[center [pic https://i.imgur.com/DP5gdq8.jpg]][center [font "Georgia" Let's try this again shall we lovely. This is mine & Nulli's role play! You may read. Enjoy loves!]]
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It broke every piece of Erin to hear Xylon like this and she knew she had really fucked up this time but she didn’t know how to make any of the hurt go away. She watched him intently, but she didn’t pity him because she knew better than to pity him. But it did hurt her. And the tear from his eyes was the final straw and she looked away, watching raindrops chase each other down the window. She could never put into words how she felt for him, even after all this time apart and the hurt and distance between them. His suggestion of the cabin was the best idea she could have come up with and she nodded to him.
“Alright.” She said quietly, sounding completely defeated. She had never wanted to be the victim or the fragile one. She had always wanted to be so strong for him, not because he was weak, but because he was always so strong. He had been this rock of a boy who had always been there for her when some stupid moron put gum in her hair, or pushed her over. He had been the one to catch her or to offer a comforting hug or to just let her cry and over time, Erin had decided it was her turn. In a weird way, she thought that by keeping what had happened quiet, she had been looking after him and sheltering him from the horrific truth. It only made sense in her head though, it seemed. She had never really had much of a temper, being a lot more cool blooded for the most part. She was the one to run and hide, Xylon had been the one with fight in him and fire. But she wasn’t a little girl anymore and she couldn’t run and hide.
Maybe he was right. Maybe he shouldn’t have opened up to her, maybe he shouldn’t have let her in or told her how he felt. Maybe he should have left the red head well alone and he would never have had to deal with this. And it was her fault. If she had stayed out of his life then maybe he would be happy or married or whatever normal guys his age did. Maybe she wouldn’t have totally fucked him up emotionally. But she didn’t know how to make it all go away. She couldn’t. Neither of them could.
“I’m sorry.” She spoke finally.
“I never wanted to be weak in front of you, Xy. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to show you I was strong and I was indestructible and everything I thought you wanted me to be. You taught me to be strong, you taught me how to stick up for myself and not take anyone’s bullshit. And when it all happened, I felt like... well I don’t know. I was stupid and I was wrong. And you’re right. Maybe you shouldn’t have let me in or any of that and you’d be much better off right now. Maybe you would have been happy now. And no matter what you think of me- I loved you back then, but I didn’t want to hurt you. I wanted to protect you because you were all that mattered. Even through everything I only thought of you and how it would kill you to know what had happened to me. So, I can’t fight you anymore, Xy. You’re right and I’m wrong, I was wrong and I’m sorry.” Erin murmured quietly and she hated admitting she was wrong. She was so stubborn and she always had been. She didn’t like admitting that she was not strong and she had been weak. She has chose to run away from Xylon instead of open up to him and let him be the rock she so desperately needed to lean on. The cabin meant they had to face each other and she figured either way it would give closure to whatever was going on between them. Her gaze returned to Xylon and she did worry that his temper would explode but she had seen enough of him to know he wouldn’t hurt her. She trusted him that much at least. She wasn’t sure he would ever forgive her for what she had done. This time it was her threatening to cry but somehow, she managed to keep the flood at bay, instead her eyes welling with tears that didn’t quite fall onto her pale cheeks. She stopped talking before anything else could prompt the flood gates to open. She wouldn’t let him see her break. She couldn’t when he was already so upset and confused, it would only add to this broken situation. Erin put her cup down and she so badly wanted to offer to take Xylon’s hand across the table but she felt like it was too early and she would only hurt him more or he would flinch away from her touch. So she let her hands rest on the table.
“When do you want to go?” She asked him, voice as steady as she could force it to be. She would go whenever he wanted her to go, she figured the sooner the better before either of them could talk themselves out of it. She slyly tried to rub away any lingering water from her eyes without smudging her mascara and glanced at Xylon.
The male sat there listening to her speaking. It stung that she really thought that about him. She knew him better. Back then he would have done anything for her. All she had to do was ask. He sighed a bit and rested his elbows on the table. [b "You might think I would have looked at you differently, and that really hurts. You knew me. You really fucking knew me, and yet you still think I would look at you differently. Erin, I wouldn't have. You know damn well I would have done anything for you. And I mean anything"]
[b "You were my best friend, the only person I ever let into my fucked up life. Now, I feel like it was a huge mistake to let myself get attached to you. To feel things for you. I should have given up a long time ago, I shouldn't have told you how I felt, and I sure as hell shouldn't have opened up to you. I did it, because you cared about me. You tore down my walls, you made me feel like a really lucky guy to have someone as you as my best friend."] he said lightly.
Every word that was spilling out of his mouth was the truth. She had torn down his walls, she always knew when something was wrong with him, and he didn't even care. He wanted that safety net back. He knew it wouldn't happen, but he wanted it back anyway. He sighed lightly as he felt a tear roll down his cheek. He reached up and pushed it away. He took a breath and spoke again. [b "If we are going to work on this, I think we should go to the cabin. Get away from everyday life, and just be alone"]
He didn't like the idea, because the last couple of years when he's upset he would hit anything, just to get his anger out. Being locked up in the cabin, might not be the best idea with his temper, but at least they wouldn't have a place to run. He slowly looked up towards her and a small, sad smile crossed his lips. [b "What do you say? Get away from here for awhile, and just focus on fixing our relationship, or whatever we have going on.. I do have the key, and mom knows we would be there"]
Was this really the best idea? He didn't know, all he knew was he wanted to try. He wanted to try and fix this with the one person he cared about the most. It might hurt, but would it really be worth it?
Pale and slender fingers ran around the mug thoughtfully and it seemed she was lost in her own world far away from reality. Xylon’s entrance snapped her back like a slap in the face and she looked at him when he sat. She didn’t expect him to be soft and caring about it, his latest attitudes had proved that and she wondered if the man’s softer side had been lost in his childhood forever. He was blunt and he wanted answers. She could understand that and she sighed quietly as she thought very carefully about the answer because she didn’t want him flying off the handle. She knew he was hurting and she could understand that, but she was hurting too. And she had hurt back then too, so much so that she didn’t ever want her best friend to hurt with her. She had control of who knew and at that time in her life, she had lost all control, her dignity and her pride. And even if she had told him, she wasn’t sure she could keep from breaking down and stop him from doing something stupid to his brother or his friend.
“Yes.” She replied finally and looked at him. “And in some messed up way I thought I could protect you from it. I didn’t protect myself from... what happened, but I could at least control who knew and that no one else would be hurt. And I think whether you meant to or not, you would look at me differently.” She murmured, she was too tired to fight him. “Xylon, I should have told you. And I didn’t. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for pushing you out and blocking you and hurting you. It wasn’t what I meant to happen. I didn’t want you to hurt, I didn’t want you to ever think of me as a victim or that I hadn’t been strong enough to fight more.” She remarked and watched him, as if trying to gauge his reaction. “And... that day when you told me how you felt, I was scared. I was damaged goods, I was broken and I had so much baggage. It would never have been fair to you.” She finished quietly.
She knew that no way she put it, he wouldn’t understand her thinking. But she wasn’t asking him to understand or like it but she was asking that he at least listened and heard her out and then he could make his decision on what he wanted to do. If he wanted to part ways then she would get over it, she would have no option but to accept his decision. He took a small drink from the tea, if only to distract herself from the situation. And she was petrified that he would reject her, she half-expected him to fly into a temper again.
“I can’t change the past. I can apologise, I can explain but I can’t change it, Xylon.” She said quietly.
“I don’t expect you to forgive me right away and I know if we were to try to move on from this it would take time.” She said gently to him. She was at his mercy and she couldn’t keep trying to mend up a wound that wouldn’t heal, this was it. It was the last chance they both had to try and move forward because this was killing Erin inside.
Reading the message quickly, the male slid his phone into his jeans pocket, and he sighed lightly. This was going to be an interesting talk, he could feel it. At least she had agreed to meet up with him, and that's all that mattered to him at the moment. He made sure he had the cabin key in hand, along with his other keys. He then slipped his shoes on, and checked the time. He might as well make her wait a little longer. He didn't want to arrive on time, so he took his time finishing getting ready. Yeah it was a dick move.
He wasn't in the mood to care at the moment. He was still confused, and hurt about her thinking he would have looked at her differently. No he wouldn't have, he would have made her brother pay, and he would have made the other men pay as well. She had been his best friend, and someone he had looked up too. Someone he admired, and wanted nothing more than to see happy. He should have pushed her all those years ago, and then maybe things would have been different. Maybe they would have played out in his favor.
He sighed, and decided she had been waiting long enough. He walked out into the rain, unlocked his truck and climbed inside. He was kind of glad she hadn't asked for a ride, because that would have been awkward, and really silent. Something he didn't like at all. He pulled out of his parking spot, turned on the windshield wipers, and headed into town. Watching the rain was always peaceful for him. It soothed him in ways, he didn't think were possible. He shrugged his shoulders a bit and pulled into the coffee shop's parking lot.
He shut the truck off, and headed inside. He spotted the redhead with a cup of coffee already, and he ordered his own. He stood at the counter waiting, and then carried the cup over to the table. He sat down, and looked towards her. [b "Do you really think, I would have treated you differently all those years ago?"] he asked. He might as well be blunt about it, and he wasn't about to back down from this right now. He sat there his hands wrapped around his cup, waiting for her to speak.
Erin must have fallen asleep and she woke with a start, her thighs ached from riding yesterday and she ran a hand through her red curls and looked to outside, seeing the rain come down hard and she rubbed her tired eyes before checking her pone and seeing the reply from Xylon. She paused and thought for a moment. That was the olive branch, she supposed, the offer, the gesture he wanted to move on from the past. Whether that meant in a positive way or negative way, was to be decided but both of them needed some kind of closure. She took a deep breath and flipped her phone in her fingers, before she finally text him back.
[i 'Sure. I'll meet you in an hour at the coffee shop from before. I'll see you then.'] She sent the message and rested against the wall.
She quickly ran a brush through her stubborn curls and tied them back from her pale features and tried to decide if she looked tired. She applied a lick of mascara and a tinted lip balm before deciding that would help. She looked out the window and saw the rain splashing down and she figured how fitting that was, given her mood. She shrugged into a thick red jumper and wrapped a scarf around her neck, jeans hugging her figure as she got into a waterproof coat, only to decide it made her look too puffy. She grabbed her keys and headed out the door, picking up her bag on the way and hurrying to the bus stop, making it just in time as the bus rolled up.
She got on and settled on the nearest empty seat, watching the rain drops trickle down the window in intricate patterns. She figured it was a bad idea to ask Xylon for a lift, that would be an awkward drive given how things had went between them so far. She silently tried to work out what she was going to say in her head but nothing seemed to fit and she knew this wasn't really something she could plan out. She didn't want to go over everything from their past again but she kind of figured she would have to at some point. There was a lot she didn't know about Xylon too, she only had childhood memories that seemed a thousand miles away now. It was terrifying to think that maybe he had changed from the fun, cheeky young man he had once been. His temper had scared her, but he was no longer a care free young boy anymore. He was a man with adult emotions. The same as she was no longer the young girl desperately trying to cling onto controlling everything around her.
The bus stopped and Erin snapped out of it as she climbed off the bus, black boots splashing in the puddles as she made her way into the cafe, taking a seat by the window. She ordered a cup of coffee, her appetite not quite with her in that moment, fleeing her just like she wanted to flee the situation. The coffee was placed before her and she wrapped her chilled fingertips around the mug as she avoided looking out the window, not wanting Xylon to think she was desperately searching for him in a crowd of busy street-goers. Her pale gaze turned to the coffee, watching the liquid shift in the cup. She decided that she was apologise in person, nothing excused her actions for pushing her closest friend away the way she had, regardless of what she thought he would have done. Anything Xylon had done for her before, had been from a place of love and care. Even when his temper had sparked, she knew it wasn't out of just anger at her. Her gaze flicked to a young teenage couple nearby and she had to wonder if she had just let Xylon in, if that would have been then and how different things would have panned out for them both.
[font "Georgia" The male finally came to a stop, and his breathing was heavy, and he leaned down resting his hands on his knees. He closed his eyes, and tried to slow his breathing down. He pulled his iPod out of his pocket and turned on Apocalyptica and let the music was over him. He stood there a moment longer, before he felt someone tapping him on the shoulder. He lifted his head, and spotted Lidia before him. A small sheepish smile crossing over his lips. [b "Come on, before it start pouring"] she said pointing to her car.]
[font "Georgia" The male turned the music off, and slid the headphones out of his ears. He didn't have much choice in the matter. Lidia was like the bossy older sister he never had, and he couldn't help but do as she said. The red head slid behind the wheel of her car, and he slid into the passenger seat. [#01A9DB "How did you know where I would be?"] he asked her. [b "I didn't. I saw you running like a bat out of hell, and I followed you."] she said with a small shrug of her shoulders. She pulled away from the curb into traffic.]
[font "Georgia" Xylon let the silence wash over them and he sighed lightly. [#01A9DB "You seem really upset about something. What's bothering you?"] he asked her. That's when the water works started for the woman. Xylon reached over and touched her shoulder, and she shook his hand off. She didn't say anything, as she wiped the tears off her cheeks. When she pulled into her driveway, she shut the car off and climbed out, slamming the door closed behind her. He had a feeling he hit a sore spot just now, and he knew he had too.]
[font "Georgia" He climbed out, and followed her into the house, making sure the door was closed behind him. She was standing in the living room, her arms crossed over her chest. [b "You are a fucking asshole! You know that, don't you?"] she sapped. The male was slightly taken back at her temper, and it scared him a little bit. [#01A9DB "Umm. I don't know what you are talking about Ida.. What's wrong?"] he asked her again. He saw her temper flare in her eyes, and he knew he was going to get yelled at.]
[font "Georgia" [b "You are a fucking asshole. I saw the look on Erin's face yesterday. I know you are hurt about her not telling you that she had been raped. But are you really going to treat her like shit? Are you really going to look at her differently? I understand what she did was wrong, but what you are doing to her right now is wrong too Xy.."] she breathed out. The male watched his best friend and sighed lightly, moving over to the couch and he sat down. He let her words sink in, and he rubbed his eyes.]
[font "Georgia" [#01A9DB "I know, but you don't understand the pain that she caused, I knew something was up, but she didn't trust me enough to tell me, and that's what hurt me the most.."]]
[font "Georgia" [b "She was scared Xy! She didn't want to tell you, because you would have treated her differently. You say you wouldn't, but think about it.. Really think about it. What good would you have done back then? Huh? Would you have gone to jail for the woman?"]]
[font "Georgia" [#01A9DB "Honestly, yeah I would have. I love her Ida.. More than I love anything in this whole fucking world.. I know I'm a fuck up, and I know I've caused her a lot of pain, and I just.. I don't know what to do right now.."]]
[font "Georgia" [b "I'm going to take you home, and you are going to call her. You two are going to spend some time away from here, and you both are going to talk about this"] she said. She was hurting herself, but she wasn't about to tell him that. She would deal with her own heartbreak alone. She pointed to the door, and the two walked out.]
[font "Georgia" The rain was falling even harder, and when they were in the car, Lidia drove to his place, and dropped him off. The male walked inside and locked the door behind him. He reached for his phone, read the message and sighed a bit. [#01A9DB [i Can we meet up in about an hour? You and I really need to talk, about going to the cabin. Not over text either.]] was all he said to the woman. He hit send, and went to shower quickly, as he waited for her reply.]
Erin was staring out the window, somewhat lost in a daydream it seemed when her phone buzzing made her almost jump out of her skin.
“Jesus.” She muttered and sighed, reading the message from Xylon. She locked her phone and put it on the desk. It was beginning to get to her a little bit that Xylon didn’t really consider how she must have been feeling back then. And it wasn’t something she could put in a message. She understood that she had hurt him, and that he had cared about her but begat had happened to her, had made her feel ashamed and dirty and like no one could care about her. She knew it wasn’t true now but in her young head back then it had been very real. She made herself another hot cup of tea and sighed as she wandered the cottage. She couldn’t properly explain why she had shut Xylon out, any time she tried to it just ended up as a jumbled mash of words and Xylon wasn’t willing to try and listen.
She picked up her phone and went outside to her garden, it was small but it was a great little spot for the sun as she grabbed her book. Sunlight was a good cure for feeling down, well, supposedly. If she had known where Xylon lived, she would have marched round there and forced him to listen. That was why she had wanted the cabin break, even if for a couple of days so they could both talk and have to understand and listen. She glanced to her phone and sighed.
[i “The rape wasn’t about you. What happened to me wasn’t about you, Xylon. It was about me. And I had the problem. I can’t explain it properly over message and I won’t write it down in black and white. When you’re ready, I will explain it to you, properly. But when that day comes you have to be ready to listen. Don’t think I didn’t care about you. I did, more than you could even realise right now. But I cannot explain my actions like this.”] She sent the message back to him.
Of course she felt awful about how she had treated Xylon. She rubbed her face as she sat on the grass, a cool breeze ruffling past her and she closed her eyes, resting back on the grass. If she could go back and change everything, then she would and she would change everything. But she couldn’t and she knew that her younger self had been so terrified, so hurt and had this great weight on her that yes, it was lifted now but back then, after the rape, the world had been terrifying.
[i It had been a typical day at school, and a typical scene walking back into her home. The girl that was not yet a woman, Erin, walked into her house. A cuddling smell hitting her nostrils and she glanced to her brother and a couple of his friends in the living room, slurred and blurry eyed. She didn’t speak a single word as she headed upstairs to her room and closed the door behind her. It was easier to shut out her brother than confront him, especially with his older friends. She put her earphones in and settled at the desk, back to the door as she worked on homework. It was her usual routine until her mother got home. She didn’t hear the door creak open, or footsteps on the bare floorboards or him getting closer and closer until a hand wrapped around her mouth, muffling a terrified cry of surprise and an arm around her waist. He smelled of body odour and cider, his hand was clammy and sweaty. Erin had been a thing girl, like a whippet and a bit shorter than most her age. She never really saw her face as she was squashed into the bed, just piercing blue eyes before she squeezed her own shut tightly, as if she could block it all out. Her kicking legs, flailing arms and muffled cries and shouts did nothing. It hadn’t brought help. It hadn’t stopped the pain. Her cheeks were soon wet with tears and spit from trying to scream. And then he left. Just like that. He had left her with torn clothes, shaken and trembling.]
Erin opened her eyes and sat up, she still couldn’t deal with the smell of cider or listen to the song that had been playing in her ears. She had showered four times that night and all night she had toyed with phoning Xylon. Instead, she had walked herself to the police station at 2am. She was sixteen. After that, she had become a ghost, a wisp of a girl and she had still needed to sleep in that bed. To look at her brother and mother, she could always tell they never believed her. And why would they? And why would Xylon? And how could she have ever told Xylon how terrified she had been, or how she couldn’t sleep at night without waking up with severe terrors. She reached up to her cheek and wiped away the errant tear there before getting up and going inside, forgetting her tea and book as rain started to patter down. The red head wrapped her arms around herself on the armchair by the window as she watched rain dribble down the window pane, distorting the outside.
[font "Georgia" As the male was getting comfortable with one of his favorite horror movies, his phone buzzed and he picked it up, and read the message over. She was apologizing to him? That's a first. She never did that. Even when they were younger. He rolled his eyes as he set his phone to the side. He still had a headache, and he honestly didn't know how to reply to the woman. What was he even supposed to say to her? He sighed lightly as he leaned his head back, and closed his eyes. His mood was gone. He shut the T.V. off.]
[font "Georgia" He picked up his phone, and started typing.]
[font "Georgia" [#01A9DB [i You were the one who didn't message me. So yeah, why would I want to talk to someone who doesn't even care? You were off doing whatever you do, and I have a right to do what I wanna do. I at least told you why I couldn't make it, and then you brush me off like I don't matter. It honestly makes me feel like you are shutting me out again Erin. I honestly have a right to be mad.]]]
[font "Georgia" [#01A9DB [i You kept a huge secret from the one person you were supposed to tell everyone too. How else am I supposed to feel? Like everything's okay? Everything would be perfect? I'm sorry, but you are wrong on that. I'm a human being, and I have a right to protect someone I fucking care about. That's what friend's are supposed to do. Protect each other. Not keep secrets, and shut the other's out. So am I even a friend to you? Was I friend to you back then? I feel like I wasn't, because you wouldn't talk to me, and you always shut me out.]]]
[font "Georgia" [#01A9DB [i You were one of my best friends, and I fucking cared about you. I wanted nothing but the best for you, and I guess that doesn't matter now. I guess the whole going to the cabin, is outta the question too. If you feel like talking lemme know. Because right now, I'm to the point where I don't even wanna try anymore. I'm sorry, but you hurt me to the core Erin.. I honestly didn't think my best friend would have done that to me.. Even no when we are both adults, you still are..]]]
[font "Georgia" He stopped typing, and read the message. Was he really going to pour all of this out like this? He sighed lightly, as he didn't have much of a choice. He hit send, then threw his phone onto the couch. He covered his face with his hands, and groaned lightly. He had made a huge mistake, and he knew it. He let his real emotions show. She always had that effect on him. She could make him bend, at the snap of a finger. He sighed and sat there a moment longer, before standing.]
[font "Georgia" He went to change into a pair of jogging pants, and tank top and found his running shoes. He then grabbed his keys, and iPod and left his phone. He slid the headphones into his ears, turned on Three Day's Grace, turned the volume up and started running. He didn't know where he was going, all he knew was he wanted to feel the burn, and this was the only way he knew how.]
Erin glanced to the clock and she was doing a really poor job of keeping her mind elsewhere. And she was also very bad at taking advice from people it seemed. Her green eyes were vacant and far away even when she was reading and she sighed, picking up her phone and scrolling down to Xylon’s name, hesitating slightly. If she gave in and texted him, he would just blow her off again and she would be in the same situation again. He was the one who had cancelled on her, right? And he was making her feel guilty for everything she had done, past and present. Either way she would need closure as to whether they had a chance of sorting things out or not, at least if he said no she could get on with her life. If he said yes then they would need to work it out. She had to think very carefully about how to word a text, not wanting to get Xylon annoyed again. As much as she disliked him right that moment, he had once been the closest person she had ever had in her life. And yes, she had messed it up but given how Xylon was reacting, she figured it was good she hadn’t told him everything back then. He could say he wouldn’t have looked at her differently, but she knew he most likely would have. She was not a frail, thin piece of glass that would shatter anymore. Back then, yes.
[i “Hey, Okay so we’re both older now. I’m not sure if you want to sort things out and I’m not sure if you even know what you want at this stage. And that’s okay but I can’t wait around forever until you make up your mind. You wanted honesty and I’ve been honest, and I’m sorry it wasn’t what you wanted to hear, Xylon. My brother was a mess, my mother didn’t really care, I was raped, and I needed to get away. That’s it. I’m sorry it’s not something beautiful and romantic. I’ve said I’m sorry and I meant it. But I won’t be roped into games where you think you can pick me up whenever you want and drop me later, we’re adults now. If you want to punish me for everything I did to you back then, that’s fine. And you can do that but it please don’t expect me to hang around and take it. I’ve had enough of that from my brother and mother and his friends. I’ve asked you how I can make everything better, how I can stop all this and neither of us know. You know where I am if you need me.”] She read the text over a few times and sighed as she pressed send. She felt for a split second like she would cry, like she would just give in but Erin had taught herself to mask emotions ever since that night in her room. The smell of cider still brought back horrible memories, and cheap aftershave. She still had occasional nightmares, every now and then.
Xylon could win the game and have Erin give into him, if it’s what it took for this stupid game to end then fine. If it meant feeding his pride and ego she would do that. But she also wanted so badly for everything to just stop. She walked to the kitchen, fixing herself some pasta and sitting on the back door step, the sunset making the trees catch fire in the light and she stirred her pasta thoughtfully as she thought about how each outcome would work out. If Xylon didn’t want to sort things then they would need to get on with their lives and Erin wasn’t sure where she would even start because that was such an intimidating thought to just be alone. If he wanted to work things out then they would need to both start making an effort and growing up. Erin didn’t have a family to go to. Her father lived way down south and her brother and mother were estranged. She didn’t have that many friends. She had Michelle and Sheilagh, who were more like mothers to her than she wanted to admit. Her appetite was fleeting and it was gone just as soon as it peaked and she picked up the bowl and headed inside, dropping it in the sink. It was probably a mistake sending that text but surely Xylon at least understood a little? Maybe not but then she didn’t expect him to.
[font "Georgia" By the time the male finally awoke his head was pounding, and he looked over at his friend and he shook his head lightly throwing a pillow at him. [#01A9DB "Hey mate, wake up!"] he said. He himself had a splitting headache, and he didn't even want to move. As his friend started to stir, he reached for his phone and saw that there were no messages from the woman. He rolled his eyes lightly, knowing she was being an out right child. Yeah, he had said he would see her, but he wasn't planning on being with his friend.]
[font "Georgia" [b "What time is it Xy?"] the male asked. [#01A9DB "It's a little after five in the afternoon. I know Della will be wanting you home"] he said as he sat up slowly. [b "Yeah she will. Speaking of which, I have a message from her. I'll give her a call."] he said as he stood on wobbly legs. Xylon rolled his eyes lightly as he watched the male walk down the hall to the bathroom. He sat there eyeing his phone wondering why she hadn't messaged him at all. Was she really being that childish?]
[font "Georgia" He sighed and grabbed his phone, and messaged Lidia. [#01A9DB [i Hey, Erin's pissed off at me cause I didn't go to the damn horse races. Instead I hung out with Shane, and we got shit faced. So is it wrong of me to assume she's being childish for her not messaging me back?]] he hit send, and Shane came out of the bathroom. [b "Della is on her way to pick me up. She doesn't want me driving, is it cool if I leave my car here for tonight?"] he asked. Xylon nodded lightly and stood.]
[font "Georgia" [#01A9DB "Yeah, I don't mind. Just make sure it's locked up, and then you can come in the morning to get it."] he said. The male smiled his thanks and the two hugged. [b "Good luck with Erin man, you are gonna need it"] he said as he slapped Xylon on the back. Xylon just rolled his eyes, and walked Shane to the door, and let him out. He then felt his phone going off, and he pulled it out. It was Lidia messaging him back. [b [i No, I don't think you are in the wrong here. Did you tell her no?]]]
[font "Georgia" [#01A9DB [i Yeah I did. I'm not big into the whole racing thing, and I had said I would meet up with her today. But I slept all day instead. Shane and I went out drinking last night, and he just barely left. What the fuck am I supposed to do Ida.. I feel confused and lost..]]]
[font "Georgia" [#01A9DB [i I know you do. She's being a child for not seeing if you are okay. As far as she knows, you could be seriously hurt. I wouldn't message her right away. Let her worry and see what happens. Get something to eat, and I'll talk to you later.]] The male sighed and knew Lidia was right. He shouldn't have to bend over backwards for the woman. He shouldn't have to wait around until she was done with whatever she was doing.]
[font "Georgia" [#01A9DB [i Thanks Ida. I'll talk to you later. Have a good weekend.]] he wrote back. He sighed lightly as he walked into the kitchen. Erin wasn't on his mind at all. She wanted to be butt hurt over him not seeing her, let her. He wasn't bending over backwards anymore.]
[font "Georgia" He might have done it years ago, but now he's tired of being the bad guy. At least he had told her the reason for not seeing her. Then for her to pull something like this, maybe he shouldn't even worry about seeing her anymore, and mending something that can't be mended. He shrugged lightly and started making something to eat. He would then shower, and just watch horror movies the rest of the day. The red headed woman, no longer in his thoughts. Two can play at this game.]
Erin finished up her day. It had been a good day, she’d come second which she was pleased with. She kind of figured Xylon wouldn’t turn up, but she didn’t mind. She couldn’t fall at his feet and try to appease him constantly. She headed home and settled for a relaxing day. A hot bath, and rereading ‘Jane Eyre’. She glanced to the text from Xylon and shrugged a bit. She had expected that reaction, still it would have been nice to see him perhaps. Still, she has coped without him and he has coped without her. They weren’t little kids anymore and Erin had to focus. If Xylon wanted what they had back then they both needed to work and he was making it very difficult for her to actually open up to him because honestly, he was making himself a stranger to her with the distance. Still, she gave him the benefit of the doubt.
It was a quiet day that lead to a quiet night.
In the morning, Erin was up and about. She checked her phone, she was sure she was supposed to be meeting Xylon today.
[i Are we meeting today?] She text him and threw on some clothes. She waited a while and it wasn’t until later she got the text from Xylon and she read the text and sighed. Okay, fine. If he wanted to play that game and not be serious about them then fine. Two could play that game. Yes, she had fucked up when they were younger for her own reasons and she owned them. But she had never ditched him because she had gone out and gotten drunk.
Erin text one of her friends, offering a meet up for lunch and she headed into the town. She wasn’t going to wait around for Xylon, she couldn’t sit in and think about him constantly and she wasn’t going to waste her life thinking about the past. She has fucked up the past, she wasn’t going to let it fuck up her future. She smiled as she entered the little cafe to the pretty blond girl and sat opposite.
[b “So what’s been happening? I know that face!”] Michelle asked and Erin sighed before explaining the whole situation in one go.
[b “Oh darling, so he just ditched you for alcohol?”] Michelle gasped, a bit shocked.
[b “The nerve of him! Don’t text him back, let him swear. Don’t let him know you care.”] Erin didn’t quite get that advice because she did care and she wanted to prove to Xylon she wasn’t a bad person.
“I guess... but I technically did shirk him off all those years ago.” She explained. “Yes I had my reasons but that’s my issue... not Xylon’s.” Erin explained.
[b “Look. If he’s willing to blow you off for a boozy night with his friends then honestly, Er, he ain’t worth it. Repairing whatever this relationship is going to take two people and this tit for tat isn’t going to fix anything. The ball is in his court. You invited him out yesterday and he said no, so it’s his move. But just- look be careful okay? He sounds like he has a nasty temper.”] Michelle said to her and Erin sighed before nodding. She didn’t text Xylon back, taking the older woman’s advice this time. She sighed as she stirred her tea thoughtfully, strands of her red haje falling into her gaze. She looked to her phone and she wanted to just message Xylon and apologise again and again and again for however long it took. But a small part of her said that she had apologised, he had lost his temper quickly and he was acting like she had predicted he would.
Erin put on her coat and headed home on the bus, shrugging off her coat once she was in the door as she toyed with her phone thoughtfully. She sighed and she felt awful not replying but she figured what was there to say? Maybe it was a mistake coming back here altogether. She never expected Xylon to just fall back in love with her and forgive her but she at least expected a friend. She rubbed her eyes and settled on the couch. She didn’t have any appetite so a cup of tea would suffice. She flicked open her book once again, continuing to read. She couldn’t shift her mind properly though and she groaned quietly, flicking open her phone and calling her dad
“Hi, daddy.” She said softly and listened to her father.
“Dad- no look, I’m just having an issue. I’m back where I grew up and well- Xylon, the boy I told you about is here but... I don’t know, he’s just so cold. I know I kept the rape and Matthew’s stuff from him- but I don’t know.”
[b “It’s gotta be hard for any man to hear that their friend was raped, Erin. Just give him time. He’ll make his move and stuff and open up when he’s ready. Men aren’t very good at that stuff.”] Her father explained and Erin guessed he was right.
“Okay... I’ll give him time.... I love you, dad.” She said quietly before hanging up and resting back on the couch. Her father wasn’t the best with advice but she guessed giving Xylon time alwasnt a bad idea. She sighed and got up, washing up Her cup and settling again, flicking on the radio and opening her book. She couldn’t focus on the words though and all she wanted to do was text Xylon but what else could she say? She had apologised so many times, she had agreed to try and mend their broken friendship and she knew she would do anything to try and make it up to Xylon. She couldn’t give in. She wanted to tell him that she wasn’t going anywhere this time.
She knew the whole rape scenario would scare him off like it did with everyone else.
She knew all the grief with her druggie brother would intimidate him like everyone else.
Maybe Xylon was like [i everyone else.]
[font "Georgia" The sound of his phone going off, made the male look down quickly. He hadn't hit the freeway yet, and he read the message. [#01A9DB [i I'm sorry Erin, but horses aren't my thing. Never have been honestly. I'll meet up with you tomorrow though. Good luck in the morning.]] he hit send, and then pulled up Nathan's phone number and hit [i Send Message]. [#01A9DB [i Hey mate, I'm heading home from my parent's place, and was wondering if you wanted to meet up tonight and do something. Lemme know, I'll be home in a couple of hours if you do.]]]
[font "Georgia" He hit send, and opened a bag of chips placing them beside him. He then managed to open his bottle of pop as well, and then pulled out of the parking lot, and headed to the freeway. As he was pulling onto the on ramp, his phone went off. When he was safely on the road, he read the message. [b [i Yeah I can do that. Della and the clan are going out tonight, so you and I can do something. Lemme know when you are home, and we can meet up somewhere.]]]
[font "Georgia" [b [i I heard Erin's back in town as well. You'll have to let me know how it goes. Maybe you and I can go out and get drunk off our asses. See you soon mate.]] the male couldn't help but smile, and he shook his head a bit. Nathan was always a hoot to be around, and the male always knew the right words to say. He wouldn't mind getting drunk off his ass, and then he could sleep it off tomorrow. He shook his head and sped up at bit, and cut his time in half.]
[font "Georgia" When he was home, he parked the truck and sat there for a moment. He then replied to Nathan. [#01A9DB [i I'm home right now. If you want, you and I can meet up at the club, get a couple of drinks, or go to the store and get our own drinking shit, and then come back to my place. What do you think?]] he hit send, leaned his head back and closed his eyes lightly. This whole thing with Erin was really draining, and he didn't know if it was really worth it. He did care about her.]
[font "Georgia" There was something there though. Something he didn't feel was right. He had a feeling this whole little get away was a bad idea, but then again they couldn't really run from each other if that happened. His phone buzzed and he read the message. [b [i I'll bring what I have, and come over there. I'll see you in about twenty minutes.]] the message read. Xy hurried and replied. [#01A9DB [i The door will be open. See you soon mate.]] was all he sent back. He finally climbed out, and went into the apartment.]
[font "Georgia" He took a quick shower, and then walked into the living room in a pair of basketball shorts. Sure enough Nathan walked in, with booze in hand. [b "Looks like you are gonna need the hard shit"] he said. The male nodded lightly. [#01A9DB "Yeah I do. It's been a long couple of days.. Let's get our drink on, and then I'll pass out later."] he said with a laugh. Nathan shook his head and started pouring the drinks. The two men started getting drunk, and the night was a blur to the male, not remembering anything that happened afterwards.]
[center [b [font "Georgia" [u The Next Day.]]]]
[font "Georgia" Xylon woke with a start midday, to the sound of his phone buzzing. He groaned lightly and reached for his phone. Nathan was on the chair passed out, and he read the message. He forgot he was meeting Erin today.. He sighed and hit reply. [#01A9DB [i I got shit faced last night. I'm going to be sleeping it off today. Talk you later.]] was all the message read. He wasn't in the mood to deal with her right now. He just wanted sleep anyway. He then shut his phone off, and set it aside.]
[font "Georgia" He grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch, and wrapped himself up into it. Nathan was snoring away, and he fell back asleep. He had a feeling he would get his ass chewed out for ditching on the woman, but she had ditched out on him when they were younger. So in a way, it's payback. He snuggled down into the couch, and let sleep wash back over him. The blackness he welcomed with open arms pretty much.]
Erin settled on the couch and flicked through the channels but decided against it. She got changed into some jodhpurs and a vest, grabbing a bag and heading down the lane and to the stables that were tucked away from view. She couldn’t sit and think all night, she would never sleep if she did that. She could call her dad later, he was probably still working. She smiled to the owner of the yard,
[i “Achilles is in his stable. Or Zeus- But he’s been a bit flighty lately. Maybe see if you can take Achilles out.”] She said to Erin who was a familiar sight around here.
“Thanks, Sheilagh.” She said to the older woman who held a massive gray horse beside her on a lead rope. Sheilagh has become a sort of foster parent to Erin, she could speak to her about anything and Sheilagh never judged.
Erin headed into the tack room, picking up a saddle and bridle, heading to one of the stables and smiling softly to the large black horse. She racked up, leading him out and thinking for a while.
“Sometimes I wish you could talk, you’d know what to do, boy.” She said softly as she stroked his face. She lifted her leg, slipping it into the stirrup and mounting the horse as she fixed on her riding hat, her thick masses of hair pulled into bun. She rode the horse out to the open field, some cross country jumps set up and she breathed in the fresh air. She forgot everything when she was riding and Achilles shifted under her, excited to go. Erin smiled and stroked his neck before loosening her reins and letting him go as they practically flew over the field, Achilles easily clearing the jumps as Erin sat comfortably. She had become a fantastic rider and Sheilagh had always said when she came up with the money, she could have Achilles and keep him there as the two were great pair! Sheilagh has tried gifting the horse to her but Erin had always refused, wanting to earn the horse.
After an hour, Erin slowed Achilles and he walked up the fields. Erin took off her hat and let her hair down, attaching the hat to the saddle and she felt immediately more free. They walked back to the stable and she slid off the back of him and looked to Sheilagh as she came out a stable.
[i “How was he?”] She asked and Erin could only smile,
“Fantastic, as always.” She replied and took the horses saddle off, taking his bridle off,
“I might take him to the cross country contest tomorrow.” She groomed him off and gave him a good feed, waiting for him to finish as she checked her phone, reading Xylon’s text.
[i “No problem. I’ll speak later then. Kinda busy but I’ll text you in the morning.”] His text had been blunt so she wasn’t sure what else to really reply. She put her phone in her pocket and made sure Achilles had water and enough hay for the night,
[i “Well I can see why not! It starts at 9, think you can make it down?”] Sheilagh asked and watched the girl. There seemed to be something on her mind,
[i “Or maybe you wanna talk about why you seem distracted?”] She asked and Erin looked to her and sighed.
[i “It’s a boy isn’t it?”] Sheilagh smiled and Erin had started to look up to her like a mother almost.
“That obvious? It’s just- look after everything... the boy in high school I told you about? Well we ran into each other. And he’s angry, like really angry with me for not telling him about Matthew and what happened.” Erin explained as the girls chatted outside the stable.
[i “That’s gotta be hard for anyone to hear. Look- the best you can do is start from the beginning again, you know? I mean you’re not the same girl you were a year ago let alone all those years ago.”] Sheilagh advised. [i “You’ll both have changed and it doesn’t look like feelings have, but I’m just an old woman.”] She winked.
[i “You can always come to me, sweetheart. And Achilles is basically yours, you know you can take him out anytime. But look- pop down in the morning, try out the competition and then you can work on what to do with this Xylon boy.”] She smiled and Erin just nodded, the two exchanged a hug and Erin headed home.
In the morning, she was up, showered and ready. Her hair was in a neat bun, a fresh face of makeup applied and her best white jodhpurs and a white shirt with a black jacket over. [i This] was when she felt attractive. She checked her phone and text Xylon,
[i “I’m going to be at the stables at 9 until maybe midday. It’s probably not your thing so... I mean if you want to watch then that’s okay but I’ll get it if you don’t, it’s probably not your thing. I’ll text you when I’m finished if that’s okay?”] She text and slipped her phone in her back as she skipped out the front door, locking it and heading down the lane. It was pretty early but it took a lot time to get ready for these kind of things. And Erin was actually excited for a change.
There were a lot of friends and family out to watch the contest it seemed and Sheilagh and her team had done wonderfully at setting up a really good course of jumps. Erin looked to Achilles as she started to brush him, bring him up a good shine and tacking him up. She mounted him and rode him through the crowds to the start of the course. Her paper number safely tact to her back as she fitted on her hat and looked to Sheilagh who was on her large grey and had just finished her run. Music played from speakers and there was food trucks and equestrian and pet stalls dotted around. The stables were the only quieter place where only friends and family of riders could go, normal spectators who had come for a day out weren’t permitted.
[i “That water jump is a tricky one. Careful he doesn’t run away with you. Fifteen minutes, three seconds for me. ”] Sheilagh said to the younger girl and settled with her horse to watch. She did worry about Erin, no one ever wanted anyone to take a fall and it was a very risky sport. Erin took her place and waited for the bell to ring to tell her to go. This was a competition of speed and precision. Fastest time and no jumps down was the aim. Erin had to focus and she honestly wasn’t sure if Xylon would turn up, and right then she couldn’t think about it. If she lost focus, she would easily come off the horse and injure herself.
The bell rang and Erin and Achilles were off, Erin constantly talking to the horse as they turned into jump after jump. A deep jump into water almost had Erin off but she kept a firm hold as they galloped through the water. Erin patting his neck as they rode and Achilles went onwards, over high jumps and long jumps, giving it his very best. They sped down the straight after all the jumps and the bell rang to signal they had finished and she trotted Achilles around. She caught her breath and looked to the judges for her time.
[b Thirteen minutes, twenty seconds]
It was a good time and currently the top time but there were better riders still to come and Erin didn’t mind, she did it for fun not to win. She looked to Sheilagh,
[i “Jesus girl you almost gave me a heart attack on that water jump, I thought for sure you were off! Beat my time though! That was quick!”] She laughed and Erin dismounted, taking Achilles’ saddle off so he could cool off.
“It’s deeper than it looks.” She murmured as the two lead their horses back through the crowds to the stables to give them water.
[i “Just finishing up.”] She text Xylon. It was impossible for her to tell if he was in the crowds or not. She took her jacket off and hung it up over the stable door as Sheilagh went to make sure her bigger boy was settled. Erin looked to Achilles, sighing softly. She didn’t know where her head was at, truthfully. Sheilagh was sweet and full of good advice but she knew she had been in the wrong for never being honest and she didn’t know how to make that right with Xylon, and she wasn’t sure she could. Maybe a trip to the cabin wouldn’t be so bad? It meant neither of them could avoid each other. And then she had to ask herself, why did she get so hot tempered when she saw Xylon with Lidia?
“What a mess I’m in, Achilles.” She murmured as she stroked his neck gently.
[font "Georgia" The male took the directions she gave, and he made sure to remember them for later times. He nodded lightly as he looked towards her. [#01A9DB "Yeah, I'll shoot you a message when I'm home, and we can go from there"] he said with a small smile. He pulled in front of her cottage, and took a long look at it. It was small, but it was a perfect place for someone like her. He watched as she climbed out, and he made sure she was inside before he pulled away from the curb, and headed towards his parent's place.]
[font "Georgia" He knew his father wouldn't be too happy that he was there, but he didn't really give a shit. He had to talk to his mother, and he needed her advice more than he knew himself. He sighed lightly as he headed towards the freeway. Of course they wouldn't be living in town. Why would they? They were rich snobs after all, and wanted the biggest house on the mountain's. He shook his head as he turned on the radio, and turned the volume up. He had to wash his thoughts of Erin out of his mind for the time being.]
[font "Georgia" As he sped down the highway towards his parents, he was getting more and more nervous. What was he even going to say? That his old crush was home? That every time he heard something he didn't like, he lost his temper? He sighed as he drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. He would figure all of this out sooner or later. He took the right exit, and then headed up into the mountains. His parents house slowly came into view, and it made him sick seeing how big it was.]
[font "Georgia" He checked for his father's car, and it wasn't there. That meant he was out at work, and so he would have his mother to himself. That made him really happy for the moment. He parked the truck facing away from the house, so he could make a quick get away in a little bit. He shut it off, and climbed out. He looked up and was surprised to see his mother standing there. [b "I thought that was you"] she said with a smile. Xylon walked up the stairs and pulled her into a hug. [#01A9DB "I'm sorry I didn't call first"]]
[font "Georgia" [b "Don't worry about it love. I'm just glad to see you! Come on in, I'm making tea as we speak"] she said wrapping her arm around his waist. The two walked into the house, and Xylon felt at home. He missed his mother more than anything, and right now he was glad he had made the choice to come and see her. [#01A9DB "So.. Before we get really comfortable, how long till dad get's home?"] he asked her. [b "He just left a little bit ago, so a couple of hours at most"] she replied.]
[font "Georgia" [b "What's bothering you Xylon? I know you have something on your mind. Spill it baby"] she said, as she let the male go and got some mugs out of the cupboard. The male sat down, and watched as his mother worked making the tea. [#01A9DB "Well.. Erin's back in town"] he said slowly, testing the waters. He knew his mother disliked her, when she broke his heart. [b "Is that so? And why is is back?"] she asked pouring the water into the mugs, and added in the tea bags. She handed one to her son.]
[font "Georgia" [#01A9DB "We didn't really get to that part. I wanted answers as to why she left in the first place. I wasn't expecting the answer I got honestly. It pissed me off to the point, I had to storm out and I ran into Lidia. Erin didn't like that so much.."]]
[font "Georgia" [b "Why would that redheaded woman care if you were with someone else? You and Lidia would make the perfect couple. But what did you find out?"]]
[font "Georgia" [#01A9DB "She told me everything about her family. Her brother, she had been raped mother.. She didn't want me knowing, because she didn't want me looking at her any differently"]]
[font "Georgia" [b "That poor girl.. That's horrible.. Now I feel horrible for speaking kind of ill about her just now.. So let me guess, you both are working on being friends again?"]]
[font "Georgia" [#01A9DB "That we are, but I was wondering if I could have the cabin keys? She suggested we go out there, away from everything and everyone, and we can talk freely without me getting so pissed I walk off"] he said with a small sheepish smile, as he sipped at his tea.]
[font "Georgia" [b "Of course you can baby, it's not being used right now, so I bet it's really dusty in there."] she said as she went and got the keys off the hook. She then handed them to her son, [b "Just be careful. It's a hard subject talking about rape. Just try and keep a calm head with her, and things will work out"] she said with a smile. The male took the keys and slid them into his pocket. [#01A9DB "Thanks mom, I will"] he said with a small smile. The woman walked over and touched his cheek.]
[font "Georgia" [b "You are a really sweet man, and I know she'll understand you not messaging until tomorrow"] she said. The male shook his head and stood. He kissed her cheek lightly. [#01A9DB "I don't want to be here when dad comes home. I know he's going to rip into me again, and I can't have that today. I love you though, thanks for the tea"] he said. The woman nodded. [b "I love you too baby"] she said as she walked him out to his truck. She watched as he climbed in and sped off.]
[font "Georgia" It was nice to see his mother and spend time with her. When he was out of the mountains he stopped to get something to eat. He then pulled his phone out, and sent a message to Erin. [#01A9DB [i I'm on my way home right now. I have the keys. I'll talk to you later.]] Plain and simple. He hit send, slid his phone into his pocket and got something to eat for the trip home.]
To Erin, Xylon had always come across like the kind of guy who would prefer a Mercedes or some sort of flashy car. Maybe it was just because she didn’t know him that much anymore. She listened to him as she walked and shrugged,
“I didn’t really stay at the lodge. It was a bit too quiet, I guess I got used to it being really busy up there.” She murmured as she approached his truck.
“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” Xylon’s temper did worry her and she wondered if it would get worse if they were up at a cabin and there was nowhere to run. She got into the car and thanked Xylon for opening it up for her and she settled, it was pretty nifty to have a truck and she guessed it was cheaper than getting a bus everywhere but Erin had just never got round to it.
“Keep going up this road then take the left on the little lane and my place is the furthest out little cottage.” She directed him as she watched the road. Maybe some time away would do her and Xylon the world of good, or maybe it would shatter them both but either way it would at least be some kind of closure for them both for what would happen. She had usually got along with Xylon’s family but she had kept her distance after everything and didn’t want them to feel sorry for her. Plus she had rejected their son and that was never a good thing so she wasn’t sure they’d be best pleased with her.
She gestured when the cottage came into view and looked to Xylon,
“I’ll uh.... wait for your text then?” She said once they had stopped.
“Give your mother my best.” She added and smiled a little,
“And I mean you can stop in for a coffee anytime you know? I mean I can kind of cook, like some stuff. I’m no Gordon Ramsay but- yeah.” She realised she was babbling again and there was something disturbing her about saying goodbye to him, like she was scared he would go and not look back.
The red head fumbled with the door handle as she got out and she looked to Xylon,
“I’ll see you later.” She said, a smile on her lips as she closed the truck door and headed towards her door, sliding the key in and unlocking the door. She closed it behind her and sighed, rubbing her eyes. She checked her phone and went to her bedroom, deciding a good shower was in order. She placed her phone on charge and headed to the bathroom, flicking on the radio just outside the door. She jumped under the hot water and rinsed her hair, washing and conditioning, feeling fresh and clean as she stepped out and threw on some more comfortable clothes as she sat in the front room, flicking through any missed texts but to be honest it was just a group chat with the girls from work, nothing that interesting. She didn’t really have anyone to talk to about the situation she was in, her father didn’t really know Xylon or any of the history. Her mother and brother didn’t deserve to know after everything and the girls from work would probably just gush about romance and how it was fate which was not what Erin needed right that moment.
Erin got up and put some pasta on to cook, going trough the cupboards to find a good sauce and reading the labels of what was what. She decided on cooking up some chicken to go with the pasta and a good, rich tomato sauce. She had been cooking since she was young, her mother worked a lot and obviously her brother wouldn’t cook for her but she wasn’t exactly a culinary genius. She looked to her phone. Maybe phoning her father for some advice wasn’t a bad idea? If she explained everything it would probably be better and he dad might be able to explain why Xylon felt so on edge.
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.