[Center [Pic https://i.pinimg.com/originals/5f/b4/48/5fb448d9591a46bc4e29f6d5cd2e2c96.gif]]
[Center [Font "Chalkduster" [U Based on the Fault in Our Stars by John Green, except our version of the story.]]]
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[Center [Pic https://i.imgur.com/Wci64YD.png]]
[Center || Day One, Entry Three || ]
[Font "Chalkduster" [#42d744 Ended up in the nurse's office. As did Katherine. Going to love having to explain to mum why I lied about being ok to go to school. God dad is going to be livid knowing that I can't even take a single day of class without collapsing to the floor like some idiot. Katherine has asthma, it seems to be severe if she is collapsing so easily.]]
This male, whose name was Jonathan gave me an anguished look, almost as if his sister's condition was entirely my fault. I rubbed my neck listening to Katherine attempt to reassure her brother that she was fine [#34f4b4 "If anything, it is probably my fault. I'm unwell you see..."] my mother gave me a 'do not' look but I sighed indignantly, it was easier if I was just open about it all.
[#34f4b4 "I have stage three cancer of the brain. My head hurts ninety per cent of the time. I've been trying to get better for years, but it appears after this dose of medication or this next round of chemo. The doctors are about ready to give up. Apparently, it's a total miracle that I've survived this long."] In truth, I am aware of the fact that I am much worse than I let off but I don't feel the need to mention it.
I then turn my attention to Katherine [#34f4b4 "How are you feeling? You didn't hurt yourself, right? I had no idea I was going to collapse either. What a way to start my first day at a new school in a town in the middle of nowhere."] Sliding off of the bed, I reach for my backpack - only for my mother to grab it and pick it up [#34f4b4 "Guess home time then?"]
[i" Most definitely. I think it would be better for the school as well if you just stayed home and did your classes there."] [#34f4b4 "Then what's the point of being a senior. You always said that I would have one shot at it. Even if I am dying and falling to pieces. Let me have this. You promised before we moved here that you would let me deal with this."]
My mother says nothing, I watch as she thanks the nurse once more before grabbing me by the arm and dragging me out, turning around just as the door swing shuts I half-shout [#34f4b4 "I'll see you tomorrow in class!"]
[i I knew I was going to go down I put too much strain on my lungs today. I wrapped my arms around him as he had said. but it had been too late as I had begun to faint I still had my inhaler clutched in my hands as I tried to regain stability but that had failed I felt everything go dark and as I lose full consciousness of everything.]
[i I was still out cold when Nate had awoken I could hear everyone talk still but other than that I couldn't do anything to get up at that moment in time. Who was coming to help me out? If it's my brother there may be some issues. But knowing it was him coming because mom had left to go out of town today.]
[+red ''What the hell Kat how many times have I told you to be careful?''] [i A young man said as he was led into the nurse's office. Breaking the silence. ] [i He spoke with the nurse letting her know that he was Kathrine's big brother.]
[i As soon as I had heard him I slowly had regained consciousness. I blink a few times before I sit up and look around some.] [+pink ''What happened?..''] [i I asked quietly as I looked over at the nurse than my brother.] [+red ''Did you even have your inhaler on you?'']
[i The young man asked.] [+pink ''Yes, I did Johnathan.'']
[i I shook my head as I spoke with him. Him out of all people had to come over here.] [+pink ''the last thing i remember happening was crashing into Nate on my way back from calming myself down from an asthma attack. The rest after that is all blank basically'']
[Center [Pic https://i.imgur.com/Wci64YD.png]]
I give Katherine a look over, is she ok? I open my mouth to speak only to watch her collapse to the floor. Grabbing her by the arms I look around wondering what to do. [#125639 [I SHIT SHIT SHIT]] spying one of the closed classroom doors, I look down at Katherine. [#34f4b4 “Wrap your arms around me. Are you ok?”] I watch as she takes another puff of her inhaler. Asthma?
[#34f4b4 “Come on.”] I start heading in the direction of the classroom. I don’t want to shout but I find myself shouting [#34f4b4 “HELP! SOMEONE GET THE NURSE!”] at first the door doesn’t open. I feel my head start to swim as swirls start to fill my vision and I collapse to the floor, Katherine falling on top of me. Then, there was darkness.
[b “He’s in here.”] I hear an unfamiliar voice, but it’s too bright to open my eyes, the scent of antiseptic. Am I in a hospital room? In the nurse’s office? [I “Nate?”] my mother’s voice asks, lifting my arm up to cover my eyes, to provide some kind of shade I sit up, my back feels sore all over… I blink, noticing that on the bed next to me is Katherine. Is she ok?
[#34f4b4 “Hi Mum. Where are we?”] [I “Inside the Nurse’s office. You collapsed at her door. She called a team of paramedics and I came as soon as I heard. No word on Katherine’s parents yet.”] [#34f4b4 “Did I faint?”] [b “Yes you did, both of you did. She from Asthma and you from your condition.”] The nurse stands from where she is sitting at her desk [I “You should be more careful.”] my mother chided, I give her a look [#34f4b4 “Is Katherine ok? Will she be ok?”] [b “She’ll be awake in a second.”] [#34f4b4 “Alright.”] I feel the weight leaving my chest.
None of us say anything, as we wait for Katherine to rejoin us in the land of consciousness.
[+pink ''Okay..''][i I said as I blew my bangs out of my face. I pull out a notebook. It's a pink bedazzled notebook. As I begin taking notes I glance over at Nate.] [+pink ''if you need I can help you out with the notes later..''] [i i said in a whisper so I wouldn't get yelled at for talking in class I sighed and looked at the teacher and raised my hand.] [+pink ''I did the reading'']
[i As Nate asked to leave I look up at him. He looked sick. Before he got up and left I blurted out] [+pink ''Are you okay??''] [i Worry had filled my voice. As soon as I said that louder than intended on I hid my face in my hoodie feeling so stupid for being as loud as I was. My mind then races with thoughts. Like. Is he going to think I'm dumb or too obnoxious?] [+pink ''Im so stupid..''] [i mutter quietly to myself]
[i Obviously nobody cared that he left. Except me. Why is that? I had only just met him. I begin to hyperventilate. I get up and excuse myself as I head over to the nurse I clutch my inhaler tightly as I walk. When I'm like this the halls seem way too narrow and way longer than they actually are. It feels like forever till my little spell ends and my breathing grows back to normal.]
[i I begin rushing back to class until I full-on crash right into someone. I didn't knock them down but I sure fell down pretty hard. I brace myself tor the person to yell at me for running into them.] [+pink ''i-im so sorry i-I'll be more careful next time-''] [i As Nate turned around I look up at him] [+pink ''O-oh its you..''] [i i smile some as I get myself up and steady on my feet.] [+pink ''You don't need to apologize to me.. I'm the one that ran into you..''] [i i say as I look at him again] [+pink ''Oh well i hope you enjoy your day. Feel better soon.''] [i Before he left i smiled some.]
[Center [Pic https://i.imgur.com/Wci64YD.png]]
Her voice is like a whisper, and I nearly give myself whiplash, rubbing the back of my neck I shake my head. [#34f4b4 “No. I just introduced myself is all. Nate.”] I then return to look at the board, where already there are words. Too many words to catch up with, I inwardly groan. [#125639 [I You gotta be kidding me.]] Rushing to copy down the notes, I can start the eps and pains of having forgotten to take my pain meds. [#125639 [I Not here. Not now.]] I tell myself.
[I “Alright. Now, does anyone or did anyone do any of the reading for this week?”] Mr Applegate asks to no one in particular. I lower my head and try to drown out the noise, his voice is louder, grating almost and it takes me a moment to realise he’s calling my name. [I “Nathaniel?”] I whip my head up, covering my mouth, the sensation of bile building up.
He gives me an odd look and I half wish I could just force the words that want to come pilling out of my mouth into his head. [#125639 [I Should have stayed home.]] I swallow the ever building sensation of bile, smile nervously and instead respond with [#34f4b4 “Sorry, but would it be alright if I went to the bathroom instead?”] he gives me an exasperated look before nodding.
Rushing into the nearest bathroom stall, I barely place my bag on the hook of the door before bending over the bathroom and throwing up, my body racking with shakes. My head swirling and spinning, reaching into my backpack, I find the bright orange bottle, I don’t care for water I dry swallow what I need, my body beginning to relax, leaning against the stall walls I cringe at the scent of the mess that is the toilet bowl.
[I “You know the school has a no drug policy right?”] I can hear the sombre voice of a male somewhere in the bathroom, shutting my bag I laugh; god here we go. [#34f4b4 “I’m not on anything illicit.”] [I “Then what was that orange bottle.”] I look up seeing that yes, indeed there is someone standing on the toilet looking down at me, I look at the toilet bowl [#34f4b4 “I’m sick. The pills keep me walking.”] the kid nods before blurting [I “You’re like my sister then.”] [#34f4b4 “Your sister?”] [I “Yeah.”] he disappears for a second before pushing open my stall door, offering his hand [I “Name’s John.”] [#34f4b4 “Nate.”] [I “New kid?”] [#34f4b4 “Yeah, arrived a week or so ago.”] I take his hand as he cringes at the toilet, flushing it for me.
He gives me a moment to clean myself up, rinsing my face and wiping away any sign of illness. Once I’m standing upright and with my bag on my shoulder the bell for the next class rings. [#34f4b4 “I should probably head home. I have no idea if I’ll need to rest.”] [I “What’s your next class.”] [#34f4b4 “It was meant to be Chemistry.”] I shrug [I “Alright I’ll let whoever is teaching know.”]
I thank the kid, before turning on my heels and walking out of the bathroom, it’s merely twenty seconds out of the bathroom that I crash into someone, - I don’t fall thankfully. But I do stumble a bit, I want to yell at whoever bumped into me, but I realise it’s the girl from before, Katherine. [#34f4b4 “Sorry about that.”] I choose to apologise. [#34f4b4 “I didn’t see you. Hey. I’m heading out, need to get out of here. I’ll see you later I guess?”] I give her a moment to respond.
[Center || Day One, Entry Two ||]
[Font "Chalkduster" [#42d744 Had to leave class. Felt terrible. A girl named Katherine has piqued my interest. I am certain she's the girl I saw this morning, but until I can check the picture again, I can't be sure. She was late to class, it seems she has a hard time not being late. Met some new kid named John, he has a sister and he's warned me that the school has a 'No drug' policy. Haha... if only they knew that my backpack is practically a walking drug store.]]
[i I've lived in this town my who life. Sure, nothing too exciting happens but at least it's safe. I love this little town but that reason is it's all I knew really. But as soon as I graduate I was going to take a trip. Somewhere far away from this little town, I grew up in. But obviously, I'm going to come back home until I'm ready to head off to college. Here soon I will finally graduate from this place and get the hell out of the small town.]
[i Normally I'm super healthy though as a little girl I would always get super sick all the time. Like I missed two whole years basically. Yet, they always passed me on to the next grade. Sure, I fell behind as I was pushed on after that but I made it this far now. I made it to The last year of my high school life. I'll be out soon and I'm counting down the days for it already. I'm so sick of this town. I know everyone in it.]
[+pink I smile as I say my goodbyes to my mother. As soon as I pull out of the driveway I start heading to the little coffee shop they have in town. After ordering my drink I begin to head to the school. Praying my car doesn't break down yet again. If I get another tardy my teacher will have my head quite literally. I have already had multiple and we just started school about a month and a half ago and I've already racked up tardys like nothing. I shake the thought from my head.]
[i As I drove I stopped at the stoplight right next to the bus. i had her music blasting and the windows rolled down. I loved being able to drive myself around ]
[i My heart sank when I realized I was going to be late once again for class] [+pink' 'Eh, what the hell its only one more tardy no big deal..''] [i I sigh as I drive around all the traffic going the back way trying to save some time.]
i I finally made it to the school as soon as I park my car I lock it and dart straight into the school. My asthma started to act up. But i didn't care at that time and moment all I cared about was getting to class. The announcements started so I had to stop and listing to them. I was so shaky but the time I knocked on the door to the classroom.]
[+pink '' Sir...I'm so sorry. I got caught up in traffic again.''] [i I say in a soft quiet voice as I find my seat. I saw the new kid. There was an empty seat next to him so I sit down by him. quickly as soon as I had sat down I grabbed my inhaler my breath still shaky and gone from the running I had to do to make it to class somewhat on time] [+pink '' did I miss anything important?'' I asked as I put away my inhaler.]
[Center [Pic https://i.imgur.com/Wci64YD.png]]
There are 19,495 cities within the continental United States of America. Of which there are 19,495 reasons to wonder why my parents decided that living in the middle of nowhere was the best option for their depressed, basically on the road to death from cancer eighteen-year-old son. Now I myself would not classify or identify as someone who is dying or perhaps already more dead than alive. However to the many doctors, nurses, specialists and surgeons I am one walking nightmare of a medical file. That's probably why knowing that I have so little time left, my parents have given up on treatment and want nothing more than for me to pass away in the middle of nowhere. Again. For emphasis; [b [u MIDDLE OF NOWHERE]].
Let me start from the beginning, I was sixteen when I was diagnosed with one kicker of a disease. Cancer. Sweet old, cancer. Now many would say that you can beat cancer, that the odds are usually in your favour if they catch it early or if they know enough about the damn thing to kill it before it becomes your heart and leaves you with nothing but a corpse. Alas, sixteen years old good old me, was just going about his normal routine when all it took was a particularly nasty trip down the stairs and - six broken ribs later to realise to my parent's horror that I had some form of messed up hybridised version of bone-blood and lymph cancer. Now if you are wondering, having one kind of cancer 'sucks.' now imagine having three different kinds contesting for what little space there is left of me - even though cancer is technically made of me.
Several surgeries, blood donations etc etc etc. my parents came to the halting and disgusting conclusion that in reality as much as they wanted my body to fight, I, on the other hand, was content to let myself die. Perhaps it maybe because I am a masochistic person or perhaps it is because I have embraced death and decided without much reasoning that all the cancer treatments and supposed "cure-it-alls" were not worth an inkling of my time.]
[Center || Day One ||]
[Font "Chalkduster" [#42d744 New town, new school. I am a mystery. Perhaps to all of those who attend the school, there are 345 students in a school that could hold at least 900. Is this town so full of old people that they are rid of the young? No wonder all the students get shoved into one building - I pray for the souls of the schools that no one will approach me.]] placing the ballpoint pen down, I stare out of the window, at least this attic is larger than the one in the previous house.
The sound of a bus pulling up, it's not bright yellow like the others I've seen; instead, it's an almost aged shade of autumn-orange. Standing up and picking up my bag I sigh. What role will I play? What kind of misery am I in for? [I "Nate! You're going to be late!"] my mother shouts from underneath the ladder that leads up to my new home, my new base of operations [#34f4b4 "I am aware of that fact. Cancer perks!"] Sliding down the ladder, avoiding the wooden rungs. It's only a moment later, that a brown paper bag is shoved into my bag and my mother is ushering me out the door. [i "Make some friends!"] I ignore her.
There are not too many students on the bus, and I've immediately piqued their interest as I walk through each of the rows of taken seats until I find one that's vacant, the bus begins to move just as I sit down and open my bag, taking out my camera and checking the lens quickly for damage. I am quick to turn it on and start looking for the perfect shot to start the day - and this journey. Immediately my actions prove to be something of amazement from the other students. Some point and others stare as I begin to focus in on a row of trees [#125639 [I I wonder what this place has in store for me? Who will I meet, who might change the way I see the world next?]]
It's barely a second in time, a split second is usually all it takes but I see her. I can hear the camera click as the image is taken and forever stored within its memory. Removing the camera away from my face I look down, the photo is blurry. A waste really. [#34f4b4 "Who are you?"] I ponder to myself.
Eight minutes and fifty-five seconds later. We're in front of the school, and I am let still wondering who it was I saw on the street, the girl had my interest and I barely got a clear shot of her, she seemed so happy doing whatever she was doing; liking nothing was going to get in her way, I wish I could say the same for myself. Placing the small polaroid into my journal I take a deep breath. It's time to begin again and hopefully become someone new, if not better.... then someone who is easily forgettable.
[I "Class we have a new student here with us today. Why don't you stand up and introduce yourself?"] I look up from where I am sitting, realising that there are eyes on me. I sigh standing up, the place smells like mildew and sweaty teen bodies I clear my throat and smile - the girl from this morning nowhere to be seen. [#34f4b4 "Nate Notre. I've been just about anywhere and everywhere doing things. I'm a photographer and writer. That's about all there is to know about me... Oh and I am on the journey of death."] I don't allow anyone to ask me any questions as I sit down. A knocking at the door catches our attention. The teacher, whose name I believed was Mr. Applegate, groans almost in annoyance. [i 'Good for you to join us, Katherine."]
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