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im shook. why was that there? i absolutely hate people.
in other news im so hyped to go to pride with my boyfriend this year. Hes never been to a pride parade and i just know he will love it. I cant wait to go. Im gonna look hella extra in my cute little fanny pack but im so ready.
in other other news im sick of the straight people who think they need their own straight pride. Like bitch you get that every day. you are not killed and harrased for being straight but go off i guess.
in other other other news im really happy. Like im really happy. Im so ready for this.
Im feeling a lot better today. I sewed a pair of pants and its exactly what you expect in my wardrobe.
Ah the good old journal where I come to pick my wounds when I have them and to say stupid stuff no one cares about when I don't.
No one on this site really knows me except like two people maybe? And yet here I am heasatant to even vent anymore. Every time I say that I'm just a little unhappy its instantly said that "oh you seen two happy are you?" So I mean yeah I guess it makes sense cuz no matter what I say people get to me.
I'm so happy lately. I'm having a bad night. Theyve been few and far between these past three months and yet here I am beingafraid that one bad night makes it look like my life is going to shit again.
Quite the opposite actually. But of course noneof my stalkers will belive that. I'm not even writeing about what I came here to write about. Hows that for stupid. I'm being really stupid tonight huh?
I've been so happy. My boyfriend is showing me how you treat someone you actually love. Weve literally not gotten into a real fight yet. Not even like a small dissagreement. The most problems weve had were cuz I had a panic attack or a breakdown because of my many many insecurities. He's been nothing but amazing. Ive been hanging out with friends. I've been having fun and getting away from my phone for two godddam minutes. I even started doing more art. Even opened up some free commisions on ig. I got stuff to make a cool pair of pants. I'm doimg really good. I'm just having a really bad night.
Once again my insecurities are fucking killing me.
I have a bedtime cuz thats just my dynamic in my relationship,but of course I'm a fuckimg brat so I was being a brat and whineing and huffing about it. Well in true dom fashion my boyfriend said "you are testing my patience" and what did I do with my stupid brain? Instant shutdown. I appologized and froze. He says "are you okay?" Istart crying but yeah I'm okay dont worry. Goodnight love you. And as soon as he hangs up I start fucking bawling. I dont want to bother him tho so I'll just text I him and say goodnight right? Nope I say sorry for being annoying. I then proceed to keep saying sorry because I was so fucking stupid and I'm annoying and I'm fucking so broken. I tell him I shouldnt have said anything or I should have said it on the phone and hes like "do you need me?" And my stupid ass says no. I'm so fucking worthless. He knows me. I know he knows the only reason I said no was to not burden him. I know he was worried about me. But he listened when I said no so thats good.
No real of the story is in a stupid worthless peice of shit but like....hes amazing and deserves better but also he loves me.
I won't lwt this one go. Hes the first one whos ever treated me rught.
Bedtime was supposed to be an hour and a half ago. I crave death and also I'm deffo gonna tell babe in hopes of getting that good good scolding. I'm gonna be tired and bratty tommorow and hes comeing over and hes gonna beet my ass and I'm here for it.
I cant wait to see him again. It hasnt been that long but I miss him so like yeah. Ive gotta get up early to prepare. Gotta clean my room a little at least and gotta clean myself. Some laundry to do. I'm exited to wear clean clothes too. Yeet.
I dont know if I'm gonna even go to bed. Maybe I'll pull an all nighter and just take a nap before he comes over. And like if I'm asleep when he comes over then he can just wake me up. Yeah I'm doing that. I'm a responsible healthy adult.
Reminder to myself that river is a teifling mage.
I'm tired but I just spent way too much time watching dnd vids. It's still weird that I've turned into a mega nerd.
Uhg I love my boyfriend. He's so amazing. Deffo made me happy cry right before we went to bed last night. He's just so sweet. He's the longest anyones ever gone without making me sad cry so like thats wild. People either dont lazt that long or just suck. Lol.
Uhg I'm very happy.
im so excited to see babe again. hopefully soon. we shall see.
hes been so wonderful lately i just zdgnbxdrthn i cant handle how much i love him.
Was gonna join a chat cuz I'm bored as he'll but then I realized that most of the people in it probably hate me or some stupid shit and I deffo dont need that negativity.
There are some people that I understand why they dont like me but then there are peole who hateed me before they even fucking talked to me. I disnt know they existed and they were talking shit. I know why probably but its whatever. This site has shit people on it anyway.
God I hate drunks. I say that as I'm fully aware that if it werent for the fact I'm too young and broke to buy alcohol I'd most definately drink a lot.
But like I'm not smart drunk but I'm smart enough to know not to talk to people who obviously dont want to talk to me. If they walk away thats an invitation to stop.
I guess I could just be angry that he said that his dog likes women and I didnt say "then she wont like me" but also like fuuuuucckkkkk. I'm barely old enough and you were way too friendly old man.
He wasnt old but he wasnt young enough to be that friendly to someone my age. He could be my dad.
I'm gonna actually lay down on the fucking train tracks and just wait. I'm so fucking sick of this shit. And I'm too afraid to talk to the people ishould about this. I won't actually kermit but like deffo think in bout it. Maybe I can get high with bae tommorow when we hang out. Uhh whatever though. Life sucks sometimes. Ive been happy lately. I'll be happy again. Just having a bad day.
I'm excited for tommorow. Spending the night with babe is gonna be wonderful and I just. Fjsjejxjwjtidjjejrjdjwjr. Uhg hes so good and hes great and Uhg. I cant wait to hang out and talk all night.
And its been really amazing making new friends. I love playing dnd and dread and I love talking and cuddleing and kissing and uhg. Hes. So good. Hes just amazing. And like he treats me right which is....weird. Its amazing but weird.
It's amazing the way he talks to me and makes sure I'm okay and just Uhg. We know when to give each other space but he also knows when I need him. It's so good and fresh. I'm just amazed at what a good healthy looks like. Its not like ive ever had one of those in my life. He treats me good. I'm very glad that the universe decided itd bring us together.
I wonder how my boyfriend feels about dateing a trap cuz god damn do i make it work but god damn are we both so fucking gay.
im supposed to be looking for movies to watch when he comes over tommorow but im not doing that. lmao.
Im so excited to see him again tbfh. I miss him real bad
its been so great getting to know new people. And the fact they are his friends makes it just that much better. If he cares about them i want to meet them. It would be different if he didnt include me but hes always making sure im ok and a part of the conversation. And when he isnt his friends are. Im getting myself into a good group of people and im very happy.
We love a good lewd song
Hey dysphoria can you like not today? Ive got plans.
I cant find any shirts cuz i dont have any male shirts that are clean. All my sweatshirts are low cut and show off my binder. I cant figure out how im supposed to pack and i want to cry so thats not helping. I just want to get through today. Jesus fucking hell.
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