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[center [size10 "Whoever said money can't solve your problems, must not have had enough money to solve 'em."]]
[size10 honestly tho. money 'bout to solve majority of my problems lmao.
I'm just a sad bitch rn tho. Sad as fuck. barely hanging in.
landlord tryna evict me when I've got like a week and a half of my lease ?? makes 0 sense but aight
if you wanna waste time and money, be my guest
not my loss.
people are kinda dumb lmao. almost hard to believe that I enjoyed when people fawned over me lmao. dunno why anyone ever had a crush on me, or why so many people did back in the day lmao. I'm not that great of a person now, but I'm a lot better than I was back then.
maybe it's cuz I'm a leo lmao
gods know we love the attention.
but now I’ve got an aquarius boy and I don’t really need the attention of anyone else.
well my sad ass is gonna get off of here, play games and walk the dog.
[size10 really really hoping this plan works out. it would solve everything relatively easily. my stress would be gone.
gonna pray to the gods that it works out. been doing it as is, but still.
hoping so damn hard. I think my heart will shatter if this doesn't work.
in other news
not sure if I want to keep playing p5, or switch over to playing league. had a really bad losing streak last night but ... it's still nice to practice and learn.
I'm so sad haha.]
[size10 lmao my ass is probs just going to end up homeless at this point
This is my life now
[size10 honestly fuck this job and fuck 99% of the people I work with.
It was all a bullshit lie. Also, basically telling me that if I shut up, I'll get far in life is kind of fucked?? it wasn't quite in those words, but that's definitely what was meant.
so basically, I shut up, go to work, don't talk to anyone, and keep my head down.
Help when it's clearly needed. if it ain't then fuck y'all.
literally only staying because at least this job is flexible with school.
tho I just wish I could talk my mom into coming back so I can finish university. without having the stress of working. semi regret moving out in the first place, but it was a good thing.
honestly though, fuck all these fake ass people.
don't call yourself my friend, when you clearly aren't. you're my boss and that's it. your personal life? I no longer care. How you're doing? I don't care.
man. just fuck people. maybe I should just become a writer so I don't have to deal with people as much.
death is maybe an option too lmao .... nah.
I'm done for the night. off to xiv. buh bye.]
[size10 lol seems like I can't say fuck you enough ??
as if I actually meant it.
I don't have a mean bone in my body, not really.
Fucks me over more times than not.
I can't even hate properly. or at all for that matter.
I should go to bed soon, but a million things are going through my mind, as always.
I hope so desperately for my relationship to work out, but I have no idea if it will. So much has happened over the past few years, but not much has changed on his end. other than him seeking emotional support from someone else. and not me. it still hurts a bit.
his lack of financial responsibility is stressful. I hope it gets better, but it hasn't yet. maybe a little, but not enough for us to live together successfully. I want us to, but it might not be possible yet. Even if we had to live separately for a while, I'm still invested in this relationship. I'm not sure if he is though. Every time I suggest living separately, he gets mad and thinks it means us breaking up. Which it doesn't have to.
I wish I lived a normal life. With normal mental health, and idk. Middle class. A normal job. Finished college. Stuff like that.
Why does life have to be so hard?]
[size10 fuck you fuck you fuck you. I hate that you're still on my mind. Hate that you make me feel anything.
I would very much rather not feel a thing.
but I don't want to say much else. I'm very hungry and tired.
work was hell, like it typically is.
now to eat. maybe work on my profile later.
nah. probs gonna play league tbh.
[size10 honestly, fuck you ??
you've pretty much just used me
I'm not sure what for tbh but it sure as hell seems like it
you've blown me off repeatedly and idk
seems like you took advantage of me.
I'm sick of that shit. Sick of people trying to get the best of me. Trying to control me.
Trying to tell me what I can and cannot do.
I think I'm just sick of people lol.
I need to do a massive purge of the people in my life, and start over. With the few people that actually make me happy. Not frustrated. Or upset. Or sad.
Or make me feel like shit.
I'm so over this. Over it all.
Over work. Over life. idk. I just don't know.
[size10 forgotten again. quit surprising me a while ago, but here we still are. whining about this shit.
guess these people meant more to me than I realized.
should be used to this though. happens all the time to me. I have a pretty poor choice in friends, and I tend to care more about people than anyone cares about me. it's a little silly.
I need to stop worrying about these things, and just focus on my life. getting it back on track. I really need to find a place to live. if we don't soon, I'm going to be even more stressed out. also need this bozo of mine to get a job but ... that's a work in progress at least.
keep my fingers cross and hope for the best. hope to the gods that is, haha.
please just give me a little bit of luck.
on to get my bard and have some dps fun. working on my astrologian too. still sad dancer isn't a healer but it's ok.
need to write down the story that's been in my head for a while. getting close to having it fully fleshed out, but I'm not quite there yet.]
[size10 once again, I see myself losing you. you'll meet a nice girl in your free company and that'll be it lmao.
it's not like real gamer girls are all that rare.
and there's a lot more out there that are much prettier than me.
it's ok. it happens. I'm just sad because I feel like it's going to happen. idk. I'm probably just overly paranoid still, lol.
but he just joined and he melds with them so well. he's already super friendly. I can hear it.
I just can't relate, haha.
I'm a bitch of a leo and I really don't like people.
people have done almost nothing but hurt me so ...
I'd rather hang out with animals instead.
well anyways ... worrying about that shit aside.
today was awful. got screwed over at work. still hella not happy about it.
a lot on my mind but not at the same time. or more like I forgot most of it already lmao.
had some fucked up dreams but whatever.
probs just going to spend my time leveling my astrologian and talking to my bestie. good night.
[size10 captivated isn't the right word at all lol. I'm not all that attracted to living.
But I've got people counting on me and a small amount would miss me so. Guess I'll stick around.
Captivated is a pretty thought. Wish I could actually be in love with living life.
Sure, there's a lot of beautiful things. Mostly Mother Nature . But there's a lot of ugly too. Hard to not see it all.
Human beings are awful. I wish I was born as a cat.
Free will sucks. idk.
I sound edgy af right now lmao. Eh.
Honestly still just tired. I sleep like ass all the time. Sucks.
Honestly questioning my relationship. Wondering if it's worth staying in, if I'm just going to be worried and paranoid all the time.
I wonder if he's ever going to grow up, or if I'll always be taking care of him. Financially anyways. I want a partner, not a child.
Well, probably one more year then I'll give up for good. It'd be a wasted four years but at least I'll have learned things.
Probably won't date ever again afterwards.
Ah. Spent way too long playing xiv last night. Got to do Odin fight for the second time. Been like two years since I've done it lmao. It was fun as fuck. Though I just ran around rezing and healing for most of it.
Got scholar up to 70. Onto my Astrologian next. Then probably Bard. Not even sure I have bard yet tho. eh, I'm excited for Dancer. Need to save up for the expansion still.
Also need to save up to see my mom. Also need new glasses lol...Got a lot to do.
Uh well, guess I'll poof now.
p.s. Yoko Taro followed me on twitter and I'm still fucking happy about it.]
[size10 another year of me wasting my time on people that don’t give me a single thought.
I give up. Not worth it.
[size10 feels like we’re bound to grow apart at this point.
It makes me sad, but it’s ok.
It’s just part of growing up, I guess. You’ll always mean a lot to me.
I wish nothing but the best.
Maybe I should say something, but I don’t know.
It is what it is, I guess. I’m too tired to fight haha.
I keep wondering why the birds are always awake late at night.
It seems like they don’t sleep at this point.
I just really wonder why.
[size10 ppl can fight me but heavensward is best xpac. I still cry over it and wish I could play it again. I miss the gang so much. I honestly wish they'd add more to the heavensward storyline, or at least. new ishgard content haha. I'm excited for shadowbringers, but heavensward has a place in my heart. never gonna be replaced.
blech. stuck in an ilvl grind. not looking forward to it tbh. it's such a pain ?? like fuck. at least give the currency for the better gear a boost. y'all barely give any as it is ..... need ilvl 360 and I'm so not close lmao. rip me. gotta grind gotta grind. it sucks.
better get on it though.
close to finishing all the current msqs and yeah. just gotta keep on trucking.
might pause for a bit to see if mah friend is playing league.
don't have much friends these days.
it's ok, I guess.
I've never been a fan of people anyways.
[size10 nothing like getting a phone call from my mother only for her to immediately start talking about how I need to find a cheaper place since I’m going to be “paying for everything.”
Which was followed by a “I don’t like seeing you being taken advantage of.”
Understandable concern, I get it. I don’t feel taken advantage of though. If I did, I wouldn’t still be here.
I’m an adult. I’m not so easy to manipulate. And if it turns out I’m wrong in the future, then ok. It’s not a crime to believe someone is a good person.
It’s frustrating to be trying to relax after a long work shift and my family tries to stir up drama.
I just want to be happy but it feels like everyone wants to interfere with that.
I honestly wish I didn’t exist right now. Or that I could at least be a shut in lmao. I’m honestly tired of people ....
Pretty sure my eye is involuntarily twitching due to stress. oops....
[size10 sad day. not sure why. or maybe I do. idk.
feeling quite lonely.
nothing is back to "normal" yet. I mean, it never will quite be? not the old normal.
it'll be .... a different normal.
things feel different.
there's a gray haze over everything right now.
not sure if I'm having a really bad depressive episode, or if it's something else.
I suppose time will tell.
I guess. ... I should try to be more social. not overly, because it'll exhaust me. but staying inside as much as I do isn't healthy.
not in the slightest.
I so desperately want to call off of work lol ...
I'm exhausted. They've drained me.
And I don't even get paid the amount a cook does.
When all I do is cook.
would honestly love to hang myself, but I can't own kitties if I'm dead.
Gotta look at the positives to living, no matter how small.
Need to remind myself why I should stay alive.
I hope I'll be ok one day.
I'm not so sure that it's likely at this point.
Maybe I just need more sleep. I am pretty exhausted all the time ....
Well, back to the work grind tomorrow. Until Friday. Then I'm free for two days in a row.
Hopefully we're hiring a new cook soon. I can hope.]
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