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James sighed out, he knew that there was no convincing Lexia now and he didn’t want her to be stressed out any further. She had broke their connection, moving from him at the kis and only keeping her hand in his as he was to help her to the bedroom. Their bedroom, where he had helped in conceiving their child – their bedroom that they had made love in just the night before. He hadn’t intended to sleep with her the same day that he slept with Gianna, however, James didn’t know what to do – Lexia wanted him and they had been having intimacy issues. He was over his incident with Gianna and wanted to prove to his wife that he was still interested in her physically and emotionally.
He knew that he had been less than faithful and James had not been as communicative, but he still wore his ring faithfully as he had committed himself to the woman and planned to try his hardest to go back to respecting his marriage. No more Gianna, this was all about Lexia and his child. He couldn’t think of raising a child under their circumstances. He would hate himself forever if he and Lexia divorced. She was his life, couldn’t she see that?
His hand pressed light at the base of her back as he helped her toward the stairs, probably the closest he would be to her. They had reached the bedroom then, James fixing themade bed to peel back her side of the covers and helping her down lower. He had gotten to his knees then, removing her shoes, massaging her feet then.
He couldn’t bear the thought of being away from her. It was odd then, James always a man willing to show how tough he was – breaking down and crying at his wife’s feet. Maybe it was the stress of th vnt and th far of losing Lexia, but he couldn’t help the tears then.
“I’m so sorry,” he confessed, composing himself. All he wanted was to be at her side, hold her close and she could barely stand his presence. He had really fucked up.
Lexia had no idea how she felt because she was so focused on trying to calm down. The amount of stress that had been caused was not good and with her medical condition, she couldn’t risk making this pregnancy anymore difficult than it already was. No, she was too strong to let herself get so weak that their child would be put at risk. She didn’t know what the future held for their marriage or if they would even be able to survive this but right now, their son was her priority so she focused on calming herself completely. Perhaps this had been what Gianna wanted. Perhaps her plan was to plant the seed of doubt in her mind and make her realise she had been having her way with her husband day and night while she waiting at home playing the loyal wife. Gianna had made it clear that she wanted to be with James so she had no doubt that she intended on making Lexia leave so James didn’t have to because a part of Gianna had to know that he never would.
Lexia didn’t even know if she would be able to leave James. Regardless of how hurt she was, she didn’t know what her life looked like without him. They had promised themselves to each other for the rest of their lives and she couldn’t bring herself to face that their marriage would be over so soon. She certainly couldn’t tell anyone about what happened, not wanting to be embarrassed about the fact that she wasn’t enough for her husband, that he needed to seek comfort else where because she just didn’t make the cut. That’s what it felt like, so she wouldn’t tell anyone, not even her mother. If things were to break now she would make up another excuse.
She was pulled out of her thoughts when he took hold of her hand, forcing her to look him in the eye as he drew it in and kissed it before running his hand over her wedding band. It was supposed to mean so much more and it did for her. It was a symbol of her devotion to him, something that she would never have broken and she thought that his ring had meant the same.
Her tears hadn’t subsided but they had calmed. She did need rest and she had to think about that above all else. He kissed her but it was only brief before she pulled back from him, Gianna’s face flashing over her mind as she thought about her kissing him. [b “I don’t believe that’s true anymore.”] Her heart was completely broken.
She sat up and slowly pushed herself off the sofa, feeling a little dizzy but not as much as before but she wasn’t so stubborn that she wouldn’t accept James’ help. That last thing she wanted was to fall on the stairs again and repeat this trauma.
James sighed, hanging his head down then as he could barely meet her eyes – he was ashamed. How could he have done this to a woman who loved him? His own wife, the mother of their son to be. If she had lost the baby he would feel even more guilty. He wondered then if she would accept his touch, she had allowed him to smooth down her hair earlier, caress her cheek. He reached forward for her hand then, smoothing his thumb over. James reached it up toward his face and kissed her hands then.
“I promise Lexia, if you give me a chance I can make this right. I want to make this right.” He played with her ring then, the ring he had placed on her finger the day they stop before a priest and were married. He promised to love the woman in front of all their friends and family. Their [I family.] He sighed out then, he knew Lexia’s parents weren’t big fans of his, especially her mother. Eventually she would tell the woman and this would definitely cause some tension. This was the last thing he needed to deal with before the event. How could Gianna do something like this to him, to Lexia? He knew she was a bit . . . infatuated with him, but he had hoped that it was more so just out of lust and that the woman would be able to move on. She had to know they couldn’t be together forever. Did he care for Gianna? Deeply. But his love, his loyalty was always going to be to his wife and while he had created a crime of adultery he was dedicated to her.
“Look, how about you rest okay? C’mon, I’ll get you up to the bed.” He was tired himself, needed to clean up the kitchen and honestly – he needed to call Gianna. He needed to talk to her. She was ruining his life, his marriage – he wanted to know what this was about. Did she expect him to leave Lexia or had he risked upsetting the pregnant woman expecting she would leave? Lexia was calm and kind, but she wasn’t weak minded and this was something that would test her and their marriage. They could overcome this, he believed that to be true. Without thinking he leaned forward to kiss her lips softly. “Please know that I love you, I’ll always love you.”
It did scare her a little to feel this way. She didn’t like the dizziness that overcame her and she certainly didn’t like that this would cause her baby harm if she was to fall so in that respect she was glad that James was there to stop something like that happening. Lexia was sure that she would never be able to forgive herself if she was responsible for the loss of another child and regardless of how she felt about James right now, she needed to put their son first.
She wanted to go upstairs but she wasn’t sure that she would be able to make it without her blood pressure plummeting more so she allowed James to escort her to the living room to lie her down on the sofa. Her eyes closed and she started to take deep breaths to try and calm herself and she could feel James’ hand smoothing her hair back. It was something that would normally calm her and regardless of her anger and upset, he was still able to have that kind of effect on her and when he left to get her some water, she tried to keep that aura of calm around her.
Her hand came up to rest on her stomach and she continued to breathe heavily, trying her hardest to ignore the noise that was coming from the kitchen, knowing that he was clearly trying to get her anger out rather than losing it in front of her which surprised her since he wasn’t usually so bothered by it. She was starting to feel the fog leave her by the time James came back in the room, leaning down to her.
Lexia reached out and took the water from him and then looked towards him, the tears filled her eyes again. [b “I know it’s not safe to leave right now. I’m not going to drive in this condition but…I don’t know how I feel right now. I don’t know how we are supposed to move forward from this.”]
He was worrying now, not so much about saving his own ass but worried about Lexia as it was clear the woman was having a hard time standing. He was in pain then, knowing he had stressed her out enough to the point of exhaustion. “Let me take you,” he said as he held the woman close, glad she was at least willing to accept his help and hopefully this meant she would stay and he could have a chance to fix this. James had walked the woman pass the kitchen, the dinner now forgotten and into their living room area. He placed her down gently onto the white couch, smoothing back her hair before laying her down.
“I’ll get you water,” he promised her then as he disappeared. He needed a moment to be angry, a moment to himself just so everything could make some kind of sense. James was in the kitchen when the meltdown occurred. His hands balled up in rage, knuckles white and not thinking of Lexia he slammed them against the counter top – the dinner now cold and forgotten, standing to his side. James sighed out, hating to cry but the thought of losing Lexia too much for him. He hung his head, fists throbbing and his head pounding. He was a blubbering mess when he finally lifted his head, wiping the tears away roughly, taking advantage of the liquor he had out earlier before taking a quick swig from the bottle. He tried to compose himself, the liquor making it easier as he began to fill a glass with water from the refrigerator.
James cleared his throat and headed back for the living room. He was torn up – he didn’t want to lose his wife. “Are you feeling better,” he said then as he walked over. “You’re in no condition to leave.” He said as he bent down to her level. “I’ll sleep in the guest room, I’ll – I’ll do anything, I just can’t bear to think of you gone baby. I’m sorry, for everything I’ve done – just please don’t leave me.” The idea that Lexia would be away from him already made him tense, not being able to hold her close or feel their child. He had done a lot of wrong lately, wrongs he was trying desperately to make right by.
Hearing his confession just made her feel even more nauseous. Not only had her husband tainted their marriage with an affair of unfaithful measure, he had even had sex with the woman and then came home to have sex with her in the very same day. She wouldn’t be surprised if he had slept with her just before he broke it off, trying to have her one last time before he had to admit that it was finally over. Lexia couldn’t help but feel worthless, feeling as though she hadn’t been enough for him when James had been everything to her. She had made so many adjustments to accommodate him and his passions and he was out there screwing a woman, ultimately screwing their marriage.
Lexia was completely numb by this point, her sobs in waves that threatened to take her breath away but now her thoughts were on their child and she found herself worried about how this might affect him. She didn’t want to be stressed or upset, it wasn’t good for the baby when she already had low blood pressure and as she lifted her head to look at James, who was still begging her to let him try to fix things, she could only really see the outline of him, his features blurring into the background. She blinked a few times, hoping that they would return after ridding herself of some of her tears, thinking that she was just unable to focus because of that. However, when her vision remained blurred, she found herself feeling dizzy and her hand clasped around his arm as she tried to steady herself.
[b “I...I don’t feel right. I need... to lie down.”] Her blood pressure needed to level out and the doctor told her when she started to feel this way she needed to lie down in order to centre herself once more. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to stop the constant whining in her head. [b “Please, I need to lie down.”]
Admittedly it broke the man to see her cry, heartbreaking sobs that broke the silence of he house. Everything was breaking and falling apart it seemed and James didn’t know how to stop it. He was so used to fixing things, so used to being in control. He didn’t know – had no faith that he would have the ability to fix this. She was fighting against the man then, trying and failing to get away from him. James dared not to let the woman go, refusing to release his hold on her as he was afraid she would leave him.
He didn’t want to answer her question afraid of what she would do if she listened to his words – his confession. James was a coward then, unable to admit to the woman that he was in fact the cheating bastard she had suspected him to be. He knew she was watching him, knew the woman had seen the signs. He was a fool, he hated himself for what he had done to the woman. Sighing out he hung his head low.
“I – I did, but it wasn’t planned. I – it just happened.” His excuses were pitiful, fitting for a man who was cheating on a wife who had carried and lost their child. Fitting for a man who was still sleeping around while his wife remained faithful, pregnant and at home. Their home which was supposed to be filled with love as it was recently.
“I ended it though, I told her no more and she just – she wants to ruin us. Please Lexia, I was drunk and not thinking. I know you’re the special one for me, the best one for me. I can’t bear the thought of losing you. I don’t know who I’ll be without you.” James hoped she could hear the desperation, see the hope in his eyes. He had faith that they could pull through this, he just needed her to trust him to try. She didn’t have to full trust him until she was sure he was worthy of that pleasure, but hoped she would give him a chance to make things right again.
Lexia supposed she could understand some of his actions, knowing that things hadn’t been perfect at home but she had never expected he would go as far as to have an affair and the fact that it was someone they both knew made it difficult for her to comprehend. Gianna was a nice enough woman and she had been invited to their wedding but she hadn’t pegged her as a homewrecker, yet here she was feeling as thought her whole world was falling apart because of her. To her, love was everything and she knew that she could never say it to someone without meaning it but to hear that he could say it so easily to Gianna hurt her.
The desperation in his voice caught her attention though and she found herself wanting to believe him as he pleaded with her, wanting nothing more than for her to forgive him and move on but she knew it wouldn’t be so easy if that was the decision she was going to make. Lexia wasn’t sure how she would ever get over this betrayal. She couldn’t even fight against him now as he held her close, sobs rising through her as her heartache manifested even further. [b “I can’t…I can’t just forget this and you can’t just try to fix this.”] She pushed her hands against his chest to push away from him but he grip was firm. She didn’t know why it mattered but there was one thing she really wanted to know.
[b “Did you sleep with her yesterday?”]
“Lexia,” he sighed out, eyes showing signs of desperation. “That – I could never love her – that was just something said stupidly out of lust. I [I love you]. You are my life, I can’t lose you. He was still reeling from her words, sporting their vows and it was true, he had gone against her and their marriage. He’d embarrassed the woman by his selfish actions. Lexia had always been there for him, to love him and listen to him – she was there even after the ranting and the arguments – the many attitudes he had toward her. Though his relationship with her was made out of lust, he was weak and fell victim to his wants. Had he gone home that night to Lexia, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. James had hopes that by him ending things, they could work on their relationship.
He knew she didn’t want him to touch her and yet he couldn’t stay away. James held her to him, “Please,” he begged of the woman, “Please Lexia don’t leave me. I promise that I don’t want to be with her. You are my wife and I’m willing to do anything to make you stay and believe that. I refuse to let you leave me,” he told her then. He was trying not to be angry, knowing it wasn’t Lexia’s fault it was his for ruining the marriage in the first place and a part of him hated Gianna for doing this to him – for what? Revenge? Did she think that he would go to her? He had ended the affair because he knew it was wrong and knew how much he loved Lexia. They were going to have a child in months. She was his wife, they were the only ones who mattered. He would give his life for them.
She wanted to believe him. Lexia wanted nothing more than to believe that James didn’t love Gianna and that the woman had been mistaken about everything. That didn’t matter all that much to her then because he had said the words to her and she had felt them and returned such declarations of love. She glanced down at his hand as it gripped her. He was holding on to her with a firm grip, but he wasn’t hurting her, it was just uncomfortable.
Lexia was kicking herself for turning a blind eye to all of the obvious signs, trying to convince herself that nothing was going on. She understood that he hadn’t been in his right mind but she had needed him and to know what he was doing while she was breaking was perhaps just as painful as losing their first child.
He let her go soon after that, disappearing quickly and returning with some sort of gift. She assumed that this was the surprise he had mentioned in his text. She didn’t reach out for them, not yet. Instead she continue to listen to his apology and his desperate attempt to make her believe him. [b “But you told her that you loved her. If you didn’t mean it, if it’s so easy for you to say, how am I supposed to believe that you mean it when you say it to me?”] Her eyes trained on him as he rose from his knees and stood closer to her, almost begging her to stay. [b “You also promised to love and to cherish and remain loyal and faithful. Don’t quote our vows when you clearly have a disregard for them.”] Her eyes were stinging and she brought a hand to wipe her tears. [b “You besmirched our marriage.”]
“Lexia I don’t love her,” he said, then, the desperation in his voice emasculating him. He still held her, knowing he wasn’t to touch the woman per her request, but there was no way he was letting her go. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t in my right mind, and you know I’m not good with emotions.” He hung his head in embarrassment. “I didn’t know how to handle the situation and I didn’t want to take my frustrations out on you in such a sensitive time.” He looked her in the eyes then, refusing to release his tight grip on the woman. “Lexia, I love you – I never meant to hurt you.” Lexia was caring, she always made sure that the male was taken care of and had never made a fuss – all those late nights she never questioned and yet even when her suspicions were valid, she still never accused him. “Just stay?” he asked of her as he released his hold and disappeared , only returning with the gift he had bought for her and their son. He bent down then, looking up at her as he offered the gifts. “I’m sorry, I was weak.” James was mentally kicking himself for allowing the affair to go as far as it did, but he head realized how much Lexia mattered to him.
“I love you,” he promised. She had friends and a family to go to if she so chose, but if he lost her he didn’t think he could live. “I can’t lose you. Lexia. I can’t” Still on his knees he looked up at her. “Please, I’ll do whatever you think will make this right.” If it would be right, this another roadblock in their relationship. He knew he was wrong for going outside of their relationship, but he knew he loved his wife. Standing, he drew in close. “For better or worse,” he said with tears in his eyes, “You promised. I promise.” He didn’t know what Gianna had planned but he was not going to lose his wife or his son without a fight.
Lexia fully expected him to deny everything, trying to make out that Gianna had just been drunk and didn’t know what she was saying. God how she wished that were true but she could see the fear in his eyes, only confirming that he had been cheating on her with Gianna. If Gianna hadn’t said anything, she might have remained ignorant to their affair and he might never have told her. Maybe this could have all been avoided and she wouldn’t be feeling all this pain. Although, she still wasn’t sure whether it was truly over or not. Gianna had made it seem like he would go back to her, that he wasn’t happy with Lexia and that was why he had turned to her in the first place.
Her eyes stung as he said her name. It felt as though he was trying to brush everything away as though it didn’t matter, but it did. [i Just] a year. Her lips parted and her tears began again. When she was grieving the loss of their child alone at home, he was with her, having sex. She shook her head and felt the nausea returning. Her eyes were fixated on the floor until her grabbed her, proclaiming he only loved her. [b “How can you say that to me? You have spent the best part of a [i year] telling her the same thing.”] She wanted to scream, she wanted to throw up. [b “I was going through a lot too.”] Her voice was timid then, her heartbreak finding ways to show itself. [b “You can’t possibly tell me she didn’t mean anything. You told her everything you were feeling, you gave her everything I needed from you...”]
Lexia shook her head, a laugh of disbelief escaping her. [b “I know you ended it, she made the very clear, but she also made it clear that you two love each other.”]
James knew then that the woman was aware of his relations with the woman and he was fearful then, not wanting the woman to leave him. He reached out for Lexia again, though pulled back as she had recoiled from his touch, requesting – demanding that the man not touch her. He listened to her, his mind running and admittedly feeling upset that Gianna hadn’t given him a chance to deliver the information himself. He shook his head. At first wanting to deny that he had been with another woman. But Lexia knew and he knew that she knew. He tried to figure out what to do, what to say to make this better if that was even possible.
“Lexia,” he said then, not wanting to hear the words out of her mouth but it was proof that the affair had been confirmed. “What does it matter? I love you,” he said to the woman, his heart breaking as he watched her. “Just a year,” he finally confessed. “ But I ended it, I care about you. I [I love] you, no one but you”. He couldn’t help the dominating behavior as he grabbed the woman, willing her to look at him.
“Lexia I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” He held her tight in his hands, not willing to let the woman leave, trying not to hurt her. “Please don’t leave, I promise I ended everything, I was just – I was going through a lot.” He looked into her eyes, seeing the woman he loved in pain drove him insane. James watched her then. “I’m sorry Lexia, please I promise you. I – I don’t want to lose you. That’s why I ended it. You mean everything to me.”
Lexia still hadn’t figured out what she was going to say to him. She felt completely numb and she had no idea what would happen when she laid eyes upon him. Would he pretend that he had done nothing wrong and that she was imagining things? Lexia wasn’t blind, nor was she stupid but she had been hopeful. Gianna has shattered that hope, confirming something that she really didn’t want to know. Just because she has broken things off with Gianna that morning didn’t make anything better. He had told the woman that he loved her and that was shattering her heart more and more by the second.
She had just missed his rage and the breaking of the glass and all she could hear was his movements growing closer. She wasn’t ready to face him but she had to. Lexia turned to face him and she felt her heart breaking even more. She wasn’t even sure if there would be anything left of it by the time the day was over. Lexia let him pull her in for a hug and run his hand protectively over her stomach, if only for a minute. [b “I was driving.”] She said simply in response to his question. [b “I don’t have hands-free in my car.”] She swallowed and tried not to cry. [b “Please don’t touch me.”] Her voice remained calm, she didn’t even sound angry, just completely broken.
[b “All this time...I knew. I knew you were with another woman. I was so naive and blind. How long?”] She looked at him with the heartache so apparent upon her face. [b “I want to know how long you have been sharing that woman’s bed. How long you have been in love with her.”] She swallowed the tears and could barely look at him but she forced herself to.
She had ignored his text, ignored his phone calls. Where was she and was she hurt? He expected cops at his door any minute, a call from the hospital – his mind was running with many thoughts on the harm that could’ve come Lexia’s way while she was in the car. He couldn’t fathom the idea of having to choose between his wife and his child. The thought made him sick, made him nervous and James didn’t know what to do to relax besides have a drink. He’d poured himself a double of whiskey, hands shaking as he drank the liquid, face scrunching at the feel of it burning his throat. His muscles were loosening but he wasn’t just as relaxed, eagerly pouring himself another shot as he dialed Gianna’s phone.
“James?” She said, almost as if in between shock and relief to hear his voice, at the fact that he had bothered to call her.
“What did you say to Lexia?” He demanded of her, the other side of the phone silent then before a sigh came out.
“I was drunk-“
“What did you say?” He questioned again, voice loud and tight with tension.
“I may have [I implied] of our affair.” Her voice was small then, Gianna not use to his anger and much as everyone, growing fearful of the male.
“Are you out of your mind?”
“I was emotional and drunk, I wasn’t thinking proper – I – James I’m sorry. I love you.” The man had not been thinking when he threw the glass against the kitchen wall, watching as it shattered and fell in pieces to the ground. He didn’t listen to Gianna’s apologies ending the phone call as he was sure Lexia was not in the proper condition to be driving. He had to find her, already dialing 911 and heading toward the front door where he found her just coming in, closing the door as if she didn’t want her presence known. He sighed with relief just knowing she was safe at least, no blood or scars. He knew she probably knew about him and Gianna and maybe would hate him for it, but had hope she knew that he loved her truly. He had meant what he said that night. Exhaling with relief he had walked toward her briskly.
“Lexia, you worried me.” He said as he drew her in for a hug, his hand brushing against her stomach. She was safe, his son safe. He hoped maybe she didn’t mention the affair, he was no longer seeing Gianna and they could put this all behind them. “Why didn’t you answer my call? Gianna said you left and you were upset and I – I was scared I would lose you.” He could tell she had been crying. “Tell me what’s wrong,” he said in a low voice, scared of her answer.
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