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So...i dont think ive ever been treated the way he treats me in my life. He's just so amazing and. God I love him. I know you arent supposed to expect your partner to fix you and I dont really but he has helped me heal wounds I didnt really know I had. I'm so lucky.
I cant belive its just one day till our aniversary. I have never been so in love with someone. Ive never really loved someone. Its always been forced or influenced. this feeling is new. It is amazing. I cant belive i met you. I love you so much and i know you wont see this and im saying this to the void but i say it to you enough i just need to get it out today. Youll never know how greatful i am for you.
I had bronchitis but it's deffo more than that. I have been taleing the meds and should be fine by now but I can barely talk. I havent been to work in a fucking week because this had to happen AFTER they gave me 3 days off. My 3 day weekend was already shit after the fight with mom why not just male me sick then.
Going to the doctors AGAIN tommorow to see if they can figure out whats up cuz fuck I feel lile I'm dying.
I swear to god if this sickness lasts till my fucking anniversary I will freak the fuck out. The doctors better put me on heavy fucking meds because this is so important to me. If the world keeps kicking me in the fucking balls I'm going to Kermit aliven't.
He said yes. It wasnt anything special and i didnt propose the way i had planned but it was the right time. I love him so freaking much. I cant wait to marry him. Now we wait for him to propose to me.
I cant belive ive been with my boyfriend for almost a year. In 22 days i am PROPOSEING! that is crazy. I never thought id be here. I never thought id be getting on one knee to ask the man of my dreams to marry me. Ive never been so unbeliveably happy with someone. He is absoulutely the man i want to spend the rest of my life with. I cant wait to start a family. To own a home. To grow old together. Ive never seen such a vivid picture of a future with anyone. I just dont know why the gods blessed me with this man but good lord am i glad for it. I cant wait to make him my husband.
Every time I actively dont look at your stuff I feel a little more empowered. Somerimes it's easy. Sometimes it's harder. My curiosity has almost gotten the better of me a couple times but I overpower it. I'm healing. Slowly but surely I'm getting better.
I'm about to go meet a bunch of new people...idk I'm kinda scared. I havent really had anxiety about meeting new people in a while but these are your coworkers. Like these are the people who you talk to about me. They have an idea of who I'm supposed to be in their head and Idk if I really match that idea. Me decked out in pastel clothes. A dress no less. I'm not really the man you think of when someone says boyfriend. Idk. I won't censor myself to fit into gender norms but it sure scary not to.
"You never apologized for hurting me but I appologized 12 times for geting angry about it."
Thats really powerful. I dont know where it comes from I just found it on Facebook but its really a good quote.
My head has been hurting all day and im so bored. Babe is playing dnd with his friends so hes not messageing me and ive just been sitting here watching gravity falls all day. I smoked so hopefully the headache will go away. I boy can dream.
I don't have work tommorow and Idk why I'm so burnt out this week but I'm glad to have a day off. Esspecially so I can smoke tonight. I'm responsible enough go not smoke when i have work and all my days off latepy ive either been drinking or just too busy with something else to smoke so I'm glad to do it again. Have a little fun for once.
As I write this its kicking in so thats good. Heads still hurting a little tho.
This girl trying to act like evertthing is normal agaolin. No bitch. You are abuseing me and my best friend. IM NOT GONNA TAKE IT. God shes a cunt.
For context cuz someone thought I was talking about him: My best friend is dateing a girl who literally is a textbook abuser and I called her out on it and all the things she does that piss me off. She told him to tell me to appologize. I said I wont for what I said but I did say sorry for how it made her feel. I wont say sorry for saying how I feel. But for the sake of civility I had to say something. He's my best friend and anllso my boyfriends best friend and if I cant be civil then neither of us will ever really see him until he leaves her.
I think I need to talk to him about this all really cuz she is legitamatepy trigggering me with the way sje treats him in front of me and the way she manipulates me. I dont want to lose a friend over this and I'll always be here for him but God I cant be around her.
ALSO to address something that I dont really need to I'm working at McDonalds so I can follow my dreams of being an artist as my job. McDonald has flexible hours and I make like 800 a month from just that, which is enough for me for now. My boyfriend makes 16 dollars an hour and when we move in together our combined money will be enough to pay bills and live comfortably. He keeps moveing up and up and hes going to own that place one day and I'm going to be able to stay home and create stuff all day. So before you diss my minimum wage job maybe think about my quality of life that its giveing me. That's all thanks bieeeeee.
I'm not gonna apologize for calling you abuseive. You are literaly a textbook abuser. Good god. It is insane to me that you are expecting an apology from me. You've literally never appologized for any of the things youve done to me. You dont get an apology from me. Bye bitch. Ive been emotionally manipulated for 3 years. I'm not gonna let it keep happening.
So I bought the wig...also I need to go to the doctor cuz my body is malfunctioning.
I wasted 25 of my dollars but hey that's how it be with cheap art kits. The cases are cute tho and the watercolor isnt bad.
I'm sure if I used the glossy and fast drying type of acrylic paints its work much better probably. I made a cute painting out of it anyway so thats a plus.
Also I shaved off all my hair. It was so damaged I couldn't repair it and ive been wanting to shave off all my hair for probably literal years so I got the push I needed. I'm dyeing it green in a sort of homage to Sadies hair in the Steven universe movie. It looks really good and like...the most masc ive ever looked. It feels good.
I'm also buying stuff for more cosplays. And maybe some other stuff who knows.
I gotta talk to babe to figure out if its a good decision to spend all my money RN but yee yea. We shall see.
Life is not great. I mean some individual aspects are amazing. My job. My boyfriend....there's others I'm sure...
But today was going so well. I was so happy. I was gonna see my boyfriend and have a good time and play in the snow with him tommorow...but that's probably not gonna happen. He probably can't get a ride here. I miss him...i need some good me time...but I'm probably not gonna get it so....yeah.
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