[ᴛʜᴇ ʙɪʀᴅ's ᴠᴇɴᴛɪɴɢ ɴᴇsᴛ]

/ By Catharsis- [+Watch]

Replies: 25 / 243 days 23 hours 17 minutes 10 seconds

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[center [size9 And just like that, he fucking came and stole everything I had.

Words can not explain how much I wish to die.

He stole my guitars, he stole my CD's. He stole my fucking computers and mixers. Why does God fucking spit in my face when I'm doing good? Why does the Devil have mercy on me while God doesn't?

At this fucking point, what will happen? Will God have no mercy on me when I die? Am I going to Hell? I don't fucking know but these words and these actions are what got me here.

It was really my fault for our break up, I fucking hate myself. I want to fucking die.

Tip those bottles of pills down my throat. I'll sleep forever.

I'm fucking insane with the drama, the lies, everything.

When will I die?

I see it everytime I'm in a car, hoping that a fucking truck just rams into the car but they never let me drive. One day it'll happen and it'll be a murder and a suicide.

I'm not mentally insane or unsafe. I'm totally fine. Because fuck you and your friends. Currently failing school and what am I supposed to do? Getting my hair shaven off is way better than this shit and what the absolute fuck was a thinking?

Nothing ever seems to get better, I'm going to die alone at the age of 18 or maybe even this year. I [i feel ] like nobody cares except for my es mother but that doesn't add up to the parental love I never received or even fathomed. I'm missing most of my childhood and I was fucked up from the beginning.

Nobody really cares, we're just people and lies behind a computer screen aren't we? Who am I to fucking say that I'm a female? I might be a fucking male that says I'm a she. Or maybe a fucking rapist that likes to fucking stalk people?

I'm a fucking nobody, I don't have a name to anybody.

So nobody should remember me.

The talk therapy isn't helping.
They just want to shove more pills down my throat.
"Oh, it's all behavioral shit."
Fucking fuck fucks fuck.

It's the fucking drama people pull me into and the shit that happens to me.
I won't ever be happy.
The meaning of life is what you make it.
Bullshit, it's just a lie to tell you that you control your own destiny.
Because fuck no, fate is here and gonna be an ass.
So here's to you to dunderheads and fucktards, you wanted me dead.
Your wish is my command.

And if you think I'm lying, just fucking look at yourself and see what's wrong with you. Because I might be better off without all those fucking disorders and shit but I'm still a fucking human.

Just because I have a history of doing it doesn't mean I'll do it again.
Because this is how I feel.
And feelings don't lie do they?

And I'm sick and tired of hiding my wrists from the world.
The blood of my fucking body is covering all the inside of my sleeves.
Yeah, I go back to the emo shit.
But it makes me numb.
Number than your fucking grandfather's balls on ice.
I feel nothing.
Death is only a horizon.
And the sun always comes back.

The pain and depression is never-ending and he's trying to fucking kill me. God, he's winning and it's all my fucking fault. I deserve to die.

How should I go?
Slit throat?
Blood Loss?
[size7 I'm already halfway there pretty fucking much. ]
Blunt force trama?

[size9 More than likely I'm going into a mental hospital for a bit. ]]
  Wings- / 217d 14h 51m 26s
[Center [size9 We stare at broken clocks, the hands don't turn anymore.
The days turn into nights, empty hearts and empty places.
The day you lost him, I slowly lost you too.
For when he died, he took a part of you.

No time for farewells, no chances for goodbyes.
No explanations, no fucking reasons why.
I watched it eat you up, pieces fallen on the floor.
We stare at broken clocks, the hands don't turn anymore.

If only sorrow could build a staircase, our tears could show the way.
I would climb my way back to Heaven and bring him back home again.
Don't give up hope friend, this is not the end.

We stare at broken clocks, the hands don't turn anymore.
The days turn into nights, empty hearts and empty places.
The day you lost him, I slowly lost you too.
For when he died, he took a part of you.

[i Death is only a chapter.
So let's rip out the pages of yesterday.
Death is only a horizon.
And I'm ready for the sun to set. ]

This is suicide season.
  Wings- / 217d 19h 1m 24s
[center [size10 [i It's all chaos inside,
My head is dead.
God, forgive me for all my sins.
God, forgive us.

I was raised in the valley,
there were shadows of death.
He took a boy and slaughtered him with a scythe.

The Sheffield killing.
The story of two boys taking a disabled classmate.
Killing him with sickles.
I was there or so I dreamt.
It was bloody it was dark.
Two boys running after him,
The moon still high in the sky.

One had a buzz cut, the other had short hair but it was longer than the buzz cut.
One white, one black, chasing a boy out of his tent.
60 wounds.
To the boy
He died in a bloody mess,
a plastic bag over his head.

Stocksbridge Highschool, Sheffield.
England. ]]

This is the only thing I remember.
  [ʙs] / Romeo- / 219d 21h 28m 4s
[center [size10 x ANA x is someone inside of my head.
She tells me everything.
I may be sick but she's sicker.
Fucking telling me to [s die ]
When I should be alive

Okay, I'm sick
Mentally sick.
But I'm not fucking going anywhere,
Self-medicating with music and sleep.
It's 5AM and I'm dead-ass awake.

God, lean is so good.
The truth will piss you off.
x ANA x is not xanax
It's a person, a person inside my head.
Fuck, I can't keep on.

x ANA x is here.
And here to stay.
  Romeo- / 219d 23h 1m 16s

aint no bitches gonna tell me to fucking get help

there ain't anyone even here to tell me to get help~
  Romeo- / 222d 14h 33m 26s
Fuck me, fuck everybody.

i thought i cared. i thought you cared, thanks for leaving bitch.
  Romeo- / 222d 15h 22m 56s
[Center [size12 9/22/18 ]
[Size11 Memorial - Alerion
[Size9 This song has no words but it's about the people I let go or the people that let me go. ]

[Size11 I know it's hard for us.
I know life has us beaten and bruised.
Life as we know it is no longer the same.
I miss the old days of the good side of my family.

The smell, the food, just the energy.
It's all gone and I was left there.
I know it's hard and that it hurts but when is enough,

I miss them, grandma and grandpa.
They raised me to who I am today.
My parents weren't exactly accepting.
But they tried.

I lost my boyfriend and I sit here in silence.
It feels cold and quiet without him here.
Nobody even called and I had lied to people on here.
I said that I was going to go eat my stomach out.
I didn't.

I sat here at the desk and made a piece of music that isn't aggressive.
I know they loved calm and slow music, something to make you think.
This song is it.
This song is for the people without family.
Without a lover,
Without food,

Without shelter.

I know how it feels to be alone and out to die

I understand how people feel about that.
  Catharsis- / 237d 9h 42m 5s
[Center [size12 9/20/18 ]
[Size11 Blacklist - Alerion ]
[Size7 Alerion is my singer name. ]
[Size10 4:00 ]
[Size10 Deathcore ]
[Size7 Guess who's on my blacklist, you Juko~ ]

[Size11 [i Intro ]
So just like that, you're fucking dead and gone?
You can only wear a crown of thorns for so long.
But we built an empire, and you took the throne.
But you built it from bayonets and sat there alone.

[i Verse #1 ]
I hope your queen was worth it.
Do you still serve her on your knees?
'Cause you sat when your world was at your feet.
Just slept while we lived the dream.

[i Pre-Chorus ]
You won't miss the water 'til the river run dry.
You won't miss the sunset 'til it burns out of the sky.
You won't miss what you have 'til it's finally lost.
But you won't miss a bastard when you're bearing her fucking cross.

[i Chorus ]
Nothing but a blacklist!
With friends like you, there's no need for enemies.
With friends like you, there's no need for anything.
You're nothing but a blacklist.

[i Verse #2 ]
Well, truth be told I'm a little gutted.
I mean you always were a prick, but we seemed to love you.
We started this together and it should've stuck.
But there's no room for a useless miserable fuck.
Well, I know I was a cunt in the final days.
It just filled me with venom, filled me with rage.
To see someone not give a fuck,
Despite of all of this.

[i Bridge ]
I won't see you around, I couldn't give a fuck.
I'd rather slit my wrists than keep in touch.
You're on my blacklist and there's nothing else to say.
[Center [size12 9/17/18 ]
[Size8 2:40AM ]
[Size10 "Seen It All Before." ]

[Size11 I've swallowed myself but the fever still remains.
I'm numb to the pleasure but still feel the pain.
If I showed you my soul,
Would you cover your eyes?
If I told you the truth,
Would you dare me to lie?

Sonetimes it ends.
It doesn't have to be sad.
No tears to be shed,
Sometimes, just be glad.
Silver-linings to every cloud
That's just life.
[Center [size12 9/16/18 ]
[size7 9:40AM ]

[size9 "I hate to break it to you but, you're just a lonely star." ]
[size11 Today started off fucking horrible. I had no sleep, I'm hungry as fucking hell and my body feels weak as hell. I'm at school in my first-period class, Biology class and I already want to break down into fucking pieces and shards.

Juko was sick this morning so I decided to let him sleep in and I pulled an all-nighter like a fucking retard. I should've taken my insomnia medication and put my ass to bed but no, I had to be a fucking dim wit.

Emotionally, I'm done.
Mentally, I'm fried.
Spiritually, I'm corrupt.
Physically, I'm broken.

I can't keep carrying on like this, with what seems to be the weight of the world placed upon my heart and my shoulders. I feel so heavy, it's like I want to melt into the ground and just... suffocate and die. I'm so done, so stressed, so much pain for my little heart and body.

I've cried all my life, I've fought all my life and it just led to this piece of shit. I'm never happy in anything but my music and even that isn't enough to keep me from this impending doom.

I feel like ending it all.
  [ᴛʀᴜᴇ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅs] / Catharsis- / 243d 22h 12m 23s

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