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/ By Kaijuu [+Watch]

Replies: 84 / 264 days 3 hours 36 minutes 40 seconds

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[center [size15 KAMIKAKUSHI]
[size12 ʜɪᴅᴅᴇɴ ʙʏ ɢᴏᴅ .]]

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[size10 you will notice that it was... inspired by mine. but i tried to make it a little more you too.
you can change anything you want! however you want. it was fun enough to put together.

i think that your brain is normal in its own way. i don't think you're any less a person. thinking about those things just shows you care, yeah? it's because you're my friend that i did it.

i love you very much.
so chin high!
today's gonna be a great day! and, well, if it's not? then tomorrow, or the next day. definitely that one! i think there's a law for that? it's like, illegal or something to have 3 bad days in a row?

let's just keep working hard until we find a time in our lives where we can do something we actually love.
and we just continue to fill the time inbetween with other things. money, bills, all that stuff sucks, but... we have things to look forward to outside of that too.
like amiibo parade, which i played for the first time a month ago and it's SO GOOD. i think it got a bad rep because it does lack content, but also... it's really cute okay! i hope you had fun! wii u is definitely worth the investment even now.

but anyways,
please stay warm. you don't have to figure everything out now. just take things as you can. your heart will get to where it's gotta go! totally, someday! good luck today!]
  。 ♡ ◦ . ✩ 。 / Serene / 10d 23h 40m 20s
[size10 I'm not sure why you're still friends with me. Especially after borrowing so much money. But ... I also know that's just my brain being ... Itself. Gotta love having an abnormal brain, right ?

It's been a bit difficult lately. I don't think work helps, because there's a lot of passive aggressiveness there, that I've seen. Especially amongst the managers. Well, one more than the others. He tends to be the most passive aggressive and shit talks a lot of the other managers. He's a bit subtle but ... It's still pretty obvious that he doesn't agree with a lot of the things. That could just be him actually caring a lot but ?? There's better ways to deal with it, than being passive aggressive. I don't know ... People just tire me out.

I hope you're ok. I got a pretty nice check this week. Might be getting a second job.

It's cold though. Really cold.

ah. I guess I'm done for the night. Need to shower. Then I'm going to play amiibo festival ~ since i haven't been able to play it ever !

we bought a wiiu for pretty cheap. it was definitely an unneeded splurge but ... I feel like sometimes you have to, just to lift your mood and stress a bit. I'm so sorry we haven't paid you back yet. bills have been tough.

a lot of things have been tough. I don't know how I'm managing. I've contemplated not going back to college just so bills can get caught up, but the truth is that I need to finish, especially since i'm so close. work is work and I need money to pay bills, but finishing college is so much more important and I can't let myself forget it. No matter how much we need money. I'll figure it out.

Even if, in the end, that means I move out and leave him, because he can't pull his weight. With how things have been in the past few months, and his tendency to be awful with money, I have to stay realistic. Despite how much I don't want to be.

I don't want to end up like my mom did. Where she was the financially responsible one and my dad wasn't. We lost my childhood home because of his irresponsibility. I don't want that for me.

I'll still hope for the best though. That's all you can do, right?

in other news, it's no longer halloween so I'll have to change my profile u-u if I find the time]
  ✧ · ゚: / Serene / 11d 1h 52m 33s
[size10 I should probably be happy for you, but I'm really not.
I don't quite know how I feel. Guess the news was a shock lol.
I''ll still be here regardless.

Though, I guess we've been distant lately. For a while really.
It's probably better that way. Safer.

I cant talk about this much. I'm just tired.
Overworking myself from constantly going in early. and picking up shifts.
four call offs in two days. guess it's gonna be a time, huh?

I found a physical journal. I'll probably start writing there. just a lot of things. thoughts, feelings, stories. whatever.

eh. I had some other things on my mind, but I've forgotten. I'm so tired. but. I wanna play a little stardew I think. then sleep. or maybe I'll just sleep. I'm not sure.]
  ✿・ . ☆・゚ / Serene / 13d 1h 13m 41s
[size10 often reminded of why I dislike people.
friends remind me. family reminds me. even my boyfriend reminds me at this point.
but, maybe this is just me being way too stressed. I feel a bit overworked, and I guess? Overstimulated in a way. too much social interaction.
half tempted to ask if I can learn kitchen lmao. Because being a line server is a little exhausting.

sigh. at least this three day weekend has been nice.
tomorrow is the last day though, sadly.
might be picking up a second job, even though it's only for one day of the week. it'd be extra money, and I'd be getting paid $10 an hour, rather than $8.30.

A lot on my mind, as usual. But no real intention to express most of it. debating between playing stardew and dark souls. both are fun, though dark souls just pisses me off lmao.

I'm not sure what else to say. I wish things were easier, money wise. At this rate, I'm not sure if I'll be going back to school next semester? I've taken this whole semester off, because they didn't offer any classes , but ... Now? I'm not sure if I can go back to school next semester. Money is so tight, but I'm so close to graduating. Another year and a half, tops. Though, I'm about ready to just start saving up money and paying for classes myself. So I can take one or two at a time. But, that's probably way too expensive lol ... So I doubt I can do that. Sigh. I'm not sure what to do right now. I wish the money shit would be solved asap. I wish the boyfriend was making a decent wage so shit wasn't as much of a struggle. with this fucking car payment and bills in general.

gonna have to ask the brother for rent money now, since he won't be out by the end of october, and since he doesn't seem to have any plans.
  ✿・ . ☆・゚ / Serene / 14d 23h 20m 14s
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QV6Apkaborw]]
  Serene / 18d 23h 52m 22s
[size10 you pushed and pushed and pushed, and tried to force me to talk to you, and look where it got you. No where. And you tried to guilt me. Tried to tell me who I was and that I was making excuses.

As if that was somehow acceptable.
Ah well.

Not why I'm here anyways, though it popped in my head.

Here to yell at Square. Though they won't hear me lol.
But honestly. You guys could give a character from a different game a better and closer onscreen relationship to Noct than you gave him and Luna??
what is this bullshit?
honestly.
they knew each other for not even a day lmao and you made them seem closer to her than his own fiance
and the people that were always , "omg Noct is so open with his feelings and obvious, and his lack of emotion towards Luna means he doesn't like her"

like no
you guys are dumb
he's shy and a bit of a tsundere
he hides his feelings, but there are things that show how he feels
little actions and words that show how he feels
along with the words of his friends
and idk, what Sarah said to him at the end of the crossover reaffirmed this for me
"You really should be more honest about the way you feel, Noct."

In other news. Episode Luna better be fucking good, or I'll riot.]
  Serene / 20d 3h 58m 37s
[size10 Tonight, I looked up at the stars, for the first time in a while. And remembered why I fell in love with Kingdom Hearts as much as I did.

The thought that there were other worlds out there.
And the thought that darkness was snuffing them out.
That those worlds ;; would start blinking, until being fully consumed by the dark.
That a star can be there one day, then gone shortly after.
It was sad but. It made me think. I knew it wasn't real, that it was only a game.
But it felt good to get lost in a different world for a while.

I wish I could do that right now.
Leave this world for a while.
I'm so stressed.
About last week.
How different things feel.
He came over and we watched a movie together.
It was Princess Mononoke. Lasted two hours, and Wolf was gone for nearly all of it.
Which was ... Interesting.
To hang out with someone for once by myself.

Life is tough right now.
My brother is still here.
Money is tight.
I work all the time.
I'm very tired.
I've had a mostly constant headache since Friday.
Can't say it's a hangover at this point.

I'm not sure what else to say.
I kind of want to get a physical journal, but the truth is I doubt I would be able to be fully open in my own journal.
Unless I bought it unbeknownst to Wolf and hid it before he found out.

Mostly because he'd ask questions which is understandable, but I want to be able to physically write and have it be private.

Speaking of writing. I found old things I wrote for her a couple of months ago. It was a bit embarrassing. And funny to see how different things in that relationship were to my current.

Sigh.
A lot of thoughts but I'm tired and wanted to play some Stardew Valley before bed.

Goodnight.]
  Serene / 22d 17m 26s
[size10 honestly? I don't quite remember writing that.

I confronted him about the song. Said his friend was playing it, not him. I'm not convinced though.
I guess that part is a bit whatever right now.

Last night has been on my mind all day.
It was fun but ... Odd?
He told me multiple times that he missed me.
He called me precious. Said I was too good for this world.
Also called me beautiful and adorable, as I said before.
I called him a liar. Guess I just don't believe when people say nice things ...

But also. He kissed my forehead multiple times. And my hand once. It was weird. I don't know what it means?
Does it mean anything?
I don't want it to mean anything.
It's easier if it doesn't.

People are so confusing to me.

I'm so scared that it means something though.
Because it'll make things complicated.
But -- this friend and I made plans to play league, after I got home from work.
He ... bailed on this plan, and I'm actually sad.

and wolf? he was so angry last night when he got home.
That I was drunk.
That I had been drinking.
That I went without him.
It's like ... I'm not allowed to have a life, because he chooses not to do things.
I want to go out. Not party but ... Have friends and be social.

I want these things. Anxiety makes it hard. He doesn't help.
I love him to death but. This controlling bullshit? Isn't ok with me. It upsets me and concerns me. I wish I could brush it off, but I can't.
I think he's worried I'll cheat and I wouldn't.
Even if he continued to be an asshole. I'd rather break it off than cheat and keep that secret.

In other news, I'm at my desk and my dog, who is 40 pounds mind you, decided he wanted to be a lap dog.
He is currently standing up and I can't actually see what I am typing, thanks to this.

well he moved now lol

I hope you're ok. I think about you a lot. I know we haven't had time to talk and it sucks but. I think about you every day and I'll never forget you. Ever.

edit: I kind of want to buy a physical journal at some point or idk
I just miss physically writing sometimes
are you writing for yourself at all?]
  ✧ · ゚: / Serene / 25d 58m 40s
[size10 I am very drunk but
I wanted to write anyways, so I don't forget

Wolf worked tonightk, but I went out drinking with a friend
a guy friend
he idk'bought me drinks
I'm listening to the last song he played
I'm crying
I don't want him to die
or feel like he should
he's not ok and it's glaring in my face now
Iw on't let myself forget
ebecause he won;t let me
or I won't
be ok
pls

he called me adorable and beautiful and it was
odd
idk
that's my thoughts for now
because the now boyfriend is home and I'm so drnk and tired
fuck trying to fix my typing
he's mad and idk
  ✧ · ゚: / Serene / 26d 4m 12s
[size10 working six days straight. one being a nine hour shift. Gonna be grumpy af when Friday rolls around. At least I'll have a nice paycheck.

Might be getting sick. I'm really hoping not.

Uh. Tired. Idk. that's all I have right now.

Hope things are going ok.]
  ✧ · ゚: / Serene / 28d 11h 21m 22s
[size10 the headache is strong with this one.
and constant.
I'm so tired.
here's to working the next five days straight.

I'm going to be so exhausted, haha.
The price I pay for needing money.
And being a good worker, I guess. [s [size10 at least that's what my brother says. I don't think I'm that great lol.]]
  ✧ · ゚: / Serene / 29d 12h 26m 39s
[size10 Only thing I liked about Bleach was UlquiHime. And of course Tite Kubo took a shit on that lol. Granted, he took a shit on everything that Bleach was .... I have no words for how trashy and awful Bleach got.


Glad I didn't bother to continue watching it and keep up with it.

I honestly don't care what's canon, I'll keep shipping UlquiHime because it's the only redeemable part about that trash series.

Might rewatch Code Geass for the millionth time. Need to catch up on bnha but our subscription is up.
Luckily got the news we only have to pay half of the car tax this month, and half of it next month. So that's a big stressor off my back.

Picked up a shift tomorrow. Gotta close which sucks, but at least it'll be more money. And it looks good for me. ;)

Gods I wish I could get a raise lol. Not sure that's a thing around here though. sigh. Just gotta work all the hours and make money.

Tired, but it's ok.]
  Serene / 31d 1h 37m 29s
[size10 I've been awfully tired. I'm thinking of you always.

My brother is still here. It's frustrating.
Money situation is awful.
We practically have none.
All my money has gone to the electricity/internet bills.
I owe our former internet company money, so I have to pay them or I'll be getting sued. Which is a fun thing to have over my head.
I have to speak to my former rental agency for the same reason.
Meanwhile, it's been impossible to afford rent this month, due to the car situation. :/
I feel awful, because I like the people I rent from a lot and I don't want to be a bad tenant.
And with owing you money still, I feel awful as well.
Granted, it's not me that owes you money but still.

I think things will be easier after we pay the tax on the car.
That's $400 less a month we'll have.
I'm picking up extra hours at work.
Work killed me these past two days though.
Worked a closing shift last night. 3pm - 11pm. Though we got out late, due to truck not showing up.
Then they asked me to come in early, because we'd have to put truck away in the morning. Which, of course. I didn't have to. So I came in early for no reason.
Then stayed 15 mins after, because my coworker had to go to the bathroom and then people showed up for food. With me being the only line server there at the time.

I am a tired. I napped when I got home.

That's my update! I hope you're well. I mean, I guess you're not. :/]
  ﹙・゚❀﹚ / Serene / 32d 4h 47m 38s
[size10 all I want is the mons to pay for bills
and to be able to go to the Kyle Pavone tribute concert in a couple weeks
pls world .... Just give me $30 so the boyfriend and I can go]
  ✧ · ゚: / Serene / 34d 3h 59m 20s
[size10 fucking bank charged me $43 in overdraft fees because I went over $10.
fucking thank you
there goes money I really needed lmao

oh fucking well. bills will get paid. I have a max of two things I'm getting for me. one expensive, one inexpensive. but it's ok. I've got this. Stressed, but not at the same time.
irritated with my bank, but also just accepting, because I can't change it.
gonna penny pinch like hell after this month.

work hard, relax when I can, and just make the money.

I feel ok.
off to eat, and play some stardew valley before work.]
  ✧ · ゚: / Serene / 37d 10h 17m 33s
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