We shall see what gets posted here.
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I’m beginning to think I love the misery I drown myself in.
It’s so damned great. To feel like the gravity of these useless emotions slowly crushing me.
I don’t want to feel anything for anyone.
Love and Hate are constantly hand in hand.
It can start out as one and quickly turn to the other. It can even turn back or it can be there sharing the same space.
But fuck it right. Fuck it all.
I want to be a monster.
I’ve always been a monster.
You just refused to see it...
If you don’t want to have your feelings hurt or to be angry with me than don’t read what I have posted below.
Warn out already today. Had to take Lennon and Tinkerbell to the vet. Hopefully Lennon won’t have any seizures.
Bunny didn’t make it through the night. Buried him today. Rest In Peace little guy.
Bunny isn’t doing well tonight. I don’t think it will make it through the night. It may come off cold... Hateful... Cruel... But I didn’t let myself get attached I knew what might happen. So little bunny. Should you pass in the night I am sorry that my care wasn’t enough to keep you alive, but I was glad to have you survive the days that you did. I hope you find a better place waiting for you. I may not cry for you, but I am sad that you won’t make it to adult hood. I hope my holding you and at least loving you these few days made the life that started out so horrible a little better.
Going crazy. Want to check Lioden and I can’t DX Wish the maintenance was done.
Bunny has both eyes open. Now for the second hard part. Weening him off of milk... that takes 3 weeks.
Great news. I was getting ready to feed the bunny and found pee! Plus it looks like it may be opening it’s eyes soon ^^ I can’t wait :3
Shockingly the baby bunny we found has made it to two days. We’ve been feeding it kmr with some heavy whipping cream. He started eating really good yesterday. Haven’t got him to pee yet so a little worried, but I plan on trying throughout the day to get him too. The most I can hope for is that he opens his eyes soon.
Well did something stupid on Lioden... sold my interstellar remnants for cheaper than I wanted. >_< Stupid me not paying attention to the damned price... and I just traded all my good stuff for a ferus cub. I hope he ends up being worth it... What really sucks is I spent the gold beetles on him so now I can’t replace my king... Jeez >_< Other then my stupidity. It’s been an alright day.
I’m tired of this bullshit. She comes into the house and gets all the fucking dogs started barking. Lennon can’t fucking handle this shit. I’m tired of it all. Come on. I don’t get to go up stairs if Lennon is having seizures. I just want this day to be done. It’s just been a huge fucking mess. Nothing can clean it up.
I’ve seen you’ve been looking. I’m not mad at you. Don’t think that please. I did have fun yesterday don’t think I didn’t. I would still like to come over in July. Just having a bad moment and I honestly didn’t want to put it on you.
Seriously? I’m waiting because already this started as a bad day. It’s continuously going to get worse isn’t it? Now I’m stuck putting everything away by myself. Oh and on top of all that I get to watch the dogs today. What the fuck? Can I not get a fucking break for just a damned day?
So I’m not much help am I? Seriously? You have a right to say that? When you first moved in you didn’t do anything! I did it all. I’m sorry I’m sick of going to the store early in the morning... Tired of being told what to do all day... So no... I’m not much help when I’m tired of helping...
The days have grown rather short for me. Everyday is constantly on repeat. Watching the same things happen. The only joy I feel is when I have a controller in my hands. I only want to be lost in video games. Those games provide the comfort and break away from this nasty world that I need. I shut everyone out when I play games. Paying no mind to the people who try to text me or call me. It seems like everything I do only brings me some form of pain.
You were digging yesterday weren’t you? When you told me something she had yet to tell me yet. That’s what it felt like. Were you watching to see how I would react when you told me? What did you expect to happen? Or maybe I’m just paranoid. Maybe you thought I already knew, but it sure seemed like you already knew I didn’t. How did you like my acting skills? I have gotten good at it haven’t I? Better and better everyday. Pretending to be happy even when in the deepest of despairs. I have to act like that every day. Fake smiles and fake emotions. I’m the perfect little copycat.
It’s getting easier and easier everyday for me to not care about trivial things. You wouldn’t have seen any actual reaction from me. Not anger. Not sadness. Nothing. This is what it is like to not feel anything. That’s how I feel everyday. Just going through the motions so that people will think I am happy when really I feel nothing.
I’m fading out. Disappearing slowly. What’s really sad about it... I don’t care. Leave me behind it doesn’t hurt any. I’m so easy to forget about.
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