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/ By Blissful- [+Watch]

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[center [pic https://i.imgur.com/gEXKo3g.jpg]][google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center This is my personal Journal. You are welcome to read, just don't comment about anything inside of here. Thank you for your time, and now you can move along.]]]

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[center [pic https://imgur.com/y5rsJLL.gif]][google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center March 17th 2019.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center First off, I wanna apologize to [b Jess]. I honestly don't know what I did to make you block me. My FB has been fucking up, and won't send FB messages. I went to message you, and find out I'm blocked? I didn't leave you high and dry, just shit tends to happen to where I can't message you. So I am deeply sorry for making you feel like I did, when in reality I have been trying to get a hold of you. But if you don't wanna be friends anymore, I'll understand..]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center I'm seriously walking the fine line of holding on, and letting go... I feel so weak, so alone, so betrayed... A lot of emotion's that it's making my head spin... I thought you were adult enough to let me walk away, but you weren't. You honestly are like a fucking thorn in my side... Why can't you just leave me the fuck alone. Let me do me, and I'll be perfectly fine. I haven't messaged you once since you called me. So what part of, [i L E A V E - M E - A L O N E] do you not get?]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center You just can't wrap your head around that I left you, can you? You don't like seeing me trying to put myself back together, and you don't like not being able to have me around. You fucked shit up so bad, that I don't care. I really don't fucking care anymore. I'm numb to caring about you. Honestly, I'm numb to caring about anyone lately. The only people I really fucking care about, are the ones that matter.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center You can keep showing up to work, but pretty soon I'm going to get your ass away from me for good. I'm to that point where I need to protect myself from you. I need to protect myself, and my sanity as well. I'm putting myself back together, and you don't like seeing the smile on my face. A smile that's not caused by you this time. It's caused by someone else, and you don't like it. You honestly don't understand how much you fucked up. Yes it's been a month, and I'm slowly building myself back up.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center On another note. I'm meeting up with my Aunt for the first time on Thursday. Not a lot of people know I was adopted when I was younger, and I don't know anything about my real dad. But when I had that stroke back in November, I couldn't use my step-dad's medical information. I had to get a hold of someone on [i that] side of the family. I'm really fucking scared about what's gonna happen, but I feel like I deserve to know that family. Those aunt's and uncles. I deserve to know them at least a little bit.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center Maybe I'll create something new and beautiful with them, who knows. It's time I do shit for myself, and not worry about pleasing everyone else around me. Yeah I still wanna please people, but at the same time I know I need to put myself first too sometimes. I just gotta keep my loved ones close, and that's all that matters to me. Yeah, I'm still in a really depressed state, but I'm slowly coming out of it. With [i [b his]] help, and him being there for me, is what's helping the most.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center I honestly forgot how good it felt knowing I can break down around someone, and they won't judge me. The feeling is amazing, and I'm honestly scaring myself right now.. What if shit ends again? I don't think I can handle losing [i [b you]] again.. We just barely got back in touch, and I'm already getting an attachment to you... Maybe I'm over thinking all of this, but whatever happens, I hope to God that I still have you in my life, because I can't lose my support right now..]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [right ~Healing Heart~]]]
  Blissful- / 1d 9h 2m 27s
[center [pic https://imgur.com/QTF5nxg.gif]][google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center March 14th 2019.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center Things are slowly starting to look up. Yeah, I still feel like shit most days. I feel like I wanna break down and cry still, but I feel like I'm really healing. It's helping that I reconnected with a couple of old friends too. Joey & Chris. Both of whom I have missed like no other. Maybe this time things will be different between me and them. Yeah, we did argue a couple of years back, and pretty much left each other in the dust.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center Now though, I feel like I can work on things with both of them. They both have a piece of my heart, and they both mean the world to me. Even if things don't work with anything else, I know I will always have them to be there and protect me. Joey and I have been talking the most this past week, and he's been there though my break downs, and I've been there through his. He really is an amazing person. Someone special, and amazing, and someone who deserves nothing but the world, and to be treated like it.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center Chris and I have been talking for two days now. I didn't realize how much I missed him till then. I mean, him and I don't have the best track record out of anyone, but it feels like time hasn't passed since we last talked. I honestly haven't been happier than I have been since finding those two again, and started talking to them both. I feel like I'm getting back to my normal self again. That and I have my Tiffy fully back too ♥ I honestly haven't been happier than I am right now.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center I've been watching OUAT again too, and I forgot how much I loved Belle and Rumple together. I forgot the love that Rumple had for her when he looked at her. I want that, I want the love that Belle holds for her Beast. Someone needs to be the Rumple to my Belle, just saying.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [right ~Healing Bonds~]]]
  Blissful- / 4d 14h 41m 57s
[center [pic https://imgur.com/ZzFcTND.gif]][google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center March 10th 2019.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center You seriously need to leave me the hell alone. I've dealt with your shit for two fucking years. I have dealt with you treating me like shit, yelling at me, telling me that I'm just like all of your ex-girlfriends. What part of [i I'm not coming back] do you not get? You fucked up, and yet you still keep messaging me and telling me how sorry you are, and that you want me back.. Yeah I might have taken you back at one point.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center Right now, I know I'm better than that. I deserve better than what you have done to me. I deserve better.. Yet why do I feel like shit? Why do I feel like I don't deserve anything? I thought I was numb, and I thought I was strong enough to deal with this, but I'm not.. I'm nothing but a total mess.. I can't stop fucking crying.. And Netflix isn't fucking helping me.. I need a distraction.. A hella good one at that.. Someone help me out here.. Take my mind off of everything.. Make me forget..]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center I'm seriously done.. I can't breathe.. I feel like I'm nothing but a damn monster.. I'm not good enough, and I never will be.. I know that now.. I know that I'm not meant to be happy, because all you ever do is tear me down, you make me feel guilty, and you make me feel like I shouldn't even be here anymore.. I'm done.. I'm out..]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [right ~Shattered Heart~]]]
  Blissful- / 8d 11h 45m 53s
[center [pic https://imgur.com/caqZrnM.gif]][google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center March 6th 2019.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center [b [u Eli/Ellie;]] You were the last one I needed to apologize to. I've been thinking about what to say, and honestly I can't put it into words. I know things between you and I haven't been the best. I have done things to you, and you've done things to me to make us pretty much not even wanna try being friends. I'm not asking you to try, but I do wanna apologize to you as well. I acted out in a ways that was horrible towards you. I honestly don't know how else to say it. I don't know if it'll be worth even saying how sorry I am. But I really am. My mental health hasn't been the best, and I acted like a total bitch towards you. Maybe later on down the road, you and I could [i maybe] create a friendship. Who knows what the future brings. But I am sorry for treating you like shit. I really, truly am.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center Seeing as she was the last one I needed to apologize too, and I'm not the best at words, I just hope that maybe one day soon we could work on something. If not, then I'll be fine with it. I honestly needed to get all of that off of my chest.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center [b [u Moving onto last night.]]]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center Last night was my last night being overnights, and honestly I'm gonna miss it.. I'm gonna miss working with some of the most amazing people. I have created amazing bonds, that I will forever hold near to my heart. I do have plans on what I wanna be doing with my life though. I need to work on my mental, and emotional health, and just get back onto my feet. This last month has been horrible all around.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center When I called Jason the other day, he treated me like shit.. I tried to stay his friend, but he doesn't give a fuck about that. Honestly it's his God damn loss. I tried so fucking hard to support him, and for what? Just to be torn down, and made to feel like total shit. I don't deserve that. Everyone I hurt didn't deserve what I did to them either. I'm just so numb to everything, that I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know how to act anymore, and I sure as hell don't know how to put myself back together..]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center I guess I just need to take it all one day at a time. Just take the time to breathe, and really think about what's going to happen. I have a lot to work on, and I hope to God that I'll have the support while I'm getting back onto my feet. I'm just tired of people tearing me down, and making me feel like I'm not good enough.. Oi, here come the tears again.. I'm honestly to the point where I'm done with everything. I don't even wanna be here right now..]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [right ~Shattering Heart~]]]
  Blissful- / 12d 23h 19m 27s
[center [pic https://imgur.com/y5rsJLL.gif]][google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center I have been nothing but a horrible person towards those I loved dearly.. I ruined so many friendships, and I know I can't take what I did back. But I hope what is inside of this post, will help you all realize what I have been going though. I will apologize to each and every one of your right now though. I know it's not much, but at least it's a start, and I can hopefully mend these broken friendships one day.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center [b [u Megan;]] First, I just want you to know how sorry I am. I honestly don't know how else to put all of this into words. I don't know if you'll ever read this, or if you'll ever want too. I am truly sorry for how I've been acting. I never dreamed of losing you again, and yet I have. I know I have been a really shitty person lately, and I do apologize for that. I hope this post will explain a little bit, about what's been going on with me. I'm not asking you to forgive me, and I honestly wouldn't beg you too either. I just wanted to say how sorry I was, and that I still do think about you, and wish nothing but the best for you.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center [b [u Jasmine;]] I was surprised that you even messaged me last night. I'm glad you did though. I didn't think you would have forgiven me as fast as you did, and I'm really happy you did. I explained a little bit about what happened with me, and you explained a little bit about what happened with you. It looks like you and I both had shitty relationships, but I'm proud of you for walking away, and seeing that you can do better. I promise you I will do my best to be a better friend to you, and I really am sorry for treating you like shit. I promise you that I will try my hardest to keep a smile on your face, and make you feel like you can trust me again.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center [b [u Tiffani;]] I have hurt you the most.. I have been kicking myself for the last month for hurting you. You are honestly one of the sweetest people I had the chance of knowing. I honestly don't know what I would do if you ever forgave me, and tried being friends again. I'm not asking you too, because I don't want you thinking that you are pressured to do it. I just want you to know, that you will always have a part of my heart. You will always be my Tiffy-Bear, my sister, my world, and my other half. Even if you and I don't work on things, I just want you to know that I do think about you, and that I have been kicking myself for hurting you as much as I did. I really am sorry, and I do love the shit out of you still.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center [b [u Amanda;]] You and I haven't really talked much the last few months, and apart of that is my fault as well. I know you don't get on ES much anymore, and I did remove you from Facebook, but I did mean what I said last night. I will try my hardest to talk to you more, and I will try my hardest to make things right with you, and your sister. Even if you and I don't become as close as we used too, I just want you to know, that you will always be a sister to me. You will always have a part of my heart too. You are someone special to me, and I couldn't picture my life the way it went. You are amazing, beautiful, and all around a good person. I am sorry for being a shitty friend, and I hope that you and I will work on our relationship once more.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center Now that I have apologized in my own words. I'm going to take the time and really open up.. Really spill what's been going on with me.. Don't mind the typos, since I know I'm going to be crying while typing all of this out. But here I go..]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center I left Jason three weeks ago. Or is it four? I don't know, the time has pretty much blended together for me.. He had changed the moment his momma died. I know I changed too. Watching her die like that, still haunts me a year later.. But I know it's taken it's toll on him. He went down hill after she passed away. He wasn't the same person I fell in love, and he wasn't going to be the same again.. He pretty much chose his drinking over me. He would get mad at me for the smallest things. If I asked him a simple question, he would fly off the handle.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center He would tell me I hated him, that my mother hated him, when in reality we were trying to help him. I seriously thought I could help him, and he would realize that there is so much more to life, than the alcohol.. That he had a woman who loved the shit out of him, and wanted nothing but the best for him.. He couldn't see it.. Whenever I tried talking to him, he would raise his voice at me. He would bring up how he was raised, and then he would start saying that I treated him like shit, and that I was like all of his other ex-girlfriends.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center That honestly broke me every time he said that.. A couple of times he almost hit me, but he stopped what he was doing. People at work were noticing that I changed, and it took a friend of his, talking to my grandparents, that made me leave. I didn't want to leave, but I had no choice in the matter. I was being abused, mental and emotional abuse is the worst kind there is. I changed, and I hurt those I cared about too. Now that I've been away from him, and really had time to think about things, I've realized I wasted my time.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [center Two years wasted on someone who didn't want to get better. Someone who will always choose the vodka over me. I am sorry to all of you that I hurt.. I lashed out in ways that I now know, were really horrible. I hope you all can forgive me, and I promise you I won't do anything to hurt either of you again. Even if we don't become friends/siblings again. Just know that I am sorry for how I acted, and that I really am trying to work on bettering myself. Now that I am away from the abuse, maybe I can finally put myself back together.]]]

[google-font http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Kurale][kurale [size13 [right ~Shattered Mind~]]]
  Blissful- / 15d 23h 56m 25s
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