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What could he tell her? Well the truth would be good. She already had been pretty mad at him when she left. AND she admitted to trust issues and anxiety. So really he owed her that.
[b "Came to find you. Couldn't get you out of my head and I missed you."] It sounded like one of those fucking cheesy movies.. But it was true.
Calli dropped the keys at the sound of his voice.
"Jesus, you scared me," she said picking up the keys. "What...what are you doing here, Jack?"
He crossed her mind more than she liked, it started to piss her off. She finally got the key in and opened the door to the bright orange adobe style house.
They had been doing so good. Gotten close even.. But now it was awkward again. WAY more awkward than before they had sex. Was this what being exposed was like? Were they both scared of what the other thought? Or...
Bobby as always was on top of it all. Calli was gone in hours and Jack was getting a lecture. It was the normal he couldn't just do what he wanted and was lucky his ass wasn't dead lecture. He had heard it so many times that he tuned the older man out.
He managed a day without her. Even TRIED to stay out of the drinks and drugs. But by the second he was lonely and had convinced Bobby to try and get shows in New Mexico. And he had managed to get the address too.
She would kill him he was sure. But he was going crazy. [b "Hey, darlin'..."]
This was more awkward than just before the first time they had sex. Maybe now it was because their inner demons showed.
She felt a strange numbness when she walked out but already had to get transportation set up. Bobby always on the nose had her ready. In a few hours, she was in Albuquerque.
The second day there she rubbed where her hair for a second while fumbling for the keys in her pocket.
He hadn't meant to utter the word "help" like he did. Just the word that his mind had latched onto. And that look she gave...like one of a stranger and not a friend or someone who cared. What had he done?
[b "Thanks..."] What more could he say? He wasn't used to asking for help. Let alone having someone other than his brother try. So this.. well it would be new.
Did he know what behave meant? He was ALWAYS in trouble. But he knew she meant it. He didn't trust many..But he did her. [b "Good luck..."] A man of few words, but he did care. He could be good for a week without her, right?
No...he was going to follow...just not yet.
Calli stared at him as if she never saw him before.
"I...I can try..." she said slowly. She couldn't help herself in most cases just relied on her instincts.
"Thanks, probably not though," she said and picked up her bags. "I'll sort out everything with Bobby. Behave yourself and I'll be back in a week. I made you a promise about this tour."
[b "Help.."] He had heard her and understood. Part of him wanted to do it, the other part was scared. These things usually involved therapists and "finding the problem".. He didn't want to face his because it was rooted in his past and things he wanted to forget.
Slowly he shook his head and stood. [b "So..you gotta go back? Hope she'll be okay..."] He meant it. Though really he didn't want her to go. He'd miss her. Just he didn't want to spund clingy and needy...and he knew that Rose really mattered to her from the small bit she talked about the woman.
Calli straightened out as she stepped away from him. "You have what others don't in your position: access to good help. People never save you, you have to save yourself. They just help."
She went to her aligned bags. "I need to be in Alberque for a week for Rose. Rowland has work on the reservation and the chemo is kicking her ass."
He had it in mind that she would shout at him for the leaving her like he did. But mostly for having gotten so fucked up. So it was a shock when she had wrapped her arms around him and said she understood that it wasn't him and was a disease. A real first because the last time he got close to someone and they found out they told him what a fuck up he was and left.
[b "Part of who I am...had been for years... And I believe you..."] He said quietly. And he did believe she would beat his ass. The only problem was he didn't know how to keep clean and sober. Longest he managed without these spirals was a month, though withdrawls were hell.
The series of texts that came did nothing to settle her hands. She was going fucking insane without the henbasket.
Calli pushed aside most of the petty thoughts save a few as she stepped out of the bathroom. Walking over to him she wrapped her arms around his waist. "I know that's not you, Jack. Addiction is a disease. If I see that again I'll kick your ass...I don't care for just anyone."
The last he did remember was the couple drinks when they walked in. After the whole fucking night became a blurr. So hearing her words gave him a sinking in the pit of his stomach. He really had been that much an asshole? Whelp..sounded about right.
[b "Never meant to even do that to you... Shoulda warned you..But didn't."] What more could he say. He was an addict and needed help. But he also refused to get it. Hell he had wanted all this to kill him years ago. Yet now...well it became very complicated.
And the man continued to watch the bathroom door. He was going to try and talk to her more when she came back..
"Which part, Jackson? Between ditching the person with anxiety or ditching for the white stuff? I'm a little confused on what part you mean." Calli ripped opened her bag finding clothes and medicine.
"Next time you might want to tell the person with trust issues your hell bent on killing yourself," she said in a quiet voice before she stalked to the bathroom.
The man was trying to see what her mood was. And so he had yet to speak. That and the fact that the fucking pounding in both his head and ears was unbearable. This was the "last" time he did this shit. Ha..famous last words.
Slowly he shook his head, sitting up when she did. [b "What happened last night..?"] Came his low question. He was honestly shit scared to hear it.
She groaned coming back to life.
She turned to face him feeling the dull thump of her head. She didn't even drink that much and still had a damn headache. She focused on him for a moment before the steady headache turned up the tempo.
Without a word she sat up rubbing her neck.
In the morning, Jack woke with one of the worst fucking headaches he had had in a long time. How much did he drink? How high did he get? And how the hell did he even get back to the room? All he remembered was the party and entering it with...Calli..
It was when she crossed his mind did he turn and see her on the other side of the bed. When she woke, the man was going to ask her how bad he had been. She would know...and she could piece it all together. God he was such a fuck up.
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