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The girl stiffened for a moment and then found herself hiding her face against Willow. Since it had happened, the girl had decided not to let herself feel. Or tried not to so much. They had their ways of dealing with things and she hadn't let herself because she could feel it all around her. [b "It...Willow it was my fault. All my fault. Had I been quicker Brian wouldn't have had to save me. "] The words were very much broken and sounded more of a whimper than she had meant for them to. But she was beyond being able to control it. The other girl was right in her feeling guilt and regret every day since it had happened.
"Blakely, is it possible that you've been filling guilt over you thinking you caused his death instead of mourning your first love?" Willow asked quietly before looking to her with a sad smile. "It's not your fault. It was a split second, and you couldn't have reacted in time. And he...was...anyway it's not your fault. I think it's time that you mourned him not guilt yourself."
Drawing Blakely into her arms, she stroked her hair. She'd ignore the question of the boys. To her there was nothing that could be done right now anyway. "There's nothing wrong in letting it all out...it's okay. You will be okay..."
Green eyes came up from the book that she had set before her. She hadn't been reading it but had been just acting as if she had been. Easier to try and avoid thinking or it let her think but not for others to see it. Some did, like Willow for instance. That was very clear as she heard the words spoken.
A sigh escaped her lips and she ran her hand through her hair. [b "I know we've not and maybe this is for the better... I can still help you to help them. But this way I won't let my heart win. It could be I was projecting my feelings for Brian onto him...Or even with still loving Brian I was starting to actually fall for Remus. Either way I don't know anymore, Willow...I really don't."] Blakely said quietly and gave the other a gentle smile.
She knew that there was feelings for her from both boys and knew that her cousin had become fond on them as well. Just the time seemed horrible. With that being the case at least the other had maintained close friendships with both. [b "So how are things with you when it comes to the boys?"] She asked, trying to direct the conversation to the other. And also give them something to think about other than the examines which were about a month away.
When it should have been easier without the war and fear, it was not easier. Willow wished she understood what happened between the two of them, from what she understood Blakely had been brave but also pushed. It was a month before the final exams and they would be actually done with Hogwarts.
"You two have barely spoken to each other since that happened. We will have to be working closely with them to fix this..." Willow sighed, as they walked outside. "Do you think...that you're think your projecting Brian to him, do you? I mean...it's entirely possible and it wouldn't be your fault. You loved him and then he was taken. Then someone in a situation that you already bonded with was there..."
Willow hated saying those words. The deal with Sirius off, it was a bit sad but it was good thing, but they were still good friends and closer. Severus was also close friends. She was aware there were feelings and she liked both. It just wasn't good timing.
Her own cheeks had turned a bright red at his words and from the others around them starting at them. It was the last thing she had meant to happen but she had not gone with logic this time. This time she had let her emotions rule her and she paid for it. His own flare of temper didn't help. Once, twice, three times did she open her mouth to try and speak but nothing seemed to come out. No words could seem to slip past the lump that had formed in her throat.
Blakely wished that she could speak but she couldn't. All she could do was nod. After he had turned back and said his words and then went on again, the girl went down the stairs but went to the library instead. She had to fight herself to let any tears fall though they burned her eyes.
Sirius and James found Remus halfway down the stairs and Sirius looked at the boy. "Ready to head to the Great Hall?" He asked, though getting the feeling something might have happened. As curious and pushy as Padfoot could be, even he knew not to poke Remus on full moons. Remus would tell both him and James if he wanted them to know
"I told you everything already! What more do you want to know? You know that it hurts me greatly, that my chances in life is diminished, and I told you a great deal of the story. What more do you want from me, Blakely?" Remus turned on her, surprised himself even when his voice rose dramatically. People actually turned to stare at them. He flushed a dark red before shaking his head.
"You think that, because you think you can mend me somehow. I am not him! You will never understand until you go through this yourself," Remus started stomping off before stopping. "Not that I want you to or anything."
Blakely knew she shouldn't go after him in that moment. Knew that leaving him alone and not pokine the "beast" would be the best thing she could do. But again those last words had been a slap he had not meant. Most times he was kind and gentle and she knew the moon changed him. But before she could think logically or stop herself, the strawberry blonde did chase after him.
[b "Why is it so bad that I want to know and to maybe be more than friends? I know this isn't easy....but..."] The girl had to literally bite her tongue. This had been what she was afraid of. And it more then proved James' words of her having feelings for Remus and he had been too blind to see it. [b "I...Remus I'm sorry."]
Severus looked to the girl as she spoke and couldn't help a small smirk. "Perhaps it would be easier. But I don't find sitting and writing as productive and I rather teach here after it's over. Hogwarts has become like home to me. So...leaving would be odd." The boy was honest with his words as they were spoken.
"But I will see you tomorrow..." He said, understanding that the girl needed the space.
It seemed that in her search there could not be any boundaries or anything to him. He looked to her, attempting to be more understanding. "What more is there to understand than what happens and understandably I'm not pleasant.I don't say friends is enough to be humble it is. I'm sorry if that's not enough for you."
Remus stalked out of the common room, more than irritated in this moment. Tomorrow would be different for the male, just today it was something else.
"For the first time in my time at Hogwarts I think I can handle the portions scroll," Willow said rising before giving a smile. There was still the sadness but she bore it well. "Perhaps you should rewrite these potions books instead of teaching. With that book potions would be much easier. I'll see you tomorrow."
Playing cool wasn't working but losing her demeanor twice wasn't a good thing.
Sverus had not expected the kiss on the cheek. It was odd. Not in a bad way but just in a generally affections was not exactly his strong suit. So he gave a faint smile and a nod of his head. "You're one of mine too.. And I can't thank you enough." The boy said slowly and quietly as he too stood.
Truth be told her had to do some last minutes things as well. "Do you happen to need help? Or something you needed to do on your own?" He asked once both were on their feet and a few feet apart.
[b "I can't help wanting to understand...I know it seems prying...but I just do. When I don't it just makes me anxious."] She said quietly as her eyes did slowly meet his. It was for the briefest of moments and Blakely gave a weak smile.
[b "Try to enjoy the food...and see you tomorrow.."] The girl said, quietly. She wanted to tell him but she preferred for certain things not to.
For the first time Willow saw this as something in her past,like an old video. It hurt but it wasn't nearly as bad. Finishing wiping away the tears she looked from the end to him. "There isn't much to really say, thank you, though. It feels good to let it out, I haven't broke down since that night."
Kissing his cheek she smiled before straightening. It wasn't as if she wasn't happy with it, the prolonged contact just wasn't her. "I'm proud of you. I think you're one of my best friends. I do need to finish that scroll.'
"You couldn't know, and thats okay. You don't need to understand everything about me. Having a constant friend is all I ever wanted," Remus slowly rose placing a hand on her shoulder. "I'm going to prepare and eat. I'll see you tomorrow."
She was sweet, sometimes he felt as if there was something deeply off and sad. She would tell him though.
The girl bit her lip and only nodded slowly. There wasn't much she could possibly day at the moment. [b "It...Again I can't begin to understand and for that I apologise..."] What was with her and her words. No snark was intended but she figured at least acknowledging his words was better than for him to think she was brushing him off.
Blakely was a little antsy and she could tell he was too. One of them would make a wrong move and she was scared it would end badly. The others not being there to help would again end badly.
Severus listened to her words as she spoke her words. He was trying to picture it, though perhaps it was not the best idea. For the time, Snape could not truly imagine what the girl had gone through. The loss and the guilt. But something told him he had a very basic idea before he had been convinced to try and fix things.
"You had tried...and sometimes there isn't much we can do...But I do mean what I said. I am done with them after this." He whispered as he kept the arm around her shoulders to try and comfort her. He did care for the girl and it was obvious.
"Th-that's why I am not around on the day...it hurts deeply and then it comes out. Pay no mind," Remus gave an apologetic smile before looking to the fire. The chocolate would help but he knew he was liable to be more dangerous. 'I didn't mean to hurt you, honest. It's difficult to be in such terrible pain then change."
It was enough of that Prongs and Patriot ought to come along soon enough. Some food, he could try to eat. The potion kept most of it away it was just enough.
"It was...just down this hallway...I tried helping Nelly. I was too late, she was killed right before me, and I...also killed the one that did it. Just in time to hear Blakely screaming and there was Brian dead. I can't forget that..." Willow whispered pointing down the hallway. There was something good about sharing these but also painful.
Looking to Severus she gave a soft smile. "Thank you..." she said in a gentle tone leaning into him closing her eyes. She really needed to get up but this was comforting. "I hope so, I really do."
The boy was frozen by her words. It was a shock to say the least but something in him had guessed her had, no would be doing some terrible things. Seeing how it turned Malfoy into more a weasel and how it seemed to break the girl Severus wasn't sure he could. Afterall, he had seen some of what was to come and wanted to help change it.
His hand did move to hers and gave it a small squeeze as dark eyes met hers. "I've been thinking about the things I've seen.. The things you've told me. It kept me on edge, but tonight helped me decide. I'm not going to. We can change it...maybe time can be rewritten."
The girl flinched back from the sharpness. It was a bite she had never experienced from him before and it did sting. Her eyes went to the ground. [b "It had only been something I wondered....I don't understand and meant to learn.. I...it's not to fix anything but just simply wanting to be there and to help."] Again the words had escaped her before she had meant for them to do so.
[b "I think I still have some."] She said slowly as she took chocolate from her bag and moved closer to hand it to him. Honestly she was a bit skittish. But she was still trying because honestly not seeing him for the day had been odd.
Leaning into him, the girl somehow let it out before her breathing slowed down. Wiping away the tears she looked to him not finding many words left to say. "Please don't become a Death Eater, Severus...." Willow breathed slowly still leaning into him. "It can't happen...they can't die..."
While calming down there was still the weak sound. "Sorry. They say that it gets better after terrible events. I'm not fully sure it's true...Just sort of sits there..."
"Of course it's not," Remus answered more sharply than intended, but also tired. "I'm sorry I snapped, it's what happens. Things come out sharp and wrong, even over things. It's...what happens...There's nothing that can be done."
Shifting uncomfortably he was hoping that the other three would come in and he could be saved. "Tea, no. But chocolate yes...This is...just how I do it. Okay, Blakely?"
A tension was there again. One that seemed even stronger. And it was like an ice to her. The girl slowly looked back to the books she had come back to get. Blakely was trying to bite her tongue but it didn't work and words came before she could stop them.
[b "I can see why you would think that...But is being alone all day really good for you? And maybe tea could have helped?"] Both were questions meant to help. Not to be mean but she was genuinely curious as past him being a werewolf and the other boys helping and him thinking he didn't have much a future had not really been told to her.
Honestly she just wanted to understand.
Severus moved to Willow when Lucius was gone. Her breaking like she had was heartbreaking to the boy. Slowly he sat at her side and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. There wasn't anything he could say but he wanted to at least be there for her
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