[center [size10 Nice, Mun. Completely forget to post in rp replies and lose your whole ass post. Cool. I blame M completely.
To sum up what I was going to say, Mun the skeptic is now having a hard time disproving the existence of Rami's two spirit companions and over the course of like 2 days, I've become somewhat attached to one of them.
I've tried to logic my way out of believing in him but all the questions we ask having very consistent answering patterns that are very plainly not random answers and weird shit happening, I kinda can't deny that I'm now left with more proof than not. Oops.
M is comforting to have around though seeing as how he and I are very similar. If I had to peg him as an alignment I'd say chaotic evil or neutral. It's like since I can't completely be myself anymore, having such a violent presence like him near me all the time now brings that sense of familiarity with myself and how I used to be back into my every day life without me having to really do anything.
Well, I still have to talk to him cause he gets pissy when he wants attention and we ignore him. Or when I'm trying to use dice to speak to him and he fucking cocks the dice or keep giving me "idk if i wanna tell you that rn" answers to tick me off. Fuckin lil cunt. He knows he is though.
Rami apparently asked him when I left the room if he wanted to be my spirit companion now too and he said yes. So I guess the disbeliever now has a very violent and mischievous spirit companion now. His signature to tell it's him is a spiking sharp pain in the right temple. He did that to me and Rami at the same time on the way home in the car tonight when we were talking to him. Again, shit like that does nothing to persuade me against belief in him.
Maybe if he wasn't so LOUD AND ANNOYING. But I like him. And him disliking Desmond and liking me more than Sage makes me happy.
So what do I do? I go straight into dangerous territory and get Rami to change the rules for M being around since he's the summoner and now M has clearance to fuck me up. He's allowed to hurt me and cause me whatever pain he wants so long as he doesn't do anything too harsh while I'm driving, doesn't do anything permanent or give me crippling headaches cause fuck knows I have enough migraines enough on my own.
But anything else is free game for him. Go for it M. Stick them fingies in my temple and fuck me up fam. I'm not scared of you, but I absolutely welcome you to challenge the absolute fuck out of that~ Let's have some fun, clown boy. ]]
[center [size10 P.S. cause this was funny as shit. We hooked up the phone to the car when we went out today and shuffled my spotify and Rami's side asked what he thought about me and I swear to fucking god we both fucking lost our shit when the first song to play was U Got That. Thank you M. Pure comical genius.]]
Oof when you get hit by a truck and was actually Archibald Thorburn painting Thorburn’s Mammals. And you made friends on es showing them your paintings but really you are a ghost from the 1930s trying to tell everyone your paintings are awesome
K has cancer ayyy he has cancer ayyy
K doesn't know what to do with his life cause K has cancer
Did you say [i Mercury in retrograde?] Did you mean [i sad bitch hours?] I’m just crying over stupid shit don’t mind me y’all
In other news I dreamt I got a cute girlfriend who originally was an enemy and I like got an opportunity to take revenge but then she like showed me her humanity and I started to realize she didn’t do the bad things she did because she wanted to anyway I’ve been thinking about her a lot
[center [size11 Currently I am physically okay, mentally tired and done and emotionally unstable. I dunno what happened last night but it wasn't me, I was not the one you heard crying because they let down everybody they've ever loved. I'm running out of words to say but Rix I'm scared of that moment where you'll have nothing else to say to me.
Because when I feel like shit, you try to make me feel better and I love you for it but sometimes, we get into our fights and all of them are my fault. I apologize for having to deal with it constantly, I'm just afraid you'll leave me because of it. Who doesn't like an insecure boyfriend?
I love you Rix, you are my everything and when we meet again in a few years, you wanted to see the stars together. I promise you if we're still together, we'll lay beside each other and carve our own stars from the night. I'm also backing you up all the way with your wanting to transition from a girl to a boy and I am completely behind you love.
I've written one of my best pieces about you and it's still a surprise to you but then again, I'm really bad at hiding stuff from you. Guess that's just your Pisces coming out to lure my Scorpio out or whatever. Your art is on my shoes too, our colours and our flags of pride is there. I wear it every day and I hope you wear the necklace you have to in remembrance of me.
Me: I don’t stay sick for very long
Me later on that night: *dying*
[center [pic http://i.imgur.com/WwodPSQ.jpg]][center [size10 when it's pretty much decided you're sick and so you decide to let yourself get drugged so you can sleep but now it's almost 1 am and sleep is eluding you and you feel and look like crud and you have work in the morning and you're pretty sure you gonna get told not to go in and you gonna complain even tho they completely right to tell you not to do it. But bitch you stubborn af. Also my insides are making noises but as least my head doesn't feel like it's gonna explode as much anymore oh wait I coughed and now it's angry scratch that. Fuck illness man I need money and shit I ain't got time for this.]]
[center [size10 I just wanna be violently knocked TF out my head gonna hurt either way like Jesus fuck.]]
Someone tried to get into my house last night. But, once they figured out the porch was locked and had a loud metal latch on it, they ran. There was no car in the driveway, but I did hear a car drive by serval times...
[center [size11 I fucking hate everything right now, mostly myself because what I look like. Self-esteem problems right? So I didn't call Rix last night because I don't have power for two days and she's been worried and worrying everyone else because she thought I was dead. She had a reason to think that though as I've been starving myself and not getting any sleep to write lyrics.
I'm literally starving the creativity out of me as if I had a stomach bug.
Cheers to you all loves.
"Give me one more song, one more song to give me content above!"
Letters left under the bed.
I’m always sad. Sounds stupid. Sounds angsty. But I like being sad? It makes me feel real. It’s comforting. It’s like the only feeling I can ever feel safe in. I’m sad I can’t speak to my friends anymore. They’ve all got journeys and struggles and I miss them. It’s not their faults they can’t talk. I haven’t been exactly spectacular about that either. I’ve just been hella distancing myself because I’m so drained from being the pillar of my work shift and the pillar of my relationship. Then people wonder why I’m so mean and cranky. I can’t constantly be support and not even be shielded from all the bullshit. Y’know? I wish you did. Because you don’t understand that I’m tired of catching him fall. It’s my job, it’s not longer something I do out of love. And boy doesn’t love get you anywhere but far. It keeps you silent because there’s nothing you can do. It makes you restless because you feel the need to be there. I’m a thinker. I question everything in my life. Is this right? Is this what I want for me? I don’t know. Who am I supposed to be? It just doesn’t add up. Something is wrong. But I’m too distracted with adult life to find the problem. And you can never tell if there’s a problem.
Have you ever watched someone be somewhat happy and just [i cringe]? Because lately I see everyone else happy and it makes me grit my teeth. What has karma got coming around for them? Or are they playing this façade better than they should? Fuck them. I made it this far with out an f bomb. But fuck you. The only joy in the world I get from your existence is your self inflicted misery and watching you rot from all the despair.
When you’ve watched your friends turn into strangers I come up with reasons to distance myself. And for everyone it makes sense. But not for you. For you it just doesn’t fit right. It’s like I’ve never known you from the start. Which doesn’t make sense.... correct? It’s like I don’t know anyone I’ve grown to love and cherish. Because how could you just suddenly be so corrupt and stubborn to stay so fucking.... low vibed. I didn’t notice the sneak things you did before but I see it now that I’m not longer with you. You pick battles you don’t continue to fight for. You wanted someone who wasn’t me. That wasn’t me. I couldn’t keep up with all of the things you were putting yourself through. So why is it I keep missing you? So why is it I miss the people who’ve left me in the dark? I miss you and it scares me. I continue distancing myself from you because something in me tells me to fucking run. If I want to be pain free I should run. I always run. So don’t follow me. I still cry knowing we’re done. But I keep telling myself we have to walk away no matter how we feel. It’s so hard. And complex. Knowing that I’ll never feel like that again. I’m addicted to being close to people. And the closest I’ve ever been to someone was with you. I’m the fire sign but I guess I got burned. I’ll say goodbye a thousand times but it’ll never be enough to let this go. Apparently.
I miss you most of all. It’s not like we are super close or anything. I’m sure you’ve got and met more important people. You’re wonderful. Beautiful. And so addicting to be around. You’re so close but too far. It’s stupid to suggest it’s star crossed. I hate cliches. I hate gushy shit. But god I don’t mind when it comes to you. When I think of you, still, I feel so much better. I get myself amped up even imagining a second with you. That’s fair, right? It’s okay as long as I’m not impulsively acting upon it. I want to, but what’s the point? We’re so tangled up in our own lives we can’t weave through the things we got ourselves into. It makes me feel so selfish wanting more of you. It makes me so frustrated needing more doses of you. These cold sweats and shivering bones plead on for so much longer with you. I’m so disgusted with myself that I’m infatuated with you. It doesn’t disgust you? Doesn’t frighten you? Does it make your skin crawl knowing I think of you so much it’s creepily obsessive? Because it scares me sometimes. It makes me want to writhe in my skin and shrivel up and into concentrated filth. To be picked up in tweezers and thrown into a sealed tube hidden from the world. But this is how it goes when I think of you. I feel warm, I feel hope, and then I just freak myself out with my own thoughts. I’m sorry. I’m glad you don’t have to deal with me often.
I’m so tired. I should sleep. But so much is running through my mind... but my brain keeps saying, “we are running out of letters to spell our thoughts with.” So here I go. Slumped with my bad thoughts I always push to the back of my mind.
[center [pic http://i.imgur.com/Smh7kxM.jpg]][center [size10 this lemonade is fucking with my virgo aspects like crazy, I feel like mostly my Mars though, haven't really noticed anything from my Venus placement but we still got like a week left. Speaking of I'll probably wind up killing someone before this is over with. Mars in Virgo placements are overly nitpicky and have a gazillion pet peeves and I'm no less guilty than any one else sharing the placement but this fucking Kool aid is making it so much worse. People testing my patience and that shit is fucking with my energy. It's not necessarily bad energy it's almost like I'm going through a maniac episode, which might be the case but that's the same energy I'm putting off I feel like. It's not angry but it's not a positive energy either. What's soaked into me is just there. It's dense and weighted and I don't even know if it's going out towards anyone else at this rate. I'm trying to do like she says we should and give out to the world light and love but holy fuck have you met people??? Do you know how hard that is? I work with two that make it extremely hard to spread anything but hate and murder.]]
Another vet bill coming soon... My 14 year old cat was attacked by a feral cat and now her leg is bleeding..
[center [size10 never wanted to murder someone more than now. "She's been beating me up all day" no one told you to run into that door tho. No told you to get right behind me for me to step on you either. "I feel like I ran a mile I need to go sit in my car" with how much you were asking people to do shit I think your mouth prolly ran a mile but you sure didn't. Like my hip hates me and I still run around and shit and look at you working front counter leaving all those trays for that poor woman to clean and barely finishing the trash for her. "you should probably take the trash out for her before she gets here" "I know I was going to" "okay just reminding you" "I was going to" no you weren't don't lie to me to my face you damn lawn gnome I'll take a shovel to you]][center [size10 also inhaling those two cups of coffee wasn't enough I wanted more. But I stopped myself. Also no one told me when I work on days off I get a free meal. Y'all should told me that'll entice me to give up my rest days just to get more money and not have to pay for my one meal of the day. Saves me money while making me money. Also James is my favorite I don't even care that he's a Scorpio 10/10 right there. So many people I work with that I'd kill for. Also lawn gnome made James do his job this morning 10/10 you wanna die don't you]][center [size10 also might get to see suga tomorrow prolly will do it so I don't have to be home when the water person is here. But also my TV stand comes tomorrow bless.]]
[center [s [size10 also should prolly study my dragon deck myself but oops I haven't had the right energy to wanna touch my cards.]]]
[coming+soon [center [size15 [#859ecc [b When you clock in with neon and he LITERALLY FUCKING TAKES A BREATH OF COFFEE WHAT ARE YOU DOING BOY
ALSO in the bathroom rn because coffee kills. Listening to neon get fucked in drive. :( sorry my son. My guts hate me.
Also ALSO ALSO I am loving life I was sick for like 0.2 seconds and now I’m better sweated that shit off but my throat still hurts
Need to study my blood borne deck tho
Well I’m fucking glad you were so eager to spend some fucking time with me.
Fuck this noise I’m working on my song now.
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.