/ By kosmos [+Watch]

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[center [size08 a thread to keep track of my writings.]]


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[right [size11 [b star crossed.]]]

[size10 middle school was the start of their feelings. high school is when they realized. high school was filled with jealousy, passive aggressive remarks, and a variety of partners. there was heartbreak, comfort, the occasional kiss, and growing feelings. college was more of the same, combined with drunken parties, passionate make out sessions, and eventually sex.

finally, they try their hand at a relationship. they date, hold hands and kiss in public. there are movie dates, coffee dates, dinner dates. dates under the stars that end in making love. they move in together, and that's when things start going downhill.

there's arguments, control, manipulation. jealousy, anger, harsh words they try to take back but can't. it turns from love to abuse. it never becomes physical abuse, but the emotional and mental abuse is much more painful. they cheat, then split up in sadness.

time passes, they find new partners. maybe pass each other in the street but never say anything. it's an almost forgotten past, but each moment they pass each other reignites the flame. over and over again.

the jealousy returns at seeing each other with someone else. slowly, they reconnect. it turns from emotional cheating to physical. from abuse, back to love. from despair, back to hope. they decide to try again.

only to take the same path once again. not because they don't love. not because they didn't learn and grow. because for some reason, they just bring out the worst in each other. their story is all the same, no matter how hard they try.

stuck in a cycle. wash, rinse, repeat. unable to stop it, with their partners not being able to do the same.

no matter the time apart, they're always drawn to each other, but always doomed to fall apart. destined to never work out, no matter the pain, tears, love, heartbreak that goes into every failed attempt.

their paths cross and intertwine, only to inevitably unravel, over and over again.

i think that would be the truth of star crossed lovers.

a painful truth, with or without each other.

despite knowing how awful their story is, i found myself falling in love with it.]

[size07 saving this for later.]
  kosmos / 160d 1h 26m 7s
[+white x
[size18 ❝]

[center [size10 The skyline at twilight.
The smell of dinner cooking.
Houses full of light.
The home you go back to after a day with friends.
Where others are waiting for you.
Kind people who welcome you home. With a smile.
Have I, been lonely this entire time?
Maybe, I have been all my life.
Maybe this whole time, I've been looking for something.
Trivial moments. But precious ones, nonetheless.
Are those what I've been missing?]

[right [size18 ❞]]
  kosmos / 201d 7h 51m 53s
[center [size10 loneliness & heartbreak]]
[size11 A late night walk, or at the very least, something to keep my mind off of everything that had happened. It was still hard to breathe, at least on my end. And no, it wasn't because I was practically running at this point. I wish it was so simple, but no. Nothing in my life could be so simple. My head was pounding to the rhythm of my shoes on sidewalk, my heart aching nearly in sync as well. I wanted to cry, but all the tears had been shed, at least for now. I was sure that later, when I was finally home, I'd be crying once again.

I almost didn't want to go back to my nearly empty home. Sure, there were things, my things, but well. [i She] was gone. Left with barely a word. A simple, "This isn't working out," is the only explanation I ever got. Just like that, things were done and she was gone. I'm not sure how I even managed to miss her moving her things out. Sure, it happened slowly, but I had to be damn oblivious not to notice. I suppose I was. Just a giant, oblivious idiot. An idiot that was now alone with her thoughts.

"Tch. Came out here to get out of my head, yet here I am, still stuck there." I slowed to a stop, and rested my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath. I'd been so lost in thought I hadn't even noticed that I had been fully running. As I was catching my breath, I could hear the sounds of crickets and katydids. It was a sound that I knew I would miss, with the upcoming changes in season. Fall was here, and winter was looming in the distance. Not a change I was looking forward to.

I finally straightened up and glanced at the sky. The moon was bright, as were the stars. The kind of night I'd normally enjoy, if my heart wasn't utterly shattered. The worst thing of it was, despite how things ended so suddenly and without any notice, I couldn't bring myself to hate her. I wanted to so desperately, but I couldn't. No amount of seeing her with her new boyfriend could make me hate her. All I could do was hate myself, for once again falling for a girl that clearly preferred boys.

[right I was startled out of my thoughts by the sound of rustling and a sharp snap. I looked around, trying to figure out the source of the sound, mostly hoping that it wasn't a skunk. That was the [i last] thing I needed right now. Despite looking around, I couldn't see anything. That was, until I caught sight of some movement, just barely. My eyes readjusted in seconds, and I could [i finally] make out the cause of the noise. My heart jumped, and I couldn't help but blurt out, "Hi kitty!"

The cat looks at me warily, with shining yellow eyes. The cat was all black, it was a wonder I could make them out at all. "You're really pretty," I said with a smidgen of happiness warming my heart. I always loved cats, but haven't owned one in a long time, due to constantly being on the move.

I watched the cat, who seemed to be relaxing slightly, and clicked my tongue at them while kneeling down, hoping that they would come to me. After a few minutes of trying, I really wanted to give up. No progress had been made, despite trying my hardest. With a sigh, I sat down on the sidewalk, grateful that it was so late at night that no one was out and about. Much to my surprise, as soon as I was sitting, the cat came up to me. I was shocked at first, but soon started petting the cat. "How would you like to come home with me?"

I picked up the kitty, surprised at how little they were fighting me, and began the trek back home. "Y'know, your eyes remind me of the moon." I smiled at the cat, despite knowing that the cat couldn't respond. I think I was just happy to not be alone for once. ]

[+white forced break]
I hadn't left my apartment in days. Yet here I was, outside of my apartment, with a new companion. I didn't even care if animals technically weren't allowed. It wasn't as if anyone ever stopped by the complex anyways. I guess that was the nice part about people not really caring.

Once back to the complex, I walked up the stairs to my apartment, and unlocked the door. I was surprised that the kitty hadn't fought to get out of my arms at all, though they did get a bit squirmy. "Alright, kitty cat. Let's see if you're a boy, or a girl, so I can give you a name." I flicked on the light and took a quick look. Despite not owning a cat for a while, I still remembered how to tell the difference, thanks to my mom. She'd taught me quite a lot while I lived with her. She's still teaching me things, really.

"Looks like you're a girl." I gave her a scratch on the head. "I'll name you .... Elara. After one of Jupiter's moons." I gave her a light boop on the nose and finally set her down. I suddenly realized I had no supplies for a cat, but it was too late to get anything now. I went to the kitchen, and rummaged around in the cupboard, until a found a can of chicken. "This'll have to do for now." I grabbed a small bowl from a different cupboard, opened the can of chicken, and placed it in the bowl. "Eat up," I said as I set the bowl in front of Elara.

She sniffed it warily before beginning to eat, clearly very hungry. I gave her a quick scratch on the head, and collapsed onto my couch. I kicked off my shoes, and let out a contented sigh. Once she was done eating, Elara jumped onto my chest and curled up. I scratched behind her ear, before moving down her back and petting her. "We'll get you supplies tomorrow, after we sleep." I smiled to myself, happy to have a companion after days of being lonely. I closed my eyes, finally somewhat relaxed, and drifted off to sleep.

Life was going to be a bit more joyful.]

[center [https://www.deviantart.com/yuumei/art/Unveil-774924725 [size09 [i art by yuumei.]]]]
  kosmos / 201d 7h 52m 13s

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