Journal Entries

/ By TasteMyRainbow [+Watch]

Replies: 71724 / 8 years 294 days 4 hours 45 minutes 55 seconds

       

Alot of people love to vent and talk about themselves. They could go on and on for hours about how good or bad their day had been. Well, most people don't care to listen to you.

Thats why you have this place.

Journal Entries is a place where emotion and personlaity meet hand in hand and come through. Where you can release stress and heartbreak or excitement and brilliance without a care in the world.

And, no one's here to judge--because really...were all pathetic in our own little way.

Rules?

Are their rules in your journal?

Note, all stupid posts and or 'OOC's' will be deleted.

Note 2, No Spamming with 20 random posts a day.

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[Center [size10 See Blizzard this is fucking why so many players are fucking done with your game. You say multiple times that the new races are coming and then you oush it back. You say "once the new raid is out" and then welcome welcome to the new raid in patch 8.1.5 but lo and behold still no allied races cause you gated them behind more fucking achievements that wont be released until the next fucking patch. Are you serious? This makes NO fucking sense Blizzard. The fucking Kul Tirans and Zandalari trolls are ALREADY fucking helping the Alliance and Horde respectively. They're already aiding us! So give us the damn races. I gave it to you. I fucking went against my feelings about you guys waiting till the raid saying "sure I guess its not so bad, after a major attack I guess it makes sense they'd join after you help with that major attack" even though we already both helped save their lands from other shit anyway. Put wheres the fucking story purpose of this!? Waiting for a new threat to roll in before letting the Kul Tirans and Zandalari fucking help their factions that they are ALREADY fucking helping??? How does that make any sense. Surely our fucking leaders story wise would have realized that if they still weren't helping then they were just a misplaced asset but no I guess we can affort to lose our own armies to keep helping these new folk even though they don't seem to want to help us. Sure. No problem. There's no big faction war going on, we don't need them or our troops we've been wasting the whole expansion to help these people with. Fuck. You're really doing us fucking dirty Blizzard. Why not just fucking wait till all of BfA content is done and we've killed N'zoth. I'm sure you'd be able to somehow justify that making sense story wise as well huh?]]
  -ǫᴜᴇᴇɴ- / Mista / 2h 57m 9s
Get off of your soapbox and shut up. I swear to god Karren I will kick you down if you keep preaching that you're high and mighty and holier than thou. I ain't even had my morning tea yet. Not in the mood for this shit.
  Romelle / LiterallyPluto / 10h 42m 23s
[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kodchasan]
[size9 [Kodchasan [center Three toxic people.
It's weird that they keep saying I have sociopathic tendencies.
It's even weirder that I tell people how many times I've fucked up and what I've done.
And they'd accepted me as their friend.

It's weird what people would do for a lyricist who understands the world more than they do.
Even when this lyricist is a fucking mental abuser.
Because they told me they loved me.
What are we?
13?

[pic http://orig01.deviantart.net/9538/f/2015/261/7/e/ruefeather_by_mothbone-d9a0xkb.gif ]
  Thoth- / 11h 36m 39s
[center [size10 One more hour. It SHOULD be one more hour. I haven't been able to sleep for nights cause of some prepatch anxiety. Y'know, Blizz shooting it's players in the foot every time we get excited for the new races. SUPPOSEDLY they are available in an hour and I'm super stoked. Or well, the patch gets implemented and two for it to be playable. Just give me my fucking fat hairy bear men and my dino trolls. FUck. It better not take 5 hours to finish the last war campaign chapter. Only that tiny bit left and I'm there bois. Two more druids to add to my already too high collection.]]
  -ǫᴜᴇᴇɴ- / Mista / 13h 15m 16s
[left [pic http://i.imgur.com/ENJT3UY.gif]][center [size10 if I keep it up I'm not only going to have taken Tiffany's position but Collin's as well. Though when I say I might be taking Collin's position I mean in the "I'm going to be the overly stressed substance abusing unstable asshole who winds up snapping at people" but don't get me wrong Collin is actually one of my favorite coworkers. He actually is nice to me because we have an understanding and it's not like I'm the type he would be a complete asshole to. I'm not McGraw. But regardless xephy is right I should prolly tell Bangor to talk and act her paygrade because I'm going to wind up snapping. Wound up kicking the fucking walk in door tonight after she tried to tell me how to do my job. "He put that there for that reason" actually he put that note there because I mentioned I was getting sick of people ignoring the fifo rule for the coleslaws. I don't need you to lecture me on everything. You demoted yourself before you came down here but you still act like you're a manager. Complaining because Franny is taking all the hours so you can't get 40 a week like you were promised. Oops so sad that the people here have priority over you especially the managers in our store. I'm at 17 hours this week and will be lucky to have gotten 20 last week and yet you don't hear me blaming anyone because there's legit no one I could blame outside of the owner and he's only pushing for hours cut because it's too expensive to have everyone at full-time hours during the winter. Might murder Brewer too. Still up for debate.]]
  admin / ATINY / 18h 8m 46s
Hᴇʟʟᴏ. Tʜɪs ᴍᴏʀɴɪɴɢ I sᴀᴡ ᴀ ʟᴜɴᴀʀ ʜᴀʟᴏ. Iᴛ ᴡᴀs ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪғᴜʟ. Pᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ sᴏᴍᴇᴛɪᴍᴇs ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴏғғ ᴀs ᴄᴜᴛᴇ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴜʀᴇs ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ. Tʜᴇʏ ᴛʀᴀᴅᴇ ᴇᴀᴄʜ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ sʜɪɴɴɪᴇs ᴀɴᴅ sʜʀᴇᴅs ᴏғ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀᴇᴅ ᴘᴀᴘᴇʀ ғᴏʀ sᴇʀᴠɪᴄᴇs. Tʜᴇʏ sʜᴀʀᴇ sɴɪᴘᴘᴇᴛs ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ʟɪᴠᴇs ᴇᴠᴇɴ ɪғ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴇᴀᴄʜ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ.

Iᴛ's ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪғᴜʟ, ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴀʟɪᴠᴇ. Nᴇᴇᴅʟᴇss ᴛᴏ sᴀʏ, I ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ᴛʜɪs ᴍᴇᴅɪᴄᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ɪs ᴡᴏʀᴋɪɴɢ. I'ᴠᴇ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ғᴇʟᴛ sᴏ.... ᴀʟɪᴠᴇ? Aʟɪᴠᴇ. Lɪᴋᴇ ʟɪғᴇ ɪs sᴏ ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀғᴜʟ, ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ɪs ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪғᴜʟ. Dᴇsᴘɪᴛᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇɢᴀᴛɪᴠᴇ, ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ɪɴ ᴛʜɪs ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ɪs sᴏ ɢᴏᴏᴅ. Iᴛ's ɴᴏ ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʀᴇʟɪɢɪᴏᴜs. Tʜɪs ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪᴛ ғᴇᴇʟs ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ "ғᴀɪᴛʜ".

I ᴋɴᴏᴡ I ᴛᴏʟᴅ ʏᴏᴜ I ʟᴏᴠᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ. I sᴛɪʟʟ ᴅᴏ. I ᴊᴜsᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇɴ'ᴛ ᴋᴇᴘᴛ ɪɴ ᴛᴏᴜᴄʜ. I ᴅᴏ sᴛɪʟʟ. I'ᴠᴇ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀᴇᴅ ɪғ I sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴛᴇʟʟ ᴍʏ ʙᴏᴀʜ, ᴛʜᴀᴛ I ᴅɪᴅ ᴀɴᴅ sᴛɪʟʟ ᴅᴏ. I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴠᴀʟᴜᴇᴅ ʜᴏɴᴇsᴛʏ.. ʙᴜᴛ ᴘᴇʀʜᴀᴘs ɪᴛ ɪs sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ I sʜᴏᴜʟᴅɴ'ᴛ ᴛᴇʟʟ. I ᴍɪss ʏᴏᴜ. Aɴᴅ ᴍʏ ғᴇᴇʟɪɴɢs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ sᴛɪʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴀɪɴ. I sᴛɪʟʟ ᴡɪsʜ ᴡᴇ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʀᴜɴ ᴀᴡᴀʏ. Bᴜᴛ I ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴏᴡ. As I'ᴍ sᴜʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ᴛᴏᴏ. I ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜɪs. Yᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴀɴʏ ʟᴇss ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴡᴇ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ sᴘᴇᴀᴋ. I'ᴠᴇ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʜᴀᴅ ᴍʏ ʙʀᴀɪɴ ᴏɴ ᴀ ᴛʀᴀᴄᴋ, ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ᴍᴀᴋᴇs ɪᴛ ʜᴀʀᴅ ᴛᴏ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ I ᴡᴀɴᴛ. Sᴏ I ɢᴜᴇss ᴡʜᴀᴛ I'ᴍ ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ sᴀʏ ɪs I'ᴍ sᴏʀʀʏ ɪғ I'ᴠᴇ ʜᴜʀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ. Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ I'ᴠᴇ ᴜɴɪɴᴛᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟʟʏ ᴅɪsᴛᴀɴᴄᴇᴅ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ. Yᴏᴜ'ᴠᴇ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ʜᴇʟᴘᴇᴅ ᴍᴇ ᴅᴜʀɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴏᴜɢʜᴇsᴛ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ʟɪғᴇ, ʏᴏᴜ'ᴠᴇ ʟᴇᴛ ᴍᴇ ʜᴇᴀʟ. Aɴᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴡʜᴇɴ I ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ I ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅɴ'ᴛ ᴀɴʏᴍᴏʀᴇ. I ᴋᴇᴇᴘ sᴀʏɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀᴍᴇ ᴡᴏʀᴅs ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ I ғᴇᴇʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛ ɴᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ sᴜʙᴊᴇᴄᴛ ᴏғ ᴜs ɪs ᴊᴜsᴛ.... Tʜᴇʀᴇ ɪs ɴᴏ ᴡᴏʀᴅs. I ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ʜᴀᴘᴘɪᴇʀ. Aɴᴅ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴛʜᴀᴛ. I'ᴍ sᴏʀʀʏ.
[https://youtu.be/b3GH5NUPG2Q I thought coming back to this place would be a good thing, but I was wrong it’s just the same shit show I made for myself like last time, and I’ve come to the reality that human beings are awful, I’ve open my eyes to this shit show, see you around space cowboys, I’m not doing this again, no one cares, no one needs to care, I’m another tiny spec of dust in this cosmos.]
  Ghostface / Infection / 1d 17h 34m 2s
[center [size9 Feels like I'm stuck here, suspended but I'm at best underwhelming, what's wrong with me? Now I'm stuck here, pretending to be fine in a world I pretended was made for me. ]]

[pic http://orig01.deviantart.net/9538/f/2015/261/7/e/ruefeather_by_mothbone-d9a0xkb.gif ]
  Thoth- / 1d 20h 11m 2s
[center [size9 They say the only moment your heart stops beating.
Is when you lose hope that it will still beat. ]

[size7 Note, Please refrain from calling me an idiotic blunderhead because I spelled Still as Steal. ]

[pic http://orig01.deviantart.net/9538/f/2015/261/7/e/ruefeather_by_mothbone-d9a0xkb.gif ]
  Thoth- / 2d 10h 20m 35s
[center [size10 Since it's the wee hours of the morning and once again my mind and body are on separate pages - my body tired and ready to sleep but my mind racing making me unable to sleep - I suppose I'll just spend some time musing.

It's funny to me how I'm the least qualified to be in relationships. I'm rude, I say what's on my mind, no matter how it may hurt others and my opinions are very strong and unpopular more often than not. I've [u never] seen myself as a serious relationship man. In my past life before being here, people were only the means to get what I wanted. I would use and throw them away at the drop of a hat once I was done with them. Still do to some extend I suppose.

And yet there's this enigma of a man that constantly strokes my ego. Time and time again my true nature is tested. Our conflicting morals or personalities are brought to the foreground and I'm left with that all too familiar, "Just leave, we're too different to make it work after all. Just like I thought."

But thank whatever gods are out there, my other primary nature pops in with a "hell no, he's yours, you're gunna put your foot fucking down and make this shit work. He's not ever belonging to anyone else." SO while that may seem like I'm treating him like an object to be owned - and I won't deny that's a part of how I feel about him, Setka, Rami even - it's at the same time much more than that. Am I a good man? Not by any stretch of the imagination. Yet I know that the world has had too many chances to give him someone that will treat him right.

I fall short at times but that's what's so funny. Despite me being the "conflict isn't worth it" type, I've stayed through so much more than anyone else has done for him. Laughably to the point of compliments and gratitude, praise even.. just pouring out of him. What a dangerous game he plays. Doesn't he know not to feed me this shit? Because it's one of the most intoxicating things to fucking read.

I have this gene. It's a "too much" gene when it comes to control and manipulation. I love the feeling of having either. On one hand he doesn't want to be controlled, which is understandable. He and I are both similar in that aspect.. and yet times like last night sometimes happen.

Desmond jokingly said "Caleb, tell Mun to stop." or something along those lines. And while my mind went too fucking hazy at his response to remember exactly, he more or less responded with a chuckle and something along the lines of, "I don't control Tae-Yong. If anything, he has control of me."

Good god if that didn't fucking light a fire in my belly, something I haven't felt in a good long while. Even with everything I brought last night. Me going off on the friend he has because the guy will never be good enough for him, just like I don't think Rami's friend will be good enough for him either.. even with me staying silent for so long out of frustration. Even with the glimpse of "just get out" my mind feeds me, I still can't bring myself to let any of that get in the way of keeping what's mine.

He's mine. Mine to keep. Mine to pamper. Mine to adore. Mine to hurt. Mine to torture. And he's not going anywhere. Neither am I. Am I dumb enough to think we'll be together forever like hopeless romantic teens love to fantasize about? Hell no. Maybe one day we will part ways. But for the foreseeable future, I'm not letting any fucking petty squabble, misunderstanding or lapse in our morals or personality to take him from me.

So many relationships fucking break apart cause people can't communicate or just run away at any hardships instead of putting forth any effort. Being with him goes against who I am.. and yet even I can manage. How silly that whole realization is to me. Fucking monster turned actually decent relationship haver? Kek. Too bad that monster bit has yet to go anywhere. Thankfully for me, he seems to like it just fine on some occasions. Lucky me. I adore my enablers.]]
  -ɢᴜɪᴅᴏ- / Mista / 2d 11h 40m 58s
[center [size10 I have to talk to a detective and an fbi agent tomorrow morning. How do I prep for this? I'm not even in my own apartment and I'm already drinking. Prolly gonna get high af tonight. Been running around work on a possible manic high to the point my assistant manager legit thought I was on something. Bonded with Collin some more. He's going to be gone in about two weeks. Matt's job is in the air. I'm losing anyone I could possibly talk to 100% unfiltered to. Collin is my work Buddy who just wants to die on a daily basis like me. He's the buddy who I should prolly go to rehab and AA to if we even cared to take the time to do so. We literally have nothing to keep us alive besides work and our vices. Not saying my friends aren't helping but at the end of the day if I didn't have a job the urge to kill myself would out weigh everything. I tried to do self care. I tried to care and it only lasted as long as I could afford that shit. I have to try and get Maine care. I have so many adult things I need to do and I just get so sidetracked. I was in such bad shape physically tonight Mike was legitimately concerned and kept asking if he needed to get to the hospital. I couldn't breathe at one point and I threw up everything I'd ate earlier that day during the one break I had. Was it stress? Possibly. Was it because I've been putting shit in my body that I shouldn't be? Also possibly. Who knows all I know is I'm going to be my own end and I should probably do something about that when I find the time. Whenever that winds up being. Wish me well guys cause apparently I'm not.]]
  ooc / Sik-K / 4d 21h 27m 15s
[center [size10 So I'm tired asf but still haven't been able to sleep. And I'm five episodes in on Diamond is Unbreakable. Since I just couldn't get into it for the change in artstyle from the other parts, I figured I'd make myself get into it cause Matt Mercer is the voice of Jotaro and hot damn. So now that this part is feeding me an adequate amount of my boi with a nice voice, I'm invested and also really taking a liking to Josuke as well. Oops, another JoJo on the list of JoJo's I like. Too bad Johnny, Jonathan, Gappy and Jolyne will forever be worst boy, nasty stink bois. They can suck a duck. But yeah, Kira is a good and I like his voice as well and Josuke is on my good list now so I guess since Caleb is Okuyasu, I'm his Jojo. [size7 Still want a whole ass JJBA sleeve but I'm still working on convincing them. In due time.]]]
  -ᴊᴏsᴜᴋᴇ- / Mista / 5d 5h 51m 24s
[center [size11 Rest In Peace Grey- ]
[pic https://i.gifer.com/cL5.gif ]

[size9 She was someone I loved on this site and she just died four days ago of her heart cancer. Not only was her death a surprise to others, but she was also the only one to tell me she was dying. I didn't think much of it at the time until it was all right on top of me. By the time she landed in the hospital, I started recording P!ATD's "Far Too Young To Die." but in a remake.

I've messaged Beebo personally via email to see if he would let me release it in my now 3 song EP. But the song is in her name, 14 is a young age to go. She didn't even get to experience everything she would have. I think about her everytime I open my youtube, Spotify, ect. Mostly because every song on my mix reminds me of her.

But I'm happy for once in my life because I'm going to uphold her name forever. I'm going to be her prodigy for her, I'll carry Silver stuff forever in her name and she was just like me, someone looking for a home to fit into. Her funeral is Saturday and since I'm in Maine I can't do anything but I've been thinking of flying out to her.

So I guess this is my medicine.
[pic http://orig01.deviantart.net/9538/f/2015/261/7/e/ruefeather_by_mothbone-d9a0xkb.gif ]
  Thoth- / 5d 11h 50m 33s
[center [size10 Note to drivers. If you're turning right onto a road and an SUV twice your size is already 3/4 through with their left turn onto the same road by the time you get TO the turn, fucking STOP. Don't fucking not look out for other cars and slow down then keep going right into their fucking back right hubcap. And don't try to blame it on us. Cause see now we're the one with some minor scuffage on our hubcap and you're the dumb asses with the 6 punctures on the front left bumper. Good luck trying to get your insurance to think it was our fault when we nearly completed our turn by the time you got to the curve and decided you tiny car could take on a fucking SUV, you lil bitch. P.S. don't let your bf back you into a corner of blaming people when he was the passenger. His eyes don't equal yours sweetie. If you the driver, tell your bf to stop talking for you. Mistakes happen and your bf was one of them. Come at me with your weak ass intimidation. Okay kek.]]
  -ɴᴇʀᴏ- / Mista / 5d 13h 53m 5s
Someone asked if if that picture of the moon with my phone.
Yeah, because my phone can zoom in that far away. No, it was a camera. A Canon camera to be exact. All I did was take the picture, send it to my phone, crop it, and edit it on my phone.

Anyways... I was asked to do a cosplay collab once I'm back on my feet. I'm actually looking forward to it. I usually don't like group cosplays with other local cosplayers, but she said there was no rush and we need a plan .
  Romelle / LiterallyPluto / 6d 7h 52m 45s
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