Judgement of Corruption

/ By Tsurai [+Watch]

Replies: 87 / 138 days 11 hours 42 minutes 11 seconds

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[size10 I have this eerie feeling that today isn't going to be a good day... I just get this feeling something bad is going to happen...

Also I am really worried I haven't heard anything back from him... normally he replies to my good morning texts... I hope he is okay... I'm sure I am worrying over nothing.... He seemed like he was doing well yesterday. So cute and dressed in pink <3...
  Tsurai / Tsurai / 29d 10h 38m 13s
[size10 I got to see him yesterday and it was really nice. Part of me felt like a let down... He ask if I gotten another job or found a better one. Sadly I haven't... I really wanted to ask him if he was serious about living together... I don't want to push it ... I still work in the same place...

Even thought I hate my job sometimes. I do actually like it. But the pay really sucks... I just have this bad feeling about today... I hope it goes away...
  Tsurai / Tsurai / 29d 12h 18m 18s
[size10 I hope this feeling goes away... I am still sad he gone...but why do I care so much? I shouldn't, should I?

In other new I'm going to be dying my hair soon. I am really excited about that. I Also I might get another tattoo :D So yay pretty busy week I suppose. A good way to distract myself until Saturday.
  Tsurai / Tsurai / 32d 12h 39m 14s
[size10 Well today was his last day at the store. This week really seemed to fly by... I'm glad I got to spend some extra time with him. It's going to be hard getting use to only seeing him once a week. Hopefully I will get to move in with him soon. Because I miss him already. It was nice taking him home from work and even taking him there but I know things change. It will be a good one...
  Tsurai / Tsurai / 33d 12h 14m 33s
[size10 So many thoughts and emotion are just swirling around in my head... It is becoming so over whelming...

The things he said to me are still there they are sweet...but at the same time I have my doubts. He said I could move in with him any time... Did he really mean that? I mean I would really love that...but I just am not sure if he was serious or not.... I would love to live with him. I was so happy when I was over there... Now I just feel lost.

It kind disgusting how far in love I have fall with him isn't ? To feel my heart weep when he isn't around. I told myself I wouldn't fall in love like this again because it only hurts... Here I did it again...

I really do want to live with him but at the same time... I still work at the same place I have work for five years... I don't think I will be getting another raise anytime soon. I still haven't found another job. I know everyone wants me too... All this stress and pressure is beginning to get the best of me... I don't know who I am anymore... I fell like I trap watching from the inside...

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAOvZmqFMvg]
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yntDx4Y4baw]
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEYHJFIONvU]
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O87lzhoexyA]
  Tsurai / Tsurai / 35d 1h 51m 48s
[size10 There was something that he said that bothered me... It was really early in the morning. I was tired so I was napping in his bedroom. While he was playing some video games. He finished up. We were snuggling well maybe just a little more than that... Then afterwards he told he was hurt.

He reminded me of what I told him months ago. "They are just words..." He told me he thought about leaving... then why didn't he? Why didn't he just leave... Why he bring this up? Especial after snuggling and what not? I know he was upset about the week before last. But I was sick... We talked... I think we are okay... I am just hurt to be remind on how I messed up... How bitter I really can be...

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaC0YVaIMno]
  Tsurai / Tsurai / 38d 12h 14m 2s
[size10 I knew today was going to be crappy but this just takes that fucking cake....

I guess Kato isn't doing to well. He is still eatting and what not. But he isn't acting the same. Dad is really worried. Were going to be taking him to the vet Tuesday... It might be his last trip there... I'm not ready to say goodbye to him yet... I mean if he in pain then I guess it's time it's so hard... the thought of losing him...
  Tsurai / Tsurai / 47d 5h 17m 34s
[size10 I never thought I would be so excited to take Nyquil. Just so I can sleep and forget that my head is so stuffed up. -_-' I do have to say after taking it and sleeping for a while I feel a lot better.

It felt so good to get some sleep... my head stopped hurting. It got really bad there earlier.
  Tsurai / Tsurai / 49d 19h 47m 6s
[size10 Thank you for listening to me Rika it really helped me out today. I think me and him are going to be okay. I was just really upset and freaking out. I texted him he agreed he need to work on things just like I need to as well. ^^ I think things are going to be just fine. Just like you said everyone fights. Like we talk about it normal to fight... if not someone is lying.

Thank you so much for hearing me out. Sorry if I lost my shit. It wasn't feeling well... I was really upset on top of that I was hurting. Like you said I take everything towards the heart. Over think things.
  Tsurai / Tsurai / 49d 20h 9m 25s
[size10 I can't sleep... I'm sore and stressed. I know I have done wrong but at least I know how to say sorry... I just wish I knew how to let things go... I keep what ever hurts me all bottle up until I explode... I didn't even explode on you at work... I just snapped a little...


Now something that hasn't bothered me for weeks is coming back... When they said I need another job so I could do it all alone... alone...it's like the think you wont stick around....Maybe they are wont maybe you will leave... Or maybe I will.... I doubt that... because I really do love you... even thought sometimes you just make me want to cry. That only happen once well twice now... I wonder if you cried or just screamed...

Part of me is still scared to get attached to you... even thought you tell you will never go anywhere but what about when your hurt and upset?
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZkI3ASz8Lg]
  Tsurai / Tsurai / 50d 7h 27s
[size10 There's two wolves inside...

[+red I'll stain your white fur red..."]

[center I'll dye your red heart black as night.."]

I thought I was done freaking out I guess I was wrong... I'm still upset...hopefully I will sleep soon forget it all for a while....
  Tsurai / Tsurai / 50d 11h 17m 0s
[size10 Ahh I can't be getting sick! No No No! My throat is feeling itchy and just plain gross.... I hope it is just my allergies since they were really bothering me the other day... I guess the only way to find out is to take an allergies pill find out...

Ugh... I hope this helps I just don't want to be getting sick
-_-'
  Tsurai / Tsurai / 52d 7h 45m 32s
All the picture and gif that I love!
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  Tsurai / Tsurai / 57d 35m 55s
[size10 I still haven't forgotten what you said when you drank a little... At first it was flattering... You want to marry me? How sweet.... You know I given up on that dream a long time ago... Then I don't know how we moved over to me being difficult.... That's sure what I wanted to hear... I'm sorry I tent to be a bitter person... When I am working I am busy... trying to focus....When I am down... I want you there but I don't know how to let you in... I have try to change but it is rather difficult... Your not so easy either but then again... I let it go easily... You don't normally bother me... Today you did because what you said hurt just a little. I should of just left but then you would of known I was bothered by what you said... I'm sorry i am difficult....but love isn't easy... I love you... I am glad you still love me... Dream of me being yours forever... I guess I should tell you if your bother by something why don't you just tell me... Maybe you are scared you will hurt my feeling which I mean the get hurt easily... and all the time it seems... Not by you normally....

Well Kato is at the vet... he has a bladder infection... I hope he doing okay... they gave him medicine and IV... He is going to be staying there over night... I just home he turns it around... I should thank you for comforting me today... Even thought it go a little frustrating... Maybe I am just whining and whimpering a little too much anymore... I guess I have become fragile over the years... and bitter...
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-sjOGAQQzA ]
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6sIK2KnhH8 ]
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  Tsurai / Tsurai / 57d 37m 30s
[size10 Today been a crazy day.... It was really busy at work... I couldn't get everything that I need to get done.... on top of that I stayed late... That isn't good because of over time.... I need to keep looking for another fucking job...Right now I am so stressed....
I'm worried about Kato... my current job... I'm worried about my boyfriend... I really hope he gets his new job... Also worried to go home... I just don't want to hear why don't you have another job yet ...

Also this song still makes me cry... I think I need it but I still feel like I have more tears...
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhNp7i4xaUU]
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgemEmFhGtQ]
  Tsurai / Tsurai / 58d 11h 25m 26s
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