She rolled her eyes lightly at the teasing. He was like that so she could live with it, but he was ridiculous at times. The point about the secrets made her shrug lightly. "I suppose. I mean... would you have agreed, if I had told you earlier?" she asked, since it seemed obvious she never would have told him, if she had not been drunk. Again she shruhher. "I don't know. That's why I'm asking," she pointed out truthfully.
To her it seemed fairly obvious how Ai would react. She wouldn't be happy and maybe even blame her for sabotaging her relationship with Sho. His question made her shrug. "Probably not, but you didn't really. I mean you had no idea how I was feeling when you broke up so... I don't know," she replied with a sigh. It would be complicated. She wondered how his friends would react to them getting together. Since she didn't really have friends, it wasn't a question she really had to worry about.
"You said it."He responded to her clown comment, but he was just teasing her again. He narrowed his eyes a little bit at her comment about secrets. "Maybe you didn't keep a ton from me, but the one you did was pretty important wouldn't you say?"He knew it wasn't totally black and white like she was making it out to be. He shook his head a little though, "What secrets could I keep from you?"He knew it wouldn't be very easy to have ever, nor was there anything really to keep from her. Her question made him think for a second, "I can't decide how Ai-chan will feel. It might seem kinda like I left her for you but well..I kinda did. She didn't want me to be so close to you and we've always been close so..then this just happened like it did so..Is there something we could really do?"
It was just very sudden she supposed. After all, he hadn't really known about her affection until yesterday. Should she have told him far earlier than this? She wasn't sure. Him reaching his arms to push her cheeks up made her flush slightly. "That must look like a creepy clown," she commented, but it all came out muffled with him doing that.
When he did finally let go off her cheeks she massaged them slightly before giving a smile. There was the question how things would change now. Well, she supposed not too much, aside from probably spending more time together and becoming more... well intimate. Stil, she was happy either way. His stipulation made her tilt her head. "You act like I kept a ton of secrets from you," she replied. There had only been the one. "What about you? Amy secrets?" she asked before she thought of something, "What about Ai?" After all, didn't this look pretty bad to her?
He knew that he did like the idea of all of this, he didn't know that there was anything to come in between them as it was, they made it this far. Looking to her now he nodded his head, knowing that she must be still a bit overwhelmed. "Yes I do, I'm not just saying it so please.."He stretched out his arms, pushing up the sides of her cheeks a little bit, "You're allowed to smile again, I don't know what you're keeping it back for." He knew she was probably anxious and all, so he was really just teasing her at this point. He'd probably answer any questions she needed him to and this would be a new step for both of them clearly, but he wondered how it would affect anything, if it did at all.
Was knowing that he was committed to her really just satisfy everything she wanted? He never knew how such things worked, not that he hadn't given this serious thought. It was very clear now, there was this certain tense thing between them sometimes, now it was melting away, he knew that this was it. "No more secrets."He added on top of this.
This was probably the calmest she was going to get. At least with these circumstances. Love was probably a too strong word, but it was true, mostly. She did care for him greatly, but surely that would scare him, though he didn't run from the room, so that was a start.
"I know. I'm just trying to explain why you disappearing hurt so much," she replied, not wanting to get into it again. When he said what he did she stared at him. She honestly hadn't expected him to say that. Maybe he should pinch her. "Why did you think that?" she asked curiously, looking to him, "You're not just saying that?" Somehow she couldn't believe it until he outright said it. Still there was a small smile that tugged at her lips. This was what she had always wanted after all.
She did seem more calm, the more he talked himself anyway. He looked at her curiously and just as intently. He supposed he had to answer once she brought the word love into it. He actually seemed a bit surprised by the words. He didn't expect her to say something like that casually before they were even together, though it made logical sense to him anyway. "I tried to do that for your own good, I didn't particularly like it."He reminded her of that. Still, he knew he wanted that feeling that he craved, from before but he didn't want to force it. "Well I.. I want to try too. All the stuff I do, I guess if I look at it in a different way, I just never thought we could be together."He looked to her hoping he'd made her happy with the admittance at least.
That was a fair question. Would it make things easier? She had no idea, though she supposed there would be some comfort in knowing that he did like her like that. "I think so," she replied truthfully, "But don't say that just so we can talk." That would have been the worst feeling. What more she thought it was a possibility that he would do that to get her to relax.
Him asking if he was her best friend made her furrow her brow. "Of course you are. No one knows me like you do nor this long," she replied truthfully before looking to him, "But talking to you about you... That's different..." At least it felt different to her. This was... well love and that was a hard subject for her.
Him telling her to calm down and to leaning forward made her look to him. It was something, though she found herself wondering what she was supposed to say. Him being close didn't help the matter. "I don't know how long I've... well loved you. At some point, I just realized... When you decided to distance yourself from me... I couldn't bear the thought," she told him, feeling like she was rambling or something as she nervously played with the blanket.
He wished she didn't have to struggle so much, it was almost a little painful to watch. He did sort of like the words he was hearing though. "If I tell you I like you does it make it easier for you to talk about these things with me?"He said it with a certain casual way, but he couldn't deny what he had felt just the other day. He just wanted her to relax around him, no matter the topic. "I am your best friend after all..aren't I? Shouldn't you be comfortable when you speak to me..even about this?" It seemed clear that he wanted her to be able to say more things like this anyway, so that wasn't bad at all. "Please calm down Kyoko-chan."He still looked into her eyes, maybe leaning a little closer over the table, wondering if she'd respond, maybe that would help her speak too..though truthfully he did believe the girl she was when she was drunk was in there somewhere.
Wasn't what she would like what she wanted? To her it was, which was why his question confused her. If this wasn't auch a stressful moment for her, perhaps she would point out the contradiction in his statement. Instead she nervously played with the blanket around her. Him leaning his head on his hand and looking at her like that wasn't helping her.
Tell him more. What did he want to hear? She felt put on the spot and her mind was suddenly feeling pretty blank. Why was he making her go through this? He didn't love her after all. Still with him looking into her eyes, she couldn't look away, or at least she didn't want to. Instead she found herself sliding around where she sat, the only thing keeping her reflex of running away at bay for now.
She opened her mouth several times, but nothing came out. He was paying her way too much attention for her to be comfortable. Her face turned damn near purple from flushing so bad. "I... do want you to... l-love me. I... want to be with... you. I've wanted that.. for a long... time...," she said softly, her gaze never leaving his.
As he watched her try at the very least, to say what she wanted, but not exactly answer the question. He did listen to her words though, happy to indulge her and be sincere about this. Still, he wouldn't be able to call that what she wanted, so much as what she would like. He shook his head a little bit. "That's not what you want is it? That's you just trying to state what you think."He informed her, almost to say that for one, she didn't know he didn't reciprocate her feelings, and for another thing, she didn't really state what she wanted. Even if they both knew it, he clearly wanted her to look at him and say what she felt, say what she wanted, to tell him, maybe he was asking her to not be shy, but something inside of him craved the eye contact and forwardness she showed. He supposed in a certain way, he wanted a confession properly. "Kyoko-chan, tell me more." He added that in, wanting to be his normal slightly silly self. Leaning his head on his hand and paying attention to her eyes, wouldn't she enjoy that though? He was giving her some quality attention.
He was right about that. It was one of the things she had always enjoyed about being sick, even though she didn't get sick often. "Well, I've moved around a bit so I would say I'm doing better," she mused softly before chuckling, "Though to be fair, usually it's not self inflicted." Though this time it had definitely felt the worst.
Hearing the demand, she felt her face go scarlet and while she didn't curl up in a ball, she did tug the blanket around her frame. Somehow she just needed that protection. Why did he always ask such things of her?
Slowly, almost in frame by frame, her gaze met his, though it was very tempting to look away. "I mean... I would like it... if you... reciprocated... those feelings..., but you don't...," she said hesitantly. She wanted to be with him, she thought that went without saying, but only if he genuinely liked her and wasn't just doing it so that she would be happy.
As she said it he shook his head a bit, "It is part of the reason I came. I usually check on you when you're sick."He didn't know why that would be dismissed, but he assumed she was just anxious to hear what he'd have to say about her next question. Her uneasiness wasn't contagious thankfully, but it did bring him to a different mind set. He looked to her in all seriousness since she wanted to do this right away and rose an eyebrow. He wanted her to face him. "Well, look at me for starters and tell me what you want to do about it."He told her, straight up. It wasn't like he was asking for more than her to state what she'd like, but if she couldn't even do that then it was an issue.
She closed the door after him. It really was getting cold outside. She was happy to be inside and read a book under a warm blanket or something like that. The blanket she had kept where it was from that night, mostly because it was nice to lay there and read.
His teasing, no matter how good natured, still made her flush bright red. "It wasn't like that and you know it. I rarely touched you as it was," she reminded him, since it was true. Before that night there had been few times they had touched one another. She had been too shy to do so and she always feared he would have noticed.
She sat down as well, though far enough that there was a comfortable distance between the two. She didn't know what to say. Nodding, she replied, "Yes, the medicine helped and after a day of doing nothing, I feel better." He could imagine that meant that meant laying on the blanket.
"But that's not why you came," she said slowly, not sure how to approach the subject, "I assume... you thought about it... Where do we go from here?" she asked, slowly unsure. He knew where she stood, but she had no idea where to place him.
He stepped inside and took off his jacket. It has been getting cold. Honestly he thought more about it and noticed the blankets by their usual seat. He let out a small chuckle. "So..this must have been your favorite time of the year. Always using the tempurature to sort of secretly snuggle up to me and share a blanket.." He didn't know if that would make things weird or light. He sat down anyway, not knowing how to approach things now. In a way he was hoping that she would, but that seemed unlikely at best. She couldn't even look at him about this stuff which he didn't like. "So... feeling better?"He asked her knowing he genuinely could brew curious about that. He really had left in a kind of mean way.
She had spent the remainder of the day in her comfort fort, between thinking and sleeping. She didn't know what was going through his head and honestly she couldn't imagine it either. Would he even come back after this and how would their friendship be different now? She had no idea.
The next day she spent mostly cleaning up from their night together and reading. Reading helped her. It took her away from all this for a bit and it did feel good to not think on when he might possibly come to talk to her.
When the doorbell rang she looked up before going to get the door. Her heart pounded like crazy. There was only one person that typically came to her house. Opening the door, she gave a soft smile. "Hey...," she said gently, "Come in." At least she assumed that that was why he was here. To talk and whatnot. Or would they just ignore what had happened and keep living their lives?
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