Shenanigans

/ By Simulacrum [+Watch]

Replies: 98 / 299 days 14 hours 26 minutes 31 seconds

Allowed Users

  1. [Allowed] Knight-


[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WweGvrfA6fo]

Heck it, it's my little place to read, write, do whatever I please. I'll only give access to the boif since, well, I like him so much.

[https://www.retailmenot.com This is the shopping thing which lets you get coupons lmaoooo]
[https://www.dresslily.com My to shop place because I love the style,,,]
I use wish for stockings and things which are cheap. Beware of the material since it is thin and easy to break,,,
Uhhh,,, more shopping stores as I go alone huhu.

[h3 [center Ushi's shopping list]]

[b tanks]
[https://www.dresslily.com/bowknot-stripe-backless-peplum-tank-product3018390.html Tanktop with bow]
[https://www.dresslily.com/asymmetric-lace-panel-open-shoulder-product2905940.html Gray floral tanktop]
[https://www.dresslily.com/skulls-lace-up-tank-top-product2760786.html Skull lace tanktop]
[https://www.dresslily.com/ladder-shredding-t-shirt-with-product2850036.html corset with stripes]

[b Pants]

[https://www.dresslily.com/piano-keys-printed-high-waisted-product3112494.html ovo!]
[https://www.dresslily.com/high-waisted-geometric-print-christmas-leggings-product2253078.html :3c]


[b Dresses]

[https://www.dresslily.com/long-sleeve-empire-waist-handkerchief-dress-product2145972.html o wo]
[https://www.dresslily.com/feather-print-vintage-party-dress-product2833476.html nwn]
[https://www.dresslily.com/vintage-sunflower-print-ruched-pin-product3066135.html flowery]

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Roleplay Responses

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xFe0vkUJXU]
  Yatsu Chikushou / Knight- / 39d 23h 17m 58s
Your the worst.
You gotta talk things out like every other human being.

You don't get to have power over my head and get me to grovel and be "grateful" to you.

It's a good thing I didn't trust you huh?
Charitable sweetheart?
The proper term is called blackmail sweetheart.

Funny thing is the tables have turned.
You changed the password to kick me off.
And what's funny? Is I have access to all of your stuff.

Cause I didn't log off the computer.
I didn't trust you.
Did I have a reason too?

What's so weird is you want me to obey you with this power and obedience with blackmail.

You were my queen.
I was willing to listen and obey.

Now you want it?

Or do you just wanna crush me?

Your such a bipolar woman. You pat yourself on the back for being a sweetheart. Charity isn't.
"I'll give you shit if you fall in life peasant"
That's a form of manipulation.


Your like Alex but except? So much fucking smarter that it's crazy. You were smart enough not to waste a year of your time on me.
Get my first time without marrying me.

Get me all riled up and on a hook for you.
Steal me from someone who loved me dearly. Yeah they left but I spent my time with you and as they said it caused the fall.

You won every round you've never faced scorn or loss.
Even with Josh? You played games with him when things didn't go your way.
Like a child you'd rather play games than handle the problem.

What was that about growing or staying the same?

You've reverted to the person you were and as for me?
I have not.
I'll not blackmail you or look at your shit.

I'll use the computer as intended as I promised.
I'm growing up.

Maybe I'm growing more cynical but I ain't the same person I was. Life isn't about love and trust is it?
It's about putting yourself first and being one step ahead.


I never understood how someone like Mun could put himself first always. I get it I understand him.
I thought it was out of weakness not to care for others.

Nope cause everyone does it.

Everyone looks for what makes them happy even at others expense. I didn't wanna face that I wanted to be there for others and I knew people could... Love one another.

I thought I knew anyway.
Maybe the worlds changing and that's the age we live in.
Memememememe
It's all about me.

Well I'll take good care of number one you taught me that well.
I'll exercise and get that job with Juzi.
I'll drive a truck it pays well I didn't want that job I always wanted to be a family man not be on the road 24/7.
Now? I see it's the best choice.
I'm scared to learn to drive and with my little experience I'm afraid but I gotta try at least.


You always wanted me to be more selfish huh? I was right about one aspect of it. It's got a certain emptiness to it.
A meaningless feeling to it.
If you live only for yourself what do you leave behind when you die?
Nothing.

Maybe I just gotta accept that as a fact of life.
You'll never change will you?

You were right you said you'd harden me? You did and maybe it wasn't the way you expected.
Or maybe it was the way and you do this to people for shits and giggles I don't know.

Yeah you chose the hardened route.

I am so digusted by your behavior I feel like vomiting but I realize it isn't out of fear or anxiety.
Shame and disgust.

Everyone knows hung around you despite the kinda games you play. You thought you looked like a fool? No you look like a mastermind who knows how to take care of her god damn self.

I was the idiot but not anymore so I'll open my mouth as much I want got that?
This is what you asked for by the actions you took.

I'm so ashamed I trusted someone who could do this so deeply.
To be fair? You warned me but you went outta your way to lie and say you changed and had me forever.
If not romantically you would in genereal right? Cause this is having my back platonically lmao.

Your the same.
A selfish liar who will use pretty words to get what catches her fancy in that moment. And I know you aren't even ashamed of that. In your world? That's a compliment you've always loved cruelity and harsh characters who could use others.
I should have know I could never met your critera.
I was a fool perfect for your skill set I suppose.
  Arthur / Knight- / 42d 1h 15m 1s
Response

Again was having a good night till someone brought this too my attention.
Thanks for that.

I had just made food too and now my stomach has sat so low.

You care about me?
You start with that before RIPPING into me.
Care about me? How? How do I believe that? Really?
How can I?

After you coming back just to block me a second time?
I knew you would too is the funniest part.
I knew once you read my letter you'd leave. Not cause of the letter but because you'd think in thought and decide to do it.

For someone who takes time a LOT of time to think? You tend to choose the stupidest things.
I LOVE YOU
You aren't fucking retarded but...

Pushing away the man who made you happy? I know that sounds cocky but that's only because you were the first person I did make happy.
Than going back and forth?
Smoking weed?

How do you think this long and get these emotional responses?
I learned from you I think before I leap now and yet I still bad make bad choices.
I'm just Moo 2.0 honestly.

I've taken a lot from you.
Both the good and the bad.

I'm heated but I do love you.
No I'm not pleading for you back I'm simply stating.

What you thought I'd do?
Than you shouldn't have "Promised" to never leave I don't get that.
Maybe I'd been more calm had you been more honest.

I'm not going to hurt anyone.
I've told everyone I'm not ready for dating and I might not and I'm still single.
"But Chris you made it seem"
I know how I did I guess I learned from the best huh?

Grow and tear themselves down something I've seen you do. Your so self destructive and I admit I am too but we built each other up. I didn't not when we were together.
You even admit here you didn't when we were together you tried to take care of yourself.

Block and delete huh? Again I kinda saw this coming and I contemplated calling it but it wouldn't have changed a thing.

Jealously I'm talking to Lance? What right? I didn't exactly leave you.
I'm grateful you didn't cheat on me don't get me wrong and at first I liked how you handled this. Minus a few lies and broken promises I liked the way you handled it not so much anymore.

Your right I didn't believe you I'm used to people
"Deleting me and moving on"
Kinda warned you of that from day one I didn't hide that.

Keeping sentimental things.
Like you hadn't had some stuff with Josh? Honestly, you said it was okay. I deleted the audio if you remember.
You always said it was fine.
Had you once told me any of these problems? I would have confronted them.

You laughed that my ex's told me not a single problem till after we broke up but your doing that. You wait till it's too late when I begged for you to tell me what was wrong.

I always told you when I was jealous but mine was playful whining. Yeah I'd play my game but I wasn't upset you flirted with people. Sorry you weren't honest back.
Stupid Chris for believing you that you were okay. Why should I trust my spouses word?

Honestly with my history I guess I am retarded for believing words at face value.
I'm the fucking retarded one not you.

Driven you off? Girl you were driving off the sunset before those problems.
"You'll be a sour puss about this Chris but..."
Yeah you were emotionally bolting long before.

I know I'm throwing a mixture of good points and probably a couple not good points cause I feel so freaking LIED to right now.

Maybe. You. Should. Have. Told. Me. It. Hurt.

I gave you a pass I gave no one else.
I'd literally obey any order or request you asked and I fucking did.
Asked me to get rid of someone? I did and Alex? I got rid of her.
Everyone and everything.
So had you asked? I'd have gotten rid of it and I ended up getting rid of a lot of stuff.
I didn't let you know cause you always said it didn't bother you.

How do you not get what you want from a guy who listens to your every word and calls you his queen? Oh yeah fail to be honest and say what you want.

Telling you openly I listened to it? That was EARLY on and it wasn't a factor later and you even know that! By the end I got out all my anger about my ex;s.
I barely brought them up.

I was content and at peace with you and as soon as I hit that peace and happiness? At peak ready to move on? You freaking bolt nice Moo moo real nice.

You tell me you loved me?
Made promises to me so I should count myself lucky cause you normally don't right? Is what you told me.

God I'm being more harsh than you were here but this is just so fucked up Monique in your defense you warned me.

I didn't go with casual replies with Alex I told her off and let her go.
End of story on that note thus as you can see I don't talk to her.

I wasn't careful with her at first.... You got me beat there yeah.
But guess what? I changed my fucking cycle.
I didn't let SHerry in or Alex.
I stopped talking to everyone toxic and reconnected with David you even told me I broke that cycle but you've changed your mind about me A LOT it seems.

A lesson?
Like don't trust people and life sucks?

Manuplatied me with tears what?! Look I'm mad and all but fuck you weren't like that jesus! I love you I just don't like the dishonesty and bi polar attitude.
Or blaming me for your choice.
Your choice is yours and I didn't abandon you or make you choose.

I blame myself for enough loss as is I don't need the emotional baggage of.
"You drove me off"

Honestly it's so weird standing up to you..
I never stood up for myself old Chris would have cried and told you your right and begged for you back.
You taught me to not be treated unfairly I just never thought you'd test me with trial by fire by being the one who emotionally abuses me.

I said you didn't abuse me when you said you did.
Maybe... Maybe you did but you never meant to and you didn't use me. I don't think you did and you loved me. Like I love you in the present tense.

I hope you don't see this and think
"I regret teaching that nigga to stick up for himself"
XD

Your hard to stand up to.
I love you and I respect you so fucking much it hurts.
It feels like you didn't or don't respect me in return.

You were my little one my princess hell you were my queen I said that time and time again.

It hurts me? Why should I care about me? Seriously? No ones ever given me a reason to give two shits about me.
By your essay here I'm a terrible piece of shit and fuck I probably am so whatever.

Your feelings weren't pathetic I wish you just had been more honest about them not when it was too late.

Dissapointed I made friends with my ex's? I'm sorry?
I guess I can say the same though.
I'm dissapointed in you.
I had such high hopes for you I didn't expect you'd be the same honestly.

Or even less than the same as you in scope of time it was much shorter.

I don't want you to tear into people for me!
FUCK THAT
I don't want you to fight my god damn battles! I want you to mean what you say to me!
Not lie about how you feel the whole time and blame me when shit goes wrong! I wanted you to be different god fucking damn it.

Well I guess we both made the wrong choices didn't we.
Fun.

Of course you won't care I'll be upset not for a second did I imagine you would honestly.

Well had you asked me not to talk about them I had listened.
You wanted me to visit Josh with you?! WTF You talked about him hell I asked about him for you to get closure on it. When I said I was okay with it? I was honest and honest with the times I got jealous.
Sorry you fucking weren't till again it was too late.

It wasn't like I asked to see them with you by my side lmao.

Insignigant..?
Really...?
Oh haha oh no.
My first time?
The one I actually obeyed?
Learned from?

The one I grew the most in the shortest time with?
I'm not even gonna touch that one.
God I just wanna smack you ONCE to put you back to your senses. This doesn't feel like the Monique I met.

You still love me?
And as for the cycle when you did it I didn't cry myself to sleep.
If I had I'd have shared it.

You weren't just a pretty face.

Can't be with me now? Well you make it seem you wanted me to just wait on when you feel like it before.

If you loved me half as much as you claim you wouldn't have put me through this.
You'd have just left me be with Lance and walked the other way.

Or stuck by your word better yet.

I didn't have bitterness but now I do and I gotta patch it away too myself.
Maybe one day we'll calm down and talk about it or you'll just vanish could go 50/50

You let me down too Monique.

Don't start freaking smoking you get on me for self destructive behavior hell ABANDON ME for it.
And you do what? Use weed as a crutch? Jesus that is so unfair Monique.

I love you and you know I don't cuking want that for you. Not what I want matters but at least do it for yourself.
Don't half choose yourself do it fully.
Don't half ass it.

I put a lot of effort into that "Cutesy" message as you called it.
It wasn't all cute it was a serious goodbye from me to you.
No you prefer we end on a note like this?
Cause that makes sense somehow?

What did you ask me to be quiet about again? I forget honestly.

That retarded thing again I was mad because I thought you were doing it on purpose.
If I held you on small things like that I'd be mad forever jesus christ.


You weren't an object to me and you know damn well you weren't.
I cried in your arms laughed with you held you in mine.
Spent my love and time with you.
My life story and deepest feelings.
Oh yeah you were an object all right.
Insert classic moo moo eye roll.

I do care if you spiral you don't get to do that! Cause as you fucking said I didn't let you go! God damn it.

I'm trying to take care of myself and I'm doing fairly well and here it looks like you won't even try.

You say you want a break for yourself to be healthy.
Than threaten to spiral and be unhealthy and be a slut who smokes weed.
What sense does that make?! Think about that seriously for five minutes.
How am I supposed to feel? I feel you just said that to get rid of me cause you got bored.
And maybe you did who fucking knows.

It gets easier with time?

No our issues harden with time.
Your gonna put a bigger barrier.

I'm going to become filled with more trust issues.

We won't let people come a mile close to us.
It gets easier.

In some ways sure but that doesn't mean it's a good thing.

See you Monique I wish I could end this on a sweeter note but you didn't really give me a way to do that.
All I can say is I hope one day we can talk again that's all.
  Knight- / 44d 11h 28m 17s
Oopsy poopsy
Long read ahead

I had my cookies saved on this laptop to snoop in when I was ready, just in case. However, talking to you made me decide against it.

After digesting what has been said, about you doing impulsive, irrational decisions, I don’t think it’d be beneficial to hear from you at all. I still care about you, regardless of what may or may not have been told via other people. I can bluntly put that out there.

But I have to take care of me, first. I have to take care of myself before I can help you, or anyone for that matter. You have proven what I thought you would do when we have broken up as true.

It’s unfair to those around you who you are using for potential, passing idle attention. You get on Carlos’s case about this all the time, yet here you are, doing the same thing. I don’t like that. I don’t like what you’re doing to Lance, nor do I like what you’re doing to Jill or anyone else.

You are in desperate need of yourself. Constantly fighting away that loneliness with company from another just shows that. An individual can either

Grow

Or tear themselves down.

You have chosen the ladder, after I had specifically asked you not to do this.
I’m going to delete you this time: block, delete, and move on.

I got a bitter, intense jealousy just by you saying you were talking to Lance-y poo again. But again, I wasn’t surprised.

I wasn’t surprised he still held feelings for you. I told you he did.
You didn’t believe me.

You’re more than likely going to end up with him again, and then you’ll be “happy”.

A man who is walking forward, while constantly looking backwards. That isn’t the way to live. You aren’t appreciating the things that are right in front of you. It drives people off, it has driven ME off.

I don’t want you to hold any pictures of me, and honestly, I was going to tell you what else it was that made me want to “break up” with you. Just so we could have had a whole discussion about it.

Keeping ‘sentimental’ things, like Lance saying,


“I love you daddy!” being cutes-y about it, hurt.

God damn did it fucking hurt.
I thought I was your little girl? The little one?
I thought I was your princess?
Why would you keep such audios? Just so you could remember the “good” things about someone. Well, that was a poor one to pick.
I didn’t get upset over you keeping his drawings, nope.

Telling me openly you listen to it just so you can hurt yourself, when I was right there, more than willing to tell you I loved you...

I don’t show my feelings as openly. They’re pathetic. And I was right to think so. As I’m sitting here, bitter, and my entire life plan has been thrown into a loop. A cog into the machine.

I worried about Alex, right after I read your little argument with her.
How pitiful it was on how you ‘rolled over’ for her.
I didn’t want to look at your casual replies back and forth. I questioned how you spoke to her
But I trusted you.
And I didn’t snoop through your shit.

Constantly telling ME to “be careful” with her, you failed to have done the same. And that's why you have gotten hurt.

That is why you are still going to get hurt.
Your cycle of actions have not changed.

I'm not going to act like I’m a victim here. I know I manipulated you into tears from time to time to guilt you down. Maybe it would have taught you a lesson? To not hurt those around you? Me, being in tears, would have made it stop?

Well
It obviously didn’t. Since you’re still running off to others for attention.
That hurts them, Chris.
It hurts you, too.

You let me down.
You made me look like a fool.
You’re still making me look like a fool.
I tear into Lance for you
I tore into Alex for you.
I tore into Jill.
For.
You.

And you’re here, talking and being buddy-buddy with two out of the three . I’m just.

Dissapointed.
I expected more from you.
And it hurts

Because I had such high hopes for you to do right this time.
But you didn’t.

And you won’t.

You’re probably going to be upset.
I don’t care. Well, about you being upset.
Lost, and confused, and upset.
That’s all I’m anticipating. I’m sure there will be more emotions, but... meh.


Contantly talking about other women who were in your life wanted me to tear my hair out. What the fuck was so great about them that which made me seem so insignificant?

“Oh you KNOW I THINK YOURE THE PRETTIEST ONE OUT OF THE PATCH MONIQUE!”

Then....
Why.
De fucc.
Would. u....
Constantly....
Talk.... about. Other. women?

Didn’t like it when I spooke about other men or women? Funny. It was gentle jabs as you whined and got quiet. Said that you loved me, then went to playing your game again most times.

But you did it again, huhu.
So, I did it again.
Same cycle.
Same shit.
Bluh bluh.

I still love you.
I just
Can’t be with you
Not right now. Not for a while, I need to patch my own bitterness away.

I’m just.. So tired.
I’ve smoked considerably way less when I dropped you. I think I should pick that up, evaluate this more.

I’m not going to respond to your cutesy message.
You hurt me.
You have this habit of blocking things out which you have done.
I have habits of blocking things out which I have done.

I know I told you to be quiet when I was irritable and you were talking about something you were passionate about.
I Know it hurt you.
Would have rather ended it there, just so I wouldn’t yell at you in irritation.

Being with you has questioned my own self-worth. Even more so now more than ever. To easily run off to other people as soon as I leave you,
To make me feel
“Stupid” or “retarded” when I just didn’t understand a small, simple concept.

I have half the mind to take back my goddamn laptop password just to alienate you from the cyber world once more.

But I won’t. (‘:
Sharing MY stuff with you, when I don’t have to...?

Lmaaao.
Aren’t I such a charitable sweetie?

Perhaps I’ll come back years from now.
When I don’t feel myself as being like an object in yours life.

Just an object.
Something nice to look at.
Nice to gawk at. While wandering eyes roam to other individuals.

Hey, maybe I should spread my legs when I come to terms with things.
I’m sure I’d be held a little bit longer around, anyways.
OH MONIQUE
YOU
LET ME
GO.

Yeah yeah. I’m talking about in general, sweetie. Not just you.

Marco wants to hit.
Charles wants to hit.
Nami wants to hit.
Marie wants to hit.

I bet you I could talk to Rob again and he would fuck me and leave me.
I’m sure Fangy would L O V E to know I’m | | close to just throwing myself down a spiraling level of fuckshit as soon as I get over this damn ache in my chest.

Maybe I’ll talk to him more?
You’re talking to everyone else bad for you, right?
Why can’t I spiral? Hmmm~?
Because it isn’t good for me, but why should I care?
You don’t.

I valued what you do too much. Even though I have never showed it. What’s so bad if I do the same thing? We were a team, right?
You were my rock... right? My guardian?
You’re cracking.
I’m falling.

But I know at the end of the day, I will rise up.

I don’t think I want anyone. Not for a long time. I didn’t even at the start of our relationship. I should have kept selfish feelings compacted down.

But I didn’t.

And now you’re hurt.
And I’m hurt.

Congrats, Monique. You’re so g r e a t (:
Here
Have some spoken word I have written in my free time:

I was happy
Underneath a cloud of ignorance.
Skies of gray
With peaking flecks of gold
Through thin white curtains
The sun shone brighter
Hurting my retinas


But alas
I can see again
And I refuse to let
You hold me down
Again.


With pain in my chest
My heart
My soul
I will move forward with
The light
Of my own self-worth.

--- I won’t let your doctrined beliefs of me won’t hold me anymore.

Why is it
That whenever
My thoughts
Trail to you


I taste a
Bittersweet tang
In my mouth

Which doesn’t correlate
To the blood
From my tongue
I bit down on

From swallowed down
Words left unsaid

Isn’t
It funny how
The only time
You ever get looked at
And Praised
Is by your looks

Or the way
You can write nothing more
Than a few words
Worth nothing
More than a penny?

Im always so close to relapsing as of late.

All because I’m so “Strong”
You saw through me, you know I’m a dainty soul at my core.
I let you into these castle walls, and my heart
Made of fine china
Has been handled carelessly and clumsily.

I like Castle walls by Christina Aguilera. The solo version:

Everyone thinks that I have it all
But its so empty
Living behind these castle walls
These castle walls....

If I should tumble,
If I should fall
Would anyone hear me screaming behind these castle walls
Theres no one here at all
Behind these castle walls.

Nobody knows I'm all alone
Living in this castle made of stone
They say that money is freedom, but I feel trapped inside it all
And while I sit so high up on a throne
I wonder, how I can feel this low?
On top of the world it's beautiful
But there's no place to fall


I just feel so... alone.
And I need to, for a while. Before I can upload more videos, before I can try to make my life around me.. I just..

Need to stand back up.

Its a test for myself.
They say doing this type of stuff gets easier every time... and, they were right.
It .. doesn’t hurt as much this third time around.
Still hurts like a b i t c h though. haHHafhgfwoal
I suck ass-- xD

Faretheewell.
I’m wiping my cookies on here, then my laptop at work when I get there. Not gonna bother to open anything this time >w<.
  |Elise| / Ushisama / 46d 21h 57m 10s
[https://kait_zilla.itch.io/say-when Say when], we are going to play this on the channel sometime down the line as this is a point of interest uvu <3 It sounds very good... and I'd like to indulge in it.

This will probably be edited as I look more into itch.io since I'm looking for what to play after ib >w<~

[https://tosziyar.itch.io/411 411?]

[https://circushorse.itch.io/anxiety-lost-night Anxiety: late night] uwu <3
  |Elise| / Ushisama / 61d 10h 37m 9s
SIDE NOTE: WE ARE NOT. GONNA... HEAL.. ChRiS BECAUSE... HE THINKS..... WE... ARE SHIT. WITH... YOLOING... SO... WE GONNA HEAL... THE ClOSET... GENJO.

Thanks, Past Moo. Your services are appreciated.
  |Elise| / Ushisama / 64d 11h 25m 16s
[size7 It didn't end up being as short as I thought it would be rip.]
[size10 In other news, I started up my Youtube Channel and I'm having fun with that. I'm going to have to look into video editing on my own accord since I would like to learn about it and implement it into my videos.

My friends would also like to watch me play Spyro on Fridays and Saturdays, since I would be doing that on twitch. :3c Hopefully, I will be able to play it to 100 percent completion... and since the remastered edition is coming out in Fall, I'd be able to compare it there, too.

When I was playing Ib, there was this one jumpscare which made me yelp. And, unfortunately, it made me sound like a dog! >:| I want to make that into a gif basically and laugh about it.

I also need to speak more clearly, I'm realizing. I mumble quite a bit, so, I'll try to fix that. >w< It's doing wonders on my speechskills; I actually feel wayyy more comfortable with just talking?

Perhaps I'll also grab a facecam or something whenever I am streaming. I think it would be nice to watch my goofy ass doing gameplays of horror games since I'm an absolute c h i c k e n.

I feel a lot of good things. Since everything involving editing and game creating is coming by relatively cheap. And I feel like I'm attracting a lot of good vibes to me as of late. Maybe because like attracts like, yes? >w>

This monitor from my neighbor will be nicely placed . I'll set it right beside my bed/upon my vanity table just so I won't have to break my neck while looking up at my TV screen.

Things are turning out just fine for me. >:3c

I ALSO FINISHED HALF THE NOTE CARD WRITING FOR MY SHIT FINALLY..... Jeez. >:T Shit was taking way too long. But now I must write notes for my new found hobby, huhu.]
  |Elise| / Ushisama / 64d 11h 35m 12s
Farewell, sweet hair. It shall be for the best, as fearless in death as you were in life...
  |Simulacrum| / Ushisama / 66d 23h 49m 32s
-w-.
And yet another round of school starts for me. Yippeee.....
I'm back on the agua, almost done with my gallon for the night.
I need to get back to writing these notecards, but I'm so god glam lazy,,,

I'm going to more than likely visit Chrissu this weekend. This time, however, I'll be able to stay at his home and bond with his mom and (hopefully) brother.

Of course, we wouldn't have as much alone time. Buuuuttt... I would like to know his mom and brother a little bit more.

I may come back downtown at about ten or eleven. It would be time to grab that item which I saw for Brandon. :3c

Also, will give his mum said money for the internet. So, that fucknut will be making his return,,,

UhhhhhH

School is Tuesday, Thursday, and Fridays.
Meaning, I get Mondays and Wednesdays off. Bless <3

I need to grab a different bag for my shoulders for classes lmaooo,,, I'll look into this soonish. There's these cartoony backpacks I saw which I L O V E.

Soon, my sweets..

I ALSO NEED TO STOP BSING AND BUY THOSE SHIRTS THAT ARE IN MY DESCRIPTION END MY SUFFERING THEY'RE CUTE.

SCRE
  |Elise| / Ushisama / 71d 10h 37m 10s
[size10 [i [center [#330b5b Who knew evil girls had the prettiest face

Or

I cannot chase you, so I must replace you.

Both lyrics are from lucid dreaming. I plan on making some vent art with these later huhu... [size7 stop being so fuckin sad monique]]]]]
  |Simulacrum| / Ushisama / 78d 6h 52m 50s
[i [size10 [#330b5b [center *casually studies for my permit again* uvu

My mom found a sweet deal for this Honda which has gotten repoed and I could get it paid off with the money in my savings.

However

I like the alternative given of being able to pay via loans. That way, I’d be able to build up my credit and blah blah blah.

I think,
Well
This is a sign. Since it’s s o fucking cheap, and there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with it.

So, I may as well get my license and get comfortable asap. uwu; I just don’t enjoy driving really all that much, rip...

BUT CHEAP GOOD CAR.... my decision has been made.]]]]
  |Simulacrum| / Ushisama / 80d 2h 24m 59s
[i [size10 [center [#330b5b I mIsS mY PoOkIe EnD mY lIfE.

It's going to be Brandon's birthday sooonjflewuursyrwahj I need to go to three crystal gems this Friday to get him a gift! ;w;'

He seems to really enjoy those gem stones, so, I'll be investing in that for him. >w< It may just.. take some time, since I'm not quite sure how to appropriately go about packaging things. Heck.

Not that it's a problem! o wo I'll be able to look it up and ask my coworkers, I love how everyone I associate with is so kind/able to help when asked.

... I kinda lowkey want to write a letter, too. Like, have all of my feelings out, get them completely sorted out and something for Chris to hang onto.

Would that be a little weird? Probably lmao, but guess wot? .... I'm gonNA DO IT ANYWAYS AAAYYYEEEE (; I'm the biggest sap lowkey and I know ittttt.... ripperone in pepperone.

I wish I was able to put my thoughts into actual words instead of writing page amongst page of what I feel and why. Oop.

I miss him physically. Like, I miss cuddling that big dork as he plays his video games tsk tsk tsk. However it appears I'll be able to visit more in the winter time/cold weathers since I get more OT (Overtime) at my job. That will be a thing, y'know? >w>; I'll be visiting you more in fall/winter months heehee. >w< At least you like my hair straight anyways, so, I mean... it's a match made in heaven.

Side note; I would like to dye my hair a different color again. Or at least get highlights or something of the sort in it once more. I miss the color I used to have in it. Blue honestly was the best in my hair, many people have said... And when it faded? Man oh man, it was sO FRICKIN' PRETTY.

It went to purples and pinks and asdkjflkewre.

:/ Let that bad bitch back in pls.]]]]
  |Simulacrum| / Ushisama / 82d 7h 18m 48s
[https://123europix.net/zz-movie/the-green-mile-online-free-streaming-hd-with-subtitles-europix o wo]

[size10 [i [center [#330b5b The green mile... squee... <3]]]]
  |Simulacrum| / Ushisama / 82d 10h 22m 56s
[i [center [#330b5b [size10 I passed yet another quarter [s [size10 because I'm great]]. It was peaceful and relaxing, and now that I get a week off, I'm just going to wind back a bit more. My stomach just h ur ts since I just got on my cycle. Kill me.

So much for walking on my treadmill after work lmao,,,,]]]]
  |Simulacrum| / Ushisama / 83d 14h 25m 37s
[i [center [size10 [#330b5b I remember getting asked why do people cheat? And, honestly, speaking from experience, it is due to cowardice.

I remember circa 2k15 Moo dated this one girl for a couple of months. However, at the time, I wasn't certain how to ... GO about that?? She desired a relationship which was similar to a friendship.

Cue old me going, "lolwut"

So, what did I do?

I cheated.
By drinking a lot of Blue raspberry Vodka known as Wave

And I fucked my best friend at the time.

And, then, I was chanting, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, it was an accident."

???? But was I really though?
I knew I wouldn't be myself if I was intoxicated. I acknowledged this, and I was not peer pressured into drinking in the slightest. I wanted to do this with my best friend.

And when I was crying, I hung up abruptly, and I never tried to work on it because I believed myself as a 'monster', since I only create a path of destruction behind me.

This time wasn't any different.

When you acknowledge you find your best friend as 'attractive', and you still decide to proceed to become intoxicated when you knew she was digging on you in the first place? It's not a fucking "accident".

What I did was not an accident, and I hold myself to my own standards regardless. I couldn't swallow the pill of trying to speak to her about, "I'm not really feeling you", so I eat my girls... (;
Then I cry to my ex, whILE DRUNK, and say I don't deserve her and "I'm sorry".

Psht.
Yeah right.

It's something I don't mind venting about, since I hold no remorse over my actions. I acknowledge these things, then I move along. I did that, and I learned from it... kind of?

It's just something I think about now since I'm not as... cowardly as I used to be? Iunno. >>; I don't mind sharing that, and writing a little bit about me loooollll.]]]]
  |Simulacrum| / Ushisama / 85d 8h 28m 15s
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