ιnner тнoυgнтѕ oғ a мadмan

/ By SweetSerendipity- [+Watch]

Replies: 24 / 63 days 16 hours 31 minutes 21 seconds

Allowed Users

  1. [Allowed] SheDevil
  2. [Allowed] -An_Dulra
  3. [Allowed] -ForestWoman
  4. [Allowed] WickedLovely-


[center [size12 Our Thoughts and Feelings About Life. Don't Like What You Read, Then Don't Read.]]

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Roleplay Responses

[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Merienda] [center [Merienda I feel like I can breath easy again. My mom is cancer free, the pullup's didn't have any cancerous cells in them. We know what we have to do to prevent it from coming back. My grandfather keeps coming to me and reassuring me it's fine, I'll have my mom for a long time and I trust him. I'm glad it turned out that way and I'm glad to have Connor. I talked to him last night about depression and my grief. I apologized for my panic attack that I had on him Thursday and we talked through it. He is encouraging me to go to therapy with someone that specilizes in grief and I think I'm going to do that. I need it. He's going for stress.]]

[center [Merienda I feel like life will get a little better. Thursday we are going to see the new Fantastic Beasts movie, which will fucking rock. Saturday we are going to hang out all day. He's buckling down on school but still making time for me. Which is fine. My mom is fine and I'm slowly working through my grief. It's hard, and I'm still angry about Sean passing, but I'll get there. Tiny steps at a time. And I've got a great support team to get me there.]]
  -An_Dulra / 9h 49m 14s
[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Allura]
[Allura [size15 Ugh I REALLY don't know what to do when it comes to you.. You are one of my dear friends and I care about you a lot. But as of late it seems every little thing you do annoys me more and more. And everytime we talk it is all about you and you hardly care what I have to say. Or only give responses like "Yeah" or "Lol"...which makes NO way to have a conversation and serves to kill it and to irritate me. Even makes me feel like I have to pull teeth and even then it is "me me me"... God like I said I love you but I also know I CAN'T talk to you about this. You'll only take it as an attack. So it's better for me keeping my distance until I can control the flares and annoyance or until you talk first..otherwise I may snap and say things I regret...and ruin a friendship that still does mean a lot to me...]]


[size10 [center [b This isn't about anyone here..]]]
  SheDevil / 10d 9h 56m 28s
[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Merienda] [center [Merienda I can't cope, I can't deal anymore. I feel myself slipping farther and farther away from reality. Sean..she's gone. I can't believe it. 25 and she just died in her sleep. It seems so unreal. I was supposed to suck it up and go to her wedding in two years. Invite her to mine. Be bridesmaids with her in J's wedding. Now..it's gone. All gone. No visits, no trips to Cali to see her. Nothing. She's just..gone. I think it was her weight. She weighed so little which can make the heart fail. God why. Why did she have to fucking go? I miss her so much..]]

[center [merienda and now William. He literally hates Christian so fucking much he started his own DND group. I've tried everything I can but I can't deal with this anymore. I want to reach out to him but it'll just seem like I'm trying to stop a rival group. I'm not. I'm just..numb. I can't deal anymore. Mom's yelling at me about money, hardly anything to do at work. I just want to cry. I give up. I give up. I can't deal with this shit anymore. I feel so numb.]]
  -An_Dulra / 10d 10h 46m 15s
[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Merienda] [center [Merienda I'm honestly exhausted lately and I don't know why. I feel a lot of negative energy around me and I need to do something. Mind clearing tea or to smudge my house clean. I should probably smudge my work place but lord knows that will take a few tries as much negative energy that is in this place. I'm exhausted. So exhausted and I just want a freaking nap. I can't help but wonder too am I a terrible person? Am I really toxic and awful like people say I am? I feel myself falling..loosing control again. Diving into fantasy to avoid reality and I need to stop. Depression is kicking my ass and I wish for once it would let up. That the monsters for once would leave me alone.]]
  -An_Dulra / 14d 15h 48m 58s
[center [size12 Life actually has been a lot better since me and David moved in together. We haven't been fighting as much and there has been lots of laughs, even if we don't see each other much because we are always so busy working or I'm in school, etc. My depression has been getting the best of me. Crying at random moments. I'm not exactly sure how to do deal with it right now. I'm doing the best I can. It's really helpful that David supports me no matter what. I'm back to the point where I'm scared he is gonna leave me because my aunt likes to put thoughts in my head. I really wish she would stop doing that. As much as I love her. David gets so upset because I would come home, bawling, thinking he left me. It's a work in progress, but he is definitely work with me on it.]]
  SweetSerendipity- / 20d 14h 51m 45s
[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Shadows+Into+Light]
[Shadows+Into+Light [size15 So it seems that in the last couple of days my depression really is kicking my ass. I've watched or read things that I can connect to on a personal level or more so they made me think of things that most times I rather not. And it's slowly eating away at me. And it's also not really something I can help either. Especially when my mind kind of latches to the mindframe of whatever it is that I connect with... But I guess it is what it is. This seasonal depression sucks and I just want it to go away....Usually I can fight this better... But as of late just feels like I am falling more and more. And just trying to seem like I'm okay..]]
  SheDevil / 21d 23h 31m 58s
[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Merienda] [center [Merienda DND time tonight! Though my boyfriend won't be there so I can't steal him afterwards for boyfriend snuggles. Oh well, I'll get my boyfriend snuggles tomorrow when he comes over to help us out. I honestly think this man is my soulmate. He makes me so happy and I feel so comfortable with him. Normally I hate being touched but with him I just want to be snuggled into his arms. I love messing with his red beard or fluffing his auburn hair. Even though he fixes directly afterwards. Poking him in the side or trying to wiggle my hand in his armpit because that's where he's ticklish and he tries to stop me from doing so. To end up pinned being tickled because I totally started the tickle war. Or watching scary movies together so I end up in his lap freaked out. Or playing video games together and him watching me get mad but encouraging me I can beat this enemy to just calm down. God this man makes me so damn happy. I know he's worried he's doing this boyfriend thing wrong but he couldn't do it anymore right.]]
  -An_Dulra / 31d 13h 55m 54s
[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Merienda] [center [Merienda I don't usually respond to things and this is going to be the one and only time. You say I fall into the victim trap? But look at you. "You do things you know are going to trigger us." Really? So now I'm supposed to watch [i everything] I do so I don't trigger you? Isn't that falling into the victim trap? It's not my responsibility as someone not in your life to cowtow to your every need and want. SO please don't ask me to. That's ridiculous. And how am I supposed to know your gender pronouns when we don't talk? I was never told and had no idea you transfered to male. You where using both when we were still friends. So it's not me being 'disrespectful' to you. I just honestly didn't know.]]

[center [Merienda I honestly can't have you in my life again. I just can't. We are too toxic for one another. We feed off of each other's negativeness and it only spirals into worse. I hope that you live a good life and that things work out for you. I hope that your happy in life. I wish you all the best because you deserve it. So even if you don't see this, know I am wishing you the best in life. That I do care but I know that being friends never ends well for us and we are better off separate.]]
  -An_Dulra / 32d 16h 46m 31s
[center [size12 Lmao. You make me giggle. This is outrageous.]]
  SweetSerendipity- / 35d 8h 7m 13s
[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Merienda] [center [Merienda I feel so much better. I feel our group healing as we are airing out dirty laundry. As we are telling the truth and letting it go. Finding out things about one another. It feels healing and it feels great. Despite not feeling well this morning things are going a little better. I just want to see things heal themselves. I want to go places in my life. And I want to see where it all goes. Connor makes me happier than anything on this planet. And my friends give me strength. I can't wait to see what our futures hold together but I am over the drama. No more drama. No more bashing. I'm over it.]]
  -An_Dulra / 35d 14h 16m 41s
[center [size12 No, no no. I don't want you to go through this again. Nor do I or my uncle. I'm praying that it isn't cancer.. I don't want to go through that nor do I want to go lose you. The thought of you having cancer again tears my world apart.. I just can't...]]
  SweetSerendipity- / 35d 15h 58m 53s
[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Merienda] [center [Merienda I'm getting so burnt out and tired of all this drama. I just want to take a freaking nap at this point. Yesterday was fun but awful at the same time. Fun in that I got to hang out with my boyfriend, drink, and watch a scary movie. Awful in the sense that Melissa took off on us multiple times, cried on peoples shoulders, was just plain ol' dramatic about everything. I don't know what's up with this girl but I can't deal with her drama anymore. I can't deal with drama hardly anymore period. I'm just going to have to find a way to push through this hard season. There is light. I see it everyday sparkling in my boyfriends eyes. I'll get there soon. I just have to have faith.]]
  -An_Dulra / 36d 12h 36m 11s
[google-font "https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Ruda"]
[center [font "Ruda" Man! I'm so excited. Me, David, and our little family finally will be moving into our house on Saturday. I'm beyond excited to get out of his mother's house. I'm tired of ALL of my stuff being stolen from his sister. I work hard for my stuff, just for her to steal my stuff. Like excuse me, I work long hours so I can make good money. But I don't work these long hours for you to go and steal all my stuff. I will be packing up the girls stuff later this evening after I do get some sleep. It's bad because me and David keep telling his mom that we can't wait to get out of her house. I wouldn't be like that if his mom would actually stand up for me when HER daughter steals my stuff.]]
  precιoυѕ / SweetSerendipity- / 39d 16h 14m 27s
[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Merienda] [center [Merienda I'm hurting and I need to get it under control. What am I? Chopped liver? Her mother? That's kinda what I feel like. I don't matter unless I'm useful and I don't know how to deal with this. I just want to cry honestly, or curl up into a ball and hide from the world. I hate seasonal depression, I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling trapped and unable to do anything. I just..don't know. I guess I'll figure it out though.]]
  -An_Dulra / 40d 13h 49m 7s
[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Merienda] [center [Merienda So it's offical! Connor and I are dating. It makes me so happy, and even happier he brought up the conversation. Seems weird after being single for six years. Now I'm not. I'm taken. And honestly I love it. Sure we are going slow but I love this. I love how much it let's us build as people together. It sounds strange but he's the one. I just know it. I'm going to marry that man someday. And we will have kids. I've seen our son through visions. He's beautiful. Dark brown curls and his fathers green/brown eyes. Cute little round face and runs up to me with big happy eyes. "Mommy mommy did you see me catch the ball?" It warms my heart.]]
  -An_Dulra / 42d 16h 25m 19s
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