/ By Carat [+Watch]

Replies: 18 / 131 days 7 hours 14 minutes 14 seconds

Allowed Users

  1. [Allowed] Langdon
  2. [Allowed] Winchester
  3. [Allowed] Deiri

[center [size9 nothing to see here, losers]]


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Roleplay Responses

[center [youtube https://youtu.be/ESx_hy1n7HA]][center [size10 [+white it cold]]]
  Deiri / 4d 4h 58m 22s
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/A1oxh8Z-2ko]][center [size10 [+white yeet]]]
  Deiri / 5d 15h 57m 2s
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/IEFsBYlXI3A]][center [size10 [+white dope]]
  Deiri / 11d 13h 21m 18s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/kItOOvm.gif]]

[center [size10 hi my name is ace and I'm listening to psychedelic trance again after listening to Grateful Dead in Miles' stupid car. Don't know how that entirely triggered it but I'm not mad, I haven't listened to this stuff in years and it feels nice. Just gonna vibe out until I pass out. Make a small playlist of songs. So on so forth. Get picked on more at work I guess too. It's cool man i did this to myself. Finger guns and shit.]]
  Deiri / 11d 14h 42m 48s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/kItOOvm.gif]]

[center [size10 oops got caught flirting with a coworker. Oops doing a thing I know I shouldn't but also not. Just letting it play out however. So if I lowkey flirt and tease the man and something comes of it, so be it. If I lowkey flirt and tease the man and nothing comes of it, so be that as well. I ain't forcing something I refuse. What is meant to be is meant to be. Plus why would I invest any true thoughts into some guy I just met anyways? Another person to socialize would at least he nice to have.]]
[center [size10 but also the teasing has begun. I can't escape anything so yeet me into space I guess. I'm gonna go pass tf out and thank the lord he doesn't work Wednesday with me. Don't need vera in on all this. Or Irene. Dear God, not irene. Michele is bad enough with it.]][center [size10 also he makes it so hard to tell when he's serious sometimes but it makes the banter so much better. Especially when he's stone cold calm saying he's starting to get angry because I'm misunderstanding him. Yeet yeet.]]
  Deiri / 18d 17h 50m 31s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/eSV7zGC.gif]][center [size10 if I come in and I go to my knees, am shaking, and ask crying and say I'm having a seizure and I can't finish closing you don't turn around and ask me "why" I'm having a seizure. I'm not going to know why. I do, but I don't, I don't control this shit. My fucking system is still fucking janky hours later with me in bed shaking like a fucking leaf cause I was out in the fucking cold. So no, if stephanie asks what happened and how you went about it I'll tell her, you asked me WHY I was having a seizure and not anything else. Not if i was okay not if i needed medical, just WHY. Even better when I was in the lobby crying my eyes out and vera came to tell you guys I was crying one of you just told her I was upset because you said something mean to me. Thanks. I was not okay. I needed to not be left to zone tf out by myself in the lobby for literally hours. But there I was left to veg while y'all just figured I was being fucking dramatic. Yeah, i would throw my body into this shape and then have a fucking meltdown in the lobby because I'm dramatic. Shows who really cares about me around here. I know you want to get tf out but also fuck y'all]]
  Carat / 63d 16h 38m 4s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/eSV7zGC.gif]][center [size10 I don't care your reasoning, you robbed me. All these years when my body has done weird shit and I didn't know why. All these years I felt like I was falling apart and I didn't know why. Now it all makes sense. They say they don't know for sure but it would honestly explain so much. I'm not upset by the positive lupus result, I'm upset that it took this long. I'm upset that the woman who raised me and suffered from the same disease never got me tested for it once, and the times I asked about it just brushed it off. I don't know if it was because you were scared that it might come back as positive or just because you fully believed I was too healthy to have it but it seems you should have done it regardless. I could have stopped the damage earlier. Apparently lupus damages the kidneys and releases protein in the urine, guess who constantly loses protein in their urine. That's right, yours truly. It truly does suck that I would have a mother who cared so little as to not want to at least rule out something that she knew could be passed on and easily ruled out. It explains so much of what my body does that has been ignored for so long by doctors because I wasn't dying. My low iron but no anemia. My out of range platelet count. Things others just ignored cause they would just go back to normal after a while or like I said I wasn't dying. Shame shame on you for ignoring my pleas to test me. I had insurance at the time, that's all that you needed right? It would have covered it. Smh at you.]]
  Carat / 64d 4h 50m 0s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/LxUYzVe.gif]][center [size10 won't have wifi at home for a while, the landlord's dog chewed through the coax cable or whatnot so might no get to play game with my boi on Monday after all. Oof.]]
[center [size10 in other news, sleeping on these meds is a trip. My bed and blankets have never felt this comfy in my life like I don't know how to describe it. Just everything feels softer and my bed feels bigger. It's not something I've felt before and I'm most definitely not complaining. They never said the best time to take them but I just figured since they caused drowsiness take em at night and tbh best choice cause they kind of knock me tf out but also they don't turn me into a zombie either except when I first wake up and even then thats short lived. Here's hoping they work well for me.]]
  Carat / 69d 4h 57m 12s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/LxUYzVe.gif]][center [size10 I've got myself some medication to try and help sort out my mental state some finally, obviously it's not going to solve everything but I'm hoping it helps. Also got my appointment set up for my IUD as well. I'm making progress to become the person I want to be. Next step is make more appointments for other things I want to work on or towards. I also looked into hrt some and if I read my insurance's jargon correctly I would qualify for my testosterone to be covered solely due to being diagnosed with gender dysphoria. If that's the case then life isn't so horrible and I've got this. Ace isn't dead yet and we got this. Baby boy won't go down with out a fight, this boy will be the man he was supposed to be and if he has to wait until he is a man before he can reach out to his mother than so be it. Or maybe he'll just show up to his mother's funeral as a man. Who knows. Just know that woman's daughter has been dead since the day she abandoned her, the only thing that kept her alive was wanting her approval and never getting it in the end. No reason to keep that girl around if she's not wanted in the end anyways.]]
[center [size10 The greatest thing that woman ever did for me was abandon me because I'm finally my own person free to make my own decisions and feel happy properly. I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not and put off life choices simply for fear she will cut me out of her life because that has already happened. So thanks, ma, I'm going to fucking make it no thanks to you.]]
  Carat / 71d 22h 9m 19s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/eSV7zGC.gif]][center [size10 I'm either going to attract a freak or I'm going to send them all running for the hills with my God damn witchy tendencies. I swear to fuck I wanna be able to just be that girl that could find a guy easily but like fuck am I giving up what makes me me. So yeet them men who can't handle me and my full moon trances and shit.]]
  Carat / 73d 21h 1m 3s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/eSV7zGC.gif]][center [size10 what the hell is this shit? I was doing so well. Now I'm back in this stupid hole. I was digging myself out of it so well and now I'm sliding back down the walls. Also how the fuck are you going to tell me that you gotta be my manager at work first and friend second but you'll bring personal shit up at work to the point I have a breakdown at work. Morte wound up coming out. I kept crying even though I didn't want to. You knew I would have an automatic reaction what the hell your issue? You could have told me today when we were out, but you told me yesterday while I was at work and just added more stress on top of me than I needed. I honestly don't know I how I do this. All I want is to runaway and I'm trying my damnedest to remember I'm an adult I'm not allowed to. I don't have any of those luxuries anymore. I have people who look at me and see me as disabled because they see the side of me I don't show well and then there's others who think I'm fine that nothing is wrong and I'm perfectly okay and just need to work through some shit. My mother wanted me disabled and pretty much made me as such. But it's hard making new people realize just what kind of mess I am with out fear of freaking them out. I'm a horrible person. I'm needy and I want things I can't have at the moment and I think that's what's killing me the most right now. I just want a companion and I have one but he's just so far away and our circumstances just make shit so fucking hard. I can't even get a day off to properly spend time with him most of the time. I feel like i ask for so little but it's still somehow too much.]]
  Carat / 79d 10h 1m 7s
[center [pic https://i.imgur.com/MU4b9gu.gif]]
[center [size10 I don't need people talking shit behind my back because I'm sick of not being asked how i feel about being thrown in a position half the time. Y'all get to decide what you want to do all the fucking time but do I? No. I ask to run outside after we close and I get "yeah take the trash out" excuse me? No, see this is the thing y'all will run outside and take fucking 10 fucking minutes and it's okay, we run outside and we gotta run out and be right tf back in asap and it's bullshit. If I ask if I can run outside it's not to take out trash. I was about to fucking cry my fucking eyes out cause y'all fucking act like y'all only exhausted ones. Like y'all the only ones who aren't appreciated. Just cause I can run drive thru like that doesn't mean y'all should make me, and y'all fucking do. And oops sorry I bitched to Ryan about it cause oops I'm fucking sick of some of y'all bitching in my ear about it. Sorry not sorry. Y'all ain't got no fucking business bitching. I do this fucking position all the fucking time. Shut up I don't want to hear it.]]
[center [size10 if it weren't for the lack of options I'd just fucking get a new job and quit, but oops not many options around here, ain't it swell. Oh well, I could have moved but I had just got here so fuck that noise and honestly? I don't know if this current status with big boi bulbasaur all that bad and if it would have been a thing that could have possibly happened had I moved. So long story short, yeah I got fucked but maybe I'll get fucked wink wonk. Loljk I gotta stop being broke first for that to happen. Yeet.]]
[center [size10 seriously stop being fucking petty assholes when it comes to closing you wanted tf out of the store but you sure did the bare minimum once we closed and you saw I was doing what you volunteered to do. Like idk what you were doing besides just getting extra hours but you were so worried that once Ryan left it would just be us, which was 5 of us which is more than we usually have but whatever, go off I I guess.]]
  Carat / 84d 19h 44m 49s
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/HYHz4kZNuV8]]
[center [size10 I'm a sappy little shit and I hope you know how much I appreciate you lately. I can honestly say I've never actually appreciated you in this way or to this degree. This isn't me wanting more than you can give or wanting to take and give nothing in return. I don't really want much. I just want to give as long as you're willing to take it, I mean I can't give you anything of material value or of monetary value because I'm broke as fuck, but I can be a sappy little shit. I can also be a break from everything, I can be your break from life, from work, what breaks the pattern for you. Like I said I'll take the responsibility for being your reason to exist. I'll make my way to you but I'll be patient, and I know you won't let me be impulsive, God knows I want to so badly. I just want to run so much some times, but that's not how we're doing this is it? We're doing this properly and in a timely fashion and fuck it I can do this. I got this. I know I do. I'm a big grown adult who's made it this far, I can make it a little longer on my own.]]
[center [size10 you're my home and even though you're all the way down there and I'm all the way up here when I get to talk to you everything feels okay and thats nice. I hope it works that way with you too otherwise I'd just feel self centered.]]
  Carat / 85d 21h 26m 33s
[center [size10 apparently my ID wont allow gas stations to be lazy anymore cause when they scan it anymore it kicks it back and says I'm underage. I'm fucking 28. I'm just trying to buy cigarettes the legal age here is 18. I'm 11 years older than being under age way to make me feel old. Not anyone ever guesses I'm ever my age. I either get early 20s or mid 20s but when I tell people my real age half the time they don't believe me. Even when I offer to show them my ID that says 1991 on it. Like come one why tf would I lie about being that old. I definitely don't act it that's half the reason no one believes me.]]
  / Carat / 87d 9h 25m 27s
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/Xnzt4ZvmUtg]]
[center [size10 fear is good, the whole album is good but this song right here is the one. This is the one that's got me, hook line and sinker. 247 is a damn good song too. I'm just waiting for a live stage and choreography for fear because my bois got to be centers holy fuck. Boo Seungkwan, sweetie, honey, baby boy, I love you. I'm so soft for you it's not even funny. Woozi, honey, you're doing amazing and got damn idk how you look that damn good but you do. Hoshi, honey I'm going to have to fight you one day, I love you but just know we gonna wind up scrapping in a parking lot while woozi watches.]]
  Carat / 89d 13h 40m 40s

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