[size10 had to get my blood drawn today. It was. Ok, I guess. I'm still not a fan of needles, never have been. But getting blood drawn isn't awful. Getting a shot is so much worse.
Well, let's hope nothing is horribly wrong with me, haha.
More than what's already wrong with me anyways.
Job interview Thursday. Hope it goes well.
[Center [size10 Having our mates over and spending time with them really makes me question how people who live with their partner or the person they love have time or energy to get on es and post 24/7 about drama. Especially if you add in having a job? Like people boasting about how they so in love and its great and shit but they're always on here just waiting for some shit? Like fuck do you just have that shitty a relationship that you and your partner just never do anything together or would rather be always doing your own things in the same room than to even look at eachother and have some fun WITH eachother. Cause fuck whenever they visit we're just always worn out from laughing too much or doing shit together than we barely even think to check es. So whenever they aren't here and Mun is a little bored of video games and decides to be a dick in JE, I don't see how people who claim to be have it so good even have the time or really the care to come to this shitty place. I can't imagine how forgotten this place would probably be once they move in here. So it's making me think that hey, motherfuckers must be lying out their asses all the times they talk so highly of what they got going on. That or they really love to be D R A M A T I C.
This was partly written with three people in mind not one particular person so don't try applying it to yourself and coming in to argue or bitch about shit cause.. well I'm leaving after this so you'd be arguing with air. AND If you're 'friends' with Mun, don't worry about it being you. Just a little food for thought while my mate was out of the room for a bit. Now back to however long it might be that I don't give af about this place till they go back home.]]
Me: Oh yeah waking up that early isn't a problem.
Also me: Why the bloody hell did I get up this early.
I'm tired. Working full time hours serving and cleaning up after people is tiring. I mean. I don't mind cleaning up after night shift. It's cleaning up after my coworkers my shift that agitates the living hell out of me. Night shift gets rocked more than we do. The least we could do is get them prepared. But. What ever. I'm running out of patience for anything lately. Might disassociate soon lel. There's your warning, friends. I'm getting burned out.
[center [pic https://i.imgur.com/VUbsxH4m.jpg]][center [size10 excuse me bitch]][center [size10 I hope this whole place burns]][center [size10 I'd say you along with it but you would like that]][center [size10 cause then you'd finally get the sweet release you want]][center [size10 If I ain't getting release then neither are you]]
Neon is the glue that holds this fucking place together.
No Neon, no ES.
[size10 I turned 24 yesterday.]
[size10 A few days before that I ended a two and a half year relationship.]
[size10 I just never felt like I mattered to him.]
[size10 He forgot my birthday, I wasn't a priority when he visited. He never messaged me, it was always me chasing him.]
[size10 I'm not against women doing the arranging, setting up dates, paying etc - but relationships are two way streets.]
[size10 & I won't lie, I was so disappointed, when I told him it was over, he didn't even fight to try & save it.]
[size10 I guess a part of me had hoped he'd plead with me and show me that I actually meant something to him; but then again, I shouldn't have to break up with someone to find out how they really feel.]
[size10 I'm not heartbroken, but I am sad. . .]
[size10 I've tried really hard not to question my self worth, I've tried to reflect on this, see where I could've been a better girlfriend and learn from this.]
[size10 I don't want to be sad but a big part of me wants to stay in bed and cry. . .]
[size10 I can feel myself heading to the bargaining stage of my grief, I just have to refrain from contacting him, trying to understand why he didn't fight for me. I made this decision to end things, and ultimately it's for the better - for me.]
[size10 - Nin.]
[center [pic https://i.imgur.com/zGdt2zs.jpg]]
[center [size10 fun note: it's like the last day of pride month and i've seen homophobia and tranphobia in the last 24 hours and like, excuse me but get that shit out of here. I ain't got time for this. I will keep my shit up past today if the universe really wanna play me like this. Also you ain't gotta like someone cause their trans but that doesn't mean ignore my identity lol.]]
[center [size10 I could cry or waste my emotions on stupid people but instead I'mma just leave it at that and listen to this mixtape fully finally and deal with my tumblrs peace. Remember Pride month may be ending but y'all should still acknowledge lgbt peeps for who they are 365 kthnx]][center [size10 that goes for my fellow lgbt peeps too we inclusive but can be exclusive af too basically just don't be a dick to lgbt whoever you are.]]
There can always be someone better to replace you.
it's wrong. that must be why they won't go away. haha. for the two of us. it obviously wasn't meant to be. but i've always been the stubborn type. always trying to prove the world wrong. all the hurt i've been through, you comforted me. i always hide in these feelings for you. they give me peace. you give me peace. i swear i didn't mean for this to happen. i wouldn't want to conflict you or trouble you. hell, if you wanted i'd go as far as abandoning this. i'm happy enough being your friend. i ramble too much. i just would rather you be happy and me being me would just cause s storm of trouble. it's how i've always been. should probably stop talking about this, it doesn't do any good, haha.
[size10 I might appreciate your company, but I don't need you around. Sorry not sorry, but I really hate that you pulled a random "you do realize I only play this for you". Like? I don't want that though? So thanks for the lack of thought. Dunno bout you but that felt really shitty. Like I had to keep up with you just because I dragged you into this or something. Don't guilt me with your bs, I don't need you to have fun in this game so it genuinely doesn't matter to me if you play or not. I want to play games with friends that they enjoy just as much as me. I don't like feeling like I dragged you to do this, because oh wait I fucking [i didn't].
edit because i'm not actually done bitching
I get that you hate playing stuff alone. I was that way too, and still kinda am. But that is 100% a you problem and it's not okay to ruin others enjoyment of shit just because you're lonely. you complain the others leave you out their gaming, but that's cause they're trying to actively get good for competitive, which you are always stating you hate doing. it's not fair to guilt them. they're not being mean. you're just taking it offensively. like i want to sympathize but you kinda overly victimize yourself and it's really starting to get on my god damn nerves]
[center [size10 Someone: stop being gay and shoving it in my face]][center [size10 Me:]][center [pic https://i.imgur.com/CUEciq2m.jpg]][center [size10 excuse me but like 95% of who i am is gay and i gotta deal with all this hetero shit in my face like you gonna legit tell me how to live my life bitch it's pride month get up out of here with this shit i'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.]]
[center [pic https://i.imgur.com/H41SSvg.jpg]][center [+white someone fucking deck me then caleb kthnx]]
[Center [size10 This call with Rami Ace and Baleb.. What are we about? Flarey can't cook duck cause it gets all over the apartment, I learned that. And also reading depression posts in Mishas voice. Oof. Lets not forget whenever we laugh me here like "HhhHh" Caleb like "AH-AAA--AAA-aaAaA" and Ace like "HUAHUAHAAA!!" Also can Flarey stop hitting my son with her meat k thanks.]]
Mm, it's taken me a lot of time in my life to realize how much loveliness is in the world. Even if I am not a great person myself, I still want to experience all of the pretty things in life and actually feel things instead of shutting myself off to everything in order to avoid being hurt. I had to learn to freeze myself out for my own survival growing up, but now I need to learn there's more to life than simply surviving. And I think I'm getting there...
but on the topic of feeling things, I know you'll never think of me the way I've started feeling about you, and that's okay. It burns sometimes to know there'll always be someone else you care about more than me, but as long as you are happy, I will always support you, and whoever and whatever makes you happy is fine by me. I don't think I would do a very good job at that anyway, eheh... I don't want you to pity me for unrequited love and all of that stuff so I'll just keep it internalized so as to not complicate things... but I've accepted that my feelings aren't going anywhere and I'll just learn to deal
[size10 I have a lot on my mind. I wish I had an easy answer.
The truth is, though. I shouldn't have these feelings. Not, when I'm in a relationship. A relationship I'm happy in.
I don't really understand why I have these feelings, but they're there. I tried to ignore them. I wanted them to go away. They didn't. They haven't. I'm not sure they will.
So all I can do is accept them, come whatever may.
You're on my mind a lot. I'm happy you're in my life, and I won't regret it. I don't care how awful you think you are. I see someone that is amazing, and maybe you're rough around the edges, but you're still amazing.
I can't fix you, I know I can't. But. I can be there for you while you work on fixing yourself. I'll always be rooting for you. I don't think you'll ever be able to get rid of me, haha.
How unfortunate for you ... You're stuck with me.
For a very long time, because once I start caring, it's so so hard for me to stop.]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.