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[h3 [center Silence]]
[center I don’t understand... Why is there a need to be so loud..? Your tv is already loud. This is overwhelming. Irritating. I don’t know how to shut it out. To focus on one thing. I’m already feeling down. Trying to feel better. I just am tired of feeling down and being loud is just making it worse honestly... It’s exhausting. I’m trying hard to keep myself together by listening to music and doing other things, but it’s not working. It doesn’t help that dad and Zach are in that party... Zach was up here earlier and he stressed me out... I’m not doing well today. Honestly I’m emotionally exhausted. I just want a little quieter of a night. I want to be able to think straight. I could barely do that earlier... I felt like everything I had to say wasn’t good enough and in the end wouldn’t matter. Nothing can get better if I don’t do something about it. I’m constantly attacking myself. About everything. Bringing myself further down into a hole. I don’t know how to get out of it.
The day just feels like it’s gone by so fast and yet now it feels like it’s dragging. I only feel like I can do so much. I can only handle so much. I wish I could shut off all these thoughts that go through my mind. All the doubts and all the things that only want to bring me down further. I wish I could think more clearly.
Honestly I think I would have completely felt better... If it wasn’t so loud in here... If I hadn’t sat in silence for so damned long before finally turning on music to drown it out... Trying to pick up and do something so I could distract myself from my mind. To distract myself from you being so loud... I feel exhausted and yet I know I won’t sleep.
Your side of the room is a mess... My bed is pushed away from the wall because of stuff you haven’t thrown away... I plan to move everything some time tomorrow... Maybe... It was to give you more room, but now... I don’t know. More room is more stuff that I have to keep clean. I already have the cat to worry about keeping clean... Why did this have to be something else to worry about..?
When will this not be my problem anymore..?]
[center possibly something for Kirai. Sounds almost close to him.]
[center Use this as Alaire’s favorite song]
[center I’ve come to realize something... Several things today and last night.]
I love you hun. I remember sending you this so early in our first meetings.
I hadn't claimed out loud how I felt yet.
Funny coming from me? Anyone who's known me before can tell you jumping into stuff fast and hard and unprepared was pretty much my go to.
Not that our love isn't passionate but I'm glad we and I thought about.
Cleared our feelings out and pondered.
And it was nice to have my heart my brain and most of all my GUT tell me.
"Hey this isn't red flags and this is going to be fine"
That feeling grows stronger everyday.
I see you sad and I don't think.
"Oh no our relationship is crumbling"
Instead I think.
"How can I help her?"
I've got you.
I want you to know that.
I know I struggle finding the right words.
But I want you to know I adore you with all of my heart.
And nothing will ever change that.
It's been over one year and not even one fight.
I feel so close to you and you are so dear to me.
I'm sorry I wanna write more but I'm so sick rn bleh x.x
I love you baby girl.
With all that I am.
All that I will ever grow to be.
You'll always have a place deep in my heart.
Come what may.
[center I feel like just turning off my system and claiming an internet error just to get out of this. I’m so down I just can’t handle any of this right now. I’m trying to feel better and I just can’t. I can shut my emotions off for a little while, but they just crawl back out. I feel just broken.]
[center I just feel bad. I don’t feel like doing anything. All I really feel like doing is crying. Music isn’t helping. I can only hold back this flood of emotions for so long. I can’t keep it together. I’m tired of trying.]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.