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Im so fuckin' tired.
And it's my own fault because I been more lenient this is horrible halp--
When I was meditating, I got channeled that I'm unlocking Clairvoyance. And I'm excited to do that, with time. I may study a bit more on that, and what it might all entail?
But, for now, I'm going to write down about the Svadhishthana, the sacral chakra. I'm still setting focus on my root, but, I can digest more information over the chakras while I'm prepping for it.
Besides, it'll allow my subconscious to formulate more activations and slowly bring other things to the surface. I'm at peace currently.
And I require stimulation yet again.
Oh, and I couldn't bring myself to face her. As much as I would have adored to do so.
Not ready yet. I still felt those hooks of fear, and no one should have such a hold on me in the first place.
It shows control.
And I am most definitely not one to be controlled. More shadow work is being asked, and, with time, I'll find what is needed to surrender.
I had been asked what I was thankful for this thanksgiving. I simply said the word, ‘change’.
This made my elder sister giggle and ask me if I meant coins. And I’d only scoff and shrug before going back to eating.
She can sit there in her shallow, materialistic ways. For if that’s the first thing your mind goes to on a holiday where you’re supposed to give, so be it.
I’m thankful alright,
For my own self discovery. I still have aspects of myself still cloaked before my own eyes, but I’m still slowly peeling these layers back thinly again and again each time.
My thoughts have went over to you once more. And I almost burst into tears over knowing I won’t be sharing a holiday meal with you this year around. If I hadn’t been on my Ps and Qs, if I hadn’t done my mental check in, with asking,
“Hey, Monique, where are you?”
My thanksgiving holiday would have taken a much different turn.
And that's the thing, IF I didn't.
... But I did.
I don’t have to eat my plate with you, but...
You are still family.
I’m stable enough, enough to encounter you and hand you a plate. I know I can achieve this. Especially if you go down the same path each and every day for your bus to this day.
But that’s only if.
I had learned more about you, and why I still just can’t seem to kick these thoughts of you out of my head.
I fear you. I fear that you might set your hands on me, if you were to become to riled up. I fear I may hurt you, for there are emotional scars that litter your body from head to toe. The difference between you and I is... I know how to slowly, but surely... let go.
We had dinner at 3 today, early enough for all of us had work at different times in the evening. And, it’s because of that, I was able to get a full wink of sleep this year.
“You are stepping into your power.” Are the only words that had played over and over similar to a broken record player. And it was when I woke up, I just... knew.
[center The last, final materialistic straw that keeps me here, tethered to you, is my excessive use of weed.]
I had figured it is the only thing that gives me this feeling of connection to you. As you were the one who had put me on this, and this drug? It’s known to set one’s vibrations to 350. A simple state of “neutrality”.
This ... OBJECT is what has, in the past, kept my nerves calm. It’s what I had used to help with my meditations. It is what assists me in my channelings. It even helps me sleep.
Yet, it’s because I had, in the past, always done this with YOU... it’s the only form of feeling like I’m doing remotely anything with you.
And that’s the thing.
I don’t like that.
I was wondering why for the past couple of months I was getting this little urge or desire to kick this habit I have, but now I know it’s exact origins.
.... You will be extracted. I'm going to be me again, damn it.
[h3 [center Root Stimulation Techniques.]]
[right Increase awareness of the body (Proprioception)]
I love how the very first method is the thing my body has been trying to push me into doing since, like, September.
The root chakra is labeled as the most “Physical” one out of the primary seven that are commonly known. It is for that, any movement is more than enough for the root to become stimulated.
Sports, walking, yoga, martial arts, swimming -- anything that stimulates your physical frame is more than enough.
This even extends as far as cleaning your home, car -- it cannot be stressed enough that as long as one is doing something laborious, it will result in the root to become more stimulated.
And, coincidentally enough, Zen meditations are able to stimulate the Muladhara. When in a meditative state, one can bring hyper focused awareness to each part of their body, particularly if they may be trying to astral project .
The term “Grounding” is just what it sounds like. We are making sure we feel as if our feet are on the ground! It’s easy to forget that we are HERE, in this reality, with our feet firmly planted on the ground, when there are thoughts that can cloud our focus.
Ways of grounding, I’m pulling from this site [size10 [i [https://www.eclecticenergies.com/chakras/openroot here]]].
[center Stand up straight and relaxed.
Put your feet shoulder width apart.
Slightly bend your knees.
Put your pelvis somewhat forward.
Keep your body balanced, so that your weight is evenly distributed over the soles of your feet.
Sink your weight downward.
Keep in this position for several minutes.]
This can also be compared to the “Alexander Technique”, it’s something that conserves energy in the body (something you might actually hold interest in, as we are prone to doing ‘more work’ than needed. You’d feel more energized, if you decided to implement that into your day- butjfskh anyways-
Another method, the one I personally do, is that I set my hands over my heart or abdomen , and just... focus either my heartbeat until my mind becomes silent, or my breathing --- until my mind becomes silent.
Also, asking the occasional question to yourself, to make sure you’re in the present and not in your head, like “Hey, _, what are you doing?”
Me: Oh, shit-]]
Focus being directed towards the root is... relieving, but difficult all at the same time. It feels as if a light weight is being taken off of my shoulders, but that suffocating feeling I had in the past is beginning to resurface because of it .
But it’s... something. And I’m glad I have people around me, willing to listen to my bullshit. ItS nOt BuLl ShIt, ItS yOuR fEeLiNgS.
Look, I know, I preach on how important it is all the time.
It just blows when you’re dealing with your own because, hm, oh yes, I need to experience these, don’t I?
Spitters are for quitters. I already took my step in, and I already have had a couple patterns of mine addressed. And it’s due to addressing these... some anxieties/fears have been lifted.
I’ll be stepping into my power/taking back what is mine now, thank you.
I just... need time.
That’s all I ask, is that I have enough time to address these issues within myself before a confrontation that may or may not occur.
See, I can learn all this shit.
I can learn all these methods and ways on what you’re SUPPOSED to do.
However, this all will mean nothing if [b I] don’t place it into my own way of being in its entirety.
Yo, I swear, even though I don’t talk to Stephen? His words still haunt me, hence why I’m here, doing this in the now.
[center “You might know all these things, Monique, but have you AfFiRmEd ThEm?”
Me: .... *Sweats*]
I’m strong enough now. I know I am. I can look at my shadow, I can face her and her lil’ hissy fits. I can handle the overburdening, intense emotions.
I don’t have to run away anymore. I can finally face me.
I won’t give in, not just yet. I’m far too stubborn, especially when I’m hellbent on a goal.
I deserve to be unshackled from these chains I set over myself. I deserve to become free.
I know my own worth now.
Her name is Elizabeth, and this just might be the person who has been trying to get into contact with me.
It’s something I’ve been pegging down/getting around to doing as I juggle everything else, but it’s just.... I’m not sure how to respond when I’m being dropped all this information on me right now.
I’m definitely humored tho, my nan said my great grandmother “was able to fall asleep instantly like you do. Scared the shit out of me.”
IM WEAK. SAME NAN OML
The other is that, I don’t have black foot
I have Black Cherokee in my veins.
The more u know-
But, really, it’s making me want to do some background check and search on this tribe. Shamans, more so.
That’s all I’m hearing being whispered tbh, “Shamans”
Here we go, back onto my shaman stuff
But, at a later time... It’s still taking some time to process who she was and what she did
Small notes for now as I'm trying to analyze and make my own conclusions over what, exactly, this might mean?
[center [pic https://www.amcollege.edu/hs-fs/hubfs/zang%20chart.png?width=640&name=zang%20chart.png]]
[center [pic https://i1.wp.com/www.pingminghealth.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/5elements.jpg?fit=500%2C469&ssl=1]]
For comparison and making sure I got it down, lol.
Shared between Root chakra and TCMs 5 elements
Heart (FIRE), YIN
Kidney (WATER), YIN
Bladder (WATER), YANG
Parasympathetic (FIRE), YIN
Sympathetic (FIRE), YANG
Colon (METAL), YANG
Bones (WATER), YIN
Water - 3
Metal - 1
# of Yin: 4
# of Yang: 3
Areas mentioned -
FIRE = RELATIONSHIPS AND LOVE
WATER = DEEPEST ENERGETIC RESERVES, MOVEMENT + FLOW, WILLPOWER + COURAGE
METAL = RECEPTIVITY + PURITY, INTERNAL RESOLVE, SELF WORTH + RIGHTEOUSNESS, ABILITY TO LET GO
Now, the burning question here is
[b How do these elements interact with the root chakra? What comparisons can you make about it to these elements listed above?]
I love the fire one, first and foremost of what's coming to my mind. When one thinks of fire, they will also think of intensity and passion. With that being said, I can say the idea of FIRE taking hold of only the left chamber of the heart is... sweet and profound? Its-- not the right word, but it's intriguing all the same.
The left chambers all deal with oxygenated blood, and ofc, that gets sent out to the entire body. In a way, it could be said your heart is pumping out "Love"? And, not only this, our heart, each time it beats, gives us our magnetic field. And THAT holds a bigger ratio than the one we could compare to our brains.
The heart is, for that reason, also related to the heart chakra -- something I will also be touching upon later. But, still... >> Hm.
The bones, bladder, and kidneys are water. And these are known for the "Deepest energetic reserves, movement and flow, and will power and courage" ... I can say, in a way, these things can take quite a bit. Like, bones, for example. Our bones are made of 90% collagen, a sturdy protein that takes over, coincidentally, a third of our own anatomies. Our kidneys are constantly cleaning any toxins from our body, and our bladder is able to hold.. well, yeah. u wu.
And, finally, Metal... The entire colon is known for receiving waste, along with removal of any other nutrients. It's basically like, "One more gloss over, just to make sure (':" It also processes down to the rectum for a bowel movement. u wu I can also say, for "purity", it is "purifying" the body from its own waste. This can also be seen in massage therapy, as when I'm able to massage the abdomen, I follow along the colon, resulting in help of movement of digestion along.
But there's still this imbalance of the yin/yang...
Granted, I'm only looking at the Muladahara. Nothing else.
Coincidentally enough, it's also SEVEN.
So, the seven chakras?
I'm going to save this in a separate character sheet, for the purpose of my own notes and comparisons before I total them out in their entirety.
[i [size10 *Reflects on the Muldahara and how it connects to Traditional Chinese medicine/Eastern medicine, the 5 elements, and the organs in the body and what they each govern like a nerd* o-o More rambles inbound.]]
Everyday, I am slowly changing further and further. The affirmations I continuously expose myself to, have been taking their toll on me finally.
My intuition has increased, my drive to simply.. KNOW things has expanded. I’m not even wearing my glasses as much anymore since I find them as a bother/strain to my eyes.
The things I will be able to accomplish in due time.. Ooo, I’m just so excited sksksk
To accelerate the changes in my life, I’m going to bring knowledge of the seven chakras to surface. I’m going to look into these in more detail -- that way, my conscious and subconscious can get more of an accurate idea of what to manifest in towards my being.
I am, afterall, a manifesting magnet.
Like mother, like daughter. And when we are hellbent on our intents...
We hellbent on our intents. We will get what we want because we WILL make it happen lol.
With that being said....]]
[h3 [center Ramble Class: Muladhara]]
[right [b 1st Chakra: Muladahara (Root)]]
[right [u Pronunciation: Moo-lahd-Har-uh]]
It should be known, the first three chakras pertain to the physical, material world we live in. This chakra is located at the base of our spines, and it holds the question:
[center [pic https://66.media.tumblr.com/2ddafd918d85d067eb438140baf3348f/tumblr_n4s4x8b2ja1trxys9o4_500.gif]]
[center [b [#FF0000 “Do I belong here?”]]]
[right [size7 YES, BABY, YOU DOOOOO -- Me]]
This question isn’t answered through logic.
It is answered through instinct.
The first chakra, the Muladahara, is the most instinctual chakra of them all. It is connected with your sympathetic system . It is dominated through our senses of primarily smell, secondarily is taste.
Something on this site is making a comparison to a psychologist named “Erik Erikson”, to where development of a child is closely related to the development of the root chakra. The analogy made in the article is this:
If one had grown up with consistent food and care, then the child in question will feel safe and secure in this world today. Or, alternatively, if this had been lacking during development, the child may feel a lack of trust and security in this world today.
[b [center “Whether or not you feel secure now is significantly impacted by how safe you felt as a small child.”]]
Muladahara is governed by our basic needs, security, and stability. This is connected to your needs of: Food, water, shelter, and safety.
Emotionally, it is connected to your sense of feeling grounded and feeling fearlessness.
[size7 *Stares at Chris in the bg as he kind of reads or skims this over* Hm.]
The root chakra is connected to: The adrenal glands , kidneys, skeleton/bones, muscles, and oxygenated blood that courses through our bodies. Coincidentally enough to note, the site I am sourcing is saying only the LEFT chmaber of the heart, which, ofc, deals with arterial (O2) blood flow.
The root chakra is the basis of our life force energy, since it is the starting point (base) of our “energetic temple”.
It is said the karmic cycle of our ancestors can be found in the root chakra, as there are subtle energies within our energetic field that is passed on down from us from generation to generation. It holds not only the ones from our familial lines, but from our current karmic cycles we are going through as well.
[center “For every thought, intention, or act we perform or have performed, a seed is sown in the Root Chakra and will sooner or later rise into the light...”]]]
[h3 [center Imbalances in the Root]]
[i [size10 When one faces an imbalance within the root, they will feel a sense of Restlessness or a lack of energy. This can be expressed in forms of:
We may also hold feelings of paranoia, or feeling like we do not belong on this earth , and experience a lack of insecurities and self esteem.]]
[h3 [center Stimulating the Root]]
[i [size10 The mantra for the 1st chakra is “LAM” . This is a sound to spiritual awakening.
“Lam” releases tensions and removes blockages in this energy source to activate it once more. It says upon activation of this chakra, one will gain more happier experiences they have had throughout their lives to encourage the individual to continue on their paths.
With these pleasant feelings, we will also be able to delve into the less pleasurable ones as well.
[center “Buried hurt, unprocessed emotional traumas, and disappointments that were deeply etched into our consciousness come to the surface so they can finally be healed and resolved.”]
[right [size10 [https://spacioustherapy.com/1st-chakra-root-muladhara/ Full source used]]]
Would it be too farfetched to say no one is at fault during disagreements?
Now, before we autofire our answers, step back, have a seat. Think.
If the idea that, without a doubt, people are doing their BeStS within any given situation -- can we really accuse fault?
We all walk on our own separate paths. Our very own perceptions are what craft us into the beings that we are in today, in this very moment.
And, because of us all having these separate paths, we have been brought up with diverse beliefs, diverse cultures.
Is it actually ‘right’ to call something, or someone, ‘wrong’ through any sort of situation?
When going to someone, we search for the input/opinion of a biased being without realizing it as such. We search for the answer:
“Was I wrong in doing _?”
The truth of the matter is,
Right or Wrong?
It’s just a conjecture of what WE, OURSELVES see as being just that.
Within every argument, within every conflict, we are prone to getting upset. The reason why we get upset is for the purpose of it being a mask, something that which covers the hurt and sadness we hold over what has been either done or said.
We get upset
Because we aren’t at peace with that aspect or quirk that we, ourselves, hold.
The idea that everyone is doing the best they can in any situation,,, no one can be at fault for that.
Master a way of thinking in order to master a way of being.
It’s something I know I’m going to need to digest further, and something I’ll be more than happy and easy to think on.
As I’m able to face the external world and it’s problems that are thrown before me , I’m also able to face the internal world and the ones where I question my own line of morals.
Something to sit and think on.
[i [size10 Me, one day in late Summer: Oh, fooey, the cold is coming... I won't be seeing butterflies as often
Butterflies: *Appear in my everyday media feed, in stores as replica objects, in every little symbolic thing of videos-- just not physically there -- instead*
Butterflies are known for transformation, and they've been around me since.. late may, early June?
However, that's just when I started to NOTICE them. I can't say for how long they have been around, but... (': <3 I love butterflies kdjdhsa
My ancestors are coming for me.
They are coming for me sdmnfjeafslj.
As of late, there have been synchronicities of native american culture, and to the point where I channeled spirit itself.
It’s been coming up in dialogue
I was even given a porcelain, native american doll.
Spirit had said the individual whos been trying to get into contact with me is on my father’s side, and that they had passed away. I had some speculation, and thought it might have been my great grandmother?
I wish I could say it was somewhat recent..? But it;; It’s not. It’s been long enough for her spirit to settle on the other side . It’s usually deemed souls are able to get into communication on the 3D plain after the first couple of years.
From experience of me trying to contact my friends father who had JUST recently passed, it was difficult for me to form a connection, as he would say he “couldn’t talk” and he was “going through judgement”.
Whatever that means, I didn’t question it and let be for what it was skfdgh
Point being, this is... exciting kdsjfsh now that I’m finding more things for me to focus on.
In my tarot reading , she said I was protected and I’m being blessed constantly.
And you know what she said that blessing was?
[center “They don’t allow others to take energy from you. It’s your turn to step into your power.”]
[b Stares at the guy from Thursday, proceeds to stare at him when he gets evicted. Stares at the other guy who harassed me at the beginning of the year, stares at him STILL being blocked off from really associating with me.]
I said 4, 44, and 444 were my numbers. And they always meant protection.
THEY INHIBITING ANYONE FROM SEEING GIRLIE. And I’m not bitchin about it? It gives me more time to interact with them aND work on myself.
It’s what I finally wanted to do.
And that’s why they’re here.
Like, swear, as soon as I became "AwAkEnEd",,, there's been so many shake ups within the relationships in my life. Oop.
It happens for a short moment in time but, then:
"Nuh uh, not my lineage" <--- Spirits of the dead at everyone for I am a cinnamon bun and they fully acknowledge it.
When you acknowledge its your family line here giving you those 4’s dsjksdhfkfh
It’s making me think of that scene from mulan when all the ancestors popped up, and since I’m interracial... can u imagine the shit they all sayin or goin thru lowkey?
It makes me giggle dsjkh
I reached out to my grandmother on my father’s side, to which she had answered with giving me someone to contact and speak with.
This.. will be done tomorrow, after I finally renew my ID . I’ll be able to stay after work and chat it up with my boss and Brent >:3c.
Dude loves learning about the same shit I do, and turns out his dad was on the same type of spiritual stuff I’m on? So, he holds an interest in this stufff gfhksj he’s also giving me some of the stones his father is going to give him?
Pumped for those when they come kfjhkgs and thankful skskks... I wont rob dude tho, naw.
Also???? I’ve noticed how much more into SCIENCE IVE BEEN OH MY LORDT SKSSKKS
I keep wanting more-- more to learn and figure out to talk about sksksks my lectures abt to be all over the place.
Me: *Studies numerology*
Me: *Studies neurology, then TCM, then shamanism again, then how to expand intuition, then--*
It’S GOING ON
I think I may try to binge through the majority of my anatomy tonight, actually, just so I can free up space/time for me to look into the things im REALLY interested in.
And, dont get me wrong, I definitely love looking into the sensory system and knowing senses/how they function and interact. Im a whole ass nerd, learning about this and how they wire up just gives me more of an idea of how the body works holistically.
Metaphysics ;( >xDD
[b breathes heavily, goes off to binge my work now actually-]
[h3 [center Master Numbers]]
In Numerology, “Master numbers” are labeled as they are because they hold more potential than the rest. It is said these numbers bring more of an “intensity” than the rest, as it has the repetition of the same number twice .
Master numbers are prone to feeling a push and pull to do and be better. The easiest analogy I can conjure up is a perfectionist. There are significant strengths within those who have 11, 22, or 33 in their charts, but they also hold significant challenges they must face within.
It has been pointed out master numbers conflict themselves. As in, they do the exact opposite of what their purpose on earth was meant to be done.
This site I am using for reference, actually used 11 as an example (‘: Lucky me.
“For instance, the 11 is a double 1; all about the self, creativity, initiation, independence, innovation, and self-confidence. Yet the foundational energy for the 11 is the 2, which is all about others, partnership, loving group dynamics, and being supportive and behind the scenes. So can you see how....”
Oh, it shouldn’t be forgotten that others consider numbers 44, 55, 66... and so forth “master numbers” as well. However, others can also disagree, with labeling them “power numbers” instead.
It matters not at the end of the day. Believe as you wish.
Personally, I agree with the numbers 11, 22, and 33 being the origin ones, as it is said these three create a [b Triangle of Enlightenment].
[https://www.worldnumerology.com/numerology-master-numbers.htm Feel free to read more here u wu]
[size10 [i My mood abt the situation of dude because I can't shake his vibe now that he's gone and its making me a bit m;;;;;
[i [size10 - w- I just began picking pile fours in generalized readings when I just finished fckn writing abt them and-- hmmmmfff
.... :/// HM---
Im still going to talk to my guides tho...
EDIT: I'm STILL gonna, but hell no I'm not abt to investigate dude, actually. The more this conversation I digested, the more I went >^> abt it.
Dude gonna tell me he lowkey poppin' an erection on me when I'm just in my gd uniform, idc what you have to offer me. I don't want it. And more importantly, I can get it myself. u nu You and I both know this, esp when we're here talm about the law of attraction. Blatantly even told me I'm ahead of you when you were my age, spiritually speaking.
.... It woulda been a nice opportunity though, as his salon is more cosmetic based too . And he seems to be very well versed in not only Christianity, but Muslim traditions as well. But...;;;; >> [b Shivers] Somethin' ain't right here scoob;;;.
Still thankful for the opportunity, source? But... no bueno.
[i [size10 "Heh heh, your new nickname is riblett!! Hai Riblett!!"
Fuck u, Debs. Omg.
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