Great now I have people sending messages telling me to go die. Right now that doesn't seem too bad of idea, save me from all the stress of life.
We've only been dating three months, and being semi-long distance has honestly made those three months feel like three years. We talk about so much, and I love how honest we are with each other. Neither of us say something serious without 100% being behind it. Kinda like tonight.. where you told me about how you didn't care you were missing class, and that you loved having been able to watch the sky change from purple to blue. I told you about how proud I am because you're going after your nursing career, regardless of not receiving support from your family. That's when you said it. It was a whisper, and I had to ask you to repeat yourself to which you replied by saying you didn't know if you should.
[center You said "I'm going to make you my wife."]
And I cried, because I know you mean it. We haven't even said we love each other because we want to do it in person and yet here you are saying this. It's a weird combination of joy and fear. I'm happy you said it, and yet I'm afraid that we might not make it that far. I just need to hope the best, and try not to be so pessimistic. I'm just not used to having good things happen to me.
These two over here throwing sugar, spice, and everything nice. Making a cute relationship, only to elbow that chemical x and make the the all powerful cute ass relationship.meanwhile I can't even outwardly tell my crush she's my crush and that I've thought of running away with her at least twice a day and wanting to learn to drive to meet her and elope with her ffs
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/Loa6pSp.gif]][center [size10 At some point I will stop, but someone is def going to get diabetes at this point.]][center [size10 On a nice change of subject. That is in no way a response to anyone in here. Oh no definitely not. I would be 100% okay if you did more than slap me a little, but also that is prolly talk far better suited for behind closed doors. 10/10 please love me violently like a nice yandere.]][center [size10 I mean. Um. Soft pure boy, child of god. I go to church ever sunday. 100% NOT a heathen.]][center [size10 loljk you have 100% full permission to fuck me up in whatever way you see fit once I'm in your grasps and if that's just making me a complete puddle on the floor or making me forget my name I am a-okay with it.]][center [size10 I have a serious problem and like i would say please be gentle with me but lol let's be honest please don't.]][center [size10 I'm sorry anyone has to view this post with their own eyes because this is a mess but i am also a mess but i love this and this woman lol i would say good bye but lbh is this REALLY my last post? I guess we'll all find out. The suspense is already killing me.]]
[center [size10 you see this was all a conspiracy to show the sof cute boy you had in you all along and you've fallen for my completely elaborate trap just as i have planned
jk this is a surprise and also the best thing ever
okay not a surprise surprise cause i know you more like a surprise to my non existent ego that likes telling me everyone hates me
10/10 would lightly slap you for you but am still convinced i'd have a hard time revving up a real punch just cause i'd rather squish ur face
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/VMHrPOe.gif]][center [size10 At this rate you could keep me at your side for eternity. I have nothing keeping me here. Like I got Flary here but she would be okay with it so long as I'm happy. I don't have family here anymore. I don't have any children to worry about that woman made sure of that. Like honestly the only problem you'd prolly have is like detaching me from you. lol jk cause i can be clingy but i ain't the clingy god damn. also i'm really just the softest shyest bumbling idiot who couldn't sweet talk his way out of a god damn plastic bag irl. i'd prolly wind up just incredibly endearing but then you'd prolly just like thrive off of that too so idk why i'm tryna sell myself short.]]
[center [size10 As I say softest rough boy but truly only soft for you cause otherwise I'd be fighting tooth and nail not to be so affectionate with you. 10/10 you is best girl. 10/10 will give you head pats. 10/10 anyone could shoot me anytime they want because why am I being allowed to be this sappy. Even my followers know about my secret soft side now r.i.p my reputation man.]][center [s [size10 it's okay if you kill my reputation tho real talk. just murder it reveal me for what i truly am]]
[center [size10 Just gooonnna
what did i ever do to deserve such an amazing hubby?
about, zero things
but that just makes me all the more appreciative
reminds me i have so much more to save for
gifts, tickets, all that stuff
yo ass is at the very least gonna be visiting me once I have my move figured out
stilllll wanna steal you and have you stay with meee
you know, even as bleak as some things get sometimes, i really have to stop forgetting the people at my side.
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/CRmrsHs.gif]][center [size10 Real ass talk for a minute]][center [size10 I would marry the shit out of you and I still love the shit out of you.]][center [size10 Fight me irl I thought I was past this I apologize in advance. Listened to a song and tbh still think of you. I got a problem, but honestly it could be worse. Legit adore you, please don't change. Adorable lil thing you. Lemme hold you face in my hands and stare you right in the eye and then tell you how much that doggo of yours is a dork.]][center [size10 Light of my life. Apple of my eye. All those cliche sappy lovey lines. I hope you see this and you wanna punch me in the face because tbh that's all I want.]]
[center [s [size10 I'm kidding tho you don't have to punch me unless you want to because I would be 100% okay with it]][center [size10 When you write posts about your wife on tumblr and someone reblogs two them and you want to go bury yourself because why are you spreading this dirt you now have on me?!]][center [size10 tho honestly who is it that you are also okay with setting you on fire my friend let us bond]]
Okay so my best friends mom personally donated 300$ to me for our puppy when she was sick.
I only got 91$ sent to me. (Ripoff)
And so I cashed it and got Lucy shit
And now suddenly it's bounced back
Please check your emails and fix that, kid.
It was a gofundme through your facebook.
I'm between jobs and trying to push my Oklahoma license into texas.
I don't have the 100$ they are trying to charge me. So please look into that shit.
Sorry just... stressed not trying to bother anyone.
Just trying to mention an issue that could be fixed maybe
Unless you don't want to
In which case my bank will just keep charging and I'll never get out of debt and it will suck so... please do
._. I'm trying
I didn't even think I would make it this far.
Cant believe this is what our relationship is made of now. You're too scared to even say anything to me. I don't even know how to say... well just about anything. I'm really frustrated and about done with trying to justify my feelings to other people. I've only told a handful of people what had happened. Something tells me you deserve that much. But I don't care about what you deserve anymore. I've gone 100 for you-I've done it all for you. I ignored my feelings for other people because I've treasured what we had. I'm not saying that because I want you to be proud of me, I'm saying that because there are people out there that give me something you can't. And I sit and wonder, "why I'm still here when that's the case?" I never would pursue them, but God, these are some pretty amazing people. Okay. One person in particular. She's honestly the best. Supportive. Kind. Selfless. She goes so far for anyone emotionally and won't even do it for herself. I don't like that myself, because that's unhealtht. But I love that she always thinks of others before hersel. It makes me want to show her it's okay to love yourself. I care for her and I just want her to be happy. It's not like we could anyways. You always seem to care for yourself. Or what I could do for you. It hurts. That's how I feel on the daily. I never figured out how to show someone I love them-fuck. Who am I kidding? Yes, I do. I spoiled you with things I wanted myself. When you hurt I rubbed you to sleep. When you were sad I tickled you and kissed you until you smiled. When we were arguing, and you curled up on your side I held you throughout the night. I apologized nearly every time, I told you I loved you, and I'm sorry. I push people away. But I tried too damn hard for you. I tried too hard to make myself vulnerable with you. I thought after every thing, of course you're different. I thought after all the love you showered me with when I thought you'd turn your back on me; after every time I fucked up and you kissed my head and said you loved me; after any time I tested your patience and we said hurtful things only to make up; I thought, out of everyone I had met and known, you were different. That was and always will be, my biggest fault. I used my heart. Not my head. My head knows better. It's seen people before. People will never change. It's why I'm here after all these years. I've really been depressed and this time I'm gonna voice it, maybe it's because I feed off of what you give me. I'm not dumb. I can fucking read the air with you. You give me uncertain vibes, and it makes me uncertain. Just can't wait til you meet me as an alcoholic. Haha. You'll smell it off my breath and hate me.
[size10 Lightning is scary but beautiful. I'm mesmerized by it, at least tonight. The thunder that accompanies it seems equally as beautiful to me.
It surprises me how much I realized I missed storms like these. Lightning is just so bright and beautiful and [i danngerous]. I'm not scared of it like I used to be.
I'm just -- so in awe of nature right now.
I've been crying these past two nights because of how much I miss you. I know I have your jacket, and it smells just like you.. but it kinda makes it worse, especially at night. The fact I almost never have cell service in this fucking state makes it harder on me because I can't talk to you as much as I'm used to.
Love sucks ass.
But I'm not gonna tell you I love you for the first time until I see you in person, because then I'll know that I'm being honest. Plus it's super tacky to say it over the phone.
[center [pic https://i.imgur.com/0wWI3qh.gif]][center [size10 There's an hour left to today for me so I might as well do this before it gets too late and I miss the chance]][center [size10 Happy mother's day to my amazingly talented and beautiful mama who deserves all the happiness in the world and I wish could relax and rest and just be happy more often. I ain't about that mushy shit but I adore the shit outta you and hopefully one of these days I'll be able to see you and thank you and one day I can back you back for everything.]]
[center [size10 Seriously tho, idk what else to say beside the fact that idk where I'd be at this point if I hadn't had you around, and tbh idc you know who but thank god for him cause he introduced us when you get down to him, cause he may have fucked a lot of shit up but he did one thing right.]][center [s [size10 if you ever need me to kill someone just ask]]]
[size10 I think, I've finally put the pieces together.
I see my place in your life -- there isn't one for me.
I'm nothing more than a bird passing by. Perhaps admired for mere seconds, then forgotten.
It isn't poetic. It's just sad.
My distance when all I want is to get close is sad.
These thoughts are sad.
My life is sad.
All I want to do is yell at you.
Because I love and care about you.
But I'll just stay silent, because
There's no chance of you hearing me.
Or understanding me.
Or even noticing me at this point.
I'm forgotten and practically invisible to begin with.
As I've always been.
What's the point in fighting it anymore?
It's just miserable.
I hurt so much and I don't know what for. I want to break down but what good would it do? My soul is sad. I wish somebody would understand me when I say I can't figure I it how to be happy. I was so close to it. I've been thinking so goddamn much lately, but this has especially been on my mind. Aside from the feelings I have for her, aside the love that still flickers here, the homesickness, the loneliness, the yearning to change myself and everything around me.... I've been reminded of the day I declared my last. It wasn't a lonely one. No. But I regret ever saying anything. I was so drugged up, I don't even know why I explained. Death is and never was beautiful. That's what terrifies me. Life will never be beautiful for me. I can't bring myself to let it. But the end of everything shakes the primitive instinct to survive. I don't want to. I'm so tired, everyone.
I'm just being dramatic. That's what they always written me off as. Dramatic. I'd just better get to bed and ready for work tomorrow. That's all this pointless life seems good for anyways.
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.