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/ By Waterlily- [+Watch]

Replies: 7 / 243 days 19 hours 29 minutes 17 seconds

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  1. [Allowed] WinterWonderland-

[center [font "Nyala" This is a thread for my babies to use. It's their ways of escaping the thoughts inside of their heads. Don't blame me for what they say.]]


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Roleplay Responses

[center [b [font "Nyala" [u June 2nd 2018.]]]]

[font "Nyala" I honestly don't know what to do.. I've been cutting again.. I've been distant from my own family.. And for what? An old girlfriend showing up. She started ripping into me about how horrible of a person I am.. That I'll never amount to anything.. and she said she had killed our son. What kind of monster are you?! You killed the [i ONLY] good thing in my life. I knew I shouldn't have let you keep him, I knew it.. Now I'm sitting here wishing I had brought him here..]

[font "Nyala" You are the monster here. You tore my son away from me. When I saw him two months ago, he didn't want anything to do with me. He wanted you and only you. What did you do to him to make him turn his back on me? Really Ana? You wanted me hurting, well you got it. I'm in tears as I tell this to my holder. My heart is shattering, and I wish I had never met you. I wish I had never fallen in love with you, and I wish I never bore your son. Yes I'll always love him, but I hate you.]

[font "Nyala" He was everything to me. Before shit hit the fan between you and I, he loved me. He would come and cuddle with me after I had a hard night at work. You ruined that. You lied to him, and told him I left him. I didn't leave him! I was doing what I thought was best for him! You had to go and kill him! I just want to rip your heart out, and you'll realize how much pain you have caused me. You are the monster here, not me.]

[font "Nyala" I know now, I'll never love again. I'm making this vow to myself right here and now. My heart is as cold as I am. You ruined everything, and I'm back in that dark place I never wanted to be again. The blood's still rushing through my vein's, but I wish it wasn't. I wish I was with my little boy right now.. I need my little boy.. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. Please.. Someone take this pain away from me..]
  мacarтнυr / Waterlily- / 75d 4m 18s
[center [b [u [size12 April 17, 2018.]]]]

[center [size12 Things are honestly starting to look up. I now am talking to someone. I haven't done this in a long time. I never really thought someone would want to talk to me. But honestly, they do. Even if we are just friends right now. It's better than nothing. And she is so chipper. I love it, a lot. Just having one friend. Not having to pretend is nice as well.]]

[center [size12 I do hope this does go farther than just friends though. I keep looking and keep looking. And I'm just so picky, and I sometimes just don't understand why I'm so picky. But she is beautiful. She makes me smile every time I see her, even if we just recently started talking. I just want to take my time.]]
  вαвιєѕ / WinterWonderland- / 120d 12h 1m 29s
[center [b [font "Nyala" [u April 6th 2018.]]]]

[font "Nyala" It's so weird being back around here.. I've missed seeing everyone, and feeling like I can be myself. I had to leave to put myself back together. I was so hurt, and so damaged that I wanted to end everything. I still want to end everything, but I'm here for my brother. Morianna is the only person who can talk me into doing anything, and I hate him for it. I did miss talking to Em more than anything, and it's weird seeing how many people are around now.]

[font "Nyala" Angelique has two more beautiful children, and they are quite the lookers though. I guess I shouldn't be talking about the other's.. I should be talking about myself.. How can I do that though? You are always still on my mind, and I sometimes wonder if you ever think of me. Do you think of the good times we had? The wonderful memories? I miss the day's where we could talk and just forget the world. I mean, it's time I put myself back out there, but who would want someone like me? Who would want a woman who has so much baggage?]

[font "Nyala" Mori's right though. I should put myself out there, I should let people back into my life. I think it's time I do just that. Let other's back into my shell, and maybe then I'll be able to fully heal. It's nice to be back, but it also hurts to be here. I'm glad Mori doesn't have to deal with this pain. He's pretty much heartless, and I wish I was. I just tend to wear my heart on my sleeve.. I just don't know what to do right now.. Is anyone willing to take a chance on me?]
  ғιrѕт / Waterlily- / 131d 23h 25m 52s
[center [u [b [size12 March 16, 2018.]]]]

[center [size12 Oh man. It's been a while since I've been down this road again. Every time I get close to someone, it always seem to backfire in my face. All I want is a small happy family. I deserve the best and so does my daughter. I get so scared, but sometimes, I just fall so fast. I'm trying to learn how to take my time. But my heart... It's just too good sometimes.]]

[center [size12 But, this time, it's different. Met a new woman. She is all I ever think about anymore these days. Her smile lights up the whole world. This woman has been broken so many times. I want to help her. I want to show her what it would look like when no one is leaving her side. My daughter already adores the crud out of her. So that's definitely good. I want this to be the last time. The last time I have to feel any type of heart broken pains. I watch my holder go through it, and I just want my happy ending.]]

[center [size12 The moire I see her. The more I just want to hold her, and I just want to be with her. But I told her we will do things at her speed, and I'm okay with that... As long as I get to be with her. I'm falling for her fast. I really hope she does catch me...]]
  lσvєd / WinterWonderland- / 153d 5h 29m 48s
[center [b [font "Nyala" [u February 11th 2018.]]]]

[font "Nyala" So I just got home from the most [i amazing] day ever. I honestly didn't think I would be able to meet someone new. I didn't think I was ready to put myself out there, but being able to sit down and talk to someone is an amazing feeling. I honestly feel like I could let V into my life more. She makes me smile, she makes me feel beautiful, and I can be myself around her. Her daughter is adorable as well. I was surprised at how quickly she warmed up to me.]

[font "Nyala" Maybe, it is time for me to put myself out there. Move on from the woman who hurt me the most. It's time I let myself be with someone who wants to be with me, who doesn't get tired of me, and most of all someone I love talking too. V I honestly can't thank you enough for today. I needed it, I'm still smiling like an idiot. I'm really glad Bensen pushed me to talk to you, even though I thought you might have been interested in her. I can now see, you are interested in me.]

[font "Nyala" I'm excited to see what the future holds for me and you. Right now, I'm just glad I have you as a friend. I would love to get to know you, and your little princess more. Things are looking up, and I'm looking forward to the days ahead.]
  ғιrѕт / Waterlily- / 186d 4h 50m 12s
[center [b [font "Nyala" [u January 4th 2018.]]]]

[font "Nyala" Where do I even start? I feel like my whole world is crashing down around me.. I feel like I'm not even myself anymore. I've been trying to hold this in, but the tears I shed at night are tears I'm sick and tired of. Yes I've been a daddy's girl since I was little. My daddy had been my whole world. I wanted him to look at me like he was proud.]

[font "Nyala" Ever since things ended between our holders, I feel like you don't want anything to do with your children.. You don't want anything to do with me.. I just want you to know, I did find Isiah, and he's here. He's happy and he's safe. He's slightly jumpy but I feel like with a little bit of help, he'll be back to normal. The twins are growing every day. I love watching them learn how to babble, and smile. They are aging slowly as well. Momma is worried sick about it.]

[font "Nyala" I know she has two children who are different, and now she has two other's who are the same as myself and Independence. I'm trying so hard to keep things together for momma, but sometimes I feel really weak. I feel like I can't make anyone happy. I see the way Isiah looks at me, and I see the love inside of his eyes. He really means the world to me, and he's picking up the pieces of my shattered heart. He's protecting me, and making me feel like I can handle anything again. With him around, I don't feel so alone..]

[font "Nyala" Independence feels like he can't even protect me like he used too. He's been a hard ass too lately. I see the way he looks when momma starts talking about you, and how much she misses you. I know you've moved on, but why couldn't we have made it work? Why did you have to leave your family behind? You broke your promise daddy.. You left your little girl afraid and alone.. You were supposed to teach me so much, and now you have someone else. You have another family.. You forgot about us.. I know you did.. I just want this pain to end.. I want to forget..]

[font "Nyala" There is a warlock here who say's he'll make me forget you. Do I want to forget you? Do I want to forget the man that meant so much to me? I'm tired of fighting the tears, fighting the pain, and fighting back the memories. I'm simply tired of everything. I'm sorry daddy, but I have to forget about you.. I have to let myself heal. Even if it means losing all of my memories about you, then so be it. Maybe momma should do the same. Hell, maybe all of us should do the same.]

[font "Nyala" I don't know. Just too much on my mind I suppose. Isiah is pulling me away. Maybe he'll help give me the courage to go through with the memory thing.. I love you daddy.. Or should I say I loved you? I don't know..]
  {First} / Waterlily- / 224d 2h 49m 33s
[center [b [font "Nyala" [u December 15th 2017.]]]]

[center [font "Nyala" It's been a month since my baby girls were born. Independence and Aurora have been wonderful towards their sister's. It's just sad to know they will never know their father.. It honestly breaks my heart knowing that. Most days I have to keep telling myself that things happened for a reason. Yes I do miss you, and I'm honestly hoping you are happy with your new love. It's kind of surprising how quickly you moved on though.. Do I blame you? No.. If things had gone differently, I would have let you go either way.]]

[center [font "Nyala" I do miss the late night talks, and trying to pick out the perfect baby names. I did choose to go a different way though. The names you had picked out, would have reminded me so much of you.. Looking at Aurora and Independence I see your eyes, it's honestly killing Aurora not having her father. She was always a daddy's girl, and now she's not herself. I've heard her talking a couple of times about you. I just wish things could have ended on better terms. Not the way they did.]]

[center [font "Nyala" I'm just worried about the day that Danielle and Adella finally stop aging. Will they be the same age as their older siblings? Older? I don't know.. I just know I'm taking one day at a time. Every time I feel down, or really upset I realize that you gave me the best years of my life. You brought me out of my shell, and I can't thank you enough for that. You made me love again, and I know one day I'll be able to love someone again. For the time being, I'm just doing what I can for my kids.]]

[center [font "Nyala" Just know, I do think about you. I do miss you, and I do wish you the best of luck in life. You deserve nothing but the best. I will always love you, and I know your children will always love you. Even if Danielle and Adella don't know you, I know Aurora and Independence will hold you close in their hearts.]]
  {First} / Waterlily- / 243d 19h 9m 44s

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