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[b [size10 [#9966cc 6: Ur to lead and take responsibilit-
6: U are to take responsib—
Me: *inhales the entire planet before blowing it back out with my sigh*
I mean.... I gUESS I can try, via with speech practice and all that. I have been getting more assertive slowly. That has definitely been a thing sksksjdj
[b [size10 [#9966cc
My numerology chart: U wErE bOrN tO bE a LeAdEr AnD hEaLeR
The irl healer in the party lmaooo-
[https://feliciabender.com/six-life-path-2/ Life: 6]
[https://www.worldnumerology.com/Numerology-Expression-D.html expression: 11]
[https://numerologysecrets.net/soul-urge-number-8/ Soul Urge: 8]
[https://www.worldnumerology.com/Numerology-Personality-3.html Personality: 3]
[http://numerology.center/birthday_num_4.php Birthday: 4]
For later >> <<
Why this girl gotta come for past me’s wig like that tho?
Life path- 6
Expression number - 11 (my wig got snatched here too (:)
Soul urge - 8
Personality number - 3
Birthday number - 4
[b [size10 [#9966cc I dont even know what I'm feeling homesick for, but its there.]]]
[b [size10 [#9966cc Some food for thought, anyone?
What if the idea of the brain being what defines us is false?
During the development of child, the first thing to be created is the heart. The heart holds a magnetic field that far exceeds that of the brain; and, notably enough, the function of the brain has always dealt with the process of information.
Would it be too far out of reach to say the brain does the same with matters to the heart?
Let us back track a bit:
In western medical science , scientists have discovered the heart holds 40,000 neurons which are capable of learning, feeling, sensing, and remembering. It has been said this area , "Sends messages to the brain over how the body feels and more."
If we are to take a step back further, in Egyptian customs, they would remove all except for the heart. This is from the idea the heart holds relations to that of the heart chakra. The heart chakra is an energy center involving love, compassion, empathy, etc.
Would it be too farfetched to question our brains being the one "in control"?
Just because we don't understand something, that is fully operable and functioning, doesn't mean that it is ceasing its performance.
And that's something the human race enjoys most;
Picking things apart to try and understand the hows, the whats, the whys. For, without evidence, they become hesitant and doubtful over it being there. We are at fault for accepting things for what they are.
And it's just that, it simply is.
[center [pic http://i.imgur.com/yzQmX6u.jpg]]
[i [center [#DDA0DD ~]]]
[b [size10 [#722f37 Just what the fuck have I done to deserve this treasure?????
My dad got the Logitech emulator and it holds:
Nintendo entertainment (717)
Mega drive (535)
Sega, master system (211)
Gameboy color (458)
Gameboy advance (923)
Game boy (542)
Game gear (235)
Atari 7800 (59)
Atari 2600 (443)
Super Nintendo (738)
Sega 32x (32)
Scumm VM (38)
*foams at the mouth in retro gamer*
I would like to thank whoever the fuck it is that has given this—
It’s honestly making me | | close into getting a simple capture card and doing my YouTube channel again? I always did love retro games, and the last thing I uploaded was an episode of croc >> <<...
[b [#87ceeb [size10 > Be me
Be proud of your skin care routine
Enjoy brushing and flossing your teeth
Its getting close to that time
Is that a fuckin pimple?
Who the fuck said your friends can join and have a frat party on MY forehead
mfw I'm pmsing
Sama.exe will be crashing shortly, rebooting immenent
w/e, I'll still take ur- Oh, wait.....
[b [size10 [#FFB6C1 After hanging up on my call for a tour, I got this sudden... thought in my head. This thought entailed one of the very first memory I can ever remember as a child.
When I was a toddler, I'm not too sure how old I was, I remember going to the good 'ole block buster and being able to pick out a movie with Shelby. Patrick hadn't been born yet, and my mom had been nice enough to allow us both to pick something out of there.
I'm not too sure what it is that I was having difficulties picking between, but I had decided on picking 'The last Unicorn', while Shelby had picked 'The Fox and The Hound'.
For some reason, I actually was allowed to watch my movie first when we got home, as it was about 7-8pm at the time. And man oh man was I eccentric to watch this movie, as when I was younger, I adored unicorns and horses--- spirit was a real good movie too.
What DOES matter, however, is the plot of the movie.
This movie, mind you, doesn't have the stereotypical 'happy ending' everyone would have expected.
I won't spoil the end, but basically, things ended 'okay' instead of 'happy'.
Before the entire ending, I remember the unicorn having to face what she had feared most to get all the other unicorns free from their imprisonment. And, I don't know, that just... stuck out to me?
Especially after everything that has been going on with the amount of change in my life... I think I may give this movie another visit, as it had made me bawl my eyes out as a kid .
My phoenix may turn into a unicorn, after all. And honestly, tbh, as gay as it is,
I feel like I'm fighting that very same battle. More so internally as I accept this form of change into my life and digesting what hurts and what doesn't.
Fuckin' blows, and I can't wait for this next wave of feelings to fuckin' surface so I can understand what is going on in my thought process/noggin.
[center [#FF0000 [b [size10 "Fool you once,
Shame on me.
Fool you twice,
Shame on you.
But I fool you three times??
Back to me."
Skjdue Fuckin' bye.
[b [#87ceeb [size10 With all this free time I've obtained, I have decided to putting it more towards myself. And not just on a mental/emotional aspect.
I've been putting more effort in the small things, like my skin complexion, quality of my teeth, etc.
It's just... nice to see these differences?
My nail biting is slowly becoming null, as I've gotten this anti-nail biting which is curbing those bad habits.
My school work is up to date, and I have yet to jump ahead to week 8 so I may finish those classes .
I'm going to have to obtain more exfoliators and other products to upkeep myself. It's gotten to the point of me flossing feels... wrong if I hadn't done it at all for the day. I already feel a little gritty in my teeth because I didn't do my usual oil pull.
I won't be able to do that again until Friday, rest in pussy sjdjae.
what DOES matter is that ... >:3c IM CHANGING FUCKERS.
My engineer said I've been losing weight since the last time he's seen me, and that it's notable and looks good for me.
Made me fuckin' flattered holy shit jhrhas
And not only that, my coworker and I had an awfully stimulating conversation today, and I'm really happy for her.
She told me that I was basically an old grandma in a tiny younger body and Im just "((((: Nana Sama...." dafsjihgeea
But seriously, she has an interest in the spirituality branch, and I've been gently pulling her into it as she wanted to know more.
She said that, despite her amount of years being with herself, she actually doesn't "know" who she is, and she's asking for input/leads on how to go about with finding herself through Reiki, meditations, all that.
It's just,, nice to help someone when they have an interest in the stuff. I have to give her all of the topics that I have been shown from Mentor Stephano-
... If I care to remember that when I get home, anyways. xux I'm "Forgetful Jones" as Deb had said dfsjas
[b [size10 [#e63e62 Final lingering thoughts;
They say one must “kill off their inner shadow” to enter the light.
The shadow is every repressed and rejected feeling we had ever bottled up. And as I’m sitting here and thinking of my memories coming more in consistency, had been in my late teens (18-19) if not when I had first turned 20.
To reject that person of me completely
The same toxic person who had grown up in an equally toxic environment...
I simply cannot do. Not entirely.
I will be accepting of her whole heartedly, but to reject the same person who had kept me as protected as she could from the environment I have been in.
I simply cannot do. I love her, in some odd way.
That little figure I called Lucifer, I have to love her. She’s been there for me since day 1, and she is reason for who I am today.
I will not destroy my shadow, however, she will walk along side me still, offering me guidance and correcting me into the most perfect form of myself than I can be.
I love you, you lil idiot. Even if you started tearing up just the slightest bit at it.
You didn’t deserve that.
You’re a strong person.
A strong, ring girl who just simply had too many burdens and did what you had to do.
... this is deeper than I thought it’d be for me. I’m already tearing up again just thinking about her.
It’s just going to be so hard telling her how much she doesn’t deserve to die when all she ever did was believe she meant nothing and had gotten so co dependent on someone...
But that’s what helped and made her stronger, by god.
Thinking she would honestly, truly, end up with that person? Just to take it away?
She’s a survivor, she just needs to see worth when it’s there.
And she can still be timid and weary, as I’d cannot blame her into being
... it’s still going to be a real hard discussion tho.
[https://suzanneheyn.com/shadow-work-embracing-the-dark-side/ Also for later]
[b [size10 [#e63e62 Them: It's time to nurture ur inner child and when u were most vulnerable
One fish/gem twin on my natal chart: Let that slut drown
The other fish/gem twin on my natal chart: *gem moon Slaps them both upside the head, pisces shrieking 'nooooo!!!' at the other two*
[b [size10 [#e63e62 *Brow twitches because nothing pisses me off faster than busy work/doing work for absolutely nothing* IF IT AINT GONNA BE ON THE TEST, WHY YOU MAKIN' ME DO THIS??
"So u can learn more Moniq--" fucccckkkk that
And the bag of chips they're sportin', too. Holy fuck. e ^e; *Mrrrrs*
[b [size10 [#e63e62 I spent the day at your funeral.
I took your objects in my hands and set them in the trash.
Fragmented memories appearing that had brought tears to the workers eyes.
There’s too much of us in each other, my voice would whisper with the limited amounts of things you had gotten me.
There’s only, quite literally, three (four) things you have ever given me of value.
That treasure chest, which I store my DS games
These light blue jeans I constantly wear. They will probably get disposed of later due to the acrylic orange paint on the side. I dislike that constantly being there on my outfit.
That janky tiara, I really do like it, despite how obnoxious it is and even if no one can see it since my hair will cover over it with a gust of wind
And a Christmas involved shirt with a cat on it. You knew how much I adored Christmas and what it meant to me.
I got rid of the things I had around in sales of wishing for you at 222 on the dot, no matter it being in the am or pm.
You and I were intertwined for so long, I hadn’t realized the majority of clothing I had was due to you saying ‘looked good on me’ or I should get it for an outing.
I never wore them any other time really unless they were in your presence.
So.... I got rid of it.
All of it.
I will find my own wardrobe, slowly but surely, as I become more comfortable in the process of truly finding myself and becoming happy with me again.
There’s so many cute grunge-like articles of clothing I have coming in. And I’m honestly excited for them!
Only running on two hours of sleep as well, and when I’m finished with work, I’m more than likely going to continue cleaning again.
I’m so close, I’ll be frustrated with myself if I am to quit when all I need to do is pick up the loose particles that couldn’t make a load.
Redoing my dresser tops can come later
Feels more like me, and I’m just happy with this,
Happy enough that it’ll still make me want to do my homework, instead of complain about being “too tired” to do it.
Yeah, I’m tired. But I’m content and at peace.
I’m... saddened that the process of molding me into myself involves being happy that remnants of you aren’t in place. Trust me, there were countless of times I almost broke down.
As I sat there folding my laundry
As I picked apart what few objects I had ever gotten without your consultation.
You were very dear to me.
But I can’t fucking leave a door open for someone who believes injuring me, because I’m working on myself, is the choice of action.
I can’t, I just fucking cant.
I thought I could, truly. But if it goes so deep to when there’s the belief I “don’t care about” you? And that it makes you so enraged that you wish to put your hands on me, when I’m finding me, more important?
I mentally burn you from my existence. You make claims on you being the stronger of the two of us were.
But... it’s me.
By god is it me, I’m the one who’s surrendering myself to the waves of emotions.
I’m only so caught up because I’m in denial still over you wishing to cause physical harm to me after knowing one another since grade 7.
It will be vented about with myself, surely, but not here any longer.
The constant question of, “is this serving me?” Will surface itself each time. And I will answer ‘no, but I’m still just hung up on this because...’
“It’s okay to be feeling this, but if it’s not serving you in this reality, Monique, release it.
“Just for today
You release all anger
You will release all worry
Your energy will be used purposefully you will do no harm” I will whisper to myself, being thankful for my own understanding that I am hurt; with patience, I will once again be focused on my schooling before me.
... Those 2s you love
And how I would always wish you well at 222 on the dot will no longer be wasted on you.
Please forgive me,
but I refuse to put my time and energy into someone who holds too twisted of a perception of me not giving a shit about them.
It can be placed for others who do value me. Please forgive me for turning you into a ghost. You were the last person I would have expected for having to do this to.
Farewell, I’m sorry.
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.