[size10 I keep pushing myself to be creative. I have to in order to not be so slothful. My only wish is to have the materials I need.
Alas, I'll stick to writing stories.
I hope all of my friends are having good days. You all deserve it. ♡
[Center [size10 I'm glad everyone had a good laugh knowing what they know. And my my, how much they underestimate me. Still, at the very least it's good to see how sick with fear Sage was. I'm no less confused than I was at the start but if all that is just fun and games for everyone else, then I [i will] force myself to fucking shut it down. One person I couldn't handle losing, my ass. I will not let one person have so much control over me. But y'know.. Rami's offer was rather tempting. Being without three troublesome people and being on my own again? It's a very persuasive thought.]]
AWA may be possible. Ugh, I'm not getting my hopes up. Though, SPYAIR is going to be there. My friend said I may be able to share a room with her. Fingers crossed.
Edit: I'm so shakey from lack of medication.
I can't believe I joined this site 8 years ago. It honestly feels a lot longer than that. Each time I sign in, I get all these memories coming back, some good and some pretty bad. But I can honestly say that the good trumps the bad and I'm still thankful that I signed up 8 years ago. I'm just hoping to make new good memories and have fun.
[size10 [center Oh yeah. Have people spend hours waiting just to be able to log into WoW only to find out that all that's new is the stat squish and class change, new talents, interface change and yay blood elves have yellow eyes now. Where's the fucking Darkshore shit? Really? Nothing yet? Just a week of.. getting used to the changes?? GCD isn't really gunna effect anyone majorly except high end mythic plus guys so wtf Blizz? We really need a whole week to select our talents and just, sit around till the rest comes out? Jesus]]
Just a gentle reminder to those pursuing my beautiful baby boy, neon:
Have you lost your goddamn mind? Because I will help you find it. You do not go sniffling around him. He is my child.
Also if you ever have the "bright" idea of phucking meeting him I will fucking take the first fucking bus to come and tell you that I will puck your life up.
So if you don't mind, go ahead and be a thorst ball to ANYONE else because I'm 100% sure neon don't wanna meet me angry and all puffed up. I'm 4'11" I cannot tolerate much anger so imagine all the dumb crazy shit I will do if you actually cant control your THIRSTY ASS DICK thanks nice talk
Okay, so idk if I'm losing my mind or if I heard him right. Knowing Bruce though he did say this shit because of how toxic he is. Anyways when we got home from dropping Neon off at the bus station, I was texting my brother for my mom because her phone was dead. So I got a text from Patrick telling me to let mom know that he was gonna be a bit late. I told her and this mother fucker has, audacity to mumble under his breath "Good, I hope they're plane crashes. " WHAT THE FUCK!? No that is fucked up! How fucking dare you say that? I dislike Patrick and my sister in law Andrea but I'd fucking never wish that shit on them. Also wishing that on my niece is fucking sick man. I wanted to vomit after he said that shit.
Thankfully their plane landed safely and they fine. Idk what I'd do if that actually happened, yes my brother and my step sister aren't the best of people but I don't seriously wish death on them. I admit out of anger I say I do or jokingly but that's it. But never have I ever wished they were actually dead nor did I fucking ever wish harm on my niece because god dammit I love that little girl. So for that mother fucking toxic ass man to say that under his breath BOILS my fucking blood.
My friend is concerned about my addiction to The Arcana game. Anything revolving around Tarot, I'm down for. I miss my old Tarot cards...
Also, this click in my wrist is starting to hurt.
Nearly an hour fucking late for the prepatch cause the internet decides to be a complete sack of shit on every device I have. I'm literally fucking losing my shit. Not to mention this headache still isn't going away. If it is a concussion just go ahead and kill me already instead of dragging this out and making me deal with this headache ontop of dealing with this shitty fucking wifi. That'd be great. Thanks.
Update: Aaand apparently too many people are trying to log into WoW at once so it isn't letting me log in anyway. Fantastic.
[center [size10 Good riddance to this state. Two hours before I leave for the station. A little under 5 hours until my bus leaves. 2 days until I get to Maine and get to Xephy. Hopefully I will get a job. I will prosper there. I have to leave Tabitha behind but that's okay I'll get her back hopefully in no time. Part of me wants to reach out to that woman but seeing my post below reminds me I have no reason to. In order to move forward I have to stop worrying about her opinion and more about what I want. I could have left so much sooner had I worried less about what other people wanted or thought of me. Fear of being hated and fear of failure have been my biggest weaknesses. I need to get over those. I am my own person and I plan to work towards a future I'm proud of. I'mma make suga mama proud of me. She doesn't want me to anything but be happy and live life happily and I won't let her down. One day I'll make sure everything she's done is repayed ten fold. ]]
[center [size10 this is also bitter sweet cause I have to leave flary behind and tbh living with her for all these months has been a blessing. I'll miss the shit out of her. I'd hoped when we left this state it would be together and that we would be living together but unfortunately that's not how it's worked out. I will make damn sure that we see each other one day regardless. Even if I have to put my life on hold for it. She's my best damn friend and I adore her and I hope she remembers I have her back even if she feels like one else does and that I'm always rooting for her. Get that diploma bby. Get there dream job. Fuck people up. Always remember you beautiful and I love you okay? This is going to fucking hurt me too and I hope when I leave you give me the biggest fucking hug. If you don't that's okay cause I'll prolly initiate it myself anyways lol]]
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/03Dk6S1.gif]][center [size10 when you realize that woman prolly had a type and that type was pedophiles and you let one of them touch you and you feel disgusting and wanna be set on fire. Like how are you going to let those kinds of men around your children. How are you gonna play the "I had a feeling he was sick" Card after one goes to jail for that shit but not realize what the first one was and deny what he did to me. But at the same time go and accuse my father of that disgusting shit when you kept him out of my life even tho he said to my face that he wished he could be there for me but that you wouldn't allow it. How dare you subject me to all this fucking bullshit that I never asked for and never deserved and then when you decide its time to have a mid life crisis or some shit you just throw me to the fucking curb. I will most likely never get over this. Yes I might heal one day but I'll still have the fucking scars from the shit you subjected me to and then when I confronted you you denied. That isn't nuturing. That is neglect. I wasn't crazy or over reactive in high school. Morte's hatred of you for your emotional neglect wasn't unwarranted. Was his yearning to stab you while you slept a tad extreme? Yes. Everything I dealt with on my own made me want to die so badly back then. Your constant need to put me down and make me feel useless has destroyed me. I refuse to let you or that man beat me. I refuse to remain broken and beat down. I'll heal and work through my shit with out you. Then maybe one day seeing your face won't trigger me to have an attack. Maybe I'll see you again one day just to make you see what you helped me achieve by giving up on your job. You say my father was abusive. You say my stepdad was too. In the end however you are no better. You emotionally neglected me for your own disgusting and selfish needs and in the end were abusive in your own way. You made me so miserably terrified of the world and being alone that I couldn't bring myself to climb out of this shitty hole. In about a day or so I'll be leaving this shit hole state. I'll be leaving behind all these bad memories. Or things that remind me of the past. I will only have the future where I'm going. It won't solve everything but it might just be the first step to all of this shit I need to work through.]]
[center [size10 basically what I'm saying is thank you for abandoning me, because it showed me that I don't need you to survive.]]
[center [size10 papa I'm sorry. I forgot I wanted to see you before I left and now there's a good chance it won't happen. I just wanted to apologize and tell you I forgave you. That I remembered meeting you when I was ten. This actually hurts a lot more than I thought it would. I was going to use this as my closure even though you can't respond to me. When I dream about you it's bittersweet and not terrifying like when I dream about them. Thinking about you makes me feel loved instead of disgusted or hated. I don't remember how it was living with you I don't have memories of that but I remember the why you talked to me. You didn't try to turn me against anyone. You were more worried about me or my grandmother getting in trouble. I had to grow up being told that you never wanted me because of was broken but also being made to think you would try to kidnap me. In the end the horrible one wasn't you. In the end of hated someone who loved me and whose family claimed me. It's a shame I realized too late that I was being fed horrible things about you and your family when in the end it was actually the house I was raised in that was disgusting. She accused your mother of being a whore when in the end she is the woman who cheated on her husband and lied straight to my face about it. She accused your family of incest with zero evidence to back it up. She talked about how I might have "god knows what in me" Almost like it would be horrible if I did by chance have Hispanic or some shit in me. Honestly in the end I was so angry at you for so long and so ashamed to be your child because of her. I assumed she hated me because I was your child and a reminder of you. In the end maybe that is what it all boiled down to. I'm sure she got sick of people telling her I looked like you. It made me so terrified that if I had children of my own and they looked like me I might resent them. Now I'm more terrified I might have a child that resembles her. At the end of the day though I know that means fuck all. I can't ever resent a child they aren't the sins of there parents or their grandparents. Honestly I hope I get to see you today. If I don't I will try not to hate myself for it and maybe come back down here one day just to see you. You're the only parent I claim because at the end of the day when you passed away you all still claimed me when that woman can't even do that while alive. I hope I'm dead to her. She doesn't deserve me as her child.]]
my heart loves pain . must be it . i ' m so self destructive . but i still love . just hoping maybe it will be returned . i ' m so fucking hurt . but once again , what ' s to expect ? i should have known . when is death coming my way , haha . . .
[size10 Factory reset my phone and it seems to have helped. still a bit laggy but. Whatever I guess.
As long as I can make phone calls and shit , then I guess it's fine.
Still worrying about rent , but not much I can do yet. Just gotta bide my time and save up as much as I can.
I just wish I could start this job already. u-u']
I'm trying to get through to you, but I don't feel like I exist in your world anymore. You're my mom and yet everything is about my stepsister or my niece. Don't get me wrong, I adore my niece and stepsister... I just don't like being ignored and taken advantage of by you anymore...
[center [pic https://i.imgur.com/Dk9z0iFm.jpg]][center All these coffee related usernames make my dick moist]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.