ʜᴏᴍᴇ

/ By Carat [+Watch]

Replies: 31 / 169 days 37 minutes 6 seconds

Allowed Users

  1. [Allowed] Langdon
  2. [Allowed] Winchester
  3. [Allowed] Deiri
  4. [Allowed] Crow-sama
  5. [Allowed] ATINY


[center [size9 nothing to see here, losers]]

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Roleplay Responses

[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/DIHI016.gif]]

[center [size10 part of me wanted to talk to you just to see what you would say but now as I gather more and more small info of my own I just get angrier and it just seems pointless. I don't care for what you have to say. I don't care for excuses, I just don't see how someone does this. This is a whole new low for you. Like wow. Disappointed in you. I'm not disappointed in myself though. I can't be blamed for wanting to see the best in people and getting that thrown in my face. That's on you. How dare you take advantage of that? I don't know why I deserved this but fuck you. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. I don't need you. I can struggle and struggle. I can survive it's what I'm used to. Is it painful? Yes. Is it exhausting? Holy hell is it. But fuck it. I've done it for so long I can do it a little longer. I got this.]]
[center [size10 I'll make myself a big grown boy and I hope you live an amazing life with out me in it. Because fuck it I want no part of it.]]
  ATINY / 5d 19h 58m 19s
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/UdyjeUwPz_E]][center [size10 [+white zico and chill is my life now]]]
  ATINY / 6d 11h 45m 19s
[center [pic https://i.imgur.com/REN7J4p.gif]][center [size10 you win some you lose some]]
  ATINY / 6d 14h 2m 0s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/DIHI016.gif]][center [size10 my therapist straight up called my stepfather a pedophile today, that was... something. The aha moment we had was not what I wanted but also not surprising either.]][center [size10 Y'all broke a perfectly good child. I can't even go get hypnotherapy and look at my repressed memories cause that alone might break me. That's how bad y'all done me. Like kudos.]]
[center [size10 All those years growing up with me seeing a psychologist and being medicated were for nothing. You were slapping band aids over the wrong wounds. These wound were more severe than you realized and weren't even what you thought. What you thought all those years was ADHD and me having behavioral issues was just me acting out because of abuse and neglect and everything else in my environment.]]
[center [size10 All these years I thought it was me falling through the cracks of the system but legit you just sucked at playing mom and doctor and only cared about me being a good child that behaved and if that meant drugging me then so fucking be it.]][center [size10 i only loved this family because of grandma and grandpa. They're the only ones I miss.]]
  ATINY / 6d 14h 28m 20s
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/uIS6H-JxOXE]][center [size10 [+white me and my drug use be like]]]
  ATINY / 7d 8h 36m 47s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/ker0FEY.gif]][center [size10 I did it. I wrote not only about my mom's bullshit when I was like 6 but about my virginity shit. I yoinked that shit right on out cause bitch I gotta do it at some point. Might as well be honest about how shameful I feel about it as well too. And about how little I've actually talked about it or brought it up prior to this. God knows I avoid waaaaay too much shit.]]
[center [size10 Though I looked into it and me being like that means it was some top notch parenting on their part. God fucking job, you ruined a perfectly good child I coulda been innocent but nope I was exposed to everything way too fucking early. Sex, drugs, alcohol. No wonder I'm such a fuck up, and then you wound up being trying to shelter my sister like wow good job. Lot of good that did ya too.]]
[center [size10 I hope she's told you all the things I've told her in the past when she was my support and trying to protect me from you. Though it turns out she wasn't trying to protect me from you, only from our stepfather. Because god forbid she see you as a shit parent. Oh boy it takes two to tango and you both dropped the ball with me.]]
  ATINY / 7d 8h 38m 39s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/ker0FEY.gif]]

[center [size10 dont you fucking dare. I refuse to let you just ghost on me. I will try my damnedest to send you a message at least once a day to keep some form of communication open. Idk if your phone died or if shit went bad but God damn it i dont like this not talking to me shit. Just at least check in with me. This leaves my mind to beat me up way too much and I hate it. I refuse to assume the worst but it's really hard when that's all that's running around in my head right now. So until I know for sure what's going on on your end I'll just send a message daily in Hopes I'll get some kind of response. If not I guess I'll do this until I take a hint or something I dont fucking know man. Sue me.]]
  ATINY / 8d 18h 56m 10s
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/zHly8QjeMc4]][center [size10 [+white yeet]]]
  ATINY / 12d 7h 58m 4s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/ker0FEY.gif]]
[center [size10 I am stuck. I don't wanna write about that. I have to though, I have to write about all the fucked up shit doesn't matter what it is, that was the point. That's why we were doing this to get this all out, a purge if you will. I don't care if I have to take a whole day to write out this one part and cry off and on the whole time I'll fucking get it written out.]]
[center [size10 In other news, I'm unfriending her. I don't have a reason to keep my sister on my facebook it's pointless. There are times when I wanted her to take me seriously and she failed to. I wanted her to listen to me and she brushed it off. Like when I told her about how I lost I virginity. She just told me it didn't count because it was with another girl. Completely ignoring the fact of how old I was. She just let my mom do what she did. She's not tried to reach out to me whatsoever. It's okay. I need this for myself and that's that. Clean my hands of them once and for all.]
  ATINY / 12d 8h 11m 2s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/ker0FEY.gif]][center [size10 i had a casual sex relationship with my best friend at age 7 that only ended after she got jealous over some guy giving me attention so she called me out as gay because we were having sex. No fucking wonder I have substance abuse issues and can't deal with relationships properly. What fucking 7 year old is introduced to relationships that way? Like seriously how did I wind up in that situation I don't even remember. I sometimes forget about it because I want to pretend I didn't live like that because seriously what was I? I'm shocked I didn't wind up pregnant at an insanely young age. Then again like I was having sex with my best friend at 7 but that guy giving me attention wasn't something I understood and he actually scared me, so really I guess when I was younger I didn't want the attention of males. They scared me, they still do. But I'll make myself their bitch if they know how to manipulate me right let me tell you.]][center [size10 This is yet another thing I should really tell my therapist that I haven't because oops it's slipped my mind and it's prolly really fucking important just like the meth overdose was. Though I think a lot of these are important just to get off my chest. Once I told him about the meth overdose I felt better cause it was gone. I put it away so I could think back on it properly and not freak out like I am over this stupid weird sexual relationship I had a 7.]]
  ATINY / 12d 8h 33m 31s
[center [pic https://i.imgur.com/dtCQKD8.gif]][center [size10 I'm prolly going to have to wait one more day on him, this is going to be torture but once this wait is over he'll be [i here] and I won't have to want him here anymore. I just have to remember that. This wait might feel excruciating and horribly long but it will be worth it. I'll have my sun here, my papa bear. I can pester him in real time with full force in pure chaotic fashion. Boi I hope you're prepared. You don't even know, I've become known for my chaos and if you really do work with me just get prepped for me to be a fucking mess and to hate everything and shovel food in my mouth. Food I don't fucking pay for half the time cause I'm poor af.]][center [size10 Seriously though, as much as I want him to just muscle through it and drive through the rest of it as fast as possible I don't know how the roads are between there and here so I'd rather him take his time and be safe. Ice isn't something to fuck with and I'd rather him be here in one piece than have something happen to him just cause he was in a rush to make it to me.]]
  ATINY / 12d 9h 50m 0s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/rSotnZV.gif]][center [size10 Yeet yeet. I decided not to sleep because fuck you I'm an adult and I actually don't have anywhere to go today. This was probably a horrible idea, but hey I actually started writing something, even if it is a stupid memoir for my own therapeutic benefits and nothing else. I already know it's going to be passive aggressive and mostly towards [i that] woman. Don't treat me like a paycheck and use me for your own sympathy and we wouldn't have this problem. I already pretty much called her out as a liar like 3 or 4 paragraphs in just cause [i BOI] that woman sure swerved the truth a lot. The amount of inspiration I get to write just about her is insane. The amount of inspiration I get to write about what I've put myself through with my poor life choices is insane. If this is what my writing is amounted to is writing about my traumas then so be it. I can't see my therapist having any issue with me writing this stuff out and processing it. It's just painful trying to go in order and not hop all tf around the place.]]
  ATINY / 14d 5h 13m 25s
[left [pic https://i.imgur.com/0upu1jL.gif]][center [size10 I've got a laptop again, and it's beautiful, the deal I got for it is amazing as well considering it's pretty much a gaming laptop but I didn't even really buy it for that purpose. I just missed having the ability to use photoshop and make pretty things and that'll happen again. So life is good.]][center [size10 On top of that my jerk will be here by the 9th and I'm extremely excited you can't even imagine. I won't be able to contain myself when I see him, or maybe I will, tbh I will be a whole on mess around him prolly. Words will be hard but that's okay, words are usually really hard for me as well. I'll have to double check if I'm off on those days and maybe even ask for those days off at this point so that someone is home when he gets here. I don't think he'd be like I was when I got here since he would be coming to an actual house and not just to the middle of a town like I did and have to find his way to a hotel. I got lost like a small child let me tell you, I freaked out a little tbh as well. But I've made progress since then and I'm so happy that this is happening like beyond happy. Never thought it would and tbh never thought I'd be this happy in a really long time but here we are, with me having hope for the future. Gonna make all the happiness with the jerk, with my papa bear. Unf, yes, this shall be an experience, yes it shall.]]
  Carat / 18d 20h 54m 57s
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/ESx_hy1n7HA]][center [size10 [+white it cold]]]
  Deiri / 41d 22h 21m 14s
[center [youtube https://youtu.be/A1oxh8Z-2ko]][center [size10 [+white yeet]]]
  Deiri / 43d 9h 19m 54s
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