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/ By Waterlily- [+Watch]

Replies: 5 / 24 days 2 hours 19 minutes 1 seconds

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[center [font "Nyala" This is for my babies to write what they are feeling, and thinking. Don't blame me for what's on their minds. This is their way of expressing how they are feeling.]]

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Roleplay Responses

[center [font "Nyala" [u October 16th 2018.]]]

[font "Nyala" He's gone.. My whole world is gone.. I know you had no choice, but if that asshole hadn't shown up, and dragged Ellie into this, things wouldn't be so hard right now.. I miss you already Korbin, so much.. I feel like there's a huge chunk of my heart missing.. I know I still have our baby to think about but I can't.. I can't breathe, I can't move, I just want to stay curled up in a ball forever.. You tore down my walls without even trying too.. You made me fall for you..]

[font "Nyala" We were supposed to get married on Halloween, and now that's not going to happen.. It'll never happen.. I thought we had everything figured out.. We didn't.. Your best friend had to kill you.. He didn't have a choice, but I chose that he should stay for Ellie and their baby.. I want one of us to suffer, and I made sure it was me.. I'm the one having to suffer without you here, without my heart, without my light, my saving grace.. I have to live without you, and our baby has to live without you.]

[font "Nyala" I know you said you wanted me to be happy.. How can I be happy ever again..? The bond we had, it was special and wonderful in every way possible.. I can't find that with someone else.. I'll never find it with someone else. I'll make sure your son/daughter knows who you are, the kind of man you were, how you made me feel and made me realize it was okay to love again.. Now that I don't have you, I can't love again.. I will never love again.. This time I'm keeping my promise.]

[font "Nyala" I am going to pretend for our baby that I'm not dying every single day without you.. I think when the baby is born I'm going to have Ellie and Wes take care of him/her, and then I'll come and join you. I don't care if it's not my time yet. I can't live my life without you, I can't live without the light at the end of the tunnel.. I already miss having you next to me.. I miss hearing your voice, and the way you would lean over and whisper how much you love me, and our plans..]

[font "Nyala" God those plans to travel the world together, to create a family together, have more children.. Those dreams will no longer be real to me. Those dreams died with you. I'll make sure our baby is well taken care of, before I do anything else. Thank you Korbin, so much for showing me a world I gave up on. Thank you for loving me the way I needed to be loved, thank you for choosing me to bare your child.. Your only child.. My only child.. I love you to the stars and back baby.. I'll see you soon, I promise..]
  ғιrѕт / Waterlily- / 1d 15h 1m 55s
[center [font "Nyala" [u October 9th 2018.]]]

[font "Nyala" I think it's safe to say, I'm slowly falling for the man. It hasn't been long but the way he looks at me, and the way he treats Layla my God. Could this be happening again? Like really happening? Yesterday was worth it. Seeing Layla's eyes light up when she saw the man. She pointed at him and said [i 'That's my daddy'] it kind of took me off guard. No sweetheart he isn't your daddy, but how can I tell my child no? She doesn't understand. Maybe she does, but I don't know.]

[font "Nyala" Seeing the smile on her face, and the way she latched herself to him made my heart melt. Maybe it's time I let myself be open to this type of thing again. I'm not going to be a single mother forever, so maybe I should let this male into our lives. I loved how he even put her to bed. She had grabbed onto his finger, and held him in place. I didn't know a small child could have that much power. When she said she loved him, and that she would see him later makes me wonder if she's not just a wolf.]

[font "Nyala" Every time I'm in a sour mood, all she has to do is touch me, and I'm feeling better. Makes me wonder if she's part witch. I don't know, it might be just because she's my child but I don't know. Maybe I'll ask one of the many witches around here, and see what they think. What's really been bugging me is the fact she said some things, that might be true and it might not be true. It's kind of scaring me honestly.]

[font "Nyala" What's so special about my daughter? I know what she's saying can't be true, but can it? Maybe there is something more to this little one than I'm seeing. I might need to ask for help on this one. Rikus, thank you for entering my life when you did. Thank you for taking Layla under your wing, and treating her like a spoiled princess she is. I can't wait to see where this new adventures takes us. I hope it's going to last, I want this to last. Not just for my sake, but for Layla's too.]
  precιoυѕ / Waterlily- / 9d 1h 21m 57s
[center [font "Nyala" [u October 4th 2018.]]]

[font "Nyala" I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I hate you with a fucking passion. How could you make me feel like something important, and then treat me like I'm shit? I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't treat you like you were shit. You meant something to me. Hell you made me feel like I could handle anything and everything. I'm not like Kyra in hiding what I'm really feeling. You've made me a cold hearted bitch, I don't care anymore. I really don't. The only thing I do care about is Bunny, and making sure she's safe, happy, and has a wonderful life. I didn't want to come back here. I didn't want to bring Bunny here, but I know she needs her cousin, and her aunt's and uncles. She's a very loved child, and I'm happy for that. What I'm not happy about, is how I'm feeling. I don't smile the same, I don't laugh the same, and all I can feel is my heart shattering over and over again inside of my chest. Sometimes at night, it's hard to breathe.. and I can't catch my breath.]

[font "Nyala" The only person who can understand that is Kyra. She's dealing with the same issue as I am right now. What did I do to make you hate me so bad? When all I did was love the shit out of you. I do thank you for giving me Bunny. No she's never going to know who you are either. I don't want her knowing someone who destroyed her mother. Some people might say I'm keeping her away from you, when I'm protecting her. I don't want her getting older and asking to see you. I know she will, but I have a story I'm going to tell her. She doesn't need to know the man who helped make her. You are dead to me, and you will forever be dead to me. I hope the person you are with right now, you treat them better than you treated me.]

[font "Nyala" I want to move on, I want to be happy again, I want to feel loved again. This is the most I've ever spoken, and it's all rage. All I feel is anger, and hatred. I can't wait to finally find someone who wants me. Someone who wants to see me smile, someone who will take care of me and Bunny. Someone who want's to build something with me. Enough about my pain, and anger right now. It is kind of nice being back around here. I did miss Emily with my whole heart. She was always there to listen to me, and she made me feel better. She's really an amazing woman, and I'm happy to have her as a holder, and to have her in my life.]

[font "Nyala" I'm happy that Bunny and Layla have adults around to make them feel like they are loved, and cared for. There are a couple more children here, and I think they might be a little bit older than her, but it doesn't matter. As long as I know my daughter is happy, that makes me happy. Let's see what life has in store for me now. I'm sorry Em's for yelling at you pretty much.. I just needed to vent about this, and see if it made me feel better. Honestly it did. I feel like I can finally talk to other's, and maybe let them into my fucked up life. We shall see.]
  precιoυѕ / Waterlily- / 13d 23h 13m 52s
[center [font "Nyala" [u October 3rd 2018.]]]

[font "Nyala" It feels strange being around here again. I never thought I would ever want to come back. This place holds many memories for me, even though they were short lived. I met a man, and he made me feel special, made me feel like I meant something, and sometimes I felt like I was the only girl he ever saw. He showed interest in my hobbies, or at least I think he did. He might have been pretending for all I know. When things went south, I felt like a hole had been ripped inside of my chest.]

[font "Nyala" I never felt that kind of pain before. The way he talked to me, the way he accused me of cheating on him, when I was carrying his child. [i My] child. I never once dreamed I would be treated that way. One minute I was his world, and then I was the dirt beneath his feet. I couldn't believe I let myself be treated like that. I was in love.. At least it was love for me. I don't know what it was for him, but for me it was heaven on earth.]

[font "Nyala" The only good thing I got out of that whole mess is my princess Layla. She's my world, my everything, my little spit fire. She's learning so many new things daily, and I can't thank God enough for sending her to me. Her and Bunny were both sent to Adrianne and myself for a reason. Adri and I had to go though the worst pain of our life, just to realize the good we had come of it. I didn't want to come back here, but Beau and the other's did. So why am I here anyway?]

[font "Nyala" I feel like something good is going to come out of this. I've been told by countless people to follow my gut, and this time I am. I'm no longer following my heart. It's too shattered for that. I just want to be back to normal. I don't want to feel the pain I feel anymore. I don't want Beau and the other's looking at me like I"m about to break or something. I'm stronger than that. I can't let a heart break, tear me down. I have to build myself back up. If not for me, then for my Princess.]

[font "Nyala" Maybe I'm glad to be back, maybe I'm not. Only time will tell on this one. I just hope whatever this feeling I have, isn't a horrible feeling and it'll shatter me even more. I'm hoping this feeling will lead me to someone, who want's to put the broken pieces of my heart back together. I don't know.. I just don't know..]
  precιoυѕ / Waterlily- / 15d 2h 11m 45s
[center [font "Nyala" [u September 30th 2018.]]]

[font "Nyala" So I just barely got back home from my run. Yesterday was pretty amazing, all because of a woman I just barely met. I don't know what it is about her, but I feel like she's tearing down my walls already. She barely knows me, but I feel like I've known her for ages. I can go on and on about her if I wanted too, but I'm not going to just yet. We are in the stages of getting to know one another, and I couldn't be more happier. I just hope I don't scare her off.]

[font "Nyala" Moving onto something else, before I get all mushy. It's weird being back here. Me and the guys, haven't been back here in months. Well ever since everything happened between a bitch and my holder. Why should we have stayed? We were treated like shit by the bitch, but that doesn't matter. It feels good being back here though. I feel like I'm home, and I know the guys are feeling the same way. The parlor is still running good, and I know I should be heading that way soon. I just I don't know.]

[font "Nyala" I suppose you can say I'm walking on cloud nine since yesterday. She really is an amazing woman, and I could listen to her voice all day. She's beautiful, and gentle, and pretty much everything I need in my life. I'm not going to get my hopes up too much though. We are getting to know each other, but I have learned over the years I need to follow my gut. So maybe I'll wait and see where this new journey takes us. I hope you slept well beautiful, and I'll hopefully talk to you soon. Off to work I go.]
  genтleмan / Waterlily- / 18d 3h 49m 12s
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