuck you all, rest in Hell.
[center [size9 [font "raleway" I said it once, I've said it twice.
I've said it a thousand fucking times.
That I'm okay
That I'm fine
That it's all just in my mind.
This has got the best of me and I can't seem to sleep
It's not that you left me
It's cause you never leave.
im done with life so bad rn, im gonna go fuck myself
[size10 [+pink What a shitty week it has been so far...
Today just takes the fucking cake...
You say you want me to approach you when I have something to say but why should I bother...
Look I know what mom was trying to say she my mother I understand what she as getting at why bother getting upset when she talks about her plans...It's fine it wasn't like I was going to ask to join... All take care of your guys dogs like I always do...
[center [size11 Romeo, Oh Romeo, where art thou Romeo?
From Death To Destiny
[Center [youtube https://youtu.be/mKBlYkh-jMs]]
[Kodchasan [Center [size12 I've grown as a person lately and I feel like I'm finally accepting changes. It just took a little pushing and some new and better friends to hang with. They've honestly been rubbing a bit off of me, they told me I was like the girl version of Romeo and I took that to heart, hence the profile.
My music and the lyrics have also grown up to be something of strange beauty. You can relate more to them and they are really strong lines that evoke really strong emotions from you. My lyrics target everybody, someone with a long tragic backstory or someone who think's they are a normal person who's having a great life!
But the main theme that I keep finding in my music and lyrics is honesty and understanding. Fun that I write about honesty when I can't be honest. I think it's just fate telling me it's time for me to put effort into trying to become a better person and cut the bullshit.
There's this girl I met, her name is Ella and she's been on my [s stalking ] list. She's very funny, understanding and very protective. However, she has been bruised and beaten by toxic friends as of I. When I first met her, I was straight-forward with her that I crave attention and that'd I do stupid shit for it and she understood me and actually trusted me instantly.
I think this might turn into something but I'm not too sure because Juko's still trying to catch my ass out here. When will he learn that this war is over and that I won?
Anyways, been listening to Bring Me The Horizon a lot lately and I've been stuck on their third album, There Is A Hell, Believe Me I've Seen It, There Is A Heaven, Let's Keep It A Secret. I feel like it tells the story of somebody who's struggling with demons and even their own angels.
It Never Ends is the rock bottom of the person, how they accept and tell themselves that the pain will never end. It seems like people think of that every day, more people feeling hopeless and more people dying to suicide. Suicide only takes away the chances of everything you've worked for and/or have yet to get.
Anyways, have a good year guys.
[Kodchasan [Center I hope everybody feels better.
I don't just mean everybody as in real life.
I also mean the people on here who are going through shit I can't even fathom.
I at least know what people feel even though I have not been through what they have been through.
I feel, think and act with my heart and emotion, I take other people's emotion and display them onto myself.
Even through a computer, I know how you feel.
I'm sorry life is hard,
A boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with you.
That kid is bullying you again.
Life is being an ass.
Addiction is getting harder to beat.
One of your family members or friends died.
Friends of yours are splitting up with you.
Enjoy the little things.
If anyone needs me,
Send a PM.
I'm a good shoulder to lean on.
I fucking can't stand the fact your stress fucking piles up on mine. It's not my fault you can handle a single thing by yourself.
Had to cancel my interview. The one that would have pushed my family into seeing that I was serious about wanting, no, needing to get my driver's license... I'm 23 years old. I was ready to drive when I was 16, but no... Sister came first. I'm still being pushed to the back burner for everything now. I need my license so I can work and get the hell out of this city.
[Kodchasan [Center Ever felt breathless?
Like the cold took the air out of your lungs?
Like death was a person and he was staring at your soul?
I don't want to leave you breathless,
Why don't you realize?
I don't want to leave you fucking breathless,
When will you save yourself?
I need to find,
A way back inside my mind.
God help me.
This is not the end.
This is the end of every nightmare I ever had.
Because I've got scars that'll burn to the ends of my days.
If only our sorrow could build a staircase,
We'll be in heaven already.
We would all help you if we knew what you were going through.
Because you said this is a suicide,
I said this is a war.
But we're losing the battle,
we won't make it.
Oh my god,
The water is rising.
I can help you through this,
But you have to take my hand.
I should've known the tides were getting higher.
We can still survive.
I think that we're drowning but our heads are still above the waves.
But every breath we take, we will slip away.
Because this is the end of the horror.
This is the end of the disease.
Rapture is here.
[size9 Edit: This is supposed to send mixed messages so if you don't understand it, just try to see each as it's own thing. ]
[size10 posting in here cuz I'm salty af lmao.
check still hasn't gone through. been waiting since fcking friday. it's such bullshit. I literally can't do anything until my check clears. gotta buy food and buy kitty litter. it's so irritating. can't even pay fcking bills right now. bullshit bullshit bullshit.
speaking of bullshit.
the fuck is the point in living with people, when I'm the one paying 99% of the damn bills, and the only one ever cleaning the fucking house? The hell happened to splitting up chores? I mean shit, I didn't even do that tbh. Just expected someone that isn't me to take out the trash. course, I'm the one that always takes it out. :')
might honestly just look for a studio apartment after my lease is up, because this is utter bullshit. fucking tired of being the only one paying the bills and cleaning the house. it's so stupid and I'm so mad.
not even gonna be able to get Christmas presents for anyone at this point since I gotta cover the rent, electricity, and internet. dunno wtf gonna happen when I go back to uni next month. I'm not gonna be able to work as much when I go back, between school and my internship.
man , wish I woulda stayed living with my mom at this point. would've been easier.]
Cool, nice to know that I really am alone in everything now...
[center Blitzkrieg Pop - The Ramones
God, I'm going back to the past.
one more post to come.
So a few days ago, I met someone new and she's been rubbing off of me a lot. I think I have a crush already but I don't want to rush it and I don't know how she feels about me. She said that she cares about me even though we just met. God, I love life and the options. ]
I actually realised today that the past two years have been quite successful.
I’m doing university for Forensic Psychology
I’m managing a non-profit organisation to rescue an endangered breed of horses
I’ve managed to somehow stick with a partner
Hold down a job
I stupidly became an adult at some point.
N U L L I
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.