Proooobably going to use this to put whatever is on my mind at the time, ahuhu.
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Ah,,,, so you think it's fun to try n' be casting dark arts on me, do you?
Don't play wit me.
In other news:
I'm hype to be getting back into my boxing sdjhkfa. It was something I had been contemplating for a time there, and seeing CeeCee rear his ugly lil' head was the final nail in the casket for this decision.
Kinda blows walking around by myself, but that's all the more reason for me to be investing in this when I live in a basic 'Pre-Newyork' city .
I jjust have to wait for my gloves and wraps to get in, the only reason why I had stopped in the past is because the wraps and gloves there had a peculiar,,, odor about them; I didn't like it.
But no longer--
When I had decided on getting remeasured, not sure if I had written of this? But I was scanning my waist to hip ratio, and all I had was "(:" over it.
Since it's starting to get even more snowy, I have decided in once more... investing in ze permit.
YoU sHoULdNt Be DrIvInG iN sLuSh
I want to, because everything else will be a cakewalk from that point forward. Periodt.
Tuesday, damn it.
[i [size10 I question the meaning of a relationship. Brent and I had gotten into a conversation over them and their underlying meanings. But, more so, it was the idea of him having no qualms with his significant going off and fooling with another woman, but he would get more defensive if his partner were fooling with another male.
It was an interesting conversation, as I was able to express how the work of subliminals that are portrayed out from media, and it just has me questioning this topic once more.
It was a slight spectrum, and it was nice to talk about those who have issues with those that are in ‘same sex’ relationships -- both males and females as a whole.
Has the foundation of things around us, given us the idea of love being mostly monogamous? I battle with this thought from time to time, as I watch both men and women around perform infidelity to their partners.
How can I hold such possession/a desire of ‘ownership’ of someone which wasn’t ever really mine in the first place?
I dont know, as one cannot control the faulty and actions of another, its a tad abstract for saying a person, a living being... belongs to someone.
Some people like that shit, I did once upon a star. But now... idk
Brent said a line of monogamy would be a simple ‘agreement’ of the two who were going into union. And that’s something I could get behind, as it shows less control, less of a grip on a being. However, to try and claim a person, its almost like one gives them a set of obligations to follow.
For once one expects something from another, they are entitling themselves to premeditated resentment.
What happens when the person doesn’t jump through the hoop one had planned out for them? They’re likely to, well, get disappointed.
So many thoughts which refuse to finish in their entirety,
What one doesn’t understand
And what one fear’s
I’ve noted how I hold a grip, still, on you. And I’m realizing that’s still lingering aspects of my old shell that holds that desire, the stray idea things will change back to how crazy I was over you.
Maybe they will, maybe they won’t. Only time would be able to say; but right now? In the current of how the timeline of things have been going in this reality... I dont wish to hold that, at all. Dont take this small action personally, as its more so for me to feel more at peace and calmness within myself. I dont’ like this cycle of a habit I keep subjecting myself to. So, I’m snuffing it out.
I’m still going to make more of an effort to get into contact too, I can’t like someone if they’re never around in the first place. It’s why I had to shove Brent off of me when we were cross faded. That was the first time I was able to stand in my power and say “No. We can’t.” With a firmness. This walk of life is showing me to put up my walls when they are needed. How am I going to be a massage therapist if I can’t say “no” to “Happy endings”?
They should never get that far in the first place, right?
Me first, sorry- I got shit I need to fix before I even give anyone my romantic attention. Periodt. [b snaps fingers, neck rolls in hoodrat] The Sashin in me has died.
It’s just time for me to uproot the weedings in my own habits.
[i [size10 The more I unravel over my childhood history, the more resentment I hold towards your figure.
Your fingers will be taken out of my neck in time, too.
This, I swear it.
Me: I’m ready for growth!!!!
Source: *pulls a haymaker into my gut and resurfaces the entire root/origin to why I had only a small handful of sexual interactions happen to me in my life along with why my interests are in women more than men*
Me: [center [pic https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/692/170/23e.gif]]
[h3 [center Svadhishthana]]
[b [right 2nd Chakra: Svadhishthana ]]
[right [u Pronunciation: Swah-dish-stahn]]
[i [size10 After the Muladahara, the Svadishthana is the second chakra, which is located in the lower abdomen/pelvic area . This chakra is closely intertwined with the emotional body, sensuality, and creativity.
It is intertwined with: Emotions, relationships, empathizing, The expression of sexuality, sensual pleasure, Creativity, Fantasies...
The sacral chakra is motivated by overall pleasure. Apparently, the sacral offers one balance in the feeling of having control in situations. The sacral is there to teach a person there is not strictly acceptance or rejection, that nothing is black and white.
This is where original ideas spring forth. “Dreams and ideas would not be realized without...”
Mantras which can be used during meditation on the sacral chakra are:
“Har Haray Hari Wahe Guru.” ---- “All aspects about the Creator are bliss.”
“VAM” -- This is a simple clearing of the chakra
The items listed below were simply copied and pasted from [https://www.learnreligions.com/sacral-chakra-1724450 here], as it holds simple information. I’ll have to see the organs at a later time and list them as either Yin or yang.
lower abdomen to the navel
creativity, manifestation. honoring relationships, learning to "let go"
low back pain, sciatica, ob/gyn problems, pelvic pain, libido, urinary problems
Mental / Emotional Issues
blame, guilt, money, sex, power, control, creativity, morality
Information Stored Inside Sacral Chakra
duality, magnetism, controlling patterns, emotional feelings
Area of Body Governed
sexual organs, stomach, upper intestines, liver, gallbladder, kidney, pancreas, adrenal glands, spleen, middle spine
Crystals / Gemstones
garnet, moonstone, orange tourmaline
Indian paintbrush, lady's slipper, hibiscus
Foods That Nourish the Sacral Chakra
melons, mangos, strawberries, passion fruit, oranges, coconut, almonds, walnuts, cinnamon, vanilla, carob, sweet paprika, sesame seeds, caraway seeds
Unfortunately, I didn’t find much need to write an excessive amount here, as the chart displayed below has given an abundance of information on how to interact with this chakra center and it’s abouts for the most part.
[i [size10 You know?
I actually got hit with a thought of all the progress I have made in the span of this year versus when I was younger.
I can remember myself almost getting into the chakras at a younger age, as I had quite the interest in lucid dreaming .
The more prompting thing that is sticking out to me, however, is how degrading the past version of myself was to any future figure I was supposed to become. I degraded myself, by calling myself the names I had been brought up into believing that I am, but then gave myself the ‘comfort’ of knowing one of my blades I had neatly hidden was in the back of one of my biggest plushiest penguins, as it had a tear in the back during the time.
As I began looking into that study on my natal chart, I had found my vibrations of the planets frequencies lead me to the average of about 216-225. This reigned in just about the sacral plexus area, and where I have had the most issues when I was growing up as a child. I used to have an abundant amount of confidence, but it got tarnished from my sister at a younger age. She reveled in feeling like she was better than me -- and I can see in full face value she is not, and that she holds many deep rooted insecurities she constantly runs away from.
But I’m not here to talk about her.
I’m here to talk about me, and the person that I was, who I am now, and who I am becoming.
Who I was... I wish I had someone like me to latch onto. I’ve become everything I needed back then, and it just tears me up to think of the amount of disdain I held towards myself at the time. I wish I could have a letter to write to the past variation of me, I wish there were words I could whisper to her at the times where she had shelled herself off from the feelings she hated to the point she’d curl her heart into a fist.
But I can’t. And That’s what she had done at the time to protect herself. She would turn tail, hold nonchalance like she knew what was going to be said, then leave. Constantly avoiding problems with gaming or lengthy hours of sleep or equal hours being spent on people who were having it just as bad.
Those were issues she could fix and tamper with, things that weren’t so hard to handle within herself. So she did.
And she’d get upset when people didn’t put the same effort in that she had to them. That’s the type of person she was, and she’d take the anger she held so much at others,,, on herself.
Who I am now? I’m... still carrying traces of this girl inside me. I can see it now, which is why I am continuing to try and be rid of these false beliefs I have put around myself. In the past, she had believed she was alone. But now?? I know there are more people out there that care for me than I realize. And it’s baffling to full heartidly see it displayed for me.
Even now, I continue to travel further inward, questioning what ‘love’ is as a whole. Not just romantically, no, but on the holistic scale. How would one think of writing and wording themselves without media having their two cents placed in? How would I say it, does it have to be strictly monogamous like shows describe? Does it have to be between strictly male and woman? Could there be more? Could there be just the person? What is it?
How do I fit into love, where do I stand? How do I function on it?
What is my foundation on the input of love?
It’s a question that I have been running laps around for a couple of days, and I still don’t have a complete answer.
There are some words written down here and there within my journal, but I don’t know how else to put it.
“It is what you make of it” Yeah, I get that as a TL:DR, but I want the more ... in depth, detailed version. And I will be sure to figure this out.
I do not fear working on my sacral any longer, I have been pushing it off for a while, and I will get into the activation of my emotional body. I can already tell this is going to bring up rooted issues, and my solar plexus??? HOOO WEEE I KNOW THERE FINNA BE SOME SHIT IN THERE BUT THATS FOR A DIFFERENT DAY KDSJFAFDGSH
I can do this. It just will take time, and I have a lot of it. Time is, after all, indefinite, an illusionary construct we have set ourselves in.
[i [size10 Actually, one more since I feel like talm abt my animal spirit deck?
This deck only shows animals along with wicca elements the author believes synchs up with the card in question. When I first began started using it, I actually do talk to my decks a bit in playful banter.
Like: Hey friend,,, I know u and I dont know eachother. so, lets break this ice and I'll ask you to tell me about myself.
And, well, I did the same song and dance while shuffling, and these three cards fully popped out on their own accord?
I was a bit confused, and began to pull a couple other cards manually, and after this, at the bottom of the deck, I had the Mouse (Earth).
But my eyes were more attracted to the top slot as compared to the bottom, hence why I didn't care to remember the others as much
The crow is a creature that is usually defined as a bad omen. However, in the past, I was shown that these creatures are actually connected to spirituality and are quite intelligent creatures. These beings could be heavily resourceful when gaining enlightenment. Like, the connecting tarot deck Kim held for the Hierophant, a card that represents "Order, obedience, and marriage", could also express a teacher or mentor in social conventions... had the crow to represent the card. HMMM-
The Nightingale came next, and I honestly had not a single clue of wtf this little guy could have been connected with. However, when looking into it, it has been connected to: Creativity, muse, nature's purity, virtue, and goodness."
These little things are also usually connected to poetry?? And, tbh, the only times I ever do get into that is when I'm in such a low rut... I have a sad melancholy voice, but hoowee is it powerful skskk
After came the Spider. These are usually connected to bad things as well, and people commonly hold arachnaphobia, a fear of these little guys. In spirituality, they are known for mystery, growth, patience and power. When I had looked it up further, they had said the spider is connected to the "shadow" portion of yourself, the darker aspects of ones personality.
... Finally, I have this little tiny mousey here which was at the bottom -- for how I am subconsciously underneath it all.
A FUCKIN SOFTY. LMAO
Mice are symbolized as being rather intelligent and empathetic creatures. Apparently, a study had been done and this lil mousey guy was able to gnaw on some paper that was keeping a different mouse stuck in a container?? To get him out -- without any sort of reward stimulation being offered. Point being, they're meek, small creatures. They can also be compared to "dark magic" symbols, disease, or even to the underworld due to their habits of .. living underground.
However-- I take it more for their meek appearances....
Am smol bean underneath it all.
Another thing I found interesting within these cards is there had been an equal balance of both Earth and air .
Like my head is still in the clouds, but I'm still here and present in the now.
What a contradictory thing...
[i [size10 I ALSO BEEN ON MY KEIYSHA COLE AS A WHOLE????? Dassa vibe lmaooo]
[i [size10 *Idly browses Lolita skirts and dresses in the background since I got extra Guap from my job since they love me*
Ah, this is for a single person in particular, they’ll know exactly what resonates, and what doesn’t. However, if you, yourself resonate to anything being said? Feel free to. ;3c
You know, as a whole? I’m quite impressed with you. The cards are speaking of you having this desire and seeking of finding balance within your life. And, all the shit you do be spitting about the things I look into? Has encouraged you into a retreat of evaluating your own beliefs and finding self love from within. I’m happy for you doing this, keep this up.
You’ve been feeling down as of late. It had been expressed by the sun card in reverse, followed by the nine of cups for clarification. But that’s the beauty I find within this. You’re aware of this state you’ve been in for however long, which has evoked you into a powerful state. You and I both know you’re very charismatic, it’s no surprise you have the king of swords appearing upright, followed by the knight of wands. The king of swords is an intellectual being, and the knight of wands is expressing your drive and passion for wanting to find this idea of self love.
Next within this reading is the Knight of pentacles followed by the page of swords. The knight of pentacles could be sought of as a hard worker, someone who is determined in whatever it is they, well well, have set their mind to . There’s work going on in the background from the ideas that you are festering, and you should definitely keep this up.
The final combo I have is the page of cups (reversed) followed by the hermit. The page of cups could discuss new ideas, but there is usually a doubt of intuition, creative blocks, or it could potentially mean emotional immaturity. The hermit card could be used as the ‘isolation’ card, it came up for me in the past from time to time when I began to fold inward on myself too.
Finally, to wrap this all up?? At the bottom of the deck is the Temperance card, which is what you’ve been trying to do in your subconscious. You’re trying to take these steps into finding what feels right for you, and I’m definitely going to send some energy your way for you to hopefully find this.
I pulled some extra cards, “advice cards”. I unfortunately do not have all my decks by me, however, I can give you the same message spirit would wish to give you all the same through your trials right now.
Spirit has asked of you to, for right now embody the animals:
Camel (Fire) - Patience and perseverance. Think of a camel, they’re able to go days without water, and that’s because of all the storage they have of reserves. In particular, I see the moon in my picture? And I would like to say PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR GUT. THAT PAGE OF CUPS???? [b Doubting intuition]. I feel like it’s asking you to bring more attention forth here.
“Camel is one of the most powerful symbols of endurance, strength and persistence. It is also considered symbol of sacrifices we all need to make at certain points of our life, in order to advance. Camel also represents incredible patience and steadiness.” -- [https://mydreamsymbolism.com/camel-spirit-animal-totem-symbolism-and-meaning/ Link]
Bat (Air) - gUESS WHAT THE BAT HAS????? A MOON. MORE INTUITION. MORE EMPHASIS MY SWEET CHILD. It can even be emphasised for a bats usage of echolocation, the trust of their own ears, to avoid obstacles within the sky.
“Because of their echo-location and maneuvering in the dark, bats represent the perception of things that others cannot see. ... Bats often represent death in the sense of letting go of the old, and bringing in the new. They are symbols of transition, of initiation, and the start of a new beginning.” --- [http://www.pure-spirit.com/more-animal-symbolism/222-pure-spirit-minneapolis-st-paul-dog-training-and-international-all-species-animal-communication-bat Link]
It could be also asking for you to set these ideas/intentions you had with your king of swords into action, I’m seeing! But you’ll know exactly what it is pointing towards when all is said and done u wu
Lion (Fire) - Ah, yes, the king.
The lion gives me heavy king/queen energy. I just respect them so heavily. This is a bonus, as it was at the bottom of the deck. In the long term, I think this card is asking you to remain strong in the midst of the problems you are facing within your life. You’re thicker and tougher you give yourself credit for.
“The lion is a very diverse symbol. Its most common traits are: majesty, strength, courage, justice, and military might. ... As the opposite of the EAGLE, the lion can represent earth, as the presider over many floods he can represent fertility, and as a hellish beast he can represent the underworld.” --- [http://umich.edu/~umfandsf/symbolismproject/symbolism.html/L/lion.html Link]
Channeled messages from ur subconscious when I focused in on you:
I'm trying harder than I think I am.
I don't know how to accept help.
It's okay, that last one is a whole relatable thing. And, honestly? I wouldn't be surprised now if you brushed this off at first just to come back to it later. It takes time to find this change you seek, and with your intent and intent alone, you're surly to find it cupcake.
Keep at it and treading on. You're going to find your truth in due time, and I'm going to still route for you from afar you bean.
Hi and thank u for coming to my TED talk.
[b yeets myself into the abyss]
[i [size10 Happy holidays~~
MeRrY cHrIsTmAs To My DaD wHo AiNt My DaD bUt ThAtS sTiLl My DaD
And a happy birthday too, [s [size7 Fuck him tho]]
:3c Mini tarot reading under way as a potential gift for growth-- they'll know exactly who this is directed towards u wu
[i [size10 Okay but when the fuck did I become 153lbs, with clothes on??
Where did the rest of me go? Holy fuck.
I finally got my physical for my permit, just gotta study that while I study for my final test this quarter. I'm sure I'll do well in these =w=;
But.... really tho.
I'm so smol now,,, still thhhhiicccc--- but STILL
[i [size10 Welp, it was inevitable
Now there's TWO people from that squad that wish for my inevitable 3D appearance.
They both have very nice singing voices.
Said he was being taught by homeboi [size7 thought it was kinda cute ngl]
They comin for some Moe sksksk
Initiating dialogue protocols...
[i [size10 ALSO
Me: Tells Homeboi abt my fear of unlocking Telepathy and able to channel peoples thoughts
Source, not even 3 days later: Hey, Moni, guess what's next on your plate for you unlocking your clairvoyant abilities?
Me: (: *Higher pitched voice* Oh. Okay.
Fuckin' wild, I was able to channel girl's subconscious/why she made a specific post and it made me go, "okay, but bruh-"
While I was sliding through facebook, I found an intriguing enough image of planets and the frequencies they radiate out to the universe. Apparently, from doing more research, the planets are always making a sound, a noise so low, we cannot hear it. Even earth, the sphere we reside on is constantly creating a noise.
[h3 [center The Planets Frequencies]]
Mercury: 141.27 hz
Speech Control, Study Aid, Confidence
Venus: 221.23 hz
Beauty, Love, Sexuality, Sensuality, Harmony
Earth: 7.83 hz
Memory, Rejuvenation, Balance, Tolerance and Grounding
Mars: 144.72 hz
Energy, Humor, Strength, Focus of Will
Jupiter: 183.58 hz
Success, Growth, Creativity, Power, Generosity
Saturn: 147.85 hz
Enhances Concentration, Karmic Connections, Brings Structure and Order
[b Uranus: 432 hz]
Universal Harmony, Calmness, Harmony, Good moods
Lucid Dreams, Bring out unconscious thoughts and secrets.
[right It should be noted that Uranus has been bolden due to the frequency it radiates out. 432hz is rather popularly known, I had found in my binural sessions, as it is the “frequency of the universe” . This is sometimes added into music genres, affecting the individual in question to become more at peace. It’s just... more spoken about as compared to the others, from my findings.]
[center [b How do these planets characteristics and frequencies interact with astrology?]]
More to you at 8-
EDIT: God... I can also look from these frequencies/sound... to color/light, apparently.... *Hnnngs in the never ending knowledge that asks for me*
All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.