thє kєєp

/ By -PureImagination [+Watch]

Replies: 19 / 246 days 5 hours 10 minutes 43 seconds

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[center [font "Segoe Print" A place for my thoughts. Read if you wish but unless your a friend keep your comments to yourself.]]


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Roleplay Responses

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[center [font "Segoe Print" The sun is shining, the light is extending. I've sealed bad people out of my life. I made it through my first week of work perfectly fine. I've rested and had fun. Done silly things. Life is slowly beginning to mend itself. Things are looking up. The sunshine that is in my soul is returning. I want a ruby tumble so bad though. Everytime I touch my ruby pendulumn I feel a powerful surge of energy so great that it's..almost soothing. Life is returning to good. We've made it to the dawn.]]
  -An_Dulra / 15d 23h 26m 9s
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[center [font "Segoe Print" [i It's your fault] Those words haunt me like the plague. [i I wouldn't act this way if I wasn't around you]. I feel my heart get a little colder. [i I'm only abusive when I'm your friend.] I want to choke because I am drowning in your lies. [i Well if you didn't abandon me I wouldn't be punishing you]. Yet it was only assumed. I can barely breath. [i It's all your fault.] For a moment I believe it. [i You made me do this.] Perhaps I did. But there is only so much a battered heart can take. You broke the shards, now don't cry as they cut you open.]]
  -An_Dulra / 18d 18h 26m 57s
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[center [font "Segoe Print" I have some of the best friends on this planet. I honestly don't know what I would do without them. Even when the darkness sinks in and I feel like I'm drowning they are there to pull me back out. They lift me up and remind me that I can breath. That I will be okay. That things will get better. That nothing will change. It makes me feel better. Feel more settled and more whole. Lightens my heart up quiet a bit.]]

[center [font "Segoe Print" Though Manny made me cry this morning, not in a bad way though. Happy tears. Very happy tears. She got me a switch for my birthday. It took me back. No one. I mean no one has ever done something that kind for me before. I started bawling like a four year old. I've never felt so touched or loved in my life and it's not because it's expensive. It's because she knew I was heart broken over having to sell my old one and wanted to make me happy. Like if that ain't true friend love I don't know what is.]]

[center [font "Segoe Print" And Jess, Jess is always there to listen to my madness. To hear her say that she isn't going anywhere. means a lot. Tiff is always there too, supporting me and listening when I need to vent. And Jassy, man I love her. She listens to me and threatens to whoop some ass on some crazy bitches for me. Eli listens to me as well, and will call me just to tell me to stop being a crazy pants because she loves me. I've never felt more secure in my life. It makes me smile.]]

[center [font "Segoe Print" So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job's a joke, you're broke
Your love life's D.O.A
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month
Or even your year, but
I'll be there for you

I'll be there for you

I'll be there for you

You're still in bed at ten
And work began at eight
You've burned your breakfast, so far
Things are going great
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these
But she didn't tell you when the world has brought
You down to your knees and
I'll be there for you

I'll be there for you

I'll be there for you

No one could ever know me
No one could ever see me
Seems you're the only one who knows
What it's like to be me
Someone to face the day with
Make it through all the rest with
Someone I'll always laugh with
Even at my worst, I'm best with you, yeah
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month
Or even your year
I'll be there for you

I'll be there for you

I'll be there for you

I'll be there for you
I'll be there for you
I'll be there for you
  -An_Dulra / 32d 14h 2m 13s
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[center [font "Segoe Print" [i I can't beat these monsters inside my head, they keep screaming they keep screaming. How I'm a failure how I'm a loser how I can't do a damn thing right. That in the end everyone sees me in a dark and different light. And though people say that it will be okay, the monsters tell me that it's a lie. That surely I deserve to be alone for the pain I've caused and all the hearts I've broke. My mind reels and my heart breaks. I will never be enough for I am not the one you seek.]]]
  / -An_Dulra / 33d 15h 44m 3s
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[center [font "Segoe Print" So Connor is now on this kick he is going to get me to watch a bunch of horror movies with him. Last night we watched two; hellraiser and the babadook. I read reviews on them when I got home and was surprised to see that the babadook was rated as one of the scariest movies in it's time. It just didn't seem all that scary to be but in a way I can see how that it wasn't. The babadook is supposed to represent surpressed grief that eventually creeps up on and takes over the mother. So for me it's a monster I've already faced with the death of my father, step-grandmother and a close aunt to me.]]

[center [font "Segoe Print" I'm also slowly learning about myself and about my magic. It was like a damn unleashed when I laid hands on my ancestor's stone for the first time. Suddenly my visions became more powerful and I could sense someone, or something following me. I began to meditate on it and my third eye is now completely open. W, my ancestor, is the one leading me through all of this. He too was a hereditary green witch and that's what I have discovered that I am.]]

[center [font "Segoe Print" A few of my friends; Riley, Anna and Jess, are helping me learn more about it. I may not have everything right but I'm tired of resisting something that's been in my life forever. So instead I'm going to embrace it; even if people sit there and call me a fake over it. What matters is what I know and feel inside of my heart. It doesn't mean it's an attack on anyone or to hurt them, it is simply something I've always felt inside me and it unleashed. So now I'm embracing it rather than resisting it. But that's all I got folks.]]
  -An_Dulra / 203d 12m 34s
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[center [font "Segoe Print" I'm absolutely exhausted today. Spent all day yesterday trying to fix my brothers flat tire. It ended up being WAY harder than it actually needed to be. Took us three hours to get it done and it was late by the time we got it fixed. And instead of a thank you we get 'have a good night.' That really annoyed the piss out of mom. He needs a new car or something. Plus I was going to go to bed at ten, but Connor always seems to call me at the right times. So we ended up talking for an hour instead.]]

[center [font "Segoe Print" He's going to have his mom look into classes for starting businesses for me. And Melissa and I are looking into going back to school together. I'm going to get an MBA even if I don't need one. In case the business tanks I have something to fall back on instead of getting ensnared into a loop of nothingness that could make my life a living hell. I'd rather have a backup plan.]]

[center [font "Segoe Print" Otherwise things are going great. The Malica's managed to find a third one. Which they've been threatening to do to me for awhile. So they can be Malica to the third. They did not find another blonde though. They will have to live with it though, even if it's not what they want. I'm not making him dye his hair for them. -_-. Things are finally settling down around here work and busyness wise. But that's expected when your grandma drops so low on blood sugar she doesn't know who anyone is. Now we have to monitor her so it doesn't happen again. Life's been hectic but it's one hell of a rollercoaster I'm excited to see where it goes.]]
  -PureImagination / 238d 2h 1m 22s
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[center [font "Segoe Print" I feel much better today after venting to Connor last night while we walked Micah. I was still so angry at W and at my manager for their bullshit they pulled. I still am a little mad about all of it. W turned out not to be the friend I thought that he was. He didn't care about my grandma nearly dying. He didn't care that I want to get my masters degree. He didn't care I quit his campaign because 'we are replaceable.' All he cared about was his set story and A. His new bestie for resties because she's a perfectly convenient friend for him. I mean - we did all shit on him at once. Jumping ship but the campaign wasn't fun anymore.It was his story and it didn't matter what the characters wanted and that's not how dnd works.]]

[center [font "Segoe Print" G has been a real bitch too lately. I can never do anything right anymore and now? Now my ADHD is apparently the same as my anxiety. She dismissed it and acted like I was making it up to make excuses for myself for the 'choices' I am making. What she doesn't realize is she just set herself up for a lawsuit if I decided to. For workplace bullying and a hostile work environment. The company could have to pay me big bucks for that and the distress it's caused. I've been in my sisters office a number of times crying. So it's not like she won't back me.]]

[center [font "Segoe Print" Her and I are both looking for different jobs. She's going to get her CPA. I'm going to go back for an MBA. And she's going to enroll for an MBA focus of accounting. I guess R and S will have to figure it out but that's what happens when you let your manager bully people to far. Otherwise life is looking up right now. THings will get better - I know it.]]
  -PureImagination / 241d 23h 11m 44s
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[center [font "Segoe Print" These last few days have been emotionally exhausting. Between helping a friend through a hard decision, feeling like I'm under fire at work constantly, and dealing with my emotions I'm pooped. I'm constantly worried about my grandma, is her sugar going to tank again? I feel better now though - they took her off the medication that can cause that. So it's a little easier to sleep at night, not so stressful or fearful to waking up and having to take her to the hospital again.]]

[center [font "Segoe Print" I have to say though I'm damn lucky. Everytime my abandonment anxiety acts up Connor, Mickey or Christian has a little way of making me feel better. Last night Connor was going on and on about how he was telling his grandma I'm one of his closest friends. It made me feel good. Christian or Mickey will check on me, simply to see if I'm okay. For once in my life I have IRL friends that I don't feel will abandon me. I mean I have online friends who won't but it's nice having IRL ones too. Connor also gave me great advice to share with a friend. So that also helped.]]

[center [font "Segoe Print" Honestly right now may be rocky but I know the future is bright. I'm working with my therapist on my abandonment issues. I'm getting on ADHD medication and despite Gina and Jerzie's attempts to make me look stupid, I'm just proving them wrong which is a great feeling. I'm going to work towards making my own buisness and hopefully it'll take off enough I can leave this place. It'll feel good to make my own money, make my own rules and choose who to hire and fire.]]
  -PureImagination / 244d 4h 12m 6s
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[center [font "Segoe Print" This weekend was really awesome. I went camping with a group of friends. Nothing is better then sitting around the fire - shooting the shit and just having a great time. We tried primitive DND which did not go so well. To hot, to stuffy, and way to many bugs. Nine people just simply do not fit on a tent floor. It was super fun! Even though my grandma gave me a scare on Sunday when she went to the hospital with low blood sugar. This weekend was great and I topped it off by going to dinner with my best friend - who then gave me pointers on dming.]]

[center [font "Segoe Print" My group is on it's way to growing more and more healthy. A lot was discussed for it this weekend and I'm thinking of going back and getting my MBA in Business Management. We are slowly building a plan for our business and we are going to talk to my sister in three weeks when everyone is not so busy. Despite the recent drama in the group things are settling down. I've got great friends and my life is looking up. I'm excited to see what the next five years hold for me.]]
  -PureImagination / 246d 5h 4m 46s

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