[size8 Okay maybe I step out of my lane a bit when im salty. Oh well. ]
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Sorry did es loose the chat feature or is mine just broken. Cuz that shit weird.
Anyway I'm so fucking stressed right now. Mom getting on my ass about everything which like some of its fair but she bitches and bitches and its just like the more shes mean about it the less I want to do things. I want out of this house. But I need a job first so like rip me right?
Spooky season is upon us and I'm so fucking hyped. Hopeing my mans can come over on halloween and we could do a ritual together. Some witchy shit. I love having a baby witch as a boyfriend. Its so great cuz like he practices way different than me or my mom so like its wild. Hes not into the religion of it but he's into the craft. And like same. I dont really have a religion but i kinda do but like also not really but like hes made me think about it again. I faked not beliveing in the gods to avoid my ex making fun of it then I pretended to be Christian so hard I almost thought I was. Zack getting into it made me get back in and now I'm kinda in again. I'm not hardcore about it or anything but like....ive got a patron god already so...yee. I'm open to more and ive put it out there but no signs really and tbh I gotta get my shit together before i start paying attention to that and the gods know that
4 drawers and 4 drawers
If I have 2 fabric wooden dr Dr 1 craft stuff wood 1 cosplay stuff plastic 1 paper move to plastic or leave in wood 1 paint supplies plastic dr
1 wood if I move the paper Dr 0 plastic left if I dont
[B Wood: Craft supply, Paper, Fabric, Fabric scraps
Plastic: Paint stuff, Cosplay, Current projects, 1 free ]
Self care is so important. I'm cleaning my room for the forst time in months. Its like a thrid done with all the getting rid of trash and stuff. The next step after that is rearainging and then reorganizing all my shit. Rearainging is first so I can know where I'm putting everything. I gotta deep clean amd minimalize my shit real bad. I'm workung on it. Wardrobe is next. Lots of stuff going to a non homophobic second hand shop hopefully.
"I didnt mean to make you cry but you dont listen to me"
Oh sorry that you dont fucking tell me exactly what to do. Sorry that I do the thing you always say youd rather I do andtheone time I fucking do it I'm wrong. I cant do anything right by you and I'm so fucking tired of it. And when I say I burnt myself and that you didnt make me cry you get angry cuz I try to say you didnt do anything wrong. Are you fucking kidding. "Fine I wont be sorry for getting mad at you cuz you didnt listen" fuck off with that shit. You werent really sorry and you would have made me feel bad for making you feel bad if I had said anyrhing fucking else. Oh amd lets not mention the fact that I fucking burnt myself and you didnt ask if I was okay.
Lets not mention the fact that i said that I feel like nothing I do is ever right and you didnt say anything but litteraly yesterday you got upset cuz I didnt comfort you when you were overthinking things. Sorry I'm such a fucking loser of a son.
I'm so fucking sick of this. I'm ready to fucking live on the streets at this point. I dont care I dont want to be around you anymore.
I'm thinking I'm gonna give up on this site. I'll probably still use it for storage and venting but like Idk. I feel like I only still come on for a sense of familiarity. Its stupid cheesy but like...this site was a big part of me figuring myself out. But I made a lot of mistakes because of it. I'm moving on from those mistakes and like my life is getting better so I think I shouldnt hold on to the memories from here. They werent good. They do not spark joy. I dont have any friends on here who cant reach me somewhere else and honestly ive fallen out of touch with those people anyway. I dont know. We will see.
On another note I'm so fucking hyped to go to the mall tommorow with my man's and the crew. Imma be looking hella fine. Sure imma be lookin like an eboy or some shit but like still imma be looking fine as hell and my mans is gonna wanna fuckin gobble me up. I am so fuckin ready for this shit.
I was gonna post to my rp today hut I was irrisponsible and got high. Love that for me. I cant do this RN.
I can't sleep but like I have to get up early tommorow so ripperoni to me.
Hey throwback to when I said I needed a few weeks to recuperate. I'm going hiking with the boyfriend Sunday. Really excited to see him.
I'm peopled out after pride and my friends birthday but like I miss my boyfriend and also I kinda wanna get high with him.
We are thinking about moving in together in a couple months. Neither of us can take living with the parents anymore. My mom's always on my case about stupid shit his mom is contantly misgendering me and invalidating our relationship. We are sick of it.
Its still like a couple months off but we both deffo want tomove out of our curent houses at least.
im shook. why was that there? i absolutely hate people.
in other news im so hyped to go to pride with my boyfriend this year. Hes never been to a pride parade and i just know he will love it. I cant wait to go. Im gonna look hella extra in my cute little fanny pack but im so ready.
in other other news im sick of the straight people who think they need their own straight pride. Like bitch you get that every day. you are not killed and harrased for being straight but go off i guess.
in other other other news im really happy. Like im really happy. Im so ready for this.
Im feeling a lot better today. I sewed a pair of pants and its exactly what you expect in my wardrobe.
Ah the good old journal where I come to pick my wounds when I have them and to say stupid stuff no one cares about when I don't.
No one on this site really knows me except like two people maybe? And yet here I am heasatant to even vent anymore. Every time I say that I'm just a little unhappy its instantly said that "oh you seen two happy are you?" So I mean yeah I guess it makes sense cuz no matter what I say people get to me.
I'm so happy lately. I'm having a bad night. Theyve been few and far between these past three months and yet here I am beingafraid that one bad night makes it look like my life is going to shit again.
Quite the opposite actually. But of course noneof my stalkers will belive that. I'm not even writeing about what I came here to write about. Hows that for stupid. I'm being really stupid tonight huh?
I've been so happy. My boyfriend is showing me how you treat someone you actually love. Weve literally not gotten into a real fight yet. Not even like a small dissagreement. The most problems weve had were cuz I had a panic attack or a breakdown because of my many many insecurities. He's been nothing but amazing. Ive been hanging out with friends. I've been having fun and getting away from my phone for two godddam minutes. I even started doing more art. Even opened up some free commisions on ig. I got stuff to make a cool pair of pants. I'm doimg really good. I'm just having a really bad night.
Once again my insecurities are fucking killing me.
I have a bedtime cuz thats just my dynamic in my relationship,but of course I'm a fuckimg brat so I was being a brat and whineing and huffing about it. Well in true dom fashion my boyfriend said "you are testing my patience" and what did I do with my stupid brain? Instant shutdown. I appologized and froze. He says "are you okay?" Istart crying but yeah I'm okay dont worry. Goodnight love you. And as soon as he hangs up I start fucking bawling. I dont want to bother him tho so I'll just text I him and say goodnight right? Nope I say sorry for being annoying. I then proceed to keep saying sorry because I was so fucking stupid and I'm annoying and I'm fucking so broken. I tell him I shouldnt have said anything or I should have said it on the phone and hes like "do you need me?" And my stupid ass says no. I'm so fucking worthless. He knows me. I know he knows the only reason I said no was to not burden him. I know he was worried about me. But he listened when I said no so thats good.
No real of the story is in a stupid worthless peice of shit but like....hes amazing and deserves better but also he loves me.
I won't lwt this one go. Hes the first one whos ever treated me rught.
Bedtime was supposed to be an hour and a half ago. I crave death and also I'm deffo gonna tell babe in hopes of getting that good good scolding. I'm gonna be tired and bratty tommorow and hes comeing over and hes gonna beet my ass and I'm here for it.
I cant wait to see him again. It hasnt been that long but I miss him so like yeah. Ive gotta get up early to prepare. Gotta clean my room a little at least and gotta clean myself. Some laundry to do. I'm exited to wear clean clothes too. Yeet.
I dont know if I'm gonna even go to bed. Maybe I'll pull an all nighter and just take a nap before he comes over. And like if I'm asleep when he comes over then he can just wake me up. Yeah I'm doing that. I'm a responsible healthy adult.
Reminder to myself that river is a teifling mage.
I'm tired but I just spent way too much time watching dnd vids. It's still weird that I've turned into a mega nerd.
Uhg I love my boyfriend. He's so amazing. Deffo made me happy cry right before we went to bed last night. He's just so sweet. He's the longest anyones ever gone without making me sad cry so like thats wild. People either dont lazt that long or just suck. Lol.
Uhg I'm very happy.
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