[i [size10 [#710193
Not on here for long, as I decided to use this as an updater and for Y O U [s Chris] to not be too too worried over my wellbeing.
I mean, I still do care for you, after all. Sorry again that I’m incapable of simply... associating with you. That I do not know my own boundaries, so so bad smh
Let’s see here, let’s see
[right [b June 6, 2019]]
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXpjUePKFGk]]
I’m starting this off by saying I have completely isolated myself the second I was given a break. There hasn’t been any contact with the tiny circle of friends I have .
The entire week, I spent in a retreat of being asleep and getting high. I wasn’t talking to anyone verbally, nor through text.
I just.. Didn’t feel the purpose? It felt like energy, like it was an effort to try and relate to people for a moment.
Nami would bode on and on about her fashion notoriety, and she’d continuously talk about parties and gigs she was being given opportunities of. And, at the time before I disappeared, I would nod my head along and smile.
I’m happy for her! I really am, even now, I can still say I’m happy for her!
But.... I don’t think I’m one to be friends with someone who only talks about that sort of stuff? I have no interest in it, and the fact she apparently has gotten upset because [b I] was depressed and system shut down?? It makes me... question.
No, you aren’t supposed to leave your friends without notice.
No, it’s not cool to have them worry about you.
Yes, I would be worried for that friend if they were to suddenly drop off.
But would I get upset? Genuinely upset for them not taking the option to t a l k to me?
I get WHY she’s upset.
I understand completely, but,,,??? It doesn’t mean I’m going to agree with it.
Hence why I probably spoke to Marie first rather than her tbh oopsydoooo.
I want to say I don’t care? Well, I didn’t care about their worry.
Why else would I not respond to the few that had reached out to me on messenger over my memes not being in supply?
Smh, deadass? I know you’re going to laugh,
Some people came to my messenger, and were asking if I was okay because of my Memes not being in supply?
Them: Wheres my meme dealer
Bitch she sleep and stoned brb-
I want to say the start of this was a couple of weeks ago, but I know I can’t pin it there, this is pinned back even further when I realized I was getting harassed by one of my coworkers.
So, that happened in January. It’s June now.
During class, a couple of weeks back, I was told to do draping and all of that. Now, this already made me uncomfortable, and I never expressed WHY it did to my instructor . And she thought it was a simple stone I can easily get over, so she was forcing me to do it.
I mentioned to one of my friends how I teared up during the process, but
That was an understatement. (:
I was full on bawling and she was wondering if I was feeling better/happy because I tackled an issue and I was just “I dont know (‘’’’’:” BITCH
BITCH YOU KNOW YOU SAD
Just kidding, I didn’t.
I honestly didn’t know what or why I felt uncomfortable until I said it outloud. Until I was questioning why I dreaded the thought of coming into school tomorrow (today?)
“I’m scared of making someone feel how I felt when-”
I wish I was able to catch my own problems without having to voice them or vent about them to someone else holy shit.
I just, JUST started to sort these issues out tonight. And they’re a bigger problem than I intended making them out to be. Fuck mountain is up there, fuckers.
So, I have an issue with touch. It’s bigger than I intended making it out to be.
But the question here is,
[right [b H o w a r e y o u g o i n g t o f i x t h i s m e s s ?]]
I mean it this time, I got the therapy number from Marie, and I pinned it up in a conversation I have with Gabby, that way I cannot possibly forget.
Honest to god love that woman. Like,,, no hate or trying to make you salty bab, but... thats my baby Im sorry.
The o n e
That’s another thing I need to sort out, my feelings for Gabriela to be honest. I’m such a fuck up of a mess and I just need it SORTED PL E A SE JESUS CHRIST MONIQUE IF YOU DONT---
Ofc I love her
Do I LOVE LOVE THAT GAY BB IDK
..... [b throws it on fuck mountain with everything else and waits for it to become an actual problem for me to address. Like this---]
I’m badgering my own plans.
Back on track.
I got the therapist offices number
I’m going to ask my supervisor over the form of insurance we have, as I cannot find it in my own benefits feed.
If I dont have one here, at this work space? I’ll actually address my mother about this issue and have her involved.
I’ll also be messaging/notifying the staff at my school. They should have known about this topic of touch I have issues with. And I know they accept handicaps for others who have mental health issues?
I’m hoping to ideally get therapy and just the education based parts of this school down, so then I can worry about touch later. But.. I’m not too too sure.
I still don’t have my own basic necessities down, like,,,, bitch I still dont got my license but I got a car yeah I said it, what’s good? Im cardi B bitches wbu---
But seriously, I think... I really need to work on the internal clockworks of what makes a Monique, and I just keep trying to bite off more than I can chew
It’s ... getting overwhelming lmfao.
I just absolutely adore Faith Marie, bitch always has the right lyrics to bring me to tears
Actual fuckin tears, makin it smell like bitch in here
[size7 Also Chris I wasn’t too too sure but I still dont want to be logging in and out of here with a push and pull of your feelings and making you go “(: .. :( ... :DDD .... D:” >xDDD;;;;
Part of me wanted to ask; do u wanna rp
But another part of me is like, “Hush Monique... just let it go until youre ready.”
How else am I to keep the dark thoughts away hmmmmm---- by escaping into rp duh--- no omg
Kinda joking, kinda not I know thats so fuckin weird but idc heyy i still luh u bitch... I aint ever gon’ stop lovin u. B i t c h]
[center ♡ Make an Email to your staff and instructors, you Troglodyte
♡ Figure out what insurance your work provides, if they don’t have one, talk to ur mum about need of therapy again
♡ [s MAKE YOUR CALL FRIDAY-SATURDAY MONIQUE IM GOING TO FUCKIN SKIN YOU IF YOU DONT BITCH] Make your call to the therapist office
♡ Try your best throughout the rest of this quarter. Finish this through at least sweetie.
♡ Its okay if your parents don’t agree with your choices. You’re brave for finally voicing what you need help in, right?
♡ I love u, you psycho bitch. Even though you dont love yourself. ]