[center [+pink The god of weighty journal post and strong opinions xD]]
[center [+pink I'm impressed everyone was rather civil about the whole thing at the end. I don't post often I do wanna say my thoughts though. Sorry if I can't debate on the matter but Mun said it well already I feel.]]
[center [+pink Systematically yes white people can get it easier but day to day talks you can be racist to white people. My brother has a few mexican friends and there parents hate him thinking he lived a judgemental life because he is white. When he and I have grown up extremely poor I've only ever lived in the ghetto or in trailer parks with tons of diveristy.]]
[center [+pink Because I am white a lot of people are rude to me in these places. Presuming I've lived a cushy life that the world parted its way for me. Not the case if you look up Christopher Richard Turner Flordia sebastion you'll see I was once arrested I can find the link. It was even spread around here once on ES ]]
[center [+pink Ya know why? Cause I had messy long hair they thought I was a pothead. Mostly white cops and they judged me based on appearance I was found innocent but it was so bad I had to move. People tell me I never felt the fear of police brutality if you look at the shot I got blood and bruises. I only fought back cause they attacked me out of no where not trying to arrest me instead punching kicking and tasing and than I fought back only than. I wasn't even sure in my mind they were real cops the way they attacked me so violently.]]
[center [+pink I've had tons of things stolen and been attacked several times because I was just an entitled cracker. I could afford to lose the extra stuff or I needed a beatdown to learn a lesson. ]]
[center [+pink Also not sure if they were kidding but you can't say I'm not racist I have white friends. If I said I'm not racist cause my ex girlfriend was black I'd be attacked for that no doubt. Or if I said a racial slur and said it's okay my friends are black it wouldn't be okay. Yes I have friends call me cracker and honkey and I playfully retort. That's a SAFE envoirment between friends otherwise it shouldn't be done from either side.]]
[center [+pink I've been called honkey as a serious racial slur before too. Ever looked that up? It refers to white rat or a rapist something aimed at white people. Realistically it's used at white trailer trash by either higher society whites or other races.]]
[center [+pink In Japan during one part of history they called us Geisha due to fear and hatred. Not that I had to live through that but yeah you can be racist to any race.]]
[center [+pink I hate being white sometimes to feel apologetic for the government and for what those who lived before have done. The government hasn't exactly done me much favors. It's a long story but due to many circumstances it's been hard to get a job ]]
[center [+pink I remember trying to get foodstamps how hard that was. How awkward and painful and how often they shut that off I gave up on it. The way they act like I'm on the streets selling foodstamps for cash to get drugs. All cause I'm poor enough to need foodstamps. I spend so much time and money on my appearance so I'm not to be judged on the spot. To look like a generic respectable young man even if it's not what I wanna do.]]
[center [+pink If I sound mad or heated I apologize. If I'm ever frustrated it's with the government but I know they aren't all bad. Obama did a lot of things that helped people with less money regardless of being white or black.]]
[center [+pink Long story short racism happens everywhere and depending where you live it can be worse. Being white in a largely colored neighborhood is tough as well. So that's a lot of typing just to say I agree with Mun on this aspect. I do let it roll of my back I just roll my eyes at cracker or honkey. Hell I had a nickname mayonoise and well you just gotta ignore that stuff. I get how it's upsetting but Mun has a point you gotta just let that stuff go.]]
[center [+pink I used to get into fist fights over every little name further increasing peoples opinion on me being racist. When I was just angry at my treatment but now I've just learned to let it go. It's not worth the effort or time to bother. I'm not saying I know what it's like being colored. Though sometimes I believe in the term "White Shame" I have a lot of shame thrusted onto me for being white enough that I'd rather be seen as the underdog. It beats being treated like a tyrant who gets what he wants. That being said we should all be proud of who we are.]]
[center [+pink Rant over and I'm not claiming I'm right or smarter than anyone else. Just my thoughts and experiences so yeah.]]
Won’t matter cause barely any of you know me anymore, but this may be the last post on Es I drop. Nothing against anyone, but it’s too much to keep coming back to bad memories and still seeing all this toxic bullshit between people.
To everyone I ever knew here. Good luck with the rest of your lives. To those who have my contact info, get at me if you wanna hit me up outside of here.
[center [size10 okay I swear I am going to bed after this. Inb4 "no responding to each other" Idc. Anyways ass tbh I walked away cause that was the best I was in a shit place as has been the case a few other times and not excuse but like you weren't entirely wrong but in that state it was not best for me to try and argue. The fact I have that idiot looking out for me and bring concerned for me kind of made me realize how bad off I was. Cause like I haven't known him that long like maybe a little over a month and he's already seen the side of me that cant handle anything. He's saw the side of me that turns their anger inwards and he's had to keep me from continuing it. Like it's not all on him tho cause like I had to work for a bit about stat away from the goods and have a few mental breakdowns and ask myself wtf was wrong with me before I was like "lol yeah no we fucked up" Now If I can cut back on the vodka or cut it out entirely maybe my body will be okay but there's no telling but at least I can try. I can also atleast try to make sure I'm eating at least once or twice a day but with work that's not a given unfortunately. ]]
[center [size10 moral of the story I shoulda chilled tf out sooner but I let myself get a little out of hand and no apology fixes that cause I did that to myself. ]]
[center [size10 My only reason for replying past when I said I was done is because the tone of the conversation has changed. I may go back and forth in journal when I see something I have opinions on. Again, my profile says' "weighty journal posts and strong opinions" for a reason.
If it's not understood that someone without empathy can just- not give a damn about people that aren't close to me's feelings, then I have no time to waste on them.
I recently went off on Ace a bit and left the discord server. But he still can talk and joke with me. Now he could possibly be harboring hard feelings about it, but I don't think he ever thought I wasn't capable of that because that's just how I am.
I didn't always say "i could lose people" as a joke. I don't need people.
If I have an opinion, popular or not, I'm going to share it. Whether people see it as an attack, or bullying or not. Just how it is.
Snakes are fine. Getting big and the biggest one is on large mice now. And League is still a thing. Got into Renekton and he's my new baby boy baby evil.
See I can be civil when I have reason to be. But if I'm stood up against for expressing my own opinion- as hard as my words and opinions may come off- I will meet it back in my own way.]]
I handle insults poorly and that's on me
I can't say much cuz I'll probs get a proverbial axe to the head regardless but
I'm not new and my dumb ass still expects you to be nicer than you are ??
That's on me and I'm sorry
Gotta be frustrating for you
Rami always there to keep me straight tho
Hope the sneks are doing well
IDK if you guys still play League but the new Kayn skin is gorgeous.
I hope shit is going well for you guys.
Sorry for being a cunt sometimes.
I did however get the reassurance I needed from seeing these posts
That [b racism is racism against any race is still racism.] really helped me
That's the point I wanted to make but didn't know how to properly explain it.
I just wanted to know that there are others out there who can feel the same so I don't feel so alienated for being so 'dramatically different'
And the species disphoria wasn't meant to be mean either by the way and haha that does seem kinda mean that I guess but I was talking abput more innocent things like sometimes I wish I could've just been born a dog. It just seems simplier.
I dislike my own species including myself but not in a mean way in a we have done some fucked up shit that makes me sad way. In a fucked up way most of you are still the only ones I would consider tolerable even if I am unwanted still. That's okay.
You guys taught me that I need to change and accept people for the things I stated previously.
I was mean about suicide. I used to be racist as a child around it. I used to be homophobic. But you guys taught me not to be and corrected me and showed me to be more open minded and it's honestly infuriating living in the outside world but you guys were right. My victim complex. My messaih / sacrificial lamb complex. How it's not okay to excuse toxic behaviour. And when I started to show signs of sexism you guys jumped my ass and snapped me out of it. And I needed that. Even if it hurts.
I need to be told the things you guys have said "I've been hurt before and never was given a sorry and had to live with it" "people are mean get over it"
I just wish I could kill this argumentative side of me quicker. I thought I had it but I see it's still there. I blindly say a kind of fucked up thing thinking I'm being targeted or taking offense. You guys correct me.
I really don't know how to stop taking things so harshly but I hope I do learn soon.
I love that I was corrected yet someone still understood me.
If we aren't fighting about race it's politics or religions or veiws or sexualities or who's right or wrong
And I just want to see more people including my hypocritical ass look past all the extra shit and just 'treat others how you want to be treated'
I need to get off the phone. No worries. You won't see a post from me for a while again. While I take in what you guys have shown me and reflect on what I've learned from this. Please have a nice night.
[center [size10 as someone who was teased growing up because I was white as a ghost I can say that its not something worth getting upset over to be called out for being white cause like ohno I'm white what a horrible insult. I have also been called a bitch and tbh oh no I'm a bitch damn how cursed must I be to be called these horrible names]]
[center [size10 idk I'm not even supposed to be awake and this is just like elementary stuff at this point because like yeah bullying is fucked up but at the same time name calling isn't too horrible until they start getting real personal and going below skin level you feel me idk man I'd say kill me but I gotta stop saying that I'm not allowed that sweet release.]]
You just said "racism"
Racism is not systematic racism. Systematic racism is systematic racism. If it was about that all along than you should have said so earlier. But you were going back and forth on which racism you were talking about anyways so??
That's like going on and on about Asian culture and turning around and saying "I was only talking about Sri Lanka obviously." When you mentioned Japan 3 times.
And he's not civil with anyone he doesn't wanna be civil with. Nothing personal. He's just a dick.
/ 6d 11h 25m 45s
[center [size10 [i Sigh.]
Oh look someone else thinking the same thing of me that everyone else does at the start. What's new. I don't use insults to try to get to you, I use them cause that's how I talk when I get heated. If it hurts, great, if not, I don't care?
Not my fault that you failed to mention it was systematic as I can't read your mind through what you type. And seeing as how your post to Tally was based around her being called racist slang.... uh yeah no that couldn't have been interpreted as a solely "systematic" discussion as her feelings had nothing to do with the system. Mainly just the shit she had been called.
Again. You're backtracking and logic are flawless.
But I'm honestly bored now and tired of seeing you try to act like you're too good to post back anymore only to come back for more attention. SO with you specifically. I'm done. Enjoy yourself.]]
I've been talking systemic this whole time fam
I'm not a dunce for you equally failing to realize we weren't on the same page
Unless you're a dunce as well.
I don't resort to name calling when I just wanna be civil but you do you boo
You're the only one doing the attacking here
[center [size10 And Tally as far as what you're going through. My point was never "cause it's you". No it shouldn't be acceptable. But it's going to happen. It isn't going to stop in our lifetime. So yeah. Suck it up. Cause that's literally the only way you're gunna fuckin move one and not let it weigh you down. So like?? Idk what else to tell you there. Doesn't require a fucking novel.]]
[size10 [center Oh look. That PoV that would have fucking ended all this shit talk from square one. Little too late huh? Kek that's literally all we were fuckin saying. We were talking situational not fucking systematic. Obviously systematically yeah, whites wouldn't have much fucking ground to feel very oppressed. We were talking about situational, like person to person conversational fucking racism.
And ooh big shock. There are assholes. It's life. They're everywhere. Get used to it. You're a cunt. I'm an asshole. Together we make a merry ol time.]]
All I can say is
I fucking love you though
You're great bby
There it is again
I am told to suck it up
Why can't we just agree it's disrespectful
Is it because it's me? So it's okay?
Discrimination of anykind shouldn't be socially acceptable and should be shunned
Don't turn a blind eye or suck it up. Ignoring it doesn't make it go away.
Bitching doesn't either. But if there's one thing I've learned about being practically on my own on and off in my mind.
It's I'm going to live my life how I want
And if people don't like how I am then just ignore me or block me it happens.
Eventually all that are left are the ones who do care and agree and not saying people who don't agree are bad either.
We all are different and have different povs and souls and minds and shit and no two people are really alike.
I don't expect anyone to agree with me. I more or so wished for "its rude to be called white bitch or cracker" validated as "she just doesn't want to be called out by her skin color or probable ancestors that she had nothing to do with but must still continously be guilted and shamed for."
But it's okay for you guys to think otherwise. That doesn't make me bad. Doesn't make you guys bad. It makes us different and if we can't agree then we shouldn't socialize which isn't even much of a problem because we don't do it much to begin with.
I really am sorry this is awkward I shouldn't have opened my mouth here.
Probably on a verge of a meltdown.
You know. That dumb old shit. Bad me.
Hoo boy. I am not touching that post with a forty foot pole.
But y'know. Maybe I am wrong.
Actually yeah, I am.
I'll say it.
There's some derogatory terms used for white people I was honestly unaware of.
So I'd say there's definitely some individual racism against whites. But not the systemic racism that there is against poc.
Moral of the story?
A lot of people are assholes, imo.
I'm tired and y'all can continue to take a dump on me.
I just genuinely wanted to discuss lol, because there's always more to learn.
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