[ᴛʜᴇ ʙɪʀᴅ's ᴠᴇɴᴛɪɴɢ ɴᴇsᴛ]

/ By Catharsis- [+Watch]

Replies: 24 / 68 days 8 hours 13 minutes 21 seconds

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  1. [Allowed] WickedLovely-
  2. [Allowed] Waterlily-

ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟɪsᴛᴇɴ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ ʀᴀɴᴛɪɴɢ ᴜɴʟᴇss ɪ ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴍɪssɪᴏɴ.


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Roleplay Responses

[center [size9 I don't know what to do anymore. The feeling of being held is no longer. I'm crying at the thoughts of my former friends, you don't know how hard it is without them. I've got nothing, I've lost my musical talents, my voice is disappearing with the growing insecurity that is festering inside of my body.

I was told to go when the party's over, they left me didn't they... For that kid who was telling their secrets behind their backs. They don't believe me, I warned them of everything coming their way. Maybe I was being a bit paranoid but look where it got me.

I built to where I was and it was like the carpet was tugged from underneath my feet. I'm only 17 but I feel like I'm fucked. I was never ready for being an adult, why has God done this to me. I'm a fucking unstable piece of shit who can't do anything but whine after everything has happened.

And I'm done with the pills.
Fuck them.
  Wings- / 13d 8h 13m 42s
[center [size9 I want to break her pretty face.
Because every time I see her,
It makes me a ticking time bomb.

[pic http://orig01.deviantart.net/9538/f/2015/261/7/e/ruefeather_by_mothbone-d9a0xkb.gif ]
  Wings- / 15d 8h 8m 41s
[center [size9 I want to die, I wanna just end it all you know.
There's no horizon after death, it just ends.
There's nothing else for me to live for is there?
Because the razor blades keep getting sharper against my wrist.
I bled all over the bathroom tonight and I haven't cleaned it up yet.

Thinking of blowing my brains out because people don't understand.
I've done everything I wanted to do that kept me happy.
Maybe it's my time to leave because nobody will remember me.
And those who will will remember me as a freak behind the screen.
The girl who stayed up every night, trying to fucking sleep but the girl who couldn't.

Because for all those nights she wished she would pass away was the nights she was too weak to do it.
Yeah, she wasn't right but why am I suddenly talking in the third person?
Maybe a different perspective have to be put into life.
My best friend has heart cancer and only has a few months to live and I can't live without her.

Everybody and everything is dying.
So tonight might be the last night.
I've said it before many times but keep it from a person who has several attempts up their sleeves.
Because fuck, maybe tonight I'll succeed.

[pic http://orig01.deviantart.net/9538/f/2015/261/7/e/ruefeather_by_mothbone-d9a0xkb.gif ]
  Wings- / 28d 13h 18m 18s
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4Bf8Qhe59U& ]

[pic http://orig01.deviantart.net/9538/f/2015/261/7/e/ruefeather_by_mothbone-d9a0xkb.gif ]
  Wings- / 30d 14h 24m 31s
[center [size9 Maybe it was the wrong thing to do to kick her out.
I feel horrid for kicking her out onto the street.
I need to find her but I don't know where she would be in Old Town.
Who knows, she might try this time.
I'm surprised I woke up and thought about giving her another chance.
The 4th.

After fucking me over for all this time,
I think I need to accept the pain unless she brings me more.
She's on drugs and all that shit.
Maybe I can do a favor and straighten her out-

Who knows...
I love her...
Even though they abused me.
She's the one that birthed me.
She's my mother for fuck sake.
Wouldn't do that for yours?

Another vent coming up soon if shit don't work-

[pic http://orig01.deviantart.net/9538/f/2015/261/7/e/ruefeather_by_mothbone-d9a0xkb.gif ]
  Wings- / 34d 9h 33m 47s
[center [size9 "I wish I hadn't birthed you if that makes you happy."

Oh, of course, of fucking course, you show up to [b MY ] own apartment.
You got the spare key from her and you fucking broke into my apartment.
You fucking pin the shit that happened to you [b [i YEARS ]] ago on me.
"Oh, you were a bad child, that's why we beat you."
Then why the fuck did you starve me?
"You didn't choose to eat."

I remember nights where I cried myself to sleep and you come back.
Like nothing happened.
Like it was in a nightmare of mine.
Oh, I've tried three times to fucking fix this but you show no effort back.
I ain't fixing this shit because now you wanna get some of my money and have more kids to do the same shit IN MY FUCKING APARTMENT.

Because I wouldn't fucking hold your breath if I was you
Because I'll forget but I'll never fucking forgive you.
You're lucky I didn't fucking kick your ass and I got you out without fucking you over.
Oh, remember those times you let me fucking cry and cry.
Because dad was there with the belt.
He was always there.

You didn't do your thing as a mother, you didn't protect me and you joined the fun.
I was fucking abused as a child and I'm not letting my hatred of you go.
Because there's no fucking way someone bailed you out for half a million pounds and shipped you here to Maine.
And I can't fucking take it and maybe it's because I haven't taken my pills
But I wanna fucking murder you.
  Wings- / 35d 38m 43s
[Center [size9 Life is confusing.
I have two mates now?
Woah, what did I do?
Maybe, I think I was curious to have an ES mate.
  Wings- / 35d 8h 33m 1s
[center [size9 If sorrow could build a staircase, our tears could show the way.
If sorrow could build a staircase to Heaven, I'd bring her back home again.

[size11 R.I.P Josalin Morgan ]
I love you grandma.
It was your favorite quote,
You were always on the morbid side of the family.
But I loved it
Like I loved you.
  Wings- / 36d 9h 35m 11s
[center [size9 Ever yell at someone because you fucking love them so much and they left without telling you? ]]
  Wings- / 37d 3h 48m 31s
[Center [size9 Song lyrics.
Rock 'n Roll.
Bass guitar.
Vocal Mic.
60'in TV.

Shit fam, you'd think I'd be fucking happy.
  Gushers- / 37d 9h 41m 36s
[center [size9 'Cause I mean, it is kinda my fault that I opened myself up on Journal Entries but I feel like it is just the place too. Now, I just keep to here now and it even isn't about Mun, I had the idea of just keeping to here too.
  Gushers- / 40d 34m 5s
[center [size9 Fucking Mun's on my ass again.

I'm fighting back this time, I'm not holding back either.

Scratch that.
He has already proven that I was wrong again.
But yet, I can [i not ] stop reacting to him.
Because he somehow triggers my emotions
And that makes me easy to get to anger.
  Wings- / 40d 40m 5s
[Center [size9 Of course, you say some shit like that.
"Ask no questions and you'll get no lies."

But why don't you turn your cheek and blind your eye?
Let it fucking go.
Bend my knee to give away my life.
Bite my tongue and close my eye.

I won't take it cause you've got Hell to pay.
It's blasphemy
But your words don't make any goddamn sense anymore.
What would your mother say?
Your faith you have immured.
So don't try to tell me what you fucking believe.

Because you're hypnotized, can't see the signs.
I'd like to help you but I don't wanna get hurt.
Oh wait, you just want a pity party.
So pity me you fucking bastard, I don't want to feel bad for you.
Just to get with you again.
And do a complete cycle.

Made up your mind and now your fucking blind.
I guess it's easier than making mistakes.
Don't ask me why when I roll my eyes at the answer.

Don't come crawling back to me when you break down Juko.
"Cause you dug yourself into this hole by yourself."

You make me wanna slit my own wrists and play in my own fucking blood.
You make me wanna kill myself just for the fucking fun of it.
  Wings- / 40d 20h 54m 58s
[Center [size9 We're young and in love,
Heart attacks waiting to happen.
Come a little closer,
Tell me it's all in my head. ]
  Wings- / 41d 2h 17m 52s
[center [size9 And just like that, he fucking came and stole everything I had.

Words can not explain how much I wish to die.

He stole my guitars, he stole my CD's. He stole my fucking computers and mixers. Why does God fucking spit in my face when I'm doing good? Why does the Devil have mercy on me while God doesn't?

At this fucking point, what will happen? Will God have no mercy on me when I die? Am I going to Hell? I don't fucking know but these words and these actions are what got me here.

It was really my fault for our break up, I fucking hate myself. I want to fucking die.

Tip those bottles of pills down my throat. I'll sleep forever.

I'm fucking insane with the drama, the lies, everything.

When will I die?

I see it everytime I'm in a car, hoping that a fucking truck just rams into the car but they never let me drive. One day it'll happen and it'll be a murder and a suicide.

I'm not mentally insane or unsafe. I'm totally fine. Because fuck you and your friends. Currently failing school and what am I supposed to do? Getting my hair shaven off is way better than this shit and what the absolute fuck was a thinking?

Nothing ever seems to get better, I'm going to die alone at the age of 18 or maybe even this year. I [i feel ] like nobody cares except for my es mother but that doesn't add up to the parental love I never received or even fathomed. I'm missing most of my childhood and I was fucked up from the beginning.

Nobody really cares, we're just people and lies behind a computer screen aren't we? Who am I to fucking say that I'm a female? I might be a fucking male that says I'm a she. Or maybe a fucking rapist that likes to fucking stalk people?

I'm a fucking nobody, I don't have a name to anybody.

So nobody should remember me.

The talk therapy isn't helping.
They just want to shove more pills down my throat.
"Oh, it's all behavioral shit."
Fucking fuck fucks fuck.

It's the fucking drama people pull me into and the shit that happens to me.
I won't ever be happy.
The meaning of life is what you make it.
Bullshit, it's just a lie to tell you that you control your own destiny.
Because fuck no, fate is here and gonna be an ass.
So here's to you to dunderheads and fucktards, you wanted me dead.
Your wish is my command.

And if you think I'm lying, just fucking look at yourself and see what's wrong with you. Because I might be better off without all those fucking disorders and shit but I'm still a fucking human.

Just because I have a history of doing it doesn't mean I'll do it again.
Because this is how I feel.
And feelings don't lie do they?

And I'm sick and tired of hiding my wrists from the world.
The blood of my fucking body is covering all the inside of my sleeves.
Yeah, I go back to the emo shit.
But it makes me numb.
Number than your fucking grandfather's balls on ice.
I feel nothing.
Death is only a horizon.
And the sun always comes back.

The pain and depression is never-ending and he's trying to fucking kill me. God, he's winning and it's all my fucking fault. I deserve to die.

How should I go?
Slit throat?
Blood Loss?
[size7 I'm already halfway there pretty fucking much. ]
Blunt force trama?

[size9 More than likely I'm going into a mental hospital for a bit. ]]
  Wings- / 41d 23h 47m 37s

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