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[b [size10 [#e63e62 I spent the day at your funeral.
I took your objects in my hands and set them in the trash.
Fragmented memories appearing that had brought tears to the workers eyes.
There’s too much of us in each other, my voice would whisper with the limited amounts of things you had gotten me.
There’s only, quite literally, three (four) things you have ever given me of value.
That treasure chest, which I store my DS games
These light blue jeans I constantly wear. They will probably get disposed of later due to the acrylic orange paint on the side. I dislike that constantly being there on my outfit.
That janky tiara, I really do like it, despite how obnoxious it is and even if no one can see it since my hair will cover over it with a gust of wind
And a Christmas involved shirt with a cat on it. You knew how much I adored Christmas and what it meant to me.
I got rid of the things I had around in sales of wishing for you at 222 on the dot, no matter it being in the am or pm.
You and I were intertwined for so long, I hadn’t realized the majority of clothing I had was due to you saying ‘looked good on me’ or I should get it for an outing.
I never wore them any other time really unless they were in your presence.
So.... I got rid of it.
All of it.
I will find my own wardrobe, slowly but surely, as I become more comfortable in the process of truly finding myself and becoming happy with me again.
There’s so many cute grunge-like articles of clothing I have coming in. And I’m honestly excited for them!
Only running on two hours of sleep as well, and when I’m finished with work, I’m more than likely going to continue cleaning again.
I’m so close, I’ll be frustrated with myself if I am to quit when all I need to do is pick up the loose particles that couldn’t make a load.
Redoing my dresser tops can come later
Feels more like me, and I’m just happy with this,
Happy enough that it’ll still make me want to do my homework, instead of complain about being “too tired” to do it.
Yeah, I’m tired. But I’m content and at peace.
I’m... saddened that the process of molding me into myself involves being happy that remnants of you aren’t in place. Trust me, there were countless of times I almost broke down.
As I sat there folding my laundry
As I picked apart what few objects I had ever gotten without your consultation.
You were very dear to me.
But I can’t fucking leave a door open for someone who believes injuring me, because I’m working on myself, is the choice of action.
I can’t, I just fucking cant.
I thought I could, truly. But if it goes so deep to when there’s the belief I “don’t care about” you? And that it makes you so enraged that you wish to put your hands on me, when I’m finding me, more important?
I mentally burn you from my existence. You make claims on you being the stronger of the two of us were.
But... it’s me.
By god is it me, I’m the one who’s surrendering myself to the waves of emotions.
I’m only so caught up because I’m in denial still over you wishing to cause physical harm to me after knowing one another since grade 7.
It will be vented about with myself, surely, but not here any longer.
The constant question of, “is this serving me?” Will surface itself each time. And I will answer ‘no, but I’m still just hung up on this because...’
“It’s okay to be feeling this, but if it’s not serving you in this reality, Monique, release it.
“Just for today
You release all anger
You will release all worry
Your energy will be used purposefully you will do no harm” I will whisper to myself, being thankful for my own understanding that I am hurt; with patience, I will once again be focused on my schooling before me.
... Those 2s you love
And how I would always wish you well at 222 on the dot will no longer be wasted on you.
Please forgive me,
but I refuse to put my time and energy into someone who holds too twisted of a perception of me not giving a shit about them.
It can be placed for others who do value me. Please forgive me for turning you into a ghost. You were the last person I would have expected for having to do this to.
Farewell, I’m sorry.
[b [size10 [#e63e62 Having this attunement felt... familiar. I am an official Shoden , and I’m happy to know my state in peace of mind still remains relatively the same.
It was nice to be in a peaceful ass environment filled with others, truly. Just feeling everyone else is just as relaxed as I am made me hella grateful to it.
I’m now looking into studies of the level one Shoden, and it’s mainly more focus on healing the self and the basics of others.
I think I may use Amy if not Spirit when I am focusing on these balancements.
The next reiki class won’t be until October just about, which gives me more time to practice and understand myself as I continue doing what I do.
:3c it’s fun, and I was able to show two of my classmates the vibrational energy with Amy nwn that was exciting to do! Good good day, and I’m supposed to be hanging with a friend? >^>
They’ve been trying to befriend me for a while now, but I’ve been dodging left and right.... I’ll give the twit a chance, only because it’s been a while since I had common interest induced dialogue in person? >v> maybe I’ll be able to do some reiki work on them eheheh nwn
[b [size10 [#e63e62 The issue in society isn't sensitivity; rather, how one deals with it both within themselves and the workings of others.
To incite a permanent change if one were reoccurring, one would have to change the trajectory of their finger and angle it at themselves. Just what is it that causes the same feelings of turmoil again and again and again?
In most of today, we are programmed into pointing out the faults in others without the acceptance of our own. It's almost as if the heart is working on over drive while the mind is out taking a smoke break.
We sit and live in the moment of feelings without the process of how they feel.
The Alexander technique is designed to bring awareness to your physical bodies, everything a child once had when they were younger before being told to 'focus in class' or 'focus on this'.
An hypothesis I'm sure which could be considered true for both the mental and emotional aspects of one.
We have always been taught to focus on other things rather than ourselves. And that's where our attention should be placed most if we are to become at peace.
[b [size10 [#e63e62 tfw ur finding out more about yourself and the spiritual path u lowkey been on and--
Motherfuckin' shadow workers. >^> Picking apart their flaws/ego to get to enlightenment. <^<^<^<<..... Ion' scoob, I'm onto something here.
[https://scottjeffrey.com/shadow-work/ For later~]
[b [size10 [#e63e62 The form of intention is all it takes.
Humans are powerful specimens, indeed, with little knowledge over the capabilities they are able to perform.
This level of groundedness, of just worrying about the here and now is a beautiful thing people can do, but they’re so cluttered with the thoughts of the future and ‘what ifs’.
Masaru Emoto had been the first to draw attention to this idea of intent, that the idea of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ can be implemented into things other than morals and people.
He had been able to prove that intention is all it takes to have an effect on inanimate objects.
With freezing water after giving it exposure to benevolent themes, it had been able to crystalize into gorgeous snowflakes. Doing the same with malevolent themes, this water had turned into nothing more than mush, slush, and overall unappealing.
A good portion of ourselves is made of water, why would it not have the same affect on us?
Searching deeper in, it's possible for plants and food to gain results of a similar nature. Plants hold five of our own senses, and three others as well. They’re miraculous things that breathe along with us, they feel, and they are living, too.
The same goes with food, in an aspect of the simple form of intention.
A rice experiment being done based off of the original has been made. The ‘Good’ rice looked and remained in good condition while the ‘Bad’ had gotten moldy and unable to be digested.
We are all connected, in one way, shape, or form.
My thoughts are constantly drawn back to how I have gotten to where I’m at, and it can only make me smile now as if they happened not too long ago.
[right “You may know these things, Monique, but did you affirm them?”]
Stephen had asked me, which is what made me take my steps into where I’m going now. Even if his perception of me has been warped due to someone else, I will continue to deeply respect him as a type of mentor/teacher who had given me much knowledge to look into. I respect him. I’m thankful to him.
[center “No wonder why you explode! You don’t acknowledge when you’re feeling bad until its... BAD bad.”]
Chris would point out, joyously laughing as if he had cracked a thousand year old code no one else could. It’s okay to feel whatever it is one is feeling, and they are validated because it’s their own perception, nobody else’s. This is the starting seed of what had opened me up to being more in tune with feelings rather than simple straight analysis.
It went deeper as of late,
“When one masters their own thoughts, they master their feelings as well.”
A simple thing I am still in the makes of doing myself. The mastering of the idea that we are all intertwined is the start.
I simply am.
I am solace
I am destruction
I am _____, _ is me.
It just... is.
Humans are fickle creatures who get wound up in the process of understanding how things work, we just want to understand it.
We make things more complicated than it needs to be .
But again, it just... is.
What do we know, truly?
Do we necessarily have this ‘profound logic’ in which we truly know a thing?
Throughout history, language dialect changes.
The methods of achieving equations, for example, changes.
Change, it will happen whether we wish it to or not.
The one who holds knowledge of energies and how they can bring so much good? Can also bring so much evil, as well. I remember my mentor telling me the person who ‘thinks like we do’ and does bad is considered Lucifer in his eyes.
And, even though I am having this cycle of change:
I can see myself as being that figure once upon a time.
Easy, simple manipulations of others feelings, and a silver tongue to boot? I had men and women alike enraptured by my simple speech. Even if I had stayed reserved and to myself.
Nami had fallen in love with the devil. As she would always ask of me to do simple things of either guilt tripping, emotional abuse, etc. With time, I knew I would get exactly what it is that I wanted in the first place, and I was so sure of it, it happened. She wanted to learn the trade, of what it is that I do with communication and getting to others soft little spots. But there was a flaw with her:
She lacked patience and had been too emotional to do what it is that I have done to others.
This is why a handful of her boyfriends would flock over to me rather than her. This is why Nami would have clung onto me so desperately and tried to be what I was and asked me for advice and input in everything.
This is especially why she is falling apart at the seams, and I hope she takes the path of breaking herself up and pulling herself together rather than hold a bitter, vicious cycle of hating me, then crying about missing me. The ego is a powerful thing that will cause problems with her in her change, and I hope she is able to bypass that.
Being alone has brought more peace than anything else had for me. This feeling of being connected to everything has me chattering no problem to objects about what’s been going on with me.
And sometimes, when I’m relaxed, I can pick up a pleasant vibe from Lapis and Moony as I tell them what’s on my mind.
They don’t say anything
And feeling has been more of a focus for me now than anything.
My first Reiki attunement is going to be Saturday, and it has me excited as I know I’ll become more aware of the things around me. Reiki is the; ‘balancement of universal life force energy” moving around you. This... has brought more to me than I can bare to bring up.
My angels have been more communicative with me through numbers and feelings. Even now, I get this calming sensation of having them around me as I type this.
Usually, at this time, I am focusing on my Crystals and surrendering to the words “I am”.
Each Wednesday and Thursday night, I will wake up at 846 pm on the dot shivering like ice had been dumped on me. And after asking someone , they had said it were most likely my own energy falling right back into place.
And to be shaking with my teeth chattering every time before I would go into a light nap before my alarm? Felt... powerful.
My soul's purpose, I had come to find during a meditation is; “To assist/teach those in becoming more balanced with themselves”. This has been a reoccuring theme in my life with others, as they told me they were, “Thankful to me for what I have done/said to them.”
I am a healer
I am a mentor for those who wish to learn
For those who are so good at their craft and do so much good?
Are able to do so much damage.
And that’s what I had done before, it’s no wonder why I’m able to say things to others that can make them feel oh so well,,, but oh so sick, too.
I’m going to be getting a Phoenix tattoo to cover the scars on my left leg. It will rise up into my low back/waist. The symbolization of the Phoenix means a great deal to me, now. And I hope to continue my growth on this path.
Namaste, “The light in me acknowledges the light in you”.
Such a simple word which gets a bit more slack than it should.
My soul can see that, you, too, have a soul.
Even if it’s a bit quirky, it will be used in my vocabulary more often than not.
So, until next time when I feel a desire to drop a load of what’s on my mind~?
.... Namaste. [size7 Fuckers-]
[center [#FF0000 [b [size10 God wait, my laughter has died over the ordeal and now there's genuine concern and pity for the girl.
I didn't think she would be going as far to outwardly project her own problems onto me. Like, I guess the idea that, "Oh, ha, ha, this happens on Television, there's no way this could happen." Went on in my head.
I'm a fucking asshole, I admit, but now I realize it and I apologize for that. But, point being, she's out here doing this? That's,,, kind of scary, in all honesty.
I;;; don't know how I can really help her without potentially getting hurt myself in the process... But by god do I wish I could help her understand herself.
I wish you well, I really do. It's,,
Better I don't talk to her, the more I think about it. My one friend and I were talking about this and she jokingly said, "Yo, didn't u lowkey build her life for her?"
Me: ..... Holy shit.
I hope she is able to break herself down.
I hope she is able to crush herself to dust, I wish I hadn't done so much for her.
I want every little fragment of me in her now dismantled.
I want it gone, vanished.
Bursting at the seams, and I hope she is able to blossom into her own being. Truly.
;;;; I want to hug her now fr, the fool.
[b [size10 [center [#FF0000 Me: *Walks in from work from slaving away doing absolute dick* Hey Dad I'm h--
Dad: *Laid prone, on my massage table he set up, head in the donut hole*
Me: (: Ok
[b [size10 [right [#FF0000 ANYYYWHO
One more final thing >> <<
ACE <333 MY BOI DSHEA
DARLING CHILD THAT I HAD LOCKED AWAY IN MY CREVICES I MISSED U SO MUCH ILYYYY
I deadass?? Think I stopped watching one piece because I know the ending of homeboy here, but now I'm back,,, years later,,, with a vengeance.
Being on the path of self is hard
so I take breaks sometimes with walks and watching anime >v>~
I'd say videogames? But I haven't tried them again really yet,,;;
I've been watching one piece- and I'm hella remembering some of these characters.
Saw that fuckboy Sabo too and I'm just trying to remember who he is,,, vaguely-
"BUT WHO WAS PHONE...."
^ Me at Sabo jkaesf
Sanjis the homie
The main man I love him too,,,, but,,,,
But ace,,,,, Fire fist this acehole daddie pls
I deadass got a fuckin hoodie of him;; and I have his wanted poster inbound too,,,, along with a possible cowboy hat
Bold of people to assume I will wear cosplay-based ornaments strictly for an occasion lmaooo-
.... [i keeses my bb ace and absconds into the night with him-]
[b [size10 [center [#FF0000 FIRST OF ALL, U DUMB LIL HOE.
HOW AM I GONNA BE DUBBED UGLEE
WHEN [size20 YOU] WERE THE ONE WHO TOOK [i MY] FUCKIN FASHION BITCH???
YOU LITERALLY CRAFTED URSELF INTO BEING TINY ME LIL STUPID DUM HO WTF
She kills me oh my god.
That's all I have to say on that account, sounding straight st u p i d jkdfkkhs
"Im over it"
Also her, months later: "Damn dont u hate seeing a beautiful ass girl with an equally beautiful personality actually hold darkness by manipulating and making people feel bad for her :("
Listen here Sasuke
Ur projecting ur bullshit.... to... the countless... followers... u have... It's... almost like. youre. calling ur own.... methods. out.
That's none of my business tho-
It makes me wanna cri because holy shit,,,, do u miss me that much fr fr?
Abt to have me out here acting like Black*Star from how dumb you're being oh my goddjfsk
I feel bad for her in all sincerity;; But... the way she's going about with this..????
(: I feel like a guy who conquered some major gato yknow what I’m sayinnnngggkdjdjdj
I have the biggest, fattest dick and now I’m going to have to wave it around for a moment in time brb
ANYWAYS. BACK TO BEING A GOOD PERSON, PLEASE EXCUSE ME;;;
Those emerald tablets are really fuckin interesting tbh? I'm not even as far as one may think I am abt to project myself, but;; they have been rather enlightening, as I have been connecting more with the idea of "Christ Consciousness"
Where one feels connected to everything.
And by that, I do mean e v e r y t h in g.
I have been more emotional as of late, cryin' over "small, dumb" things as I'd categorize efhsa
It's actually rather peaceful? Having this understanding that we are all connected, in some way and form.
Thoth's tablets are v stimulating of the mind, indeed. I'm still not even officially done with understanding the first tablet in completion-- but there's some ideas that I do understand?
It's just going to require more time and patience. I'll be able to understand soon, I assure you.
The second tablet, I barely looked into.
It was talking about "the halls of amenthi", and it's this Nirvana paradise which one can essentially find within themselves. This is accessible to anyone, if they have the intention of 'going' there.
Scriptures someone has written out and experienced is what's jot dotted.
But why can't someone sit there and delve into/try it for themselves? It's what many believe should be done, to sit and obtain these experiences rather than read/learn about them from someone else.
And honestly, I'm no different oof-
Thoths first tablet had been talking about some histories of Khem, along with how he had gotten such wisdom? It's... been a minute since I've speculated over the first tablet. But I do have the jot dot of him describing what he had done post sinking of atlantis,,, basically-
One final thing is;
A previous incident has been coming up more? More so, the post results of it.
I get these constant stings from my previous injuries? I'm assuming it's nerve damage in all honesty. It has me thinking, just how close was I to...?
That's not why I'm writing about it.
I'm writing that because, yes, I was selfish enough to try and do that.
And yes, selfishness is used in a negative term all the time, associated with greed and wants.
I think... I can say I'm happy I'm selfish, then.
Because that drive? Of willing to drop people off no matter who they might be?
To have been willing to end everything right then and there...
Is now being used to push me in the right direction.
I'm a Pheonix, baby.
And I will rise from my own ashes time and again, soaring further into the morning sky.
Brighter and brighter.
Layer by layer
I will become my very best version of myself.
And I have people to thank, who have both been there to try and build me.
And those who have been there to try and destroy me.
And my coworker JUST handed me those healing stones I'm so excited;;;
I'm going to have to clear them all, but <3
[i [size10 [#710193 o -o The fck u mean Christianity was taken from Egyptian religion and they're more parralel than one may think--
[b ROLLS MY EYES AND SLAMS MY HEAD AGAINST A HEADBOARD BC ALL THIS SHIT TO LEARN]
Apparently Thoth, god of wisdom and all that, made Emerald tablets which defy all forms of physics, as they are unable to be destroyed???
And he documented hella shit on those tablets? People are able to get different,,, versions when reading these tablets, too.
(: I got a long way to go down this rabbit hole, halp--
[i [size10 [#710193 The thing about Giving, is that it is not a take back.
To “give” is to “gift” someone.
The phenomenon of being able to give without accepting things in return is a sad thing, indeed.
To be under the perception that one just simply doesn’t deserve it or is under the impression another would want something in return in the long run.
To give is a gift.
To love someone, doesn’t mean they have to love you back.
A one sided fixture.
Please, accept them.
You’re of value too.
[i [size10 [#710193 After the achievement of the comprehension/embodiment and understatement of the words 'I am'.
I will manifest each conscious and subconscious ego death until I am able to eliminate fear and only be filled with love.
[b [size10 [#0f52ba I have two mother fuckin' weeks off mother fuckers I'm about to get riggity Riggity wasted byeeeee--- Wasted off mfing sleep lmaoooo,,,,
nwn I can't wait to sprawl out and enjoy this time? I'm definitely getting back into the gym ehe. I even told my coworkers/one of my friends that work with me to get on my ass about it Monday if I somehow forget.
Fuck you, CH. Your ugly vibe isn't about to stop ME from sweatin anymore.
[right [b [size10 [#e63e62 uwu I have gotten a 96 on my final and finished with an 86 in my anatomy and Physiology 1 huhuhu.
Not surprising, since I put more than 5-10 mins into actually studying that final. I love being able to easily grasp things and lock it into my head, it’s great.
My coworker was giving me a lot of admiration points, as I have vast, miscellaneous knowledge that happens to fall under the questions she asks.... called me an old lady lmfaoooo-
I’m not offended though, as,,, I do consider myself an old Soul.
Many speculations have been going on via mindset these days. And it has absolutely nothing on the waaah expectations and bluh bluh-
It’s made a whole other form of calm fall over me.
This thing of the 3D form of consciousness and how it separates from the 4th? Has been baffling and awe inspiring.
The way some individuals have constructed their words and sources of thinking have been, well,,,, enrapturing.
Why else are there so many different thoughts of 'the end'
Why else are there so many different perspectives?
It makes me believe thats just their view
and this just so happens to be mine, regardless on how "??????" It may sound.
What if 8 billion people
8 billion souls
Have wanted to come to this world, in its state in time to understand the concept of duality in its entirety in their lives?
Everything gets wiped from the slate once we are brought here, however~~~~~
A hypnotist was able to put completely random individuals in such a deep state to make their 'higher selves' pull through.
There have been dozens of questions asked, but the most prominent one that had gotten the same answer was
"Why are we here?"
Them: This is the place to be right now.
These people have no correlation nor connection with one another.
And that will jump into Quantum Physics, as the duality of natures in this 3D world
Good and bad
Yin and Yang
High and low
Happy and Sad
,,,, They're cycles.
And I've been brought to this 4th dimension form of consciousness, as I am able to simply accept it and have it be there.
And just overall observing the landscape we have been brought in as a whole. That's what's been more baffling and intriguing to me.
Watching this world? Without my full on opinion of how things function??... It's kindd of an interesting phenomenon that got me like, "0:".
Me having my ideas and mindset switching and trying to make sense of it
Which is kind of making me understand these vibrations even further
I'm continuing my search into Astral projection as well. :3c I was able to almost pull my astral body out of its physical form, and Im just "ksdjlfshrfaew" abt it knowing that I'll be able to explore even further ehehe. Not only THIS
But I'm going to be meeting someone who will be helping me with this spiritual journey I have. >:3c It's... so nice talking to him? Just being able to voice all of this stuff thats in my head in hopes someone gets it.
And Stephen does.
Im excited to learn even further from this boi on Friday, like... really excited. He was talking about the Merkaba to me, and I've been looking into that for a moment too....
This world? The universe we live in?? It's so hella cool man....
With that being said,,,, spiritual craziness binge out of the way,,,
86 final percentage grade, and it's surely going to bounce up higher since he'll drop my lowest test grade I had~~~ So,,, that's super duper man, like,,, really;
I can't wait until my break so then I may throw myself even further into this stuff and digest it jrhkgashe eeeeeee <333
[b [size10 [#e63e62
Me: Oh Im going to achieve and accomplish this small list of goals that will better me
Me: *Actually starts doing them*
Me: [pic https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/medium/000/027/475/Screen_Shot_2018-10-25_at_11.02.15_AM.png]
I drop one of my best friends I had since middleschool and look at this...
I'm gettin' my shit together and actually doing it what the fuck me.
... With that being said.
Still waiting for a response from the therapy place one of my friends gave me a line to.
And I have to make a DIFFERENT call tomorrow for paying off my medical thing via sciatica I had a bit over a year ago - w-
Otherwise,,, I'm,,, hella chill? owo
It's so fucked up and I know it.
But I really feel better NOT associating with her, and;;;;
I did the school thing too, like, everyone here also is super understanding.
With that being said, I'll be doing my education based classes first, and when I feel comfortable with draping both men and women/the idea of it, I'll .. be able to tackle that shit. >:3c
Mom has been understanding of whats going on in my life, and she's been trying to get into contact with places as well.
[i raps her fingers against the edge of her laptop] I'm.. thinking of looking more into the theories of Astral projection and all of that shebang. I once had a v intense interest in it and had an OOB experience once? It was,, very interesting.
This was in about early middleschool though, and I dropped my intentions of shifting out of body because of stress and all that.
But... maybe I'll be able to do that again? I know the astral plain is a m a z i n g. And you can learn quite a bit on that plain of existence if one so desired.
I just,, have to refurbish my knowledge over the art of this and get more in tune with it once more.
There's also been stories of people doing faster manifestation from there. And it can effect not only your life on this physical plain, but you can set intentions out to others and help them too!
A phenomenon :3c one which peaks my little spiritual interest.That and the theory of Q u a n t u m j u m p i n g
[i waits for my sempai to ask wtf are u talkin abt and tell me its not possible but idgaf this is what i believe bye bitch-----] jk ily chrissu eheheh
I'll see, black pippy long stocks knew the good shit and Im just now getting back in touch to it.
Huhuhu. >;3c having more free time is great jafligsdhea I actually get to dabble into things I always had an interest in;;
[b [size10 [#722f37 Absolutely, positively cannot wait until mother hen responds to my message so I may get the Ace attorney trilogy games on my iphone for my own damn self.
Daddie Edgeworth,,, u will soon consume my life for a week or so, this I assure you.
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.