[center [size11 after years of endless torment eroding the heart, people must build thick, coarse walls to keep it from breaking. some walls are thicker than others, some hearts are missing pieces like a glass statue once dropped and crudely glued back together -]] [center [size11 my heart is shrouded by a thicket of thorned vines, littered by rich red roses yet to bloom. the thorns become sharper the closer people approach. yet when i'm weak, the walls rot and die and turn into feeble brown weeds. the guard is only down for so long before it traps you in its vines again.]]
[center [size11 not until the roses bloom. not until my glass heart is strong enough to battle on its own.]]
[center [font "Arial" sometimes I get overzealous. Maybe not. That's just a nice way of putting crazy and impulsive. I mean he have gave me one step and it took a leap. So there is no wonder I lost my best friend. You'd think I'd be used to it by now. But it's so much harder with him. I don't know why I am complaining. I guess it's because it's the only thing [i can do.] I wish I could move one. I wish I could turn my heart off. I wish I could just turn [i myself off] because I am tired of feeling this way.]
[font "Courier New" error 404: sanity not found.]]
[p @me can you chill edge lord.]
[center [pic https://68.media.tumblr.com/138772a9b5d8bf4acead0abc5aa27f5b/tumblr_nkyb6zSFk11r84h3xo1_500.gif]]
They aren't kidding when they say anger is like an acid.
It builds up, boils and wishes to burn through your skin. Bursting out in a disgusting display that boils over.
It consumes and melts away everything around you until you can't remember what you once had. You just remember the anger.
That damn acid.
That venom that spits out.
That infection that spreads from just one person. How tense can this body of mine go? Twist and spin until it bursts.
I never realized I was hiding such venom in me. Its hard not to spread it, to infact those around me.
Silent fury is even worse, a bubbling anger of someone trying to hold the steaming pipe that is backed up with this hate. A covered canon just ready to blow itself up and all around him.
Its a never ending cycle of attack and retaliation. That's all its ever been.
I'm trying my hardest to break it, trying my best to prove them wrong, and then I go and show what I am underneath.
Well they don't call me a fool for nothing I suppose.
Still sucks when you don't answer. I know why but it still does
[center [size10 I shouldn't be this way but... it really hurts. Imagine something you worked so hard for to just go down the drain.. I've been through that, far too many times. I'm tired of it.. tired.. I don't even want to continue anymore but I will only because I know stopping here wouldn't make me any happier but continuing ALSO won't make me happy.. not for now... I'm waiting for the numbness to hit me. I need to stop being overdramatic because this can't be healthy for my mental state but I'll allow myself to be in my feelings for now.]]
[center [pic http://i.imgur.com/bpONjPb.jpg]]
[center [size10 i feel so... unlovable. i'm just not interesting enough to people, all people ever want to do is use me. no one really wants to be my partner.. i'm lonely.]]
[center [size10 i should care for myself more, but... sometimes it's unbearable to do alone. i'm always caring for others, hardly the other way around.]]
[center [size10 and when it is the other way around, i'm suspicious. it's unnatural. it's usually a plot of some sort to earn my trust and destroy me at my most vulnerable.]]
[center [size10 i hate myself.]]
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/6mtn1YWyJas]]
[center [size10 [i "I just want him to like me again. I want him... I'm sorry that I still love him... I'm a fool... but I can't help it."
i feel like i have no place in people's lives.
it's empty and it's cold.
i wish i was worth more.
Tomorrow might be filled with uncertainty
and our dreams of tonight might be filled with doubt
and the memories of yesterday might weigh us down
but there is no possibility of having a better future if you don't fight to grasp at even a sliver of it.
Stay true to who you are, and don't back down even when the doubt is seeped so deep its infecting your blood and your heart.
Don't let their whispers rip you to shreds, and don't let their shouting confuse where you should go.
and if these paths infront of you don't feel like the right one, its okay to step off it and do your own thing.
But most importantly, and something that most can forget, its okay to just stop and unplug from it all. Take time to reflect upon yourself and find what peace you may in the world around you.
it's not right to assume, and yet here i am, worried sick that i could've been at fault -
maybe it's better that you leave, tally. this place is toxic for you, it has been since we first met
i always get so worried for you,
so sad that you don't feel safe enough to lean on anyone else
please stay safe. please stay safe. please stay safe.
I am not Atorie.
I am not responsible for Atories actions
I make decisions and judgements on my own
I am Tally
But if you seriously think it's okay to shut me out, disregard me, and hurt me again because you think Atorie is just so vindictive or that I would even LET him hurt you through me...
That is on you
I'm so sick of people judging me for the people I associate with
I am my own person
I make my own choices
Stop hurting me for no reason
Fear? Like I don't fear any relationship.
I fear everyone I have. Platonic or not.
And this is exactly why.
You don't care about what goes through my mind, how harmless I actually am.
You only care to protect yourself even if it means hurting me in the process.
Glad to know I'm so disposable
I must be Atorie now
P.s. Atorie was here when you weren't
I always come back to insane new things. Seems like half of this site is moving in with the other half. ^^'
That or people are traveling. I'd like to travel. I've only been out of state once or twice and it wasn't to anywhere exciting. Hope I get an invite to some place interesting one of these days. I'll happily save up the money to go somewhere new.
Even when I can't handle being near anyone and want people to just get lost. Still can't help these stupid protective urges. I'll do what I have to do to make sure you're okay. I'm not your prince for nothin. Grr..hate that I can't fight through this to hold you, even though I know you need it. I got you though. Don't forget that, stupid.
[size10 [I sometimes it's not making friends that's the issue. it's the issue of formed groups ...Honestly]]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.