[ғᴜᴄᴋ ᴏғғ]

/ By Adorabloodthirsty [+Watch]

Replies: 8 / 21 days 7 hours 23 minutes 48 seconds

Allowed Users

  1. [Allowed] Pyrope


[i [size7 [font "Courier New" Disclaimer; If you are a fellow Ally, none of the harsh shit is directed towards you. I fucking guess. ]]]

[left [pic http://img003.picture2life.net/27413030/3bf3c037eb542b39191e45d20b8235_web-small_medium.png]] [right [pic http://img003.picture2life.net/27413030/3bf3c037eb542b39191e45d20b8235_web-small_medium.png]] [center [pic http://img003.picture2life.net/27413064/Imported_Picture_imagehost7onl_web-large_medium.png]]
[#ffffff [center [i [size7 [font "Courier New" "I'm sorry for what I've done to myself and others.. And I just want to give up.. But people don't want me to.." ]]]]] [center [i [size8 [font "Courier New" [#696969
"LET'S GO IN THE GARDEN."
"YOU'LL FIND SOMETHING WAITING."
"RIGHT THERE WHERE YOU LEFT IT."
"LYING UPSIDE DOWN."

"WHEN YOU FINALLY FIND IT."
"YOU'LL SEE HOW IT'S FADED."
"THE UNDERSIDE IS LIGHTER."
"WHEN YOU TURN IT AROUND."

"EVERYTHING STAYS."
"RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT IT."
"EVERYTHING STAYS."
"BUT IT STILL CHANGES."

"EVER SO SLIGHTLY."
"DAILY AND NIGHTLY."
"IN LITTLE WAYS."
"WHEN EVERYTHING STAYS."]]]]]
[center [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 "OLIVIA OLSON- EVERYTHING STAYS" ]]]]]
[#ffffff [center [i [size7 [font "Courier New" "I wish what I said didn't matter.." ]]]]]
[left [pic https://orig00.deviantart.net/48f3/f/2011/208/a/b/divider_by_canzeda-d41w92p.png]]
[#ffffff [center [i [size10 [font "Courier New" "I don't want to matter.." ]]]]]
[left [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 •THIS IS MY STUPID JOURNAL, I GUESS.. I DON'T THINK ANYONE IS GOING TO READ THIS BULLSHIT ANYWAYS..]]]]][left [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 •MY OPINION IS MINE AND MINE ALONE, DON'T FUCKING LIKE IT!? KISS MY ASS! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.]]]]][left [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 •NOT MY FUCKING FAULT THAT YOU LIKE TO STALK SHIT THAT DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU!]]]]] [left [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 •IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY ATTITUDE CRY ME A FUCKING RIVER! I AIN'T CHANGING FOR NOBODY.]]]]] [left [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 •THIS ISN'T HERE TO START ANY BULLSHIT WITH ANYONE. I JUST NEED A PLACE TO WRITE. GOD, WHY DON'T I PICK FUCKING FLOWERS TOO?]]]]] [left [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 •IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO SAY SOMETHING SMUG, DO ME A FAVOR AND SHOVE A THROB STALK IN IT.]]]]] [left [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 •AND DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE MAKE FUN OF MY FUCKING MUSIC TASTE ASSHOLE!]]]] [left [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 •I'M ALREADY DONE WITH THIS WHOLE BULLSHIT FUCKING ANYWAYS. I DON'T GET THE FUCKING POINT BUT WHATEVER.]]]] [left [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 •SEE YA, HOPE I DON'T ACTUALLY, BUT WHATEVER. PEACE OUT SHITFORBRAINS!!]]]]

[left [pic https://orig00.deviantart.net/48f3/f/2011/208/a/b/divider_by_canzeda-d41w92p.png]]
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VqZ__xHZlo]]

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Roleplay Responses

[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPdX389kLxI]]
  Adorabloodthirsty / 1d 23h 58m 22s
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsoChfAny6I]]
  Adorabloodthirsty / 7d 6h 42m 52s
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[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]] [i [size8 [font "Courier New" [#696969 "At the end of the day, I don't know what to feel. I don't get it, can I be saved?"

"Our minds are troubled by the emptiness. And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones. Because most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone. I feel numb when I get hurt, but when people notice my past I break and panic.. And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one, because most of us are bitter over someone. So much blood I wasted on you.. And at the end of it all, you didn't care how much I was in pain, you just wanted to hurt me more.. Most nights I can't sleep from thinking about how no one but Alex and Jennifer cared.. Then Aleks, Mun, Davey and all of them came to comfort me.. Then Ace came along bringing along Nat with him, making me laugh and smile.. Then Mari hugged me in my mind to calm me down from most panic attacks.. Leanne, helped me not break from hurting myself.. And I guess this is love? I'm still not sure why all you did this for me.. But all I can do is thank these people in my life, and if anything happens to them.. I don't know what I'll do.."

"I don't care if I'm happy.. I wasn't supposed to be born.. Or even alive.. I just want all them to be happy.. That's what makes me smile in the mornings, afternoons, and nights. I don't want them to hurt at all.. But I guess that's what makes most people stronger.. I believe, I found a place I fit in, and I'm not to out of place to be there.. I have to thank Mari for telling me all the things she told me that night. That night I cried, but in a good way.. And when Ace and Nat were sticking up for me.. And when no one believed me, Aleks, Mun, and Davey were there.. The same with Leanne. And Alex and Jennifer took me under their wings."

[b Mari:

]

"You know.. That really helped me.. I understand.. And I feel [u loved].. I know I don't believe in love.. But this is what it supposed to feel.. I shouldn't be scared to show any type of platonic affection to the one's I feel like they care for me.. And for once, when I do.. I don't get pushed away or hurt in the process.. I'm still scared to tell how I feel to them, the fear they'll run away.. But maybe they'll stay.. I don't know, I just hope I'm good enough for you all.. You are to good for me.. You all make my life better, when I feel like this is a piece of shit of a life, you guys make it ten times better.. And all I can do is cry.. I'm sorry.. I just don't know what this makes me feel this way.. It's not coding in my mind.. It's not processing and I'm sorry.. I don't know what this feeling is.. I hope to find out in the long run.."

"I cry, I'm crying, and I don't understand why I feel like this is just what I wanted out of my life.. For someone to give a fuck about me for once? I don't know, I just can't grasp it. I just want this feeling never to go away.. But something tells me, don't get comfortable, and I want to.. I hate the voices... I miss hearing just his voice.. I miss him telling me everything is going to be okay.. Now it's drowned by all this self-doubting bullshit.. I'm sorry I lost you.. I'll find you once again, my angel.."

"Thank you all for being there for me.. I don't know where I'd be without you.. Probably in ashes, in a metal jar.. Thank you.. So very much.. I love you all.. "

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  Adorabloodthirsty / 13d 1h 14m 50s
[center [pic http://78.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5jdrxSSuG1rqdmn5o1_r1_500.gif]]
[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]] [i [size8 [font "Courier New" [#696969 "I'm tired, I can't feel... Can I please reset?"

"I haven't felt anything lately.. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself anymore.. I don't understand why I was given this life in the first place.. Everything is fine.. Why am I doubting myself at this point? Why can't I just fake it until I'm happy? Why do I have to be such a negative person about everything? I'm just so disgusted with myself.. I can't keep to the things I say I'm going todo. I said I was going to start dieting, and here I am about an hour ago, I ate so much junk food I feel like throwing up.. I feel fat.. Ugly is the word that wants to stab me right now.. "

"I don't like it.. I use my own words as weapons, and that's what hurts the most.. That the insults are coming [u from] me. No one is making up this shit, I start my own rumors.. And the sad thing is.. I'm believing them as well.. I just hurt so much, and all I can do is call myself these words to hurt me even more.. I just think to myself all the time.. What's the point of picking a fight with someone else, if I'm fighting with myself daily? At this point I'm my own bully.. Giving myself all this shit for stupid things I did a few years back, and even farther. Those words I could of said, the actions I could of partaken in.. If I only spoke up enough, if I told everyone I was hurting and I wanted to die.. Would my family even cared? Would my nana still loved me the same? Or was I going to be labeled as a [u drama queen] like I always was.. That butterfly effect is a bitch, I swear.."

"At this point we are all butterflies caught in a spider's web, and wrapped up and ready to be a midnight snack. And let's just say, lady life got me tight; and even went far enough to tease me by ripping off one of my wings, just to laugh and spit in my face. I feel numb, I feel like nothing matters at this point. Did it ever matter? Life has just been false hope and being shut out by the people who said they loved me.. And now, I can't even tell if the people that say they claim to love me even mean it at this point. What is love? And I mean it.. What's the point? Is it supposed to mean something to me when I'm told this false shit? How? How can you say you love me for the small gestures I make? You never actually met me. Probably been told by myself and others that I'm crazy, that I'm useless and you shouldn't care deeply for me.. And you shouldn't, because sooner or later I'll be gone and it wouldn't matter anymore. Everyone dies, the world just dropped a bunch of rules on top of that fact, but I'll never forget the truth."

"A cancer never forgets.."

"I didn’t mean to do it.. I’m a failure.. I’m worthless, and I can’t even tell anyone how I feel.. I lied to them all when they asked if I’m okay.. And they don’t like me… So why do I even try? I don’t know, I’m just scared to back out now.. But if I don’t… They’ll miss me, and they’ll get hurt.. I don’t want anyone to hurt because of me ever again.. I just wish I never existed.. ”

“I just want to sink out of this hell that I’ve drowned myself in.. I’m the weakest. I’m useless, all I do is wine.. I cry about stupid shit that I can’t fix.. I change the subject to ignore my pain.. I just want to ignore it.”

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  Adorabloodthirsty / 17d 1h 58m 13s
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[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]] [i [size8 [font "Courier New" [#696969 "I'm complaining again, I'm so annoying sometimes.. Why can't I act like any of this is going to be fun just a little bit for everyone sakes? Everyone is going to have fun but me? I keep telling myself I'm not pretty, and that's why I didn't want anyone to go with me today.. I just wanted to be the person in the back drinking some water watching everyone, while everyone danced their hearts away, like I did at the winter games dance too... I just don't understand the point of having fun or a slight bit of happiness to ignore all the pain in the world.. "

"Depression isn't fun.. And having gender dysphoria on top of that isn't either... I don't want to get dolled-up.. When everyone knows damn well that I want to be manly.. I wouldn't of cared of going in a hoodie and sweatpants with my house slippers. And everyone knows I would of done it.. Because everyone thinks of me being that type of person. I'm just so confused and I just want to stay home.. But it's my last year of school.."

"But I don't like anyone there.. Except my step brother.. But he doesn't talk.. God what I'd kill to be nonverbal. So I wouldn't have to talk to these stupid fake ass people. They probably hate me too, and I don't give a fuck. But they'll act like everything is okay for the evening. I'm blunt and honest about my feelings and if you can't do the same, then why even fucking talk to me? That's how I fucking feel about these stupid ass people in general. I got so mad, because I told a fellow teammate that I couldn't ask his little brother to the dance because he's more like a brother to me. And then he tells his whole family, and then they flag down my mama in fucking walmart and practically jump my mom. My mom told them the same thing of what I said, and the teammate's mother said: Well there's nothing wrong loving your brother. Romantically? yes is fucking is! That's fucking disgusting. I don't like him in that way. I'm panromantic; meaning I like people for their fucking personalities, and this kid's personality is annoying. He's rude, and he likes to argue over the stupidest things, and he can't stand for his own opinion. He is a crowd follower, not saying it's a bad thing.. It's just not my thing."

"But there wasn't a point of trying to fight for me to ask him, and I still stick by what I said. If he wanted me to go with him, he should of asked himself. Probs would said no to him, but at least he would of stood up for himself."
[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]]
  sᴡᴇᴀᴛᴇʀ / Adorabloodthirsty / 17d 1h 54m 53s
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