Deleted that post.
I just needed to get that off of my shoulders.
[Center [size10 "It's me and Juko. Ride or die. Nothing will separate us."
Cut to the separation and now we can't stop hearing about it. Youch.]]
[Center [size10 This is why I never believe in the children who say "It'll never end." Or use the word "Forever."]]
[Center [size9 Of course, you say some shit like that.
"Ask no questions and you'll get no lies."
But why don't you turn your cheek and blind your eye?
Let it fucking go.
Bend my knee to give away my life.
Bite my tongue and close my eye.
I won't take it cause you've got Hell to pay.
But your words don't make any goddamn sense anymore.
What would your mother say?
Your faith you have immured.
So don't try to tell me what you fucking believe.
Because you're hypnotized, can't see the signs.
I'd like to help you but I don't wanna get hurt.
Oh wait, you just want a pity party.
So pity me you fucking bastard, I don't want to feel bad for you.
Just to get with you again.
And do a complete cycle.
Made up your mind and now your fucking blind.
I guess it's easier than making mistakes.
Don't ask me why when I roll my eyes at the answer.
Don't come crawling back to me when you break down Juko.
"Cause you dug yourself into this hole by yourself."
You make me wanna slit my own wrists and play in my own fucking blood.
You make me wanna kill myself just for the fucking fun of it.
[center [size10 Getting stoned was the best decision of my life.]]
[center [size9 I got a feeling in my stomach and it just won't quit.
The roof is crashing in and the truth is spilling out.
Oh shit, I've done it again.
Went way too far in all my years.
My alligator blood is starting to show.
It's so much worse on the way back down.
I'm so fucked up.
All I see is the ground.
[center [size10 I always wonder why the fuck I come back here.]]
[Center [size10 If I sing along, a little fucking louder to a happy song, I'll be alright.
'Cause every now and again we get that feeling.
When the big hole inside us opens up.
[center [size10 neon back at it again with a psychotic break. Kind of took a bunch of pills. Screamed at a wall or two. Found out it's mostly my bipolar and that while unmedicated I'm horribly unstable and an extreme risk to my own safety and life. I'm on my medication and have to work towards getting health insurance and then next step is going to be seeing a therapist because after tonight I've learned I'm still unstable mood wise and I know that it isn't my bipolar it's my borderline personality disorder. That irritates me though because it makes me feel like I'm still unstable and shouldn't be allowed to be out in general population.]]
[center [size10 alas I am already scheduled to work tomorrow after just getting out of the hospital about 12 hours ago but I'm happy about that because it means just going back to my usual routine and hoping everything works out better for me mentally because if I keep having these psychotic breaks I will wind up killing myself.]]
[size10 little fucked up right now. emotionally.
Found out this psycho bitch was planning on killing one of my close friends, and a few of my bf's friends.
I'd love to believe that humans aren't cruel but well. This proves that they are. not all humans, blah blah blah. Still fucked up that someone would actually plan on killing someone that was their friend. Or at least someone that y'know. hung out with them and shit.
I dunno. not much else to say , just kinda. upset lol.
at least widowmaker finally getting a christmas skin. only bright point to this week.]
[center [size11 The world is a small place.
Because I know there is someone, somewhere
Praying for me to come home,
Whether it's even someone online
Or if it's one of my friends.
Or if it's my crush.
There is someone, somewhere praying for you to come home too.
[Center [size10 Nobody cares anymore about you.
Ain't you nothing but a liar?
A filthy, low-lying, motherfucking liar?
All you want is attention,
You are the boy who cried wolf,
When you really actually need help,
Nobody shows up.
I left you because you can't just sit there.
I might've cheated but what's the point of love?
It's just to use people because why in the fuck have I ever, [b ever ] loved you.
Yeah, Sheffield, England.
That's where we met, I remember that disabled kid who was murdered by John, Peter, and Rebecca.
You don't remember because you never cared about me at that point.
That kid... He was Terry, my best friend.
Ain't ever remember you crying for him.
Because ain't you just a narcissist?
You don't feel [i [b fucking ]] anything.
Because you are a fucking whore for attention.
[center [size10 Lying out of my teeth, I shall say.
But from here to neigh shall I stay.
Not to cause thy drama but to apologize to thou.
Because thy shall stay and blow the night away
Wake up with thy rising sun
To be called a rising phoenix
The seemingly endless nights
Of love labour's won
And the book of the dove
That sits on my bed
Never have I thought of doing such a thing
But blood for blood.
Suicide is a war to be fought
And I'm still kicking.
But to fall is to lose
And I'm not ready to lose
Because this is only a battle
And not the war.
Ears do not turn for my words
Because x ANA x is still here
To blow my doubts away
And to kill this depression.
Because this pressure is growing.
From being somebody that's not me.
I know talks not cheap, I'm done grinding my fucking teeth.
[size8 "I read a fun fact about the brain and how it starts to deteriorate when we get to 27 or thereabouts. This world is domesticated, still a little feral.
Oi, don't you know to chew with [b your ] mouth closed?" ]
[Center [size10 [#696969 "Coming from the one." ]]]
[Center [YouTube https://youtu.be/DCB_MbYyCYQ]]
[Center [size10 Talk is cheap. We'll see her back here Monday like nothing happened.
In the meantime. I'm already sick of this bitch that Rami and Sage met at walmart. Seemed okay at first but they were literally followed for a bit cause the person wanted to be their friend. And SOMEONE should have said no when they asked for our number. Now they're needy asf and pulling this whole "oh don't worry I'm used to being ignored" bs when I said sometimes I might be busy and not able to respond. Like excuse me? You better be glad we met you in person, if you were online, I'd fuckin drop your ass right then and there. But I may run into you one day so I have to have a bit more finesse. And stop fuckin saying you need to cook for us or that we need to hang out soon. Stop it. We met you like yesterday . Lord Christ I hate you already.]]
[size10 hoo boy. found out some shit today.
one of the bitches that I thought was my friend in middle school, well. Found out she's dating a 15 year old. She's like. 24. What the fuck ??
some people lmao. Surprise tf outta me. well. more like disgust tf outta me. how is a 24 year old even attracted to a 15 year old? I don't get it.
but w/e. Doesn't affect me. I'll probably never see her ass again lmao. Telling my mom was great though. I love my mom. She's fun to gossip to and just talk to. Sucks that there was ever a point where things were rough, but at least they're better now.
anyways. three cheers to kind of shitty hours next week. ah well. I'll manage.]
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