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Today just isn’t my day. I’m already sick of it. I just want to go back to bed.
[center I don’t feel any better. Last night frustration went to me being upset. I still feel bad this afternoon. I just don’t feel like dealing with anymore.]
[h3 [center Tired]]
[center I am frustrated...
So I’m going to say this once.
The past is in the past. Stop digging it up. People change. It hurts to have your past resurface especially if you didn’t like the things you did back then.
If I end up hurt for my choices then it is my fault. I have made the choice to love him through everything he’s told me he’s done. He’s done nothing to me to make me worry or feel like he’s going to hurt me in the end.
I have made my choices.
I don’t care about his past girlfriends. They don’t mean anything to me. I don’t know them and I don’t want to know them. I know about them and that’s good enough.
Just please... This is the kind of shit that invades my mind and makes it where I can’t fucking sleep at night. Not because I’m worried about myself but because I worry about him.
I’m not trying to start a fight... I just want his past to be where it belongs. Where everyone’s belongs...
From now on... I’m shutting anything else I hear out...]
[center My weight is staying between 169 to about 171 sometimes a little higher. I’m unhappy that it’s stuck there. Actually it’s pretty irritating since my goal is at least 130... I am thinking about cutting soda out of my diet. I didn’t want to but I don’t like that I can’t seem to drop down anymore... I would prefer not to cut down my calories for food any further though as I already only eat once a day. I don’t eat very much as it is. Cutting out anything extra would be a good idea as well. Most likely any sweets. Even the sugar free things aren’t that great. It wouldn’t be that hard I suppose.]
[center I just don’t understand. Night time is always the worse for me. I fight sleep and my negative emotions drown me. Two nights in a row crying. Where is this pain coming from..? There seems to be no source. The silence just closes in on me. Moments like this I feel small and alone. Broken.]
[center Gabe said what happened last night was I got overwhelmed. I was doing too many things at once. Well it was more like too much was going on around me. It doesn’t happen very often. Maybe once or twice a month. Just a moment where all the noise really bothers me. It makes me feel like I’m in a small room surrounded by way too many people. This room isn’t that small and it’s only one other person. His game was really loud though and he got loud when he joined a party chat.]
Chris remember the brain of Mensis for next time.
For me and my baby girl.
I need to try posting sometime today. I’m putting this here so I have a reminder. I’ll probably forget though or end up gaming >_>.
I kind of miss final fantasy xiv. I looked around on my system for it this morning even though I know it’s not there. Even though it’s lonely without people I know... It’s still enjoyable to play.
I already miss you... You’ve only been gone five minutes.
[center Something has been different since last night. I feel different. I want to describe this feeling but I really don’t know how. I think I am reserved when it comes to everything. Afraid to put all of my heart into things. I’m not use to wanting a lot of love or affection and I’m not completely use to someone wanting me. I guess I don’t really know how to handle it most of the time.
When I was younger and I dated I really didn’t want to be around that person constantly. I didn’t want to be affectionate and I didn’t want affection. It could have been because I was looking for affection from someone who was never going to give it to me. In a way it made me very bad at showing my own affection. I’m not good at any of those things. I can hug people but it’s different when it comes to holding or wanting to hold someone.
I couldn’t really pour my love and affection into the person I wanted to and I wasn’t willing to pour it into the people I was dating. In the end I just kept it to myself and that’s all I know how to do. It’s the same for any lustful and intimate feelings. I keep them to myself.
I do it with you and I wish I didn’t. Last night and even into today I’ve felt a lot more affectionate. Wanting to say more than I normally would. You make me really happy.
Most of my life I always felt like I wasn’t feminine at all. That it was a mistake for me to be a girl. I didn’t want to change genders. I mean I like being female. A little anyway. I never thought of myself as very girly though and didn’t think I really had any female charm. I didn’t think I could do anything that could be considered cute or even sexy.
In other words... For once I actually felt like i was a girl and it was okay to feel how I was feeling. I notice everyday I get a little better and really it’s all thanks to you.]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.