[ғᴜᴄᴋ ᴏғғ]

/ By Adorabloodthirsty [+Watch]

Replies: 11 / 254 days 21 hours 44 minutes 20 seconds

Allowed Users

  1. [Allowed] Pyrope


[i [size7 [font "Courier New" Disclaimer; If you are a fellow Ally, none of the harsh shit is directed towards you. I fucking guess. ]]]

[left [pic http://img003.picture2life.net/27413030/3bf3c037eb542b39191e45d20b8235_web-small_medium.png]] [right [pic http://img003.picture2life.net/27413030/3bf3c037eb542b39191e45d20b8235_web-small_medium.png]] [center [pic http://img003.picture2life.net/27413064/Imported_Picture_imagehost7onl_web-large_medium.png]]
[#ffffff [center [i [size7 [font "Courier New" "I'm sorry for what I've done to myself and others.. And I just want to give up.. But people don't want me to.." ]]]]] [center [i [size8 [font "Courier New" [#696969
"LET'S GO IN THE GARDEN."
"YOU'LL FIND SOMETHING WAITING."
"RIGHT THERE WHERE YOU LEFT IT."
"LYING UPSIDE DOWN."

"WHEN YOU FINALLY FIND IT."
"YOU'LL SEE HOW IT'S FADED."
"THE UNDERSIDE IS LIGHTER."
"WHEN YOU TURN IT AROUND."

"EVERYTHING STAYS."
"RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT IT."
"EVERYTHING STAYS."
"BUT IT STILL CHANGES."

"EVER SO SLIGHTLY."
"DAILY AND NIGHTLY."
"IN LITTLE WAYS."
"WHEN EVERYTHING STAYS."]]]]]
[center [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 "OLIVIA OLSON- EVERYTHING STAYS" ]]]]]
[#ffffff [center [i [size7 [font "Courier New" "I wish what I said didn't matter.." ]]]]]
[left [pic https://orig00.deviantart.net/48f3/f/2011/208/a/b/divider_by_canzeda-d41w92p.png]]
[#ffffff [center [i [size10 [font "Courier New" "I don't want to matter.." ]]]]]
[left [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 •THIS IS MY STUPID JOURNAL, I GUESS.. I DON'T THINK ANYONE IS GOING TO READ THIS BULLSHIT ANYWAYS..]]]]][left [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 •MY OPINION IS MINE AND MINE ALONE, DON'T FUCKING LIKE IT!? KISS MY ASS! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.]]]]][left [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 •NOT MY FUCKING FAULT THAT YOU LIKE TO STALK SHIT THAT DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU!]]]]] [left [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 •IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY ATTITUDE CRY ME A FUCKING RIVER! I AIN'T CHANGING FOR NOBODY.]]]]] [left [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 •THIS ISN'T HERE TO START ANY BULLSHIT WITH ANYONE. I JUST NEED A PLACE TO WRITE. GOD, WHY DON'T I PICK FUCKING FLOWERS TOO?]]]]] [left [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 •IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO SAY SOMETHING SMUG, DO ME A FAVOR AND SHOVE A THROB STALK IN IT.]]]]] [left [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 •AND DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE MAKE FUN OF MY FUCKING MUSIC TASTE ASSHOLE!]]]] [left [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 •I'M ALREADY DONE WITH THIS WHOLE BULLSHIT FUCKING ANYWAYS. I DON'T GET THE FUCKING POINT BUT WHATEVER.]]]] [left [i [size7 [font "Courier New" [#696969 •SEE YA, HOPE I DON'T ACTUALLY, BUT WHATEVER. PEACE OUT SHITFORBRAINS!!]]]]

[left [pic https://orig00.deviantart.net/48f3/f/2011/208/a/b/divider_by_canzeda-d41w92p.png]]
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VqZ__xHZlo]]

Reply

You don't have permission to post in this thread.

Roleplay Responses

[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVJIZJ9Rw9M]]
  Adorabloodthirsty / 178d 1h 24m 48s
[center [pic http://img003.picture2life.net/27515567/karkat_vantas_knight_of_blood__web-large_medium.png]]
[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]] [i [size8 [font "Courier New" [#696969 "My step-brother says: People who kill themselves or cut are freaking idiots. Then completely downs me for being a past self-harmer and for how many times I’ve tried to commit suicide. He wasn’t there, he just became my step-brother last year, and then he knows I was abused and tries to find every excuse to freaking hit me. Why does he try to find ways to be an inconvenience in my useless life? And if not that, he is being annoying by picking stupid fights with literally all of my friends. Then he still tries to remind me that I'm still not born physically male, and then he wonders why I don't like him or want to be in the same room with him. Then on top of all of this bullcrap, he tries to outshow me with all of his things; he can drive, he has a proper paying job, he has friends, he has this and that. He has even shown off that he [u is] actually born physically male. "

"I'm complaining, the crap I hate to do. But I felt like I needed to get this off of my chest before I actually pop, and throw around with him. Like he acts like I asked to be born or even adopted so fast. He thinks I asked for any of this, but when I reassure him that I didn't he downs me on that as well and says I'm being selfish and I don't think about anyone else's feelings. Truth is, if they don't care about my feelings, I don't care about theirs. That's how it should work, and I do care about Jennifer and Alex both. Feeling and all. I might not show it. But I do dearly. "

"This is completely stupid, at the end. I'm going to be alone. And that's okay. I love scaring people away."

[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]]
  Adorabloodthirsty / 181d 1h 14m 56s
[center [pic http://img003.picture2life.net/27461705/144d8535ecae2fba_web-small_medium.jpg]]
[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]] [i [size8 [font "Courier New" [#696969 "Not gonna lie, stress is getting to me. I want to be a good person, but these damn kids are making it hella hard. At this point I can't even stand my step-brother, he is starting fights with all of my friends and calling them bitches and insulting them behind their backs. If you have the balls to say it to me, then you have the balls to say it to them. Just saying, no balls~"

"God, I'm so freaking mean to people, even all of my crush choices have to be afraid of me. Or at least confused about what to think about me and my gender dysphoria. I don't know what so hard about it, I understand, one of my crushes is a male so he might not enjoy being in a relationship with another male. And the other just doesn't want to ruin our friendship. Not complaining and what not. But this is why I don't believe love is the thing I need, never made me happy in the first place."

"I need to love myself before ever trying to love another human being, I fear I will hurt them. I always hurt people, I ruin their lives sometimes. And the sad fact is: that it's not on purpose. I just have a sickening curse... People are temporary, soon I'll be temporary. All I have to do is be positive right? Well, I'm trying, and things are going smoothly. But I can't shake off those maggots of emotions that fall on my shoulders. They try to suck all of the happiness I want to gain and hideaway. Is that kinda- Selfish? Or does that [u "happiness"] actually exist?"

"God, why do I always complain about this stupid-ass life? It's okay, I'm okay, I'm just not? If that makes any sense? God, nothing makes any sense when I open this death trap. Disgusting, revolting, selfish, insecure, blunt, and unpleasantly honest. And at the end of the damn day, no one wants to hear me. I don't even want to hear me. All of this blabbering over a damn pencil three years ago. God, I blame her so much. I'm so insecure about my blabbering. Lord, I'm done for talking right now at this moment. But I want people to listen, but then again.. I don't. They probably don't want to hear me, I get cut off anyways. It's really sad I've been shot down so many times I get altitude sickness. Just for standing up for myself. I got to go, I'm going to start crying. I can't be negative. I'm going to be a positive boy, not for me. But because I want to make other people happy."

"I'm a stupid people pleaser, positive.. Positive."
[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]]
  Adorabloodthirsty / 219d 21h 10m 26s
[center [pic https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/clonewarsadventurescharacter/images/7/7f/Tumblr_mpbpqopSLw1r5xa9mo2_r1_500.gif/revision/latest?cb=20140706063908]] [center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]] [i [size8 [font "Courier New" [#696969 "I'm getting better, I guess. My breakdowns are not as big as they are usually.. And I can pull myself down without reaching out. Sure, my thoughts were still thought about, but I haven't act upon them. And I've only cried twice, I'm trying to work with these burdens of not trying to read drama, that I really shouldn't be involved in. And I haven't, the only thing I'm trying to do is impress my school friends, but I shouldn't. If they don't like me, I shouldn't force myself to be likable. It's just another habit after the other, and I need to break free. I'm trying to open up for how I'm feeling with others, and sometimes it's really and I mean [u really] hard. I start shaking and my chest feels like it's going to break, I don't know why. Stress? Anxiety? Why should I be afraid? They are not going to be mad at me, well, I don't know that, they might but it shouldn't matter. It's high school, it doesn't matter. "

"No one said this crap was going to be easy, and I'm trying to work out my scars to make them faint and almost invisible. I'm ashamed, but no one can judge my story because of them. I didn't enjoy it, I was hurt, and it was [u not] for attention. I'm not alone anymore, well I shouldn't feel alone in general. I know I didn't ask to be cared for.. But I received the care anyways. No matter how uncomfortable the feeling was, I liked it in the end.. It felt nice being worried for.. Cared for.. Loved.. Even though I still don't believe why. But it's coping and calming. "

"I'm taking this back Haley.."
[i [b ]]

"I don't want to die... But when I forgive there are no strings attached. I Was not gonna bring up your flaws in an argument I'm not gonna rest on a counter-attack. When you first revealed your betrayal my first reaction was “how dare you rob me of my trust?” But not even this would be able to shake our foundation ‘cause it was created by us. It hurts, but I’m not about to give you up. Though broken, my heart still beats, it will not stop."

"We spend our entire relationship fighting each other our goals were exactly the same.. I put you through hell by demanding apologies, even though I was the one causing pain... With your little mishap the ball was in my court, to prove I could be the stronger one of us. By taking over the role you so elegantly played, those years when I needed a rock. I'm sorry, I cried in front of you and demanded a hug without returning how you feel, I don't want to rely on you with my problems. You have enough for yourself. Please don't carry mine. "

"I'm done for today.."

[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]]
  Adorabloodthirsty / 222d 20h 14m 25s
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPdX389kLxI]]
  Adorabloodthirsty / 235d 14h 18m 54s
[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsoChfAny6I]]
  Adorabloodthirsty / 240d 21h 3m 24s
[center [pic https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/e1/a6/d8/e1a6d868be8bfc04c93f4aed7ae6f617.gif]]
[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]] [i [size8 [font "Courier New" [#696969 "At the end of the day, I don't know what to feel. I don't get it, can I be saved?"

"Our minds are troubled by the emptiness. And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones. Because most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone. I feel numb when I get hurt, but when people notice my past I break and panic.. And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one, because most of us are bitter over someone. So much blood I wasted on you.. And at the end of it all, you didn't care how much I was in pain, you just wanted to hurt me more.. Most nights I can't sleep from thinking about how no one but Alex and Jennifer cared.. Then Aleks, Mun, Davey and all of them came to comfort me.. Then Ace came along bringing along Nat with him, making me laugh and smile.. Then Mari hugged me in my mind to calm me down from most panic attacks.. Leanne, helped me not break from hurting myself.. And I guess this is love? I'm still not sure why all you did this for me.. But all I can do is thank these people in my life, and if anything happens to them.. I don't know what I'll do.."

"I don't care if I'm happy.. I wasn't supposed to be born.. Or even alive.. I just want all them to be happy.. That's what makes me smile in the mornings, afternoons, and nights. I don't want them to hurt at all.. But I guess that's what makes most people stronger.. I believe, I found a place I fit in, and I'm not to out of place to be there.. I have to thank Mari for telling me all the things she told me that night. That night I cried, but in a good way.. And when Ace and Nat were sticking up for me.. And when no one believed me, Aleks, Mun, and Davey were there.. The same with Leanne. And Alex and Jennifer took me under their wings."

[b Mari:

]

"You know.. That really helped me.. I understand.. And I feel [u loved].. I know I don't believe in love.. But this is what it supposed to feel.. I shouldn't be scared to show any type of platonic affection to the one's I feel like they care for me.. And for once, when I do.. I don't get pushed away or hurt in the process.. I'm still scared to tell how I feel to them, the fear they'll run away.. But maybe they'll stay.. I don't know, I just hope I'm good enough for you all.. You are to good for me.. You all make my life better, when I feel like this is a piece of shit of a life, you guys make it ten times better.. And all I can do is cry.. I'm sorry.. I just don't know what this makes me feel this way.. It's not coding in my mind.. It's not processing and I'm sorry.. I don't know what this feeling is.. I hope to find out in the long run.."

"I cry, I'm crying, and I don't understand why I feel like this is just what I wanted out of my life.. For someone to give a fuck about me for once? I don't know, I just can't grasp it. I just want this feeling never to go away.. But something tells me, don't get comfortable, and I want to.. I hate the voices... I miss hearing just his voice.. I miss him telling me everything is going to be okay.. Now it's drowned by all this self-doubting bullshit.. I'm sorry I lost you.. I'll find you once again, my angel.."

"Thank you all for being there for me.. I don't know where I'd be without you.. Probably in ashes, in a metal jar.. Thank you.. So very much.. I love you all.. "

[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]]
  Adorabloodthirsty / 246d 15h 35m 22s
[center [pic http://78.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5jdrxSSuG1rqdmn5o1_r1_500.gif]]
[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]] [i [size8 [font "Courier New" [#696969 "I'm tired, I can't feel... Can I please reset?"

"I haven't felt anything lately.. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself anymore.. I don't understand why I was given this life in the first place.. Everything is fine.. Why am I doubting myself at this point? Why can't I just fake it until I'm happy? Why do I have to be such a negative person about everything? I'm just so disgusted with myself.. I can't keep to the things I say I'm going todo. I said I was going to start dieting, and here I am about an hour ago, I ate so much junk food I feel like throwing up.. I feel fat.. Ugly is the word that wants to stab me right now.. "

"I don't like it.. I use my own words as weapons, and that's what hurts the most.. That the insults are coming [u from] me. No one is making up this shit, I start my own rumors.. And the sad thing is.. I'm believing them as well.. I just hurt so much, and all I can do is call myself these words to hurt me even more.. I just think to myself all the time.. What's the point of picking a fight with someone else, if I'm fighting with myself daily? At this point I'm my own bully.. Giving myself all this shit for stupid things I did a few years back, and even farther. Those words I could of said, the actions I could of partaken in.. If I only spoke up enough, if I told everyone I was hurting and I wanted to die.. Would my family even cared? Would my nana still loved me the same? Or was I going to be labeled as a [u drama queen] like I always was.. That butterfly effect is a bitch, I swear.."

"At this point we are all butterflies caught in a spider's web, and wrapped up and ready to be a midnight snack. And let's just say, lady life got me tight; and even went far enough to tease me by ripping off one of my wings, just to laugh and spit in my face. I feel numb, I feel like nothing matters at this point. Did it ever matter? Life has just been false hope and being shut out by the people who said they loved me.. And now, I can't even tell if the people that say they claim to love me even mean it at this point. What is love? And I mean it.. What's the point? Is it supposed to mean something to me when I'm told this false shit? How? How can you say you love me for the small gestures I make? You never actually met me. Probably been told by myself and others that I'm crazy, that I'm useless and you shouldn't care deeply for me.. And you shouldn't, because sooner or later I'll be gone and it wouldn't matter anymore. Everyone dies, the world just dropped a bunch of rules on top of that fact, but I'll never forget the truth."

"A cancer never forgets.."

"I didn’t mean to do it.. I’m a failure.. I’m worthless, and I can’t even tell anyone how I feel.. I lied to them all when they asked if I’m okay.. And they don’t like me… So why do I even try? I don’t know, I’m just scared to back out now.. But if I don’t… They’ll miss me, and they’ll get hurt.. I don’t want anyone to hurt because of me ever again.. I just wish I never existed.. ”

“I just want to sink out of this hell that I’ve drowned myself in.. I’m the weakest. I’m useless, all I do is wine.. I cry about stupid shit that I can’t fix.. I change the subject to ignore my pain.. I just want to ignore it.”

[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]]
  Adorabloodthirsty / 250d 16h 18m 45s
[center [pic https://static.tumblr.com/7293a591d8f76e31e0c96994c847460b/ixa9peq/BNXoo88d7/tumblr_static_filename_640_v2.gif]]
[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]] [i [size8 [font "Courier New" [#696969 "I'm complaining again, I'm so annoying sometimes.. Why can't I act like any of this is going to be fun just a little bit for everyone sakes? Everyone is going to have fun but me? I keep telling myself I'm not pretty, and that's why I didn't want anyone to go with me today.. I just wanted to be the person in the back drinking some water watching everyone, while everyone danced their hearts away, like I did at the winter games dance too... I just don't understand the point of having fun or a slight bit of happiness to ignore all the pain in the world.. "

"Depression isn't fun.. And having gender dysphoria on top of that isn't either... I don't want to get dolled-up.. When everyone knows damn well that I want to be manly.. I wouldn't of cared of going in a hoodie and sweatpants with my house slippers. And everyone knows I would of done it.. Because everyone thinks of me being that type of person. I'm just so confused and I just want to stay home.. But it's my last year of school.."

"But I don't like anyone there.. Except my step brother.. But he doesn't talk.. God what I'd kill to be nonverbal. So I wouldn't have to talk to these stupid fake ass people. They probably hate me too, and I don't give a fuck. But they'll act like everything is okay for the evening. I'm blunt and honest about my feelings and if you can't do the same, then why even fucking talk to me? That's how I fucking feel about these stupid ass people in general. I got so mad, because I told a fellow teammate that I couldn't ask his little brother to the dance because he's more like a brother to me. And then he tells his whole family, and then they flag down my mama in fucking walmart and practically jump my mom. My mom told them the same thing of what I said, and the teammate's mother said: Well there's nothing wrong loving your brother. Romantically? yes is fucking is! That's fucking disgusting. I don't like him in that way. I'm panromantic; meaning I like people for their fucking personalities, and this kid's personality is annoying. He's rude, and he likes to argue over the stupidest things, and he can't stand for his own opinion. He is a crowd follower, not saying it's a bad thing.. It's just not my thing."

"But there wasn't a point of trying to fight for me to ask him, and I still stick by what I said. If he wanted me to go with him, he should of asked himself. Probs would said no to him, but at least he would of stood up for himself."
[center [size14 [font "Courier New" [#696969 ~ ]]]]
  sᴡᴇᴀᴛᴇʀ / Adorabloodthirsty / 250d 16h 15m 25s
1

All posts are either in parody or to be taken as literature. This is a roleplay site. Sexual content is forbidden.

Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our
Privacy Policy, Terms of Service and Use, User Agreement, and Legal.
Roleplay
1