He wished she didn't have to struggle so much, it was almost a little painful to watch. He did sort of like the words he was hearing though. "If I tell you I like you does it make it easier for you to talk about these things with me?"He said it with a certain casual way, but he couldn't deny what he had felt just the other day. He just wanted her to relax around him, no matter the topic. "I am your best friend after all..aren't I? Shouldn't you be comfortable when you speak to me..even about this?" It seemed clear that he wanted her to be able to say more things like this anyway, so that wasn't bad at all. "Please calm down Kyoko-chan."He still looked into her eyes, maybe leaning a little closer over the table, wondering if she'd respond, maybe that would help her speak too..though truthfully he did believe the girl she was when she was drunk was in there somewhere.
Wasn't what she would like what she wanted? To her it was, which was why his question confused her. If this wasn't auch a stressful moment for her, perhaps she would point out the contradiction in his statement. Instead she nervously played with the blanket around her. Him leaning his head on his hand and looking at her like that wasn't helping her.
Tell him more. What did he want to hear? She felt put on the spot and her mind was suddenly feeling pretty blank. Why was he making her go through this? He didn't love her after all. Still with him looking into her eyes, she couldn't look away, or at least she didn't want to. Instead she found herself sliding around where she sat, the only thing keeping her reflex of running away at bay for now.
She opened her mouth several times, but nothing came out. He was paying her way too much attention for her to be comfortable. Her face turned damn near purple from flushing so bad. "I... do want you to... l-love me. I... want to be with... you. I've wanted that.. for a long... time...," she said softly, her gaze never leaving his.
As he watched her try at the very least, to say what she wanted, but not exactly answer the question. He did listen to her words though, happy to indulge her and be sincere about this. Still, he wouldn't be able to call that what she wanted, so much as what she would like. He shook his head a little bit. "That's not what you want is it? That's you just trying to state what you think."He informed her, almost to say that for one, she didn't know he didn't reciprocate her feelings, and for another thing, she didn't really state what she wanted. Even if they both knew it, he clearly wanted her to look at him and say what she felt, say what she wanted, to tell him, maybe he was asking her to not be shy, but something inside of him craved the eye contact and forwardness she showed. He supposed in a certain way, he wanted a confession properly. "Kyoko-chan, tell me more." He added that in, wanting to be his normal slightly silly self. Leaning his head on his hand and paying attention to her eyes, wouldn't she enjoy that though? He was giving her some quality attention.
He was right about that. It was one of the things she had always enjoyed about being sick, even though she didn't get sick often. "Well, I've moved around a bit so I would say I'm doing better," she mused softly before chuckling, "Though to be fair, usually it's not self inflicted." Though this time it had definitely felt the worst.
Hearing the demand, she felt her face go scarlet and while she didn't curl up in a ball, she did tug the blanket around her frame. Somehow she just needed that protection. Why did he always ask such things of her?
Slowly, almost in frame by frame, her gaze met his, though it was very tempting to look away. "I mean... I would like it... if you... reciprocated... those feelings..., but you don't...," she said hesitantly. She wanted to be with him, she thought that went without saying, but only if he genuinely liked her and wasn't just doing it so that she would be happy.
As she said it he shook his head a bit, "It is part of the reason I came. I usually check on you when you're sick."He didn't know why that would be dismissed, but he assumed she was just anxious to hear what he'd have to say about her next question. Her uneasiness wasn't contagious thankfully, but it did bring him to a different mind set. He looked to her in all seriousness since she wanted to do this right away and rose an eyebrow. He wanted her to face him. "Well, look at me for starters and tell me what you want to do about it."He told her, straight up. It wasn't like he was asking for more than her to state what she'd like, but if she couldn't even do that then it was an issue.
She closed the door after him. It really was getting cold outside. She was happy to be inside and read a book under a warm blanket or something like that. The blanket she had kept where it was from that night, mostly because it was nice to lay there and read.
His teasing, no matter how good natured, still made her flush bright red. "It wasn't like that and you know it. I rarely touched you as it was," she reminded him, since it was true. Before that night there had been few times they had touched one another. She had been too shy to do so and she always feared he would have noticed.
She sat down as well, though far enough that there was a comfortable distance between the two. She didn't know what to say. Nodding, she replied, "Yes, the medicine helped and after a day of doing nothing, I feel better." He could imagine that meant that meant laying on the blanket.
"But that's not why you came," she said slowly, not sure how to approach the subject, "I assume... you thought about it... Where do we go from here?" she asked, slowly unsure. He knew where she stood, but she had no idea where to place him.
He stepped inside and took off his jacket. It has been getting cold. Honestly he thought more about it and noticed the blankets by their usual seat. He let out a small chuckle. "So..this must have been your favorite time of the year. Always using the tempurature to sort of secretly snuggle up to me and share a blanket.." He didn't know if that would make things weird or light. He sat down anyway, not knowing how to approach things now. In a way he was hoping that she would, but that seemed unlikely at best. She couldn't even look at him about this stuff which he didn't like. "So... feeling better?"He asked her knowing he genuinely could brew curious about that. He really had left in a kind of mean way.
She had spent the remainder of the day in her comfort fort, between thinking and sleeping. She didn't know what was going through his head and honestly she couldn't imagine it either. Would he even come back after this and how would their friendship be different now? She had no idea.
The next day she spent mostly cleaning up from their night together and reading. Reading helped her. It took her away from all this for a bit and it did feel good to not think on when he might possibly come to talk to her.
When the doorbell rang she looked up before going to get the door. Her heart pounded like crazy. There was only one person that typically came to her house. Opening the door, she gave a soft smile. "Hey...," she said gently, "Come in." At least she assumed that that was why he was here. To talk and whatnot. Or would they just ignore what had happened and keep living their lives?
It didn't have to be fair, as much as he felt like he should have known, he also felt like she was keeping something from him for such a long time. What else did she change really.. so many things had much different meanings all of the sudden. He let out a small breath as he thought on it. He let the air between them thin out a bit.
It wasn't too long or anything but definitely enough time to think. Besides that now it was break, so it was their first school day off together. He woke up and got himself set up for the afternoon. Once it was closet towards the evening he knocked on her door. He was a bit anxious, not knowing if she'd have questions or if he would, or if they would feel totally awkward. He really, didn't want things to be bad, but he had a lot to consider.
This was clearly a too complicated situation for a morning after too much to drink. She didn't know what he wanted to say nor did she know how to answer most of it. It was a pretty bad mess. "Because you are safe to me," she replied and did finally look at him, even if her head seemed to flush even more at this point, "We've known each other since forever... I trust you..." Her hands played with the blanket around her, not sure what to do.
Him reminding her that she hadn't been shy last night didn't help her flush. "I was drunk," she reminded him, though she knew he knew that, "So you can't see me like that?" Was that what he was trying to say? She watched him to furrow his brow.
What he said wasn't really making much more sense. So he liked her, but didn't? It made no sense to her. The point about talking was fair. "We could work on that," she pointed out, but knew there was no guarantee that it would work out. She would try for him though. "What would you want to talk about?" she asked curiously.
Naturally, the accusation of her only talking to him about this because she was buzzed was a little mean. "That's not fair," she said, feeling like he was implying she could only ever have a conversation like this with him under influence. She was slowly feeling even worse about all of this. That was why when he moved to leave she didn't stop him. "See you," she said softly as she watched him leave. Still not feeling too great she simply curled up in her comfort fort. It smelled like him a little. She wasn't sure if she would be able to sleep, but probably exhaustion and simply the need for her body to recover would carry her away.
He wasn't really too keen on the years part either, but he supposed that answered that question as well. He looked down at the table before shaking his head a little bit. He didn't have to like that he was too blind to notice or that she was hiding it so well. "Yeah..but you said.. You said I was safe and that.. I.. I dunno."It sounded like he would have liked to know. "You certainly weren't shy last night.. but I don't know.. this is beyond being shy.. I've known you for so long.."He was disappointed in himself, but in a way he was a little bit disappointed in her. She still wouldn't even look at him. He knew what he felt was real from her, even if she was really drunk. He looked to her still, though his brows furrowed a bit now. "I don't want to tell you I don't feel the same..but there is a part of me that doesn't want to tell you I do. You are shy.. I know. I've known you for a while, but if there are things you can't even look at me about or talk to me about.. I'm too open, for something like that to work out with me.. and I'd want it to."He'd want it to work out, it all made sense for the two of them. He even tried to take care of her today. He sighed out a bit, standing up now, "You obviously need a little rest, you're still buzzed if you're talking to me about this right? At least if you drank a bit you'd look at my face."He didn't know why it was so important to him, but it was. It irked him, it was out in the open and he was accepting and she kept acting ashamed or something. He had just gotten dumped shouldn't he be the one all sad and embarrassed? He went to leave anyway. "I'll think some.."
It was something to know that even Ai, the person who had been his girlfriend, didn't evoke those feelings. That made her feel more happy than it should. Hearing him apologize, she shook her head, finally looking up at him, though she was clearly bright red and unsure what to do. "How could you have known? I... never acted on it," she pointed out, finding it odd that he was apologizing for something she had never intended on telling him, or more like never had the courage to tell him.
At the same time she did note he made no attempt to deny or accept what she had said. She had clearly jumped him on this. Running a hand through her hair, she sighed. "This has nothing to do with how you are," she muttered, her gaze still not quite meeting his, "What did you expect? I can barely talk in public. How could I have ever said anything like this? I'm shy, Sho-kun. I'm not able to just say that. If I could, I would have likely said it years ago." That last part slipped out. He hadn't known that she had adored him for years, since she had realized what love is.
Sho looked at her, her muttering and cowering not helping here. "Even with Ai-chan."He offered back to her, it was really something different with her, the feeling she put behind it. He could feel something a lot more. It just, was hard to explain. "I don't know.. I'm sorry it's news to me Kyoko-chan. I'm sorry I didn't pay more attention to it.."He didn't know what he was supposed to say, but he was fairly upset at himself for not noticing. He wanted her to not feel bad about this when he wasn't even sure that he didn't feel the same way she did. "I don't like how drunk you had to be before you even brought up the subject. Or how you're not willing to face me about it.. I'm not a monster like you assume. I won't hate you like you think is so easy..."
Even if she knew that he would never force her to do anything, she also knew that he would think less of her, if she lied to him about the reason, though likely only in his head and that was bad enough for her. She regarded highly what he thought of her and right now it was all coming crumbling down with her now having to tell him the truth.
Did he honestly think that it would ever get better than that? There had been reasons she hadn't told him in all the years. She was no good at this and this was probably the worst situation of all. Sure, it was terrible, but it would never be better. "As if you could. It's out now," she pointed out, muttering against her knees, still debating running from the room.
Him going on to talk about it naturally didn't help her with any of this. She knew he had never considered her more than his childhood friend, which was pretty much saying he saw her as a sister. Him now talking and explaining didn't help much, because he didn't really seem clear on what he was saying. "Even with Ai?" she couldn't help herself asking through her knees. A more confident woman would now say they could try going out, but that wasn't her so she just sat there, waiting for him to figure things out.
It seemed that she was going to struggle no matter what, and he wasn't really demanding. He could have totally just accepted the answer she wanted to give him, he was sort of compliant like that. He scratched the back of his head for a moment, she wouldn't have done that unless she was drunk, sure, but..well he couldn't tell if that was a good thing or not.
He watched her crumple up and seem to be afraid of everything that was happening around her. He felt his shoulders slump down a bit at her idea of a confession, sure it wasn't great or anything, but it wasn't like she wanted to tell him. "I'll pretend you didn't say that if you'd rather...you look like you're not wanting to say that to me."He pointed out, she didn't seem to get any relief by saying so and she looked like he had backed her into a corner. "I..dunno.."He mentioned after, scratching the back of his neck. He had only recently felt like she wasn't something of just his friend, like noticing things about her. "I liked..I like how you did that stuff..even if you were drunk..so it makes sense that you like me.."He felt his face get a little redder. "I never felt something..like that before..so..I don't know how to explain.."At the very least it sounded like he was considering things and if he did like her too.
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