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You belong to me~
I called dibs cute stuff <3
Don't fight it~~
[center Sometimes it stabs the worst pain through my heart when I come back and your gone. I don’t like that feeling.]
Just wanted to say....
I love you so much.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
BEAUTIFUL CREATURE YOU
MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH
I wuv you~
[center Well most of it got talked about I think. At least the moving bit.
You really don’t have to apologize for feeling exhausted. I felt tired last night. Walking out in the heat especially when Im already in a bad mood kind of makes it worse sadly. I don’t deal well with the heat. It makes me rather crabby actually. It also wears me out a lot.
I was having trouble cooling down last night. None of this was an excuse to act how I did though. I wasn’t willing to try and feel better. Well I can’t say that. I was trying. Why we were watching that one episode of black clover I was coloring in a stress relieving color book. Sometimes doing that does help. It makes me focus and calm down. Last night it didn’t though.
Still I wasn’t as caring or loving as I should have been. I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts. I couldn’t break out of them. I’m sorry. I should have tried harder. I couldn’t force myself to talk and you shouldn’t be prompted to force me or even have to ask me anything to get me to talk. Sadly even though you admitted to not feeling like doing that because of the state my emotions were in it hurt my feelings.
Such a stupid thing to let get to me though, but maybe what I needed. I tend to realize when things overload and too many emotions come crashing down on me crying helps. So in the end it helped. I knew I was letting something small hurt me. I would have time to think about it once I woke up though and it didn’t bother me anymore.
I’m sorry I was in such a horrible mood. It makes me hard to deal with and I frustrate myself. Even today I still feel off, but I’m feeling better.
Negative emotions are part of everyone. Sure you haven’t heard me cry let alone have you seen me cry, but you’ve heard me get cranky and get angry. You’ve seen a bunch of my negative emotions. I usually come around and calm down though. Apologize when I may have been too much.
You can’t bottle any of that up. You also can’t completely ignore that it exists. You have to be able to see every side of one another at one point and some of those sides can be ugly.
You don’t have to push everything out of me. You can continue to let me do as I have always done and come to you when I’m ready, but don’t hide when you are angry. Let me try to help quell that anger if I can. Anger doesn’t always have to be ugly you know.
Sometimes I find anger to be rewarding in some way. It helps me to express what I couldn’t express when I was silent or trying to be nice about certain things. That doesn’t always mean it’s the best though. It can hurt and scare people too and I know that’s what you are worried about.
What if she looks at me in fear..? What if I hurt her with what I say..?
Can’t say those aren’t good things to worry about. They are. You don’t scare me. Which is kind of funny to say since I haven’t met you in person. It’s either bravery or stupidity that doesn’t have any fear of you. As for hurting me. Well I can’t promise that you won’t. I’m a crybaby. I cry over everything. I get hurt over really small things.
It was sweet of you to write me something like this. I don’t know how to describe the feeling I got when I had gotten home and read it. It made me so happy. Yet it also made me feel irritated with myself. I had been upset still when I got up. Though I guess I wasn’t that upset when I first woke.
Actually I had just woken up from a dream of you. A pretty good one too. The good feeling it gave me didnt last though because I ended up thinking on last night.
I love you. Even when I’m in my own world and lost in my own thoughts I find that I am always still in some way thinking of you. Loving you. Having you around even when I’m feeling at my worst is nice.
I don’t like being at my worst. It’s caused people to really dislike me and I’ve lost people because I don’t have very good control over my emotions, but when people stay it’s the best. I don’t give Jordan enough credit sometimes or Wolfy. They have stayed through some of my worst days and even after my anger subsided they were still around.
It always shocks me sometimes that even you are still here. I can be difficult. As your sun I’m sure sometimes I have a temper hot enough to sometimes scorch. Yet in some way shape or form as my earth you somehow bare it and love me anyway. As the ocean I tend to draw back away from you and reside in myself. As my beach you wait patiently for me to return and open up for you once again as I have done so many times.
No baby I do have mood swings. I hate them because I don’t know how to handle them, but you are with me through everything and I can never thank you enough for that.
I love you with all of my heart. No matter what kind of day I’m having that never changes. I can’t be without you. Even when I’m angry. Even when I’m upset. Part of me is always drawn to your presence somehow. Even if I have to sit in silence for awhile it’s just nice to have you there.
I even got a little offended about something the other day that I haven’t told you about yet, but I need to.
You are my everything. My world. I need you. If I didn’t have you I would still be surviving but life would be difficult. You’ve made me a stronger person. I have been able to do a lot because of you. I wish I could always be at my best for you. Always be positive and bubbly. I like those moments when I’m able to do something that flusters you.
That adorable little sound you make and then listening to you stumble over your words. It always surprises me, but it makes me happy too.
Honestly though I shouldn’t be this nice to you considering what you did when Gabe came in the room >_<, but even when you are teasing me... I love you.]
Woke up to Lucy tryng to take my spot and my computer being a doodoo head xD
Not why I decided to post here though.
Sorry I was exhausted from work yesterday. I know you said I shouldn't apologize but I felt I wasn't their mentally.
I know I keep saying this but I shouldn't volunteer so much to do the physical parts of other peoples jobs.
I do it cause I can listen to music outside or call you. If I do it I could take it slower but I don't and I gotta be careful legs are still in so much pain.
But to the point now huh? I wanted to say so much and ask so much but I didn't know where to start or lead to.
I... Well for starters good morning I love you so much.
You are the sun to my earth.
The ocean to my beach. Shining down on me crashing back and forth.
I know that sounds flimsy or just hopelessly romantic but I feel it's accurate.
Not that you are a back and forth person though it isn't my intent in saying.
Actually if anything you are the most consistent person I've ever met.
Everyday I know I can wake up with you there.
I suppose maybe it applies more to mood swings? Hmm... No not even than your moods are tied to things happening and that is reasonable.
I want you to give me you're area/address
Not so I can mail you gifts I know you complain on that xD
But because I wanna help plan a hotel out and stuff for us.
Making room reservations.
I've got the money now we just gotta make the plans.
I'm excited! I'm also... Side tracked xD
I'm here for you.
I'm sorry I was a zombie and didn't ask more questions.
I was frustrated and not at you so I chose to be quiet a lot.
I've been an a relationship where taking anger and stress out on each other was the norm.
I haven't thought about that in some time.
I suppose it's done slightly more damage than I thought I was sure I got out unscathed part of my hero complex I feel I'm impervious to all kinds of damage.
I'm afraid to show anger.
I was shocked when you said.
"Chris sometimes you should pressure me for answers"
But... I when I think of being dominant or forceful.
I remember pressuring Abby to tell me anything and she'd go.
"I don't wanna talk about it"
And start saying
In the most typical teenager sass you could think of ya know?
It'd lead to her yelling of course and me yelling back.
Our default emotions were turned on and angry sometimes at the same time.
How does that work? Looking back? I don't know.
I think it only lasted because she was desperate to have a crutch in her life and I was desperate to save someone who needed it.
It was moronic on both halves not just her own.
That being said it isn't fair to you I can't express negative emotions.
It's funny you even want to see them huh?
Well I'm still never gonna let you see me angry! Not cause we aren't close but because Idk... I love you.
I'm afraid to put you through that cause I know it's not fun.
I understand and relate with you're recoiling into video games for a bit.
I support you in however you want to cope because I love you. That was another issue wasn't it?
We both had done that in the past causing problems for our others.
You reach out to me and understand. You love me so strongly.
I feel you are too good for me.
I adore you gorgeous.
And I'm gonna PM you a few things
But just.. I love you.
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
You mean the world to me.
Last night I know we didn't say much..
I know we were grumpy with our days but even in those moments.
I mean yeah I felt powerless to help you sure but... I felt I'm at home.
I'm where I'm meant to belong.
I love you with all of my heart.
I wanna say more and I will as I wake up.
Mwah! I love you <3
[center I’m still hurt. Over so many things. I sometimes just don’t think I have the strength to handle all of this. I was promised I wasn’t alone, but I am aren’t I..?
This feeling and emotion has to go away. Haven’t I cried enough..?
You know I really don’t like dealing with all of these overwhelming emotions. It’s enough they are bad on the actual period but do they have to be bad before it starts too..? Apparently it has scientific reasons. I hate being a girl. It feels more like a curse.
Apparently exercise is suppose to help with the emotions... Staying away from sweets and caffeine help too. That pisses me off though. Soda and chocolate tend to make me feel better for at least a few minutes before I feel at the point of crying again... This all started since I lost weight. I use to not get like this. Cranky but never the stuff before. I assume that’s why it’s so hard to deal with right now... Because I never learned to deal with it when I was a teenager...
This is such a bad timing.
I guess I’m gonna walk with Gabe and maybe kill myself along the way...
Fuck this body and everything about it.]
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