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you know i struggle with my faith. i have no evidence of you, and i don't know what i should be believing in at this time. i don't know if my prayer counts. i don't know if you're there.
but right now more than ever there are people that need you. and need miracles, and protection, and help. be it an angel or another human being, we need a change, and quick.
i've been on the brink of tears for days, crumbling under this pressure and i want to help, but i don't know what i can do, but whatever it is i want you to show it to me.
the world is in shambles.
i'm praying because i'm desperate. i'm crying because i feel defeated, and helpless, and mourn, and want people to stop dying before their time.
it's wrong. it's so wrong.
please, please give me a sign. anything. i'm begging you.
you know what. fuck off.
that wasn't cute.
[size10 i've decided to not let myself slip into this headspace i've been in any further. i'm tired of being frustrated or unhappy. things might be rough right now, but i'm just going to let it roll off of me, and taking lady gaga's advice to heart.]
[size10 things don't have to be this hard. i can choose to take things at face value, and that's what i'll do. when things get rough, i can just take a deep breath and remember it's temporary, and that it'll be over soon.]
[size10 that my heart is resilient. i've survived harder. i continue to. not everything is the end.]
[size10 i have to be looking out for myself more now than ever, and be as gentle with myself as i can be. if that means distancing myself from a few people, then fine. deep breaths, deep breaths.]
[size10 the dentist visit will go fine. just rest until then, you don't need to do anything extra.
breaks are necessary, you know that. take them more seriously, and forgive yourself for wanting more time.]
[size10 this pandemic may be hard on the wallet, but at least it gives you more space.]
[size10 it'll be okay.]
[size10 frankly, i'm disgusted with how 2020 is turning out to be.
the BLM movement could not be more important. and yet people are still trying to downplay it, make it 'not a race' thing, say all that typical racist coverup bullshit. i'm so upset.]
[size10 i wanted this year to get better, but more and more terrible things happen each month. [i it's only half way through, and it feels like a decade.]]
[size10 america is in a horrible place, and we all just standby waiting for things to improve, when we're allowing, [i encouraging,] this behavior by the fucking loud mouthed orange who is doing everything he can to take away our rights, to stay in office. i'm still just. [i appalled.] that in spite of [i everything] this man was allowed to stay rather than get impeached [i year one.]]
[size10 is this what this country stands for? the silencing and murder of innocent people? do we not care because it isn't [i us?]]
[size10 it's unbelievable, really. america is trash. it's absolute trash.]
[size10 i'm hurting and i'm angry. i can't even relax during a fucking pandemic. because no one here knows how to behave, and we have actual devils drunken with power wearing police uniforms.]
[size10 and canada is no better.]
[size10 ugh. ughhh
i feel like shit now. i'm.
i just don't know why anyone would want me. i really don't.]
[size10 all right um. this shit is getting pretty annoying.]
[size10 out of all things that have been coming out about jeffree star to get angry about, y'all choose a [i palette name?] since when does the theme of death and cremation become insensitive. what about all the songs and television shows and movies and literally [i billions] of other artforms depicting death and virus related things. are the people who made those suddenly canceled now, too?]
[size10 cancel him for defending a fucking pedophile. cancel him for continuing to shit on james charles after claiming that he meant james no harm after banding together with tati to effectively ruin a kid's career as soon as he started making a name for himself.]
[size10 cancel him for calling said kid a fucking predator.]
[size10 hell, cancel him for saying the n word or that he'd throw battery acid on a girl.]
[size10 to me, this all sounds like a distraction. idk, the timing is pretty on point. after the attention to the blood on the dancefloor thing all of a sudden jeffree thinks it's a good idea to release a palette about death during a pandemic knowing he's still in the hotseat?]
[size10 pretty sure it's to keep y'all from finding out the actual harmful stuff.]
[size10 also, the timing of what came out about doja cat is pretty odd, too. first y'all are defending her because there are literal men doxxing her and trying to break into her house to hurt her, but then. ohh wait. she likes white supremacists. she shat on camera. let men storm her house and do whatever they want to her.]
[size10 shit ain't adding up.]
[size10 anyway, celebrity drama during a [i fucking pandemic]. imagine having no perception of what's important and what isn't.]
[size10 all i'm saying is y'all. should be worrying about yourselves.]
[size10 call everyone out once this shit is over with and we have less shit to worry about.]
[size10 my god.]
[size10 the next time someone gets baselessly angry at me and never bothers to sit down and explain to me why i'm going to absolutely explode.]
[size10 today was awful. it still is awful.
i want it to be over. i want to forget this week.]
[size10 this has been way too much.
god, if you're there
please. i'm begging you
i need a break from this sort of thing.
all i ask is people be a little gentler with me. i've been doing everything i can
i don't want to cry or be depressed.
[size10 let me rest.]
[size10 i miss flirting. that's not weird, is it? having someone banter back and forth with you and flirt with each other?]
[size10 i wand to kindle a flame again. fall in love again.]
[size10 idk if the universe is gonna let me, but i miss it.]
[size10 i feel like i'm at my best when i am, strangely enough.]
[size10 i'm such a good partner.]
[size10 i'll give you the world if you just give me some of your time and attention.]
[size10 and i'm so affectionate and considerate of you. i'll remember all the little details. always be here for you.]
[size10 but idk. maybe i'm just not ready.]
[size10 how is it that any sense of privacy i have is just taken away from me by other people even when i'm not fucking with them.]
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