[size8 Okay maybe I step out of my lane a bit when im salty. Oh well. ]
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Bedtime was supposed to be an hour and a half ago. I crave death and also I'm deffo gonna tell babe in hopes of getting that good good scolding. I'm gonna be tired and bratty tommorow and hes comeing over and hes gonna beet my ass and I'm here for it.
I cant wait to see him again. It hasnt been that long but I miss him so like yeah. Ive gotta get up early to prepare. Gotta clean my room a little at least and gotta clean myself. Some laundry to do. I'm exited to wear clean clothes too. Yeet.
I dont know if I'm gonna even go to bed. Maybe I'll pull an all nighter and just take a nap before he comes over. And like if I'm asleep when he comes over then he can just wake me up. Yeah I'm doing that. I'm a responsible healthy adult.
Reminder to myself that river is a teifling mage.
I'm tired but I just spent way too much time watching dnd vids. It's still weird that I've turned into a mega nerd.
Uhg I love my boyfriend. He's so amazing. Deffo made me happy cry right before we went to bed last night. He's just so sweet. He's the longest anyones ever gone without making me sad cry so like thats wild. People either dont lazt that long or just suck. Lol.
Uhg I'm very happy.
im so excited to see babe again. hopefully soon. we shall see.
hes been so wonderful lately i just zdgnbxdrthn i cant handle how much i love him.
Was gonna join a chat cuz I'm bored as he'll but then I realized that most of the people in it probably hate me or some stupid shit and I deffo dont need that negativity.
There are some people that I understand why they dont like me but then there are peole who hateed me before they even fucking talked to me. I disnt know they existed and they were talking shit. I know why probably but its whatever. This site has shit people on it anyway.
God I hate drunks. I say that as I'm fully aware that if it werent for the fact I'm too young and broke to buy alcohol I'd most definately drink a lot.
But like I'm not smart drunk but I'm smart enough to know not to talk to people who obviously dont want to talk to me. If they walk away thats an invitation to stop.
I guess I could just be angry that he said that his dog likes women and I didnt say "then she wont like me" but also like fuuuuucckkkkk. I'm barely old enough and you were way too friendly old man.
He wasnt old but he wasnt young enough to be that friendly to someone my age. He could be my dad.
I'm gonna actually lay down on the fucking train tracks and just wait. I'm so fucking sick of this shit. And I'm too afraid to talk to the people ishould about this. I won't actually kermit but like deffo think in bout it. Maybe I can get high with bae tommorow when we hang out. Uhh whatever though. Life sucks sometimes. Ive been happy lately. I'll be happy again. Just having a bad day.
I'm excited for tommorow. Spending the night with babe is gonna be wonderful and I just. Fjsjejxjwjtidjjejrjdjwjr. Uhg hes so good and hes great and Uhg. I cant wait to hang out and talk all night.
And its been really amazing making new friends. I love playing dnd and dread and I love talking and cuddleing and kissing and uhg. Hes. So good. Hes just amazing. And like he treats me right which is....weird. Its amazing but weird.
It's amazing the way he talks to me and makes sure I'm okay and just Uhg. We know when to give each other space but he also knows when I need him. It's so good and fresh. I'm just amazed at what a good healthy looks like. Its not like ive ever had one of those in my life. He treats me good. I'm very glad that the universe decided itd bring us together.
I wonder how my boyfriend feels about dateing a trap cuz god damn do i make it work but god damn are we both so fucking gay.
im supposed to be looking for movies to watch when he comes over tommorow but im not doing that. lmao.
Im so excited to see him again tbfh. I miss him real bad
its been so great getting to know new people. And the fact they are his friends makes it just that much better. If he cares about them i want to meet them. It would be different if he didnt include me but hes always making sure im ok and a part of the conversation. And when he isnt his friends are. Im getting myself into a good group of people and im very happy.
We love a good lewd song
Hey dysphoria can you like not today? Ive got plans.
I cant find any shirts cuz i dont have any male shirts that are clean. All my sweatshirts are low cut and show off my binder. I cant figure out how im supposed to pack and i want to cry so thats not helping. I just want to get through today. Jesus fucking hell.
Dont mind me. Im not having a breakdown while listening to cavetown and trying to clean.
Its been really jaring looking at myself in the mirror the past few days. I dont feel disconnected anymore. I look like im supposed to. I look like a boy and not like a girlish boy, like a boyish boy. Its so amazing but also its like new and fresh and weirdbut good weird. Its good.
had a really good day today. I cleaned a little and i sang along to broadway and danced around like a madman. I think it helped let out a lot of negative energy ive stored up the past few months. I even threw out all the pills ive been saving up. Im taking that step. i havent thought about taking them, actually forgot i had them, but i found them and without thinking just threw em out. Its a big step in the right direction. Im really happy about what im doing for myself
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