You don't have permission to post in this thread.
[h3 Step One: Source of Inspiration]
i saw something the other day that said a way to let go and move past unresolved, closureless issues is to write yourself an apology letter from the person who wronged you's perspective.
this helps your brain process the loss easier, and forget about it.
essentially, you're giving yourself closure. you are in control.
for those struggling with things of that nature, i suggest you at least give this a shot. i will, too.
anyway, i'm going to get some well deserved rest. my special message today is smile a little brighter and laugh a little harder. it'll make a world of difference.
˚༄♡、 / chiyuki / 19h 38m 9s
[center [h3 Step Two]]
[center [+green So I guess what I'm going to try... Is well the advice I read here on Journal Entries. Though I feel blessed because I did get answers and closures on many things. Monique and Alex, though Alex took many years and was a slow burn I eventually did get some answers but maybe this advice would have served me well? That being said I've actually come to terms with not always getting closure. Like from you know who for example. I've been honestly in a great mood! ^^]]
[center [+green That being said let's give this a whirl eh? Chiyuki wanted me to let them know how I feel after trying it. So I might as well see how it goes. As for the apology letter? I think I know where to start and from "whom." To be honest Ima feel super awkward giving it a shot but oh well xD. It's been so long I hardly remember this person's typing style so I will barely even try to mimic that tbh. Well here goes!]]
[center [h3 Step Three]]
[center [i Hey, long time no see huh? This seems outta the blue but honestly? I've been thinking a lot lately. Just about how everything went down and how things ended between us the first time. Don't get me wrong I won't sugarcoat it. You messed up too I'm not here to say. "It was all me and you did nothing wrong!" Cause that wouldn't be true. We hurt each other plenty. You hurt me and honestly I was scared and relationships were new to me. That being said that didn't making cheating with Morgan or Alex right I know that. Though we both made mistakes I hid behind shields like. "I was too young and therefore how I hurt you didn't really count" just brushing off you're pain and focusing on my own. I chose to be in a simple word. Selfish I didn't know what else to do. Reading you're journal over again though? I realize I only focused on responding to parts and segments I could argue to. I ignored the parts where you actually saw things from my point of view and still understood why I felt the way I did. Since you're willing to understand and move on. To let go and forgive I want to do the same. To let go and forgive you as well. I want to clear the slate because now? I'm moving on with my life. A new fiance a new job and a new start and I don't want the past clinging on to me or to you.]]
[center [i I told you once that once a cheater always a cheater. That I only cheated on you cause you were the abuser. This villain I painted out because it made things easier to process than the wrongs on both sides. I said that statement ignoring the fact you didn't cheat on Monique and only focusing on the fact I didn't cheat with Alex. I see now you've changed and you don't do that anymore. Not that it makes it right that you did in our relationship. We could have talked more and tried to reach out to each other. Not cheating on each other like we did. I think the dumbest fight we got in was the "Who cheated more." Where we yelled at each other "remember this and this?" To prove the other cheated more? You were on the road with Juzi. Long story short? We both cheated a lot and comparing was pointless it was just ignoring the actual problem to focus on petty details. What I honestly thinks is...]]
[center [h3 Under Construction]]
I may finish this one day.
I don't know if I really NEED this. Honestly I don't feel compelled to write it. I think it's because either way I'm fine? But I guess I wanted to dive in those old feelings to make sure I really am over it and okay. Turns out I am so that's good. I may finish this one day. but I may not so idk we'll see.]]
This only made me laugh cause I know way too much about Chinese history
I closed the tab on your journal.
Im done looking
Its negative and arrogant i cant even
Typing this on my phone cause not even worth it.
I never expected an apology.
You never apologized for anything
Yelling at me and blaming me
You never once apologized for how you made me cry and sob
No how i LET you hurt me. Im an idiot.
I didnt apologize? I remember saying sorry a lot but im not swallowed by pride to not see my faults.
I hurt you too.
We hurt each other
Im sorry cause i cheated too fuck i cant write that out loud i was wrong too.
But you werent jusr a victim sorry not sorry.
If im such an abuser why was my relationship with monique so healthy? Our break up healthy.
Hell her and me talk now and we are so close.
I wont share details of my love life but jts going good and im happy someone treats me well. Getting each other stuff for christmas too.
Plus i get along with my friends.
Im not just an abuser
Im a friend
A passionate lover
This is different than my normal post
No im not spiraling into my old anger
Im stating the whole story and than im done.
Im not gonna look on your journal for a response to me.
For yiu to blah im a victim blah it was all you blah i called you a bitch and im badass.
Blah yiur the abuser and i was so manuplated i did nothing wrong and it was all you.
I know your reaponse before you say it since day one. your so easy to read its crazy. My friends call me physic with your post but im not your just predictable.
Yet as predictable as i saw you i couldnt help you be a less angry person and thats on me
I ler you down
Im happy in my relationship you are in yours.
So let this just be the end of that.
Ive said thst a lot and my grammar here is horrid its on my phone and im not even trying cause i can make effort to explain but your so shortsighted you dont even care what others gotta say
Oh indont care what an abuser says chris duh
Im happy and been so and my job innthe union makes good money
Beats mcdonalds lmao
Yes i was petty in that remark but youve finally fully lost my respect.
You had some believe it or not inwouldnt let others talk bad about you around me.
But ive had people show me just how bad yiu really were and are to me.
So i dont respect you anymore i know you never did me since day one but idc.
I coukd say more but ive gotra let ago
Im not mad but i am annoyrd and i gotta release these negative emotions.
Im gonna ask.my friends not to talk about your journal to me
Im not gonna look
Its only gonna be vile and cruel like always before.
I am done having our journal responses.
Its dumb and stupid and your the onlybperson i fight with i swear and im readybto be done.
So goodbye i am glad you treat this guy better than you did me.
I think we just brpught the wordt outta each other is all.
So yeah peace and love.
I may not respect your actions but i still respect you deserve to be happy cause we all do.
I wish happiness to you and to everyone around you
Bad timing to say tjst after my rant but its myblast post so i gotta put it now.
Have a good life and leave me outta it.
-not your punching bag anymore-
Before you claim im saying im a victim im not
I chose to stay through all of the yelling and cheating and jerking around.
Even when you pretended our break up was a dream like a crazy person at 17 not 14
You didnt hold a gun to my head.
I stayed of my own will.
So i admit i deserved every piece of abuse you had to throw at me.
Aint no victims
Just two idiots yelling at each other
Maybe thars harsh because at least we treat others well.
So we just being each others moron out as i said.
So lets just leave each other alone.
No sweet goodbye this time no silver lining thsts it.
This is so dumb xD
Yet I couldn't help but laugh at it.
Its late but here we go xD
Our family celebrates thanksgiving today but woot (Friday)
Happy late thanksgiving all
Really good for a long time now.
I think it'll be over a year since I let any toxicity close in my life.
Got a job.
Have nice friends.
I feel... Loved too and I like that too.
Not the longest or deepest post but I've too many feelings too write.
Long story short? I've felt content for the longest time.
*Weird schedule with only 12 hours this week*
I know I can't ask this person but..
Why don't you like the MHW/Witcher quest crossover?!
Is it Leshen?
Is it the fact it messes with the lore? I'M SO CONFUSED
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSAQcwV8PIk]]
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUZ1mR77GCo]]
Need to overall summoning rules.
Perhaps full EXP is essence?
Or just level doesn't affect and half EXP is essence always?
Need to be ways to gain skills/spells for these summonings.
Make the leveling abit more reasonable even if the power must be dropped a bit.
Maybe half stat boost and essence needed?
Okay half essence needed and half stat boost
For the first 5 levels make it cost 50% more and 50% more stat boost.
After level 5 the essence needed is 100 and only half the stat boost of LV 1 forever.
The summonings level cap is LV 50.
Every 5 levels is a star of mastery these will be needed for being able to equip spells/skills etc.
Each summoning can have 3 skill slots.
Buy/Find skill/spell nodes for the summoning.
They will be plenty strong by LV 50 I think. Just not overwhelmingly powerful I hope.
Maybe toy with the idea of a summon gauge.
Like summon gauge 3.
Each summoning takes a gauge point?
Can only summon 3 times in a fight.
You can summon without a gauge but the beast comes with 50% less overall stats? So that way every summoning can still get a use at least.
I think I like that idea yeah!
Course certain gear etc can give a max summon gauge which would be nice. All right new system in sounds fine!
[center [h3 Morning!]]
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kke1GZVnXD4]]
[tangerine [size30 [center Hey princess! You in there your father needs you.]]]
[center [b Arthur a young man loyal to the crown and to Tristania. He was champion to the princess's younger brother. Though the prince was off and meeting with the prime minister of Albion. Arthur had knocked on the ladies door waiting a moment well several minutes. He may not have been her champion but he always had a soft spot for her. He related with hating studies and if he was to be leader one day? That'd crush him course losing the queen. Her mother must have been hard still! He'd cheer her up somehow right? He knocked again before entering.]]
[tangerine [size30 [center I'm sorry princess I-]]]
[center [b And.. She was gone again! Arthur couldn't help but smile softly. He was supposed to report this but? How could he? He couldn't help but admire her free spirit her mother was much the same even being much older than the young Arthur she was always so energetic. The castle would stir in a panic to find her but he already knew she was in the common quarters bumping shoulders with the common people.]]
[center [h3 Where Is She Now?]]
[center [pic http://i.imgur.com/AiBQzca.jpg]]
[center [+gold Where did that girl..]]
[center [b It was about an hour later and Simon had stood in the throne room looking out the window. His advisers had suggested he sit and relax but he would do no such thing. He'd amass a search party simple and discreet not to harm her of course. This happened often and sure she came back safely but that wasn't the problem. She had lessons she was avoiding. "Self defense" as well as "Politics" and learning foreign language such as Elven. She was rather smart much like her mother but she didn't care much for meeting and sitting around. Simon knew it could be... Tedious but she was to one day rule the kingdom. She was the oldest and next in line. In Tristania her being a woman did not forfeit the job to her younger brother. Though he wondered if she wanted it to he knew her brother hadn't wanted to rule. Better kids who grab the throne through reluctance than a grab of power. They were good kids and Simon loved very much but if they weren't prepared for when he'd be gone one day? Simon couldn't think of that he wanted them and his kingdom to be ready. His daughter needed to work on much but where on Fyuria is she? "Today's the day she supposed to finally select a champion for herself.."]]
[center [h3 The Market]]
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWPiOb4Cxa4]]
[center [+blue Come and get your baubles! Need a stone that enhances magic?]]
[center [+pink Need a special potion to rekindle that last spark? We got just what you need! All approved by the kingdom o-of course! Of course!]]
[center [b Merchants were shouting left and right though there were some nobles of differing rank it was mostly peasants. The common quarters were.. Mostly safe except downtown although this is where our story truly begins. The princess offering her help in healing and relief to her people had caught her into a bit of a mix up in a dangerous alley.]]
[center [+orange Hey! So your the princess huh? Going around here healing the sick right? Taking pity on us? If you feel so bad why not fix our rights! We've peasants should have a say in things! So what we don't got your fancy magic! We should be allowed to enlist with the Knight's same as ye!]]
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEkI95MwlkE]]
[center [b Despite the peasants strong words and each wielding metal bars. They had a hooded figure wielding a wand a mage they paid off. It was four large lumbering men accompanied by this mercenary of a mage. Peasants were too scared to fight magic without their own it was how they were sheltered it was how they were controlled. Before the mage could launch a spell a dark haired man wielding nothing but leather gloves and a trench coat intervened. Rushing the mage that managed to throw a fire bolt. He had slid on his knee's ducking under the fire before flipping back up and kicking down on the small hooded figure. Falling to his feet he followed up with a simple but swift uppercut knocking the mage to the ground.]]
[center [+orange T-That's gotta be speed enhancement magic! Crap he must be one of the royal knights!]]
[center Bet you wouldn't b-be so tough if you had to fight us without magic!]
[center [+darkred Tsk, who said I have any? I might not like royality but if we act like beast than were no better than they say we are. Get the hell outta here.]]
[center [b The four looked to each other happy to see he too was just a peasant. A peasant that probably just "Got lucky" it seems a fifth had laid in hiding hitting the man over the head with a crowbar.]]
[center [+darkred Shit..]]
[center [b Dazed they took the chance to beat the man as much as they could before he could managed to squirm free. Grabbing one in a headlock and dropping him to the ground busting the man's head open.]]
[center [+darkred Guess this is how were doing things huh?]]
[center [h3 Some Time Later]]
[center [pic https://i.pinimg.com/736x/91/67/41/91674180b91045afe45ecb79658f27b3.jpg]]
[center [b The five had laid down panting bleeding two of them had begun to pass out even. This young man had panted wiping at his face that first hit had really made the fight a hard one. He wiped under his chin before gripping his fist but the peasants were done and they were already high tailing it outta there even grabbing the two that were passing out.]]
[center [+orange No magic my ass! There's no way he'd still be standing otherwise!]]
[center [b This man, Tristain had scoffed spitting at the ground as he held his head.]]
[center [+darkred Shit that was harder than I expected.. Doesn't matter. Hey you! I don't know if your really a princess or royalty but you shouldn't show up in places like these without your daddies special guards.]]
[center [b He gave a bit of a scowl his voice was already gruff to begin with but now it almost sounded like a growl. He hadn't shown any physical intent to attack her or to make her day any worse. He did however seem rather stand offish to the young woman. A lot more than would seem reasonable for one stranger to another.]]
[center [h3 OOC]]
[center [b You can play the younger prince if you want? Or me up to you ^w^ if you want me to change anything about the post just let me know! Also a map! Keep in mind the world is much bigger than this but a map of the surrounding world at least.]]
[center [pic https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/zeronotsukaima/images/1/19/Halkeginia_mapLarge-b.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/400?cb=20110209001434]]
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.