/ By LovelyDesire- [+Watch]

Replies: 8 / 159 days 13 hours 16 minutes 21 seconds

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[center [pic]][center [font "times new roman" [i This is my personal journal. If I don't know you, then please don't comment. You are welcome to read though. Toodles.]]]


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Roleplay Responses

[center [i [font "times new roman" [b [u February 14th 2020 - Valentine's Day.]]]]]

[center [ [i [font "times new roman" Alfa279escaped]]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" So I don't normally do this kinda thing, but this fucking [b [u child]] is really pissing me off. Has pissed me off since day one pretty much. I've tried helping him out with things, and for what? Just to have him get all butt hurt about something. This [b [u child]] is fifteen years old, and he's been known to cyber on this site. Every once in a while he would have come to me asking me to help him out. Being the good person I am, I did try helping him out a couple of times {before I found out he was a fucking minor}. When I sent him a simple skeleton to fill out, he was making it into an interview. Like no. It was short, sweet, and to the point basically.]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" When he first messaged me, we were planning on writing out a thread together, and he was like [b I can go dark if you want me too.] So I asked him to send me a sample of it, and no. I cringed so hard reading his so called [b [u dark posting]]. It wasn't dark at all. It was pretty boring to be honest. You couldn't tell who was talking, or what. Everything ran together. I told him that too. He got all upset about it, and pretty much told me he was going to tear me down from my high horse. Sweetheart good luck with that, because it's not gonna work. You want a dark and disturbing plot? Then I can give you that. I go all fucking out for that type of thing.]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" Sometimes with my own stories I disturb myself. Then he stopped asking me to help him, and I was okay with that, because he wasn't following direction at all. He didn't know how to follow a simple skeleton outline. I can understand if you wanna make your character the way you want too. But when it's just something simple, and to the point where you just need to get it done, instead of making someone wait, then do the [b [u simple thing that is asked of you]]. It's not really that hard to do at all. He doesn't like being called out on his bullshit, and honestly he needs to be. You wanna put me on your so called [b [u Enemies list]]? Go right ahead.]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" I've also looked at your searching thread, and I can understand why you aren't getting other's to write with you. You Godmod hard core. You can't do that. Unless you get the person's permission to do so. You can't keep getting butt hurt when someone tells you that your writing is horrible. Honey I was one of the worst writers on this site. I read back on my old shit and I cringe hard core. With the right people they pushed me to become the writer I am right now. You, you won't ever become better unless you learn how not to take what people tell you personally. Yes you are a [b [u terrible]] writer, and I [b [u refuse]] writing with you again, because you are a damn minor.]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" I don't care if you act older. You are [b [u fifteen years old]], and you shouldn't be on this type of site trying to write with people who are a shit ton older than you are. You wanna be a fucking child, then so be it. I will call you out on your shit every fucking time. I'm done messing around, and being the nice guy and biting my tongue. If you wanna talk about something, message me. I don't care, just make sure I'm not blocked so you can hear what I have to say as well.]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" Alright I'm done being a bitch. Alfa just stop being a fucking child, man up and take what people tell you in stride instead of being a total asshole about it.]]]
  joυrnal / LovelyDesire- / 49d 22h 53m 8s
[center [i [font "times new roman" [b [u February 1st 2020.]]]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" I have one more night of work, and then Monday night I'll be heading to Sin City. I'm seriously fucking excited. This has been a long awaited trip, and I honestly fucking need it. My job is gonna be the fucking death of me. I hate Sunday's with a passion, because after 7-8 pm, it's just me, and three other people. Not including my CSM's. Just gotta make it through tomorrow, and then I'll be off for almost two weeks.]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" Doesn't help that this month is hella hard for me.. That's when Cheryl passed away, and I know I'm gonna be a bloody mess.. Also found out one of my favorite authors passed away too. What the fuck is up with 2020 already? Stop trying to be a shitty year already. To top it off, my friend is back in the hospital, and she's bald now.. I don't know how much more I can take.. I'm so broken over this.. She's like my sister, and our bond has gotten stronger since her and I first met.. I don't want to see her suffering anymore.. What am I supposed to do?]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" I know I should be glad she's still alive, but how much more can she take? I just wish I could do something to help her out.. I want to take her pain away, but I can't.. I just feel so broken, and helpless.. Hopefully she'll be able to come home soon. I want her home, and out of that dreadful place.. Hopefully this year will turn out slightly better for everyone.]]]

[right [i [font "times new roman" ~Damaged/Helpless]]]
  joυrnal / LovelyDesire- / 62d 12h 45m 39s
[center [i [font "times new roman" [b [u January 25th 2020.]]]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" It's a whole new year, and I seriously feel like other's deserve a better break at this life. I just found out a really good friend of mine is in the [b [u hospital]] yet again. I just barely saw her not even two weeks ago, and she was going home. It saddens my heart to know about this. I don't know how much longer she will be around.. I know that's rude of me to say, but after finding out what happened, I feel like she's just holding on for those around her. I feel like she would feel so much better if she didn't hold on for us. I don't want to lose another close friend/family member, but I don't want her suffering anymore either.]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" Moving onto something more important. I got the job I've been working so hard for! I finally got the Customer Service position I have been fighting tooth and nail for. It feels good not having to man 20 machines at once. I can just focus on the line I have in front of me. There's one person I don't like having up there with me, but I understand that he's part of Customer Service, but he's so fucking lazy. He calls in all of the fucking time, how the bloody hell do you still have a job?! Seriously answer me that. No one likes you up there.]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" What really pissed me off was when I clocked out for lunch. I know you were off fifteen minutes later, but you can fucking wait for one of the other's to get up there. You don't have to leave right away. You really do get on my fucking nerves. Also, stop telling people how to do their bloody jobs as well. If a customer has a receipt for an item, open or not, they [b [u are allowed]] to return it. It's only if they [b [u don't]] have the receipt is when they have to exchange for the same item, or of greater value. God I fucking hate you. You are a lazy fucking asshole, and I hate when you talk to me.]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" So what if I'm not on the damn schedule? I'm going to be gone until the 13th of Feb on a damn girls trip. It's none of your damn business either. So butt the fuck outta my business, and I'll be okay. Plus you hella creep my out. I give you plenty of room to get behind me, and yet you still bump into me? How is that bloody possible? I know I'm not the skinniest woman out there, but fuck man, I'm not that big that you keep bumping into me. It's like you are doing it on purpose. Fuck, I could easily get you for sexual harassment if I really wanted too.]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" I just can't wait for this fucking girl's trip to happen. I need to get away from that place, and away from you as well. Feb 3rd can't come soon enough.]]]

[right [i [font "times new roman" ~Vegas Bound~]]]
  joυrnal / LovelyDesire- / 69d 12h 31m 47s
[center [i [font "times new roman" [b [u December 3rd 2019.]]]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" Tonight's my last night of work, until the 15th. Leaving on Saturday for California. The funeral is on Tuesday next week. I just, I don't know.. A lot's been going through my mind.. I've been to so many funerals these past few years, and it's really tearing me apart.. I still have nightmares about watching Cheryl pass away.. All of that black blood.. I shudder every time I think about it. My work Wifey has been cornering me making sure I'm okay. I hate the fact that I'm like an open book around her.. She knows when I'm upset, but that's one thing I love about my best friend. She just knows.]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" It'll be a really nice break from work though. Mentally recharge, and just get back onto my feet hopefully. One thing that's really been bugging me though is that Jason's been talking to me a lot more. I missed that, just being able to sit there and talk to him. It's kind of nice really. Things with Justin aren't going anywhere. He vanishes for days on end, and then pops back up and acts like nothing happened. Like what the fuck dude? I've looked and I've seen you've been active on Snap chat, and yet you won't even message me back? What the fuck is up with that?]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" I mean I did tell him that if he doesn't reply then I'm done even trying to talk to him, to work on things. So just waiting to see what happens with that. Yeah, I know what might be going through everyone's mind right now, [b 'Damn she can't hold onto one guy. Or she's being a whore talking to more than one person'] I'm not. I'm allowed to talk to other men, it's not like Jason's asked to hook up or anything. We are in the talking stages, and it's really fucking nice. I ain't gonna lie though, with what he's been saying, it makes me feel like our relationship could be saved.]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" I'm just gonna do me though. Stay off the market, trying to work things out with Justin, but I don't know. I'm just so done with all of this bullshit. I just need to focus on one thing at a time. Let things fall into place like they are supposed too, and if shit happens, it happens. I'm not forcing anything anymore. I just need to focus on getting my mental health back to the way it was. Just no more death please.. I can't handle it anymore.]]]

[right [i [font "times new roman" ~Mentally Checked Out~]]]
  joυrnal / LovelyDesire- / 123d 19m 33s
[center [i [font "times new roman" [b [u November 25th 2019.]]]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" Well.. He's gone.. They took him off the oxygen last night, and sometime this morning he passed away.. I wish I could have been there.. I wish I could be there for Grandpa, I don't know how he's taking it.. I know I'm a nightmare.. What with all of the death that's been happening around me lately.. I can't take it anymore, I really.. I'm seriously to the point where I just don't want to be here anymore.. Everything comes in three's though.. So we shall see..]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" Work's been hell this week too. I'm so glad tomorrow is Friday. I might end up leaving an hour early, depending on what time Jayden work's till. If he's off at 10, I'm off at 10. I don't fucking care. With everything that's been going on, I need the hour to unwind after work, and just break down and bawl. Thanksgiving is on Thursday, and honestly I don't want to celebrate it at all.. I really don't. I'm so tired of this. The pain, the feeling of helplessness.. I just can't do it anymore..]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" Someone please, take this pain away from me.. I can't deal with it.. I can't..]]]
  joυrnal / LovelyDesire- / 130d 11h 20m 40s
[center [i [font "times new roman" [b [u November 22nd 2019.]]]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" Tonight was fucking hell.. At least after lunch it was. While I was on lunch, I found out Grandpa's brother Buck might not make it.. He's in the hospital, and the doctors have been giving him morphine under his tongue which isn't a good thing. He's not coming home.. That's what really hurt.. Knowing that I can't see him one last time.. With them living in California.. I can't do this anymore.. I'm in so much pain it's not even funny.. After lunch I was helping a customer, and one of his bags fell, and only one item fell out. Nothing too big, I was going to be a bitch and make them pick it up, with how he was treating me, but I didn't.]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" He glared at me, and was like [b [u 'Really?']] and just glared.. His [b [u CHILD]] did the same fucking thing. What the hell are you teaching your child? That it's okay to treat retail workers like shit? No. It's not right. When I went to scan his dog food, he had the guts to fucking [b [u yell]] at me, for no reason. He was like [b [u 'I know why you are upset, with throwing my items.']] One I wasn't throwing your items, and two if you want the proof ask the cashier that had been behind me. He kept going too. [b [u 'I know you are upset, I can tell with your body language']] I was kind enough not to ask him to accuse me of throwing his items, and that I was upset about some personal issues.]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" I guess that didn't really sit well with him, because he went and yelled at my CSM afterwards. I couldn't handle him yelling at me, and finding out about Buck, I lost it. I shut down, and went into the back and broke down. When I came back up, I talked to the same CSM that got yelled at for me.. God why do the fucking holiday's bring out the worst in people? I fucking told you I was dealing with something personal, and would appreciate it if you wouldn't accuse me of throwing your items, when I wasn't. I can't take too much more of anything anymore.. I'm trying so hard not to break down again, but knowing me I will.. I need a distraction, but no one is willing to help me with it..]]]

[right [i [font "times new roman" ~Finally Done~]]]
  joυrnal / LovelyDesire- / 133d 12h 30m 31s
[center [i [font "times new roman" [b [u November 20th 2019.]]]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" I'm slowly getting back onto my feet after everything.. I still miss him horribly, and honestly I want him back.. I want the memories, I want everything back. I guess you can say I'm needing a distraction, and everything I've been doing isn't helping at all. I've somewhat shut myself off from other's too. I don't wanna burden them, but yet I want to talk.. It hurts so much it really does.]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" Work's been hell too. I'm seriously to the point where I'm about to walk out, and not even look back. So much shit's been going down, that it's draining me... I'm so done with being treated like shit out there. Being used, or being looked over. Not being worked with.. I just can't do it anymore.. Every night I come home, and I break down into tears because of the weight of the stress, and feeling like I'm not good enough, or that I'm not doing everything I can for that stupid company.]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" Even right now, I'm trying not to break down. I'm off today and tomorrow, so that's the only good thing. Today I'm putting in my application for the IRS. It's time I leave Wal-Mart and focus on me. It's gonna be hard, but I just have to hold on a little bit longer, and then I'll be able to finally move on. Maybe, just maybe I can finally do what's best for me, instead of worrying about everyone else.]]]

[right [i [font "times new roman" ~Emotionally Drained~]]]
  LovelyDesire- / 136d 16m 29s
[center [i [font "times new roman" [b [u November 6th 2019.]]]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" He's gone.. My second daddy is honestly gone.. I don't know what the fuck to do.. I didn't know anything was wrong.. I found out on social media of all places. How can you be gone? I remember when our families would always get together, and just enjoy our weekends. I grew up with you kids, I grew up looking up to you, and now my heart is shattering, and I can't breathe.. It honestly hurts to breathe right now.. 2019 has been the worst fucking year for me.. So many people I care about getting taken away from me..]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" I can't handle this anymore, I really fucking can't.. I'm to the end of my rope right now.. Work's been stressful, and then finding out about you.. Scott you were my world, you were like another daddy to me, and I have missed you so much.. I wish I could have said goodbye to you, I really do.. I wish I could see you smile one last time, hear your laugh, and hear you teasing me along with everyone else.. I just can't.. I can't do this.. I can't breathe.. I can't see what I've even typing anymore.. It hurts so fucking much..]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" I know I should go to your funeral on Saturday but I can't.. I can't see you laying there like Cheryl was, and like my aunt, and the other's this year.. I can't.. Just know that I love you so fucking much, and you taught me so much without even realizing it.. I just wish I could have seen you one last time.. Please, please, please, always watch over myself, and your family. You were a wonderful man, and I was so fucking lucky to grow up having you in my life. You really were important to me, and I will see you again. I promise you that.]]]

[center [i [font "times new roman" I will try my hardest to make the time to see your kids, and grandkids. God, I wish we could have spent one more night together like when I was younger...]]]

[right [i [font "times new roman" ~Fading Away~]]]
  joυrnal / LovelyDesire- / 150d 10h 16m 27s

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