/ By Carat [+Watch]

Replies: 40 / 198 days 18 hours 15 minutes 55 seconds

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Roleplay Responses

[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/ker0FEY.gif]]

[center [size10 dont you fucking dare. I refuse to let you just ghost on me. I will try my damnedest to send you a message at least once a day to keep some form of communication open. Idk if your phone died or if shit went bad but God damn it i dont like this not talking to me shit. Just at least check in with me. This leaves my mind to beat me up way too much and I hate it. I refuse to assume the worst but it's really hard when that's all that's running around in my head right now. So until I know for sure what's going on on your end I'll just send a message daily in Hopes I'll get some kind of response. If not I guess I'll do this until I take a hint or something I dont fucking know man. Sue me.]]
  ATINY / 38d 12h 34m 59s
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/zHly8QjeMc4]][center [size10 [+white yeet]]]
  ATINY / 42d 1h 36m 53s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/ker0FEY.gif]]
[center [size10 I am stuck. I don't wanna write about that. I have to though, I have to write about all the fucked up shit doesn't matter what it is, that was the point. That's why we were doing this to get this all out, a purge if you will. I don't care if I have to take a whole day to write out this one part and cry off and on the whole time I'll fucking get it written out.]]
[center [size10 In other news, I'm unfriending her. I don't have a reason to keep my sister on my facebook it's pointless. There are times when I wanted her to take me seriously and she failed to. I wanted her to listen to me and she brushed it off. Like when I told her about how I lost I virginity. She just told me it didn't count because it was with another girl. Completely ignoring the fact of how old I was. She just let my mom do what she did. She's not tried to reach out to me whatsoever. It's okay. I need this for myself and that's that. Clean my hands of them once and for all.]
  ATINY / 42d 1h 49m 51s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/ker0FEY.gif]][center [size10 i had a casual sex relationship with my best friend at age 7 that only ended after she got jealous over some guy giving me attention so she called me out as gay because we were having sex. No fucking wonder I have substance abuse issues and can't deal with relationships properly. What fucking 7 year old is introduced to relationships that way? Like seriously how did I wind up in that situation I don't even remember. I sometimes forget about it because I want to pretend I didn't live like that because seriously what was I? I'm shocked I didn't wind up pregnant at an insanely young age. Then again like I was having sex with my best friend at 7 but that guy giving me attention wasn't something I understood and he actually scared me, so really I guess when I was younger I didn't want the attention of males. They scared me, they still do. But I'll make myself their bitch if they know how to manipulate me right let me tell you.]][center [size10 This is yet another thing I should really tell my therapist that I haven't because oops it's slipped my mind and it's prolly really fucking important just like the meth overdose was. Though I think a lot of these are important just to get off my chest. Once I told him about the meth overdose I felt better cause it was gone. I put it away so I could think back on it properly and not freak out like I am over this stupid weird sexual relationship I had a 7.]]
  ATINY / 42d 2h 12m 20s
[center [pic https://i.imgur.com/dtCQKD8.gif]][center [size10 I'm prolly going to have to wait one more day on him, this is going to be torture but once this wait is over he'll be [i here] and I won't have to want him here anymore. I just have to remember that. This wait might feel excruciating and horribly long but it will be worth it. I'll have my sun here, my papa bear. I can pester him in real time with full force in pure chaotic fashion. Boi I hope you're prepared. You don't even know, I've become known for my chaos and if you really do work with me just get prepped for me to be a fucking mess and to hate everything and shovel food in my mouth. Food I don't fucking pay for half the time cause I'm poor af.]][center [size10 Seriously though, as much as I want him to just muscle through it and drive through the rest of it as fast as possible I don't know how the roads are between there and here so I'd rather him take his time and be safe. Ice isn't something to fuck with and I'd rather him be here in one piece than have something happen to him just cause he was in a rush to make it to me.]]
  ATINY / 42d 3h 28m 49s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/rSotnZV.gif]][center [size10 Yeet yeet. I decided not to sleep because fuck you I'm an adult and I actually don't have anywhere to go today. This was probably a horrible idea, but hey I actually started writing something, even if it is a stupid memoir for my own therapeutic benefits and nothing else. I already know it's going to be passive aggressive and mostly towards [i that] woman. Don't treat me like a paycheck and use me for your own sympathy and we wouldn't have this problem. I already pretty much called her out as a liar like 3 or 4 paragraphs in just cause [i BOI] that woman sure swerved the truth a lot. The amount of inspiration I get to write just about her is insane. The amount of inspiration I get to write about what I've put myself through with my poor life choices is insane. If this is what my writing is amounted to is writing about my traumas then so be it. I can't see my therapist having any issue with me writing this stuff out and processing it. It's just painful trying to go in order and not hop all tf around the place.]]
  ATINY / 43d 22h 52m 14s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/0upu1jL.gif]][center [size10 I've got a laptop again, and it's beautiful, the deal I got for it is amazing as well considering it's pretty much a gaming laptop but I didn't even really buy it for that purpose. I just missed having the ability to use photoshop and make pretty things and that'll happen again. So life is good.]][center [size10 On top of that my jerk will be here by the 9th and I'm extremely excited you can't even imagine. I won't be able to contain myself when I see him, or maybe I will, tbh I will be a whole on mess around him prolly. Words will be hard but that's okay, words are usually really hard for me as well. I'll have to double check if I'm off on those days and maybe even ask for those days off at this point so that someone is home when he gets here. I don't think he'd be like I was when I got here since he would be coming to an actual house and not just to the middle of a town like I did and have to find his way to a hotel. I got lost like a small child let me tell you, I freaked out a little tbh as well. But I've made progress since then and I'm so happy that this is happening like beyond happy. Never thought it would and tbh never thought I'd be this happy in a really long time but here we are, with me having hope for the future. Gonna make all the happiness with the jerk, with my papa bear. Unf, yes, this shall be an experience, yes it shall.]]
  Carat / 48d 14h 33m 46s
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/ESx_hy1n7HA]][center [size10 [+white it cold]]]
  Deiri / 71d 16h 3s
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/A1oxh8Z-2ko]][center [size10 [+white yeet]]]
  Deiri / 73d 2h 58m 43s
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/IEFsBYlXI3A]][center [size10 [+white dope]]
  Deiri / 79d 22m 59s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/kItOOvm.gif]]

[center [size10 hi my name is ace and I'm listening to psychedelic trance again after listening to Grateful Dead in Miles' stupid car. Don't know how that entirely triggered it but I'm not mad, I haven't listened to this stuff in years and it feels nice. Just gonna vibe out until I pass out. Make a small playlist of songs. So on so forth. Get picked on more at work I guess too. It's cool man i did this to myself. Finger guns and shit.]]
  Deiri / 79d 1h 44m 29s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/kItOOvm.gif]]

[center [size10 oops got caught flirting with a coworker. Oops doing a thing I know I shouldn't but also not. Just letting it play out however. So if I lowkey flirt and tease the man and something comes of it, so be it. If I lowkey flirt and tease the man and nothing comes of it, so be that as well. I ain't forcing something I refuse. What is meant to be is meant to be. Plus why would I invest any true thoughts into some guy I just met anyways? Another person to socialize would at least he nice to have.]]
[center [size10 but also the teasing has begun. I can't escape anything so yeet me into space I guess. I'm gonna go pass tf out and thank the lord he doesn't work Wednesday with me. Don't need vera in on all this. Or Irene. Dear God, not irene. Michele is bad enough with it.]][center [size10 also he makes it so hard to tell when he's serious sometimes but it makes the banter so much better. Especially when he's stone cold calm saying he's starting to get angry because I'm misunderstanding him. Yeet yeet.]]
  Deiri / 86d 4h 52m 12s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/eSV7zGC.gif]][center [size10 if I come in and I go to my knees, am shaking, and ask crying and say I'm having a seizure and I can't finish closing you don't turn around and ask me "why" I'm having a seizure. I'm not going to know why. I do, but I don't, I don't control this shit. My fucking system is still fucking janky hours later with me in bed shaking like a fucking leaf cause I was out in the fucking cold. So no, if stephanie asks what happened and how you went about it I'll tell her, you asked me WHY I was having a seizure and not anything else. Not if i was okay not if i needed medical, just WHY. Even better when I was in the lobby crying my eyes out and vera came to tell you guys I was crying one of you just told her I was upset because you said something mean to me. Thanks. I was not okay. I needed to not be left to zone tf out by myself in the lobby for literally hours. But there I was left to veg while y'all just figured I was being fucking dramatic. Yeah, i would throw my body into this shape and then have a fucking meltdown in the lobby because I'm dramatic. Shows who really cares about me around here. I know you want to get tf out but also fuck y'all]]
  Carat / 131d 3h 39m 45s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/eSV7zGC.gif]][center [size10 I don't care your reasoning, you robbed me. All these years when my body has done weird shit and I didn't know why. All these years I felt like I was falling apart and I didn't know why. Now it all makes sense. They say they don't know for sure but it would honestly explain so much. I'm not upset by the positive lupus result, I'm upset that it took this long. I'm upset that the woman who raised me and suffered from the same disease never got me tested for it once, and the times I asked about it just brushed it off. I don't know if it was because you were scared that it might come back as positive or just because you fully believed I was too healthy to have it but it seems you should have done it regardless. I could have stopped the damage earlier. Apparently lupus damages the kidneys and releases protein in the urine, guess who constantly loses protein in their urine. That's right, yours truly. It truly does suck that I would have a mother who cared so little as to not want to at least rule out something that she knew could be passed on and easily ruled out. It explains so much of what my body does that has been ignored for so long by doctors because I wasn't dying. My low iron but no anemia. My out of range platelet count. Things others just ignored cause they would just go back to normal after a while or like I said I wasn't dying. Shame shame on you for ignoring my pleas to test me. I had insurance at the time, that's all that you needed right? It would have covered it. Smh at you.]]
  Carat / 131d 15h 51m 41s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/LxUYzVe.gif]][center [size10 won't have wifi at home for a while, the landlord's dog chewed through the coax cable or whatnot so might no get to play game with my boi on Monday after all. Oof.]]
[center [size10 in other news, sleeping on these meds is a trip. My bed and blankets have never felt this comfy in my life like I don't know how to describe it. Just everything feels softer and my bed feels bigger. It's not something I've felt before and I'm most definitely not complaining. They never said the best time to take them but I just figured since they caused drowsiness take em at night and tbh best choice cause they kind of knock me tf out but also they don't turn me into a zombie either except when I first wake up and even then thats short lived. Here's hoping they work well for me.]]
  Carat / 136d 15h 58m 53s

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