[center [size09 - here's to brighter days , and better tomorrows -][pic http://i.imgur.com/SYsOkSm.gif]
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[size10 Dearest brother of mine,
you can act like you're some all knowing super fan of Final Fantasy VII, but you're not. You can tell yourself that the voice acting is bad, but honestly? It isn't. Obviously, both are just opinions, but well. I suppose I've gotten fed up with you trying to act like you know everything and that you're always right. You barely play anything outside of madden, so you really don't have the right to talk.
I was too young to play VII when it came out, and I haven't committed to finishing it, but it still pulls at my heart strings, to see the remake. I fell in love with Advent Children when it came out. I loved them in Kingdom Hearts. Just because I was too young to experience how "groundbreaking" and amazing the game was, doesn't mean you like it and know it more than I do. You don't, and you never will. Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts got me through so many bad days. It was there for me, while your ass was bullying me along with all my classmates. Television was your escape from reality. Video games were mine.
I'm just, chronically sick of you shit talking the things I love, because they don't meet your warped expectations. When you're a casual gamer at best.
Blech. Tired. Gotta order critmas presents asap. Before my money is all gone lol. After these damn holidays, I'm buckling down on the saving. Tired of this shit place. I miss having a real bed. I miss having my own space.
Soon soon soon. I'm tired of waiting.]
[size10 I'm ..... tired of being hurt by other people. Well, hurt by them essentially forgetting me? It's not intentional, but ... every time I see someone I consider a friend say, "I have no one but me," it's like a knife to the heart. Especially knowing that I've tried and tried and tried, only to receive no response. I tried so so often to talk, only to be ignored ... And I stepped back thinking, "they'll message me when they're ready, I'll just be understanding." I tried so hard to be a good, understanding friend. I tried being patient. I kept my hoping, even when I was sad. I guess, it just wasn't good enough, and I need to accept that.
Some people just won't notice you, no matter how hard you try ... It isn't their fault, it's just how things are. I hoped for a long time, and tried very hard to be a good friend, but... For my own sake, I can't anymore. I'm sorry if that makes me selfish, and I'm sorry if it seems like I'm painting myself as a victim. I'm not, and their thoughts and pain aren't invalid. I just wish they would've considered me a friend. I wish they would've leaned on me. I tried very hard to be someone they could lean on, but it wasn't meant to be me, that much is clear.
I hope they find someone, because they deserve it. I don't want anything bad to happen to them. I hope they'll find someone that makes living easier for them, because I want to see them live and thrive.
Please world, be a little kinder to them. Things have been way too hard for them. I wish I could’ve done more, but I can’t. So please, just bless them with some kindness.
.... Ah. It’s late and I need to go to bed. I’m honestly tired of these morning shifts, but I’ll push through.]
[size10 still been sad, but ... I'm actually looking forward to the snow this year. I don't know why. I guess because it's still pretty, and I get to wear sweaters. Along with hot cocoa, and all the blankets. ;-; I'm just excited. ♡ Dimi is getting me a shirt to match with him ! I'm so excited! ♡♡♡
I hope he doesn't think I just like that he buys me things. v-v I'd argue against him buying me stuff, but I know he enjoys it, and I don't wanna be like some of his friends, that say he really shouldn't. Part of friendship is giving gifts, and I think it's a nice sentiment. c:
Um ... Not much else to say ! Excited for my next two days off!
Maybe I'll talk Dimi into playing Code Vein with me tomorrow ;o That'd be fun ! ♡
... I need a vacation u-u]
[size10 I've been really really sad lately. I don't know how I'm going to make it through this seasonal depression. I know a few things that can make it better, but well. I don't know. There really aren't any excuses, other than not wanting to save money. That's it.
There are other things on my mind, but well. I don't want to really say I guess. I don't want to step on anyone's toes with my feelings. Not that they're all that valid either. It is what it is, and it's been that way for a while. I just have to accept it for what it is I think.
Well, I'm a bit sleepy and hungry. So bye bye for now.]
[size10 >friend: asks a really personal question
me: takes a chance and gives a genuine answer
friend: leaves me on read and never responds
Yeah, ok... Thank you for reminding me why I don't take chances when it comes getting close to people. :I Most people just really don't care. Stop pretending you care and that you're my friend, yeah? It's more annoying at this point.
Good thing I'm a queen at distancing myself from people ~]
[size10 Senpai bought me crystar and I'm really happy about it. Though , I haven't played it yet because code vein has me distracted; soon though ... I'm taking a small break from shb because I have no game time left. and I'm not going to renew it until my day off because I work .... four days in a row and I'm going to be pretty sleepy.
I wish I could just take a week off ! I deserve a rest, but well. Money. So I'll keep plugging along and do my best to keep my energy up and enjoy the days I still work. Really hoping seasonal depression doesn't kick my butt like it has in the past, but it's already being a meanie. v-v I may go see my mom after christmas, and that's honestly exciting. And soon, senpai and I will have a car again! Then after that, a place to live. It's taken much longer than I wanted, but at least it's happening. At least I'm not giving up.
As long as the sun still rises, I'll believe that things will get better. I won't give up.]
[size11 I so desperately want to replay Xenosaga III, and actually finish it this time. But my ps2 is lost somewhere in the storage unit, and I don't have the time to look for it, nor the place to put it right now.
Ahh, my life is such a mess right now. This is taking so much longer than I wanted it to, but I blame myself. I am the one that did not do what needed to be done, and I am paying for it. All I can do is keep on living, and working to make what I need to happen, happen.
I want to let myself get discouraged, but it will not help anything. I can't rely on a god to help me, nor anyone else. I have to help me. I'm stressed , but. I can do what needs to be done. I have to, of course. Otherwise I'll be extra miserable for a long long time.
I'll keep rooting for myself.]
[size11 enjoyed the bit of code vein I played, but honestly bothered by the lack of ability to customize height. I'm stuck as a tall Amazonian woman, and lemme tell you. I'm not a tall. I'm a smol. Only real complaint so far though. Maybe one day they'll add a height slider.]
[size11 I;m just a plain onigiri. Unremarkable. No one chooses the onigiri.
I don't know why I was born, and I don't know why I continue to live. Today .... I really didn't want to. But here I am.
I guess -- I'm just hoping that one day, I'll have a purpose for living. Until then, I'll just continue existing ....
[center [size10 The skyline at twilight.
The smell of dinner cooking.
Houses full of light.
The home you go back to after a day with friends.
Where others are waiting for you.
Kind people who welcome you home. With a smile.
Have I, been lonely this entire time?
Maybe, I have been all my life.
Maybe this whole time, I've been looking for something.
Trivial moments. But precious ones, nonetheless.
Are those what I've been missing?]
[right [size18 ❞]]
[center [size10 ｌｏｎｅｌｉｎｅｓｓ & ｈｅａｒｔｂｒｅａｋ]]
[size11 A late night walk, or at the very least, something to keep my mind off of everything that had happened. It was still hard to breathe, at least on my end. And no, it wasn't because I was practically running at this point. I wish it was so simple, but no. Nothing in my life could be so simple. My head was pounding to the rhythm of my shoes on sidewalk, my heart aching nearly in sync as well. I wanted to cry, but all the tears had been shed, at least for now. I was sure that later, when I was finally home, I'd be crying once again.
I almost didn't want to go back to my nearly empty home. Sure, there were things, my things, but well. [i She] was gone. Left with barely a word. A simple, "This isn't working out," is the only explanation I ever got. Just like that, things were done and she was gone. I'm not sure how I even managed to miss her moving her things out. Sure, it happened slowly, but I had to be damn oblivious not to notice. I suppose I was. Just a giant, oblivious idiot. An idiot that was now alone with her thoughts.
"Tch. Came out here to get out of my head, yet here I am, still stuck there." I slowed to a stop, and rested my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath. I'd been so lost in thought I hadn't even noticed that I had been fully running. As I was catching my breath, I could hear the sounds of crickets and katydids. It was a sound that I knew I would miss, with the upcoming changes in season. Fall was here, and winter was looming in the distance. Not a change I was looking forward to.
I finally straightened up and glanced at the sky. The moon was bright, as were the stars. The kind of night I'd normally enjoy, if my heart wasn't utterly shattered. The worst thing of it was, despite how things ended so suddenly and without any notice, I couldn't bring myself to hate her. I wanted to so desperately, but I couldn't. No amount of seeing her with her new boyfriend could make me hate her. All I could do was hate myself, for once again falling for a girl that clearly preferred boys.
[right I was startled out of my thoughts by the sound of rustling and a sharp snap. I looked around, trying to figure out the source of the sound, mostly hoping that it wasn't a skunk. That was the [i last] thing I needed right now. Despite looking around, I couldn't see anything. That was, until I caught sight of some movement, just barely. My eyes readjusted in seconds, and I could [i finally] make out the cause of the noise. My heart jumped, and I couldn't help but blurt out, "Hi kitty!"
The cat looks at me warily, with shining yellow eyes. The cat was all black, it was a wonder I could make them out at all. "You're really pretty," I said with a smidgen of happiness warming my heart. I always loved cats, but haven't owned one in a long time, due to constantly being on the move.
I watched the cat, who seemed to be relaxing slightly, and clicked my tongue at them while kneeling down, hoping that they would come to me. After a few minutes of trying, I really wanted to give up. No progress had been made, despite trying my hardest. With a sigh, I sat down on the sidewalk, grateful that it was so late at night that no one was out and about. Much to my surprise, as soon as I was sitting, the cat came up to me. I was shocked at first, but soon started petting the cat. "How would you like to come home with me?"
I picked up the kitty, surprised at how little they were fighting me, and began the trek back home. "Y'know, your eyes remind me of the moon." I smiled at the cat, despite knowing that the cat couldn't respond. I think I was just happy to not be alone for once. ]
[+white forced break]
I hadn't left my apartment in days. Yet here I was, outside of my apartment, with a new companion. I didn't even care if animals technically weren't allowed. It wasn't as if anyone ever stopped by the complex anyways. I guess that was the nice part about people not really caring.
Once back to the complex, I walked up the stairs to my apartment, and unlocked the door. I was surprised that the kitty hadn't fought to get out of my arms at all, though they did get a bit squirmy. "Alright, kitty cat. Let's see if you're a boy, or a girl, so I can give you a name." I flicked on the light and took a quick look. Despite not owning a cat for a while, I still remembered how to tell the difference, thanks to my mom. She'd taught me quite a lot while I lived with her. She's still teaching me things, really.
"Looks like you're a girl." I gave her a scratch on the head. "I'll name you .... Elara. After one of Jupiter's moons." I gave her a light boop on the nose and finally set her down. I suddenly realized I had no supplies for a cat, but it was too late to get anything now. I went to the kitchen, and rummaged around in the cupboard, until a found a can of chicken. "This'll have to do for now." I grabbed a small bowl from a different cupboard, opened the can of chicken, and placed it in the bowl. "Eat up," I said as I set the bowl in front of Elara.
She sniffed it warily before beginning to eat, clearly very hungry. I gave her a quick scratch on the head, and collapsed onto my couch. I kicked off my shoes, and let out a contented sigh. Once she was done eating, Elara jumped onto my chest and curled up. I scratched behind her ear, before moving down her back and petting her. "We'll get you supplies tomorrow, after we sleep." I smiled to myself, happy to have a companion after days of being lonely. I closed my eyes, finally somewhat relaxed, and drifted off to sleep.
Life was going to be a bit more joyful.]
[center [https://www.deviantart.com/yuumei/art/Unveil-774924725 [size09 [i art by yuumei.]]]]
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